The Ultimate End of Parenting For the last few weeks we have been studying Col 3:18-4:1. In this text Paul instructs Christians on how to fulfill their duties in specific relationships. We have examined the duties of wives to their husbands, the duties of husbands to wives, the duties of fathers to their children, and the duties of children to their fathers. In other words, we have examined the apostolic instructions that concern marriage and parenting. Today, I want to tie all of this up by preaching topically about the connection between marriage and parenting. I want to step back to the big picture and then talk how marriage influences our parenting. I will make two points. The first is that the ultimate end of parenting is the glory of God. The second is the importance of using your marriage to preach the gospel to your children. I. The End of Parenting is the Glory of God God does everything for his glory (Isaiah 43:6 7, Pg 603) I will say to the north, Give up, and to the south, Do not withhold; bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the end of the earth, everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made. God s glory is his infinite goodness (moral beauty) put on display. Another way to say this is that God s glory is his moral image and likeness. God s glory is his love, his hatred of evil, his mercy, his justice, his grace, his righteousness, his wrath, his wisdom, his self-control, etc.. glory. God created man to fill the earth with his image which is a synonym for his (Genesis 1:26 28, Pg1) Then God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth. So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. And God blessed them. And God said to them, Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth We can sum it up this way. God created Adam and Eve with a mandate fill the earth with my image. God s image is his glory. (We know this because Jesus was the image of God, and he was also the glory of God (Col 1:15)). Our 1 of 7
first parents were to accomplish this by being fruitful, multiplying, and filling the earth. What were they to fill the earth with? Billions of offspring bearing the image of God, which is his moral glory. This means millions of children that love like God, hate evil like God, express mercy, grace, and kindness like God, live out God s righteousness, his wisdom, etc. When God first gave this command to Adam and Eve they were immortal. Because they had not sinned there was no death. God intended that they reproduce until the earth was filled, then presumably, they and their offspring would quit reproducing. The earth would then be filled with the glory of God, billions of immortal people in the image of God, living in righteousness and holiness for the glory of God. When Adam sinned death came to both he and his descendants. Sin did not completely eliminate the image and likeness, but it dealt it a devastating blow. It defaced the moral image and turned into something more closely resembling the moral image of the Devil. However, God did not forsake his initial plan. For the earth will be filled with the knowledge of the glory of the LORD as the waters cover the sea. (Habakkuk 2:14) For the earth shall be full of the knowledge of the LORD as the waters cover the sea. (Isaiah 11:9) In other words, God did not give up his original plan. He sent Christ, whom we learned in Col 1:15 is the image of the invisible God. The image of God, the Glory of God, Christ,came on a rescue mission. Jesus came to atone for our sin. Then he sent his Holy Spirit to indwell us and begin the process of refashioning the church into his moral image and likeness. We are still subject to the penalty of sin and death. However, the Day is coming when Christ will return. He will raise the dead. He will Judge all men. He will create a New Heaven and Earth, free from the polluting influences of sin. He will then raise our bodies, completely free us from sin, and return the saints to live on the earth. Clothed with immortality the saints will now bring to completion God s initial purpose. The earth will be filled with the image and likeness of God, which is his glory. The purpose set out in Isa 43 will now be consummated. The task mandated in Genesis 1 will be complete. There will now be no need for marriage 2 of 7
or reproduction. Our earthly marriages that mirrored the union between Christ and his church, will now be consummated by this reality. This is why Jesus told the Sadducees that there would be no marriage or giving in marriage in the world to come (Matt. 22:30). In Summary: God created all things for his glory. God created Adam and Eve in his image and likeness, which is short-hand for his moral glory. He commanded them to reproduce and fill the earth with his image and likeness, which is his moral glory. Instead they sinned and filled the earth with the Devi s image and likeness. God sent his Son to reinstate his original purpose. Parenting is the crucial process of working with God to bring this plan to completion. Parenting is not about your children. It is not about this life. It is about something much bigger the glory of God. II. Your marriage is your most important Parenting Tool If you ask parents what is the most important thing they can do to raise children that will follow Christ, some will mention adequate discipline, others enrollment in a Christian school, still others the importance of home-schooling or Bible reading. While all of these are very important, they rarely mention example. But, example is the first principle of parenting. Parenting is about leadership, and example is the first principle of biblical leadership. When parents try to practice what they preach God gives them moral authority over their children. Our marriages preach. They preach a message that either attracts or repels our children. Parents who joyfully pursue God are contagious. Kids internalize their parent s passions. They see what you really love not what you pretend to love your passion, what gets you really excited. Maybe it is upward mobility. Maybe your passion is entertainment sports, movies, music. Maybe it is hunting, shopping, skiing, boating, or camping. Jesus taught by example. (Acts 1:1) In my former book, Theophilus, I wrote about all that Jesus began to do and to teach. 3 of 7
Whatever the leaders are, the people become, notes John MacArthur Biblical History demonstrates that people will seldom rise above the spiritual level of their leadership. 1 Here is my point: Parenting is the most important leadership position in the church. And example is also the first principle of parenting. Parents lead the family, the smallest, and most important, cell in the local church. Note: Our marriage is the most powerful example that we possess. To the degree that the gospel makes our marriages attractive, God will likely empower us to reach our children. In Eph 5:22-33 (Pg 978) Paul lays out the biblical ideal for marriage. (22-24) "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. (25-27 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. (32) This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. Marriage preaches the gospel. Verse 32 makes that clear, This mystery [marriage] is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. God created the institution of human marriage to reflect, or mirror forth, this eternal union. Who is watching? Our children. What is our marriage telling our children about Christ and his Bride? They see it all. They hear our fights. They absorb our attitudes. They know who or what really sits on the throne of our lives. They watch how we handle resentment. They hear the way we talk to each other. They know when we hear the Sunday sermon and apply it. They also know when we go home and ignore it. Our marriages either repel or attract our children. God wants your child to observe and be attracted. He wants them to think, I want a marriage like that, and I want the God that produced it. Or, When I think of the beauty of the gospel I think of my parent s marriage. I want to be part of a church that is loved 1 Alexander Strauch, Biblical Eldership, (Littleton CO., Lewis and Roth, 1995), pg 70 4 of 7
by God the way dad loved my mother. I want to be part of a church that finds its joy in submitting to Christ like my mother joyfully submits to my father. Every marriage, Christian and non-christian, preaches this union. It either makes the gospel attractive or ugly. When a husband loves his wife as Christ loves the church, washing her with the word, forgiving her, serving her, and tenderly leading her, his marriage says, This is the way Christ loves his church. You can trust him. He is infinitely loving. Waste your life on him. You won t be disappointed. When a husband humbly loves a menopausal (or premenstrual), wife, his behavior says, Christ loves the church despite the fact that she is sinful. His behavior tells his children, Christ loves his bride even when she is unattractive. His behavior says nothing can separate you from the love of Christ, even our failings, if you are part of his church. But, when a husband is unfaithful to his wife, verbally belittles her, loves his children more than her, or takes her for granted, his marriage says, Christ s love is not that great. He only loves us when we perform. You can t trust this Savior. You can t meet his expectations. He doesn t keep his promises. Why serve a fickle despot? This husband s deeds say, Failure to measure up will separate you from the love of Christ. Wives also preach. When mom joyfully submits to her husband as to the Lord (vs 22), recognizing that he is her head as Christ is the head of the church, and that she is his body as the church is the body of Christ, it makes an attractive statement. When she does this for an unworthy husband, not because she trusts him, but because she trusts Christ to care for her, it points her children to Christ. Her behavior says, Christ is trustworthy. It says, The Son of God is infinitely good. You can trust him. My dad is very imperfect, but mom trusts Christ to take care of her. If she can trust Jesus this way, I can also. When a wife tells her children to obey Christ, but doesn t trust him enough to take care of her when she obeys an imperfect husband, but seeks to control him, resists his authority, refuses to respect him, declines to serve him, her actions speak loudly. When she demands that her children obey her, her children sense hypocrisy and respond accordingly. What I am saying is that our marriages exist for something bigger than themselves, and our children are watching. The marriage of Christ to his church 5 of 7
is eternal. It will never end. Ultimately, only one marriage remains the marriage of Christ to his Bride. This principle is especially important for home schooling moms. In summary, how we conduct our marriages preaches what we really think about Christ s marriage to his church. Christ s marriage to his church is the fruit of the gospel. What can we do to obtain a marriage like this? First, deepen your relationship with God. The closer mom and dad get to God the closer they get to each other. Second, pray together as a couple. Third, become members of a solid gospel-centered church. III. Conclusion: Saturate Yourself in the Gospel None of our marriages preach a perfect gospel to our children. Often, Moms don t trust God and resist their husbands. Even worse, we husbands are often selfish and unbelieving. So, what should we do? First, run to the gospel (the cross) for motivation. When a husband needs a model of sacrificial love, he looks to the cross. There he sees Christ dying for himself, a man by nature Christ s enemy. When a wife needs motivation to submit to a very imperfect husband, one every bit her equal, she looks to the cross. There she sees Christ submitting to his Father, who was every bit his equal. Jesus doesn t complain. He doesn t demand his turn to lead the Trinity. He doesn t try to control his Father. He doesn t try to manipulate him. He just joyfully goes to the cross in perfect, submissive, obedience, and dies. Second, run to the gospel for cleansing and forgiveness. The cross is our salvation from the condemnation of sin. The cross motivates us to be the parents God wants us to be. The cross motivates us to preach a compelling example to our children. The cross (the gospel) exposes our pride. It humbles us. It shows us who we really are sinners saved by grace. Cross centered parents are imperfect, but they attract their children. And what they attract them to is the gospel. The gospel forms the image of God in them, and their lives end up being spent for his glory. 6 of 7
In summary, parenting is ultimately for God and his glory. It is not ultimately for us or our children. The most important tool that God has given us to reach our children for Christ, so that his image can be perfected in them, is our marriages. 7 of 7