This PDF file contains copyrighted material. Use of this file for any purpose other than viewing on the Harvest House website is strictly prohibited.
Unless otherwise indicated all Scripture quotations are taken from the New King James Version. Copyright 1979, 1980, 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Verses marked KJV are taken from the King James Version of the Bible. Verses marked NIV are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version, Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by the International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. The NIV and New International Version trademarks are registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by International Bible Society. Verses marked AMP are taken from The Amplified Bible, Old Testament, Copyright 1965 and 1987 by The Zondervan Corporation, and from the Amplified New Testament, Copyright 1954, 1958, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. Cover by Koechel Peterson & Associates, Minneapolis, Minnesota. WHAT TO DO UNTIL LOVE FINDS YOU Copyright 1997 by Michelle McKinney-Hammond Published by Harvest House Publishers Eugene, Oregon 97402 www.harvesthousepublishing.com McKinney-Hammond, Michelle, 1957 What to do until love finds you / Michelle McKinney-Hammond. p. cm. ISBN-13: 978-0-7369-1718-6 ISBN-10: 0-7369-1718-7 1. Single people Religious life. 2. Single people Conduct of life. 3. Christian women Conduct of life. 4. Man-woman relationships Religious aspects Christianity. 6. Mate selection Religious aspects Christianity. I. Title. BV4596.S5M35 1997 248.8'432 DC20 96-41550 CIP All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical, digital, photocopy, recording, or any other except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher. Printed in the United States of America 06 07 08 09 10 11 12 13 / DP / 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Introduction CONTENTS d 1. The Gift................................... 9 2. First Encounters............................. 13 3. The Intimate Challenge...................... 25 4. Dealing with Dreams......................... 41 5. Promises, Promises........................... 49 6. The Awakening............................. 63 7. The Real Deal.............................. 77 8. Confrontation.............................. 87 9. The Truth Comes Out........................ 99 10. Truth or Consequences....................... 109 11. Looking in the Mirror........................ 125 12. Costly Expectations.......................... 141 13. Love Talk.................................. 153 14. The Initial Surrender......................... 169 15. The First Revelation......................... 183 A Final Word............................... 197 Recommended Reading....................199 Study Guide................................ 203
1 The Gift d For years I walked in adamant denial of my singleness. I refused to attend singles events, read singles books, or accept the apostle Paul s rationale that we should all be single crusaders for Christ. After much discussion (I came to call them moan sessions) with my other Christian sisters, I was forced to ponder another question: Was I the unsuspecting recipient of the gift? The gift was the capacity to walk through life being totally sublime and undisturbed about one s marital status. Those possessing the gift were busy being concerned with spiritual things. They had spiritual battles to fight, Scriptures to explore, unsaved souls to conquer! Of course I was concerned about spiritual things. I devoured Scriptures, and, yes, I was even actively involved in winning souls for Christ. But there was still an undeniable void in my life. I decided that the answer, for me, was no. I was waiting for God to give me the desire of my heart, and I was not going to try to beat myself into submission to a gift I had not been given. I felt that I had been created to be a part of someone else s life, and no how-to-be-happy-and-single manual was going to remove my frustration over my other half s late arrival. 9
10 What to Do Until Love Finds You Learning to Listen You re not ready, all my married friends said. Yes I am, I angrily answered, and proceeded to careen through one painful relationship after another. My diligent search for my mate led me into dangerous territory: the land of compromise. Against the warnings of my friends, I decided I could probably convert one of those handsome, witty, unsaved men I knew and be done with it. But after emerging bloodied and discouraged, from what I decided was my last traumatic romance, I waved the white flag of surrender. I sat down at the feet of Jesus, finally ready to hear what He had to say. To my relief He agreed that I did not have the gift. However, He enabled me to see that I had a lot to learn before He could send me into the arms of the man He had designed me for. He encouraged me to begin my preparation by studying the Old Testament heroine Esther. As I studied, to my surprise I learned that there was a time of preparation, 12 months to be exact, before Esther s king would even see his potential brideto-be in order to determine whether or not he wanted her to be his wife! Those 365 days were called the days of beautification. There were six months of treatments with oils, then six more months with spices and cosmetics before Esther was ready for her unveiling. Meanwhile, she was receiving instructions on how to please the king. Of course I spiritualized all this information. How wonderfully significant, I thought. First, we have to be submerged in the Holy Spirit, and the fruit of the Spirit has to be operating fully in our lives, thus creating a sweet-smelling aroma in the nostrils of God! (Ah, the smell of it!) And our outward countenance should radiate our holiness! But there was one fact I could not spiritualize. Esther chose to take the advice of the eunuch who was in charge of all the king s women. Now I had long since worn out my closest married friend in this area. I absorbed all her advice with untiring relish, and just as quickly discarded it to carry out my own
whims. After all, what did married people know? Well, Esther listened, and Esther got what she wanted. I decided to take the hint. In Search of the Right Role The Gift 11 I also studied another Old Testament book this time about a woman called Ruth. Ruth was one cool cucumber. She set her mind on the business of gleaning the fields. And by following her mother-in-law s advice (there s that word again), Ruth got her man. Ruth knew some things about submission that I had yet to learn. She was not ashamed to make her needs known, but she was acutely aware that timing was everything. I suspect she learned the importance of a quiet spirit while watching her mother-in-law deal with her husband and sons in the land of Moab. I have to admit I initially spiritualized this story, too. Oh, how marvelous, I sighed. What a poetic way of portraying being caught up in the Word, and being busy about the work of harvesting souls for Christ! While I m busy doing God s work, my husband will notice me from a distance, become intrigued, and this overwhelming desire to protect and care for me will come over him and voila! victory, victory will be mine. I ll be married in no time! As time passed, however, I learned that these timeless stories contained far more than spiritual lessons. I ll share some of their practical wisdom with you in the pages that follow. Gradually as I studied, listened to others, and sat at the feet of Jesus, I came to accept that there were certain principles that have to be followed in the course of courtship. This is not because love is a game, but because God has designed a certain role for women and a certain role for men. Now for all you women s libbers, I am not referring to becoming dishwashers and doormats. But I am convinced that the only way to have an effective relationship the way God has designed it is for both parties to stick to their roles.
12 What to Do Until Love Finds You Imagine attending a play only to find that the leading man decided to take over the leading lady s lines or vice versa. The audience would become confused and the play s flow would be destroyed. Theater reviewers often take the time to analyze whether or not an actor or actress is suitable for a role, and what effect their portrayal has on the overall feel of the movie or play. Roles are very important and not easily mastered. When I was involved in theater, there was a popular saying, There are no small parts, only small actors. A woman s role is no smaller than a man s role. It requires just as much strength of character to be a woman as it does to be a man and sometimes more. Each person has a responsibility to operate in his or her role in a manner that glorifies God. If this does not occur in a relationship, we sense in our spirits that something is wrong even if we aren t able to identify the problem intellectually. The results are doubt, mistrust, disrespect, lack of sensitivity to each other s needs, and eventually the demise of the relationship. The answer to finding the right role with the right leading man in the right play is important. But it isn t as colossal a problem as it might seem at first. Through my time of listening and learning, I ve discovered that we single women need to relax. We are members of a do society. We are programmed to do in order to attain. But as women of God we are called to be. That s cause for rejoicing! It makes our lives a lot easier than we might naturally imagine. Along the way, I ve learned some valuable lessons about waiting, and I hope you ll take my advice more readily than I ve sometimes taken the advice of others. If you do, I think you ll find your own days of waiting to be joyful and exciting ones.