SELF-REMEMBERING You do not remember yourselves. You do not feel yourselves, you are not conscious of yourselves. You do not feel: I observe, I feel, I see. G.I Gurdjieff Nature of Self-Remembering Thetermself-remembering issometimesreferedtoas self-presence or self-consciousness. Thepracticeofself-rememberinghasbeencaledthe masterkey togurdjief s teaching.inthewordsofhisstudenthenritracol: ItistheAlphaandOmega,thethreshold thatmustbepasedattheoutsetandcrossedandre-crossedtimeandagain. Gurdjiefonceprovidedasuccinctdescriptionofself-remembering: Toknowyouareangry whenyouareangry. Self-rememberingisadirectfeelingorsensingofone salivenessinthe presentmoment astateofconsciousnessinwhichapersonisawareoftheirownpresence andbeing:i,here,now.inthewordsofhenrithomasson: Toremembermyselfistosubmit myselftotheefortwhichbringsmetotheconcretesensationofexistinginthepresent moment: I,wholyhere,whereIam,present. Self-rememberingisanexperienceofcoming backtoourselvesbyopeningtotherealityofthepresentmoment: Onlywhenwesucceedingatheringouratentionandrelaxingdoesourbody becomecapableofopening.iftheseinnerconditionsarebroughttogetherand maintainedforacertaintime,atruefeeling withoutwords,withoutimages canappearforafewmomentswithinourselves.atthemomentofthisexperience, whichislikenoother,wesenseanewvibrationthattransmitsthetasteofamore secret,moresubtlelife.werealize,then,thatthecapacitytobe there hasbeen givenus.habitualy,weareeverywherebutthere,inourselves.inourordinary state,wearesometimesinthepast,sometimesinthefuture,butrarelyinthe presentandathome.(1) AccordingtoGurdjiefself-rememberingisastateofconsciousnessinwhichhumanbeings aresimultaneouslyawareofboththemselvesandtheiractions: Self-consciousnesisthemomentwhenamanisawarebothofhimselfandofhis machine.wehaveitinflashes,butonlyinflashes.therearemomentswhenyou becomeawarenotonlyofwhatyouaredoingbutalsoofyourselfdoingit.you seeboth I andthe here of Iamhere boththeangerandthe I thatisangry. Calthisself-remembering,ifyoulike.Nowwhenyouarefulyandalwaysaware ofthe I andwhatitisdoing,youbecomeconsciousofyourself.(2) 1
Thepossibilityofrememberingourselves,beingatentivetoourselves,isalwayspresent. Self-rememberingseekstocreateacorespondencebetweentheinnerandouterworldsof eachhumanbeing: Self-rememberingistheexpansion ofthefieldofconsciousnessothat boththeoutsideandtheinsideworldsareperceivedtogetherintheunityofexperience. P.D.Ouspenskyspokeofthedivisionofatentionwhichisthecharacteristicfeatureofselfremembering: WhenIobservesomething,myatentionisdirectedtowardswhatIobserve alinewithonearowhead.whenatthesametime,itrytoremembermyself, myatentionisdirectedbothtowardstheobjectobservedandtowardsmyself. Asecondarowheadappearsontheline.HavingdefinedthisIsawthatthe problemconsistedindirectingatentionononeselfwithoutweakeningorobliteratingtheatentiondirectedonsomethingelse.moreover,this something else couldaswelbewithinoneasoutsideme.(3) Self-rememberingisaninnerprocesofconsciousatentionwhich alowsustotakein impresionsdirectly,unfiltered...weconsciouslyreceiveanddigestimpressions,ratherthan simplyreacttothem. Self-rememberingissimplyarelocationandredistributionofone satention. Thus,onebecomesembodied.Indoingso,theatentionisfreedandelaborated andanewqualityemerges.thatqualityseparatesonefromtheirstate.from thisseparatenes,thestateanditsmanifestationsareobserved.ifthereisidentificationwiththeobservation,thentheseparatenessislost.onebecomestheir stateagainorasuccessivestate.thatis,theyareabsorbedbackintotheprogram.butwhateverhasbeenobservedhasbeentrulyseenwithoutbufersor filters.one sinteligencehasbeenawakenedtoitself.(4) Vividexperiencesofself-rememberingoccurnaturalyatcertaintimesinthelivesofmany people,especialyinchildhood. Certainmemoriesofchildhood,fulofcolorandflavor,are momentsofself-remembering unforgetablebecausetheyconnectourdeeperinnerworld withwhatishappeningtousandaroundus.suchimpresionsareasalivenowastheywere then,nomaterhowlongagotheytookplace. Irealizedthatmomentsofself-rememberingdooccurinlife,thoughrarely.Only thedeliberateproductionofthesemomentscreatedthesensationofnovelty. ActualyIhadbeenfamiliarwiththemfromearlychildhood.Theycameineither neworunexpectedsuroundings,inanewplace,amongnewpeoplewhiletravelling,forinstance,whensuddenlyonelooksaboutoneandsays:how strange! I and in this place;orinveryemotionalmoments,inmomentsofdanger,inmomentswhenitisnecessarytokeepone shead,whenonehearsone sownvoice andseesandobservesoneselffromtheoutside.isawquiteclearlythatmyfirst recolectionsoflife,inmyowncaseveryearlyones,weremomentsofselfremembering.thislastrealizationrevealedmuchelsetome.thatis,isawthat 2
IrealyonlyrememberthosemomentsofthepastinwhichI remembered myself. OftheothersI knew only that they took place.iamnotablewholytorevive them,toexperiencethemagain.butthemomentswhenihadrememberedmyself werealiveandwereinnowaydiferentfromthepresent.(5) Theconsequencesofthelackofself-rememberingandconsciousawarenessinourlivesare immense: Self-observationbringsamantotherealizationofthefactthathedoesnotrememberhimself.Man sinabilitytorememberhimselfisoneofthechiefand mostcharacteristicfeaturesofhisbeingandthecauseofeverythingelseinhim. Theinabilitytorememberoneselffindsexpresioninmanyways.Amandoes notrememberhisdecisions,hedoesnotrememberthepromiseshehasmade tohimself,doesnotrememberwhathesaidorfeltamonth,aweek,aday,or evenanhourago.hebeginsworkofsomekindandafteracertainlapseoftime hedoesnotrememberwhy hebeganit.itisespecialyinconnectionwithwork ononeselfthatthishappensparticularlyoften...speakingingeneralonecansay truthfulythatifamanremembersonethingheforgetstenotherthingswhich aremuchmoreimportantforhimtoremember.(6) Difficulties and Challenges ManyofGurdjief sstudents,suchasp.d.ouspensky,reportedhowdificultitwas toremembermyself,ortobeconsciousofmyself,tosaytomyselfi amwalking,i amdoing,and continualytofeelthisi. Theveryfirstatemptsshowedmehowdificultitwas.Atemptsatself-rememberingfailedtogiveanyresultsexcepttoshowmethatinactualfactwenever rememberourselves. Whatelsedoyouwant? saidg. Thisisaveryimportant realization.peoplewhoknow this (heemphasizedthesewords)alreadyknowa greatdeal.thewholetroubleisthatnobodyknowsit.ifyouaskamanwhether hecanrememberhimself,hewilofcourseanswerthathecan.ifyoutelhim thathecannotrememberhimself,hewileitherbeangrywithyou,orhewilthink youanuterfool.thewholeoflifeisbasedonthis,thewholeofhumanexistence, thewholeofhumanblindness.ifamanrealyknowsthathecannotremember himself,heisalreadyneartotheunderstandingofhisbeing. (7) Inactualfact,itisverydificulttorememberoneself.InamemorablepassagefromIn Search of the Miraculous,Ouspenskydescribeshowharditistomaintainacontinuousstateof self-rememberingformorethanabriefperiodoftime: 3
IwasoncewalkingalongtheLiteinytowardstheNevsky,andinspiteofalmy efortsiwasunabletokeepmyatentiononself-remembering.thenoise, movement,everythingdistractedme.everyminuteilostthethreadofatention, founditagain,andthenlostitagain.atlastifeltakindofridiculousiritation withmyselfanditurnedintothestreetonthelefthavingfirmlydecidedtokeep myatentiononthefactthati would remember myself atleastforsometime,at anyrateuntilireachedthefolowingstreet.ireachedthenadejdinskayawithout losingthethreadofatentionexcept,perhaps,forshortmoments.theniagain turnedtowardsthenevskyrealizingthat,inquietstreets,itwaseasierformenot tolosethelineofthoughtandwishingthereforetotestmyselfinmorenoisy streets.ireachedthenevskystilrememberingmyself,andwasalreadybeginning toexperiencethestrangeemotionalstateofinnerpeaceandconfidencewhich comesaftergreatefortsofthiskind.justaroundthecorneronthenevskywas atobacconist sshopwheretheymademycigaretes.stilrememberingmyself IthoughtIwouldcalthereandordersomecigaretes. TwohourslaterIwoke up inthetavricheskaya,thatis,faraway.iwasgoingby izvostchik totheprinters.thesensationofawakeningwasextraordinarilyvivid. IcanalmostsaythatIcame to.irememberedeverythingatonce.howihadbeen walkingalongthenadejdinskaya,howihadbeenrememberingmyself,howihad thoughtaboutcigaretes,andhowatthisthoughtiseemedtofalanddisappear intoadeepsleep.atthesametime,whileimmersedinthissleep,ihadcontinued toperformconsistentandexpedientactions.ileftthetobacconist,caledatmy flatintheliteiny,telephonedtotheprinters.iwrotetwoleters.thenagaini wentoutofthehouse...andonthewaywhiledrivingalongthetavricheskayai begantofeelastrangeuneasiness,asthoughihadforgotensomething.and I suddenly remembered that I had forgotten to remember myself. (8) Inhisteachings,Gurdjiefconstantlystressedthedificultyofrememberingoneselfformore thanashortperiodoftimeandtheconsequencesofthisfactfortheabilitytoobserveoneself objectively: Notoneofyouhasnoticedthatyou do not remember yourselves.youdonot feelyourselves;youarenotconsciousofyourselves.withyou, itobserves just as itspeaks, itthinks, itlaughs. Youdonotfeel:I observe,i notice,i see... Inordertorealyobserveoneselfonemustfirstofalremember oneself.(he emphasizedthesewords).trytoremember yourselves whenyouobserveyourselvesandlaterontelmetheresults.onlythoseresultswilhaveanyvaluethat areaccompaniedbyself-remembering.otherwiseyouyourselfdonotexistin yourobservations.inwhichcasewhatarealyourobservationsworth?(9) Self-rememberingrequiresasustainedefortinordertoovercomethedrawofexternal events,forcesandcircumstances. Wearetheslaveoftheouterworld.Itisdificultforusto listentoouresential,moreinteligentwish,anddificulttoreturntoit.theconfrontationof thesetwomovementsproducesthesparkofself-remembering. 4
Despiteagoodtheoreticalunderstandingofwhatisatstake,ourremembering isweakandalmostinstantlydisappearsassoonasthereiscontactwithexternal factsandevents.toliveamorepersistentrememberingispossibleonlyifwe accepttoseetheeasewithwhichwetrytoescapethisreturntoourselves.we mustceaseleslyrememberthisstateofafairsandrecoverthemeaninganddirectionofthesearch.self-rememberingisimmense.ithasmanydegrees.weare neverfulycapableofappreciatingamomentofremembering.westildonothave enoughvigilanceofthought,opennessoffeeling.yeteveninourhabituallifecircumstances,whichseemunfavorabletoremembering,itispossibletorecoverthe confidencethathelpsusexperienceaninnervibrationofanentirelydiferent nature.afteracertainperiodofsincerework,weareledtorecognizethatthe vibrationsoftheexternalworldcanserveasremindingfactors.weneedtoexercise,totryeachdaytorememberourselveswhenweareincontactwithsomethingorsomeone.ifwetrulytry,theworkinuswilremainalive.(10) Theprimarybariertoself-rememberingisidentification withourthoughts,feelingsand sensations: Toexerciseanyfreewilatal,ourconsciousnesshastoriseabovethemechanical level.wehavetoraiseourheadsabovetheparapetofidentificationandautomaticresponse. Thisisthebeginningof Self-remembering whichstartsasasimpleawareness ofmyselfbeinghere,now,inthismoment.hereandnowistheonlypossible startingplace.wepossessnoothermoments,thepastisgoneandthefutureis yettoarive.noactionorthoughtoranythingelsecantakeplaceanywhereelse butnow.assoonasthemindstraysintothepastorthefuturewebecomeautomatons.mostoflifeislivedinthiscondition,themind,theemotionsandthebody alreactingautomaticalytothecontinuousdrivingbeltofinfluencesandimpressionsthatmakeeverythingjusthappen.beingpresentinthemomentisthebeginningof wakingup whichmakesitpossibletoobservewhatwe redoing, feelingandthinkingnow;soitisobviousthatanyexerciseoffreewilmuststart here.whathappensthen,ofcourse,isthatweimmediatelybecomeidentified withwhateverwe reobserving,thepresentmomentslipsawayandwe reback intheusualautomaticstatewithoutevennoticingthatit shappened.everyone hasanindividualandhabitual setofimpressions arisingeitherfromthebody, theemotionsorthemind,thatcauseusimperceptiblytolosethestateofselfawareness andthisisoftenconnectedtothe chieffeature ofourpersonality. Thewaytoavoidthistrapistobecomedeterminedmerelytowitness what s goingon,insideandoutsideofourselves,whateveritis,withcompleteanduncaringimpartiality.assoonaswelikeordislikewhatwesee,haveanyopinion aboutitormakeanyjudgmentalresponseatal,identificationisinstantlyupand runningagain.(11) Inordertorememberourselvesweneedtoovercomethepasivityandweaknessofour atentionandcultivateafinerlevelofatention.self-rememberingcounterstheforceof 5
identificationwithourthoughts,feelingsandperceptions. Ifmyforceofatentionisentirely taken,iamlostinlife,identified,asleep.almycapacitytobepresentislost. Ourefortmustalwaysbeclear tobepresent,thatis,tobegintoremember myself.withtheatentiondivided,iampresentintwodirections,aspresentas Icanbe.Myatentionisengagedintwooppositedirections,andIamatthecenter. Thisistheactofself-remembering.Iwishtokeeppartofmyatentiononthe awarenessofbelongingtoahigherleveland,underthisinfluence,trytoopento theouterworld.imustmakeaneforttoremainrelated,anefortofatention. ItrytoknowtrulywhatIam.Istruggletostaypresent,atthesametimewitha feelingof I turnedtowardabeterqualityandwithanordinaryfeelingtiedtomy self,myperson.iwishtoseeandnotforgetthatibelongtothesetwolevels.(12) Engagement of Intellect, Emotions and Body Theprocessofself-remembering,althoughintelectualyquiteunderstandable,isinactual practiceverydificultduetothecomplexityoftheorganizationofthehuman machine. Whenwesay rememberyourself, wemeanyourself.butweourselvesare myfeelings,my body,mysensations,mymind.ourmindisnotus itismerelyasmalpartofus. Iwishtoremembermyselfaslongaspossible.ButIhaveprovedtomyselfthat IveryquicklyforgetthetaskIsetmyself,becausemymindhasveryfewassociationsconnectedwithit.Ihavenoticedthatotherassociationsengulftheassociationsconnectedwithself-remembering...Ifthethinkingcenterproducesassociationsofself-remembering,incomingasociationsofanothercharacter,which comefromotherpartsandhavenothingtodowithself-remembering,absorb thesedesirableassociations,sincetheycomefrommanydiferentplacesandso aremorenumerous.andsoisithere.myproblemistobringmyotherpartsto apointwheremythinkingcenterwouldbeabletoprolongthestateofself-rememberingasmuchaspossible,withoutexhaustingtheenergyimmediately.(13) Self-rememberingrequiresthesimultaneousatentionofalaspectsofthehumanbeingto betrulyefective.gurdjieftaughtthatproperself-rememberingisaconsciousefortinvolving alourfunctions-body,mindandfeelings. Amomentofself-rememberingisamomentof consciousness,thatis,ofself-consciousness notintheordinarysense,butaconsciousnessof therealself,whichis I, togetherwithanawarenessoftheorganism thebody,thefeeling andthought. Amancannotrememberhimselfbecausehetriestodosowithhismind at leastinthebeginning.self-rememberingbeginswithself-sensing.itmustbe donethroughtheinstinctive-movingcenterandtheemotionalcenter.mind alonedoesnotconstituteahumanbeing.thecenterofgravityofchangeisin 6
themovingandemotionalcenters,buttheseareconcernedonlywiththe present;themindlooksahead.thewishtochange,tobewhatoneoughttobe, mustbeinouremotionalcenter,andtheabilitytodo inourbody.thefeelings maybestrong,butthebodyislazy,sunkininertia.mindmustlearnthelanguage ofthebodyandfeelings,andthisisdonebycorectobservationofself.oneof thebenefitsofself-rememberingisthatonehasthepossibilityofmakingfewer mistakesinlife.butforcompleteself-rememberingalthecentersmustwork simultaneously.(14) Self-rememberingrequiresaglobalatentionthatissimultaneouslyawareofbody,mindand feelings. Onlywhenthereisself-awarenessdoweexperiencetheworldandourselvesinthe world.then,wevisceralysense,feelandknow simultaneously. Tohaveconsciousnessofselfisnotonlytobeawareofoneselfmentaly(inwhich caseitwouldbeonlythemindlookingatthemind),butalsophysicalyandemotionaly;thatisaglobalawareness...thisdemandsacertainqualityandstrength ofatention,ofadirectrecognitionoftheimmediate, ofwhat-is,ofhavingan awarenessthatisglobalinreferencetooneself.consciousnessofselfisastate predicatedonself-remembering aconsciousawarenessofthebody,ofbeingembodied,ofbeingconnectedwithwhatishappeninginternaly,aswelaswhatis happeningexternaly.(15) Gurdjiefprescribedcertainexercisesandtasksforhisstudentstoenhancetheefortofselfremembering.Someweresimple,suchasbeingpresentatthefirstmouthfuloffoodorwhen openingadoor;othersweremorecomplexinvolvingdirectingatentionsimultaneouslytothe physical,emotionalandthinkingfunctions(e.g.,themovements): Gurdjiefintroducedmanyexercisesandtasksthatfocusedonestablishingaseparatedpresence (via directed attention)inone,twooralthreecenters.sensing exercisesasisttheestablishmentofaseparatedpresence inthephysicalbody(in apartorinthewhole);exercisesthatfocusonthebreathandonthefeelingworld ofrelationshipsaimtoestablishapresence inthehigherbeingbody[ Kesdjan ]; othertasksandexerciseschalengetheintelect,forexample,throughpondering orstudyingofthelaws.someexercisesevokeefortsinmorethanonecenter,preeminentamongthembeingtheefortsdemandedbycertainofthesacreddances andmovements.aseparatetypeofefortisencompassedbytheexpression selfobservation. Theprimaryobjectivehereistosee,impartialyfromaninnerseparatedpresence or observer, the man-machine (theautomaton)intheprocess ofitsmanifestation(inthoughts,feelingsandsensations).asthestrengthofthe separatedatentiongrows,thepastforcesthathaveblendedthe litlei s into theirautomaticmanifestationsweaken.someoftheselitlei ssimplydisappear overtime,soweakenedbythecontinualefortofdirectingouratentionthatthey nolongercanmanifest.manyi s,however,haveegoismattheircoreandthey become,overtime,theobjectofthetruetransformationofnegativeemotions. (16) 7
Levels and Degrees of Self-Remembering Self-rememberinghasmultiplestagesandqualities. Rememberingoneselfadmitsofan infinitenumberofapproaches.itcanbelookedatfrommanyandvariedangles,ithascertain definitedegreesandstagesandthereisalwaysmoreinitthanwecanevergrasp. Self-rememberingisnotmonolithic;itisarangeofstates,anditselfincludes manylevels,foritadmitsofvaryingdegreesofintensity,andopensintodifferentdimensionsoftime.itcommences,asitalwaysmust,withavividsense ofthepresent,buttherearestateswherethepastisincluded,andonesenses one sownlifeasawhole,oratleastasmoreinthedirectionofthewhole. Beingpresenttothemomentandtooneselfasoneisintime,thefutureis alsoincluded,insomeinefableway.everytruefeeling,asopposedtoephemeralemotions,isafeelingofmyselfinaparticularmoment.notruefeelingis everdivorcedfromself-remembering.buttheintelectualandreligiousor spiritualfeelingsarethefinest.theyarethemostidenticalinthemselvesto therangeofstatesinwhichiremembermyself,moreorlesscompletely.we knowhowtheconsciousreceiptofanimpressionorsensationcanbringasense ofbeing.buttheconsciousreceiptofanimpressionoffeelingormentalaction isfarfinerandbringsasenseofbeingofadiferentorderaltogether.(17) Self-rememberingwithitsdiferentlevelsordegreesdevelopswithpractice. Therearetwo typesofself-remembering.thefirstismental,thethoughtarisestorememberoneself.aftera longtimeofrepeatedpracticeofobeyingthisremindertoredirecttheatentionintothebody, thesecondmayemerge,anorganicandspontaneousexperiencing,oneinwhich Iamremembered. Itshouldbepointedoutthatself-remembering,howeverfulandwhole,canbe oftwokinds,consciousandmechanical rememberingoneselfconsciouslyand rememberingoneselfbyassociations.mechanical,thatis,associativeselfrememberingcanbringnoessentialprofit,yetsuchasociativeself-remembering isoftremendousvalueatthebeginning.lateritshouldnotbeused,forsucha self-remembering,howevercomplete,doesnotresultinanyreal,concretedoing. Butinthebeginningittooisnecesary.Thereexistsanother,aconsciousselfrememberingwhichisnotmechanical.(18) Self-consciousnessorawarenesofoneselfisnotaconstantstate,butvariesinqualityand potentiality.therearedefinitelevelsandstagesofself-remembering.althoughtheabilityto rememberoneselfisourbirthright,itneedsfirsttobediscoveredandthencarefulycultivated. Self-rememberingitselfisajourneywithmanystages.Everystepalongourwayismarkedby anewexperienceofthefeelingof I. Itisn tuntilweariveattheexperiencewhichanswers forusinadirectexperientialfashionthequestion,who am I?,thatweplumbthedepthsofthis self-remembering. 8
Byobservinginyourselftheappearanceanddisappearanceofconsciousnessyou wilinevitablyseeonefactwhichyouneitherseenoracknowledgenow,andthat isthatmomentsofconsciousnessareveryshortandareseparatedbylongintervalsofcompletelyunconscious,mechanicalworkingofthemachine.youwilthen seethatyoucanthink,feel,act,speak,work,without being conscious of it.and ifyoulearntoseeinyourselvesthemomentsofconsciousnessandthelong periodsofmechanicalness,youwilasinfaliblyseeinotherpeoplewhenthey areconsciousofwhattheyaredoingandwhentheyarenot.yourprincipalmistakeconsistsinthinkingthatyoualways have consciousness,andingeneral, eitherthatconsciousnesisalways present orthatitisnever present.inreality consciousnessisapropertywhichiscontinualychanging.nowitispresent,now itisnotpresent.andtherearediferentdegreesanddiferentlevelsofconsciousnes.bothconsciousnessandthediferentdegreesofconsciousnessmustbe understoodinoneselfbysensation,bytaste.itisnecessarytodistinguishconsciousness fromthepossibility of consciousness.wehaveonlythepossibilityof consciousnessandrareflashesofit.(19) Self-observationandadegreeofself-knowledgedependonthecreationofastablestateof self-remembering. Aslongasamancannotrememberhimself,thingshappentohimorbecauseofhimbuttheyarenotdoneinhispresenceorbyhimself.Onlythemachinefunctions; hehimselfisnotpresent evensimpleself-observationisnotposiblewithoutacertaindegree ofself-remembering. Self-observationbyitselfisnotsuficientforawakening.Itisonlyapreliminary steprequiringacertaindegreeofawakening,buttheawakeningremainsina certainsensepasive manhashardlyemergedfromsleepbeforehefalsback intoit.itisonlyinbeginningto rememberhimself thatamanrealybeginsto awaken.thisefortbringsan impressionofoneself withaspecial taste which cannotbemistaken whenamanexperiencesit,hebeginstobelessimposed uponbyhispersonality...inbeginning torememberhimself amancantruly awaken.itisonlywitharealandlongenoughawakeningthatamancanbecome presenttohimself.anditisonlywith presencetohimself thatamanbeginsto livelikeaman.(20) Oneofthequalitiesofself-rememberingisanopenglobalatention. Themostimportant stepbeforeanyrealworkcanbegin,istoacquirethepoweroffreeatention.andonlyfree atentionleadstoself-remembering. Theabilitytocontrolandpointouratentioninadefinitedirectionpreparesthegroundfor theactofself-remembering. Theremustbesomethingpresentthatatends anatention thatisstable,freeandrelatedtoanotherlevel.iwishtobepresenttowhatistakingplace,to remainconsciousofmyselfandnotlosemyself. 9
Thepracticeofbeingpresentisself-remembering.Insteadofbeingtakenoutward,theatentionofthefunctionsisturnedtowardtheinsideforamomentof consciousness.ineedtorecognizethaticanunderstandnothingificannotremembermyself.thismeansrememberingmyhighestpossibilities,thatis,rememberingwhatiopentowhenicomebacktomyselfalone.toremembermyself alsomeanstobepresenttomysituation totheplace,theconditions,theway Iamtakenbylife.Thereisnoroomfordreaming.(21) Self-rememberingrequiresacertaintypeof one-pointedatention whichdifersinquality fromthetypeofatentionutilizedineverydaylife.tobecomeefectiveandlife-changing,momentsofself-rememberingrequiregreaterfrequencyandduration. Onewaytoprolongthe durationofthesepreciousmomentsistoconsciouslyrememberthatthe self wearerememberingisnotmerelyourownphysicalandpsychologicalselfandthatthedivineselfisalsoalwayspresent,hereandnow. Ofcourse,peoplecananddoholdtheiratentionforlongperiodsoftimewhen theyhaveto e.g.intheperformanceofanyskiledoperationwhereoneslipcan causeanaccident,asinthecaseofsurgeons,pilotsorbuilders.inthesecircumstancestheconsequencesoflosingatentionarefearful,sotheatentionisto somedegreeheldandsustainedbyemotion.inself-rememberingtheatention isheldandsustainedbyapositive emotionthatcomesfromhavingestablisheda diferentatitude describedbytheshankaracharyalikethis: Adecisionofthis type thatalouractivitiesaredonebecauseoftheinspirationbytheabsolute, andareperformedonlyfortheabsolute,andeverythingisachievedbytheforces madeavailablebytheabsolute.ifonecomestothissortofdecisiontherememberingbecomesmuchmorefrequent.theremaynotbeconstantremembering, butneverthelesitwilarisemuchmorequickly. (22) Gateway to Higher States of Consciousness Self-rememberingorself-consciousnessprefigurestherealizationofhigherstatesofconsciousnes. Theseglimpsesofconsciousnesscomeinexceptionalmoments,inhighlyemotionalstates,inmomentsofdanger,inverynewandunexpectedcircumstancesandsituations; orsometimesinquiteordinarymomentswhennothinginparticularhappens.butinhisordinaryor normal state,manhasnocontroloverthemwhatever. Thestateof self-consciousnes manascribestohimself;thatis,hebelieves thathepossessesit,althoughactualyhecanbeconsciousofhimselfonlyin veryrareflashesandeventhenheprobablydoesnotrecognizeitbecausehe doesnotknowwhatitwouldimplyifheactualypossessedit...wecansay thatmanhasoccasionalmomentsofself-consciousnessleavingvividmemories ofthecircumstancesaccompanyingthem,buthehasnocommandoverthem. Theycomeandgobythemselves,beingcontroledbyexternalcircumstancesand occasionalasociationsormemoriesofemotions.(23) 10
Self-rememberingopenstheposibilityoffulyawakeningtolife: Everyday,everyhour, everyminutelifebeginsanew.ificouldbeawareofthisiwouldhavenewimpressionsevery minute.throughasensationofmyselficanopenmoretolife. WhatisdemandedofmeisthatIwaketolife.Lifeiscreation,andtheonlything IcandoifIwishtoawakenasacreativebeing,istoshareinthiscontinuousprocesofcreation.Idonothavetocreateanything.ButImayfeelmyselfpartof thisprocess.imaymakethesamegesture,imaytrytospeakinthesameway, uterthesamewords,butifiampresent,ifiamawaketomyselftheniwilbein thesamegesture,butiwilbecompletelydiferent...ihavetomakeroomfora newsetofimpressions,anewkindofrelationshipwiththeworldandmyselfin thisworld.andthisisperhapstheonlywayformetorevivemyrelationshipto theworldandtoshareinthisuniversalprocessofcreation.(24) Atacertainmomentwecometoseetwoaspects,twonatures,inourselves ahighernaturerelatedtooneworldandalowernaturerelatedtoanother,a diferentworld.whatarewe?weareneitheronenortheother neithergod noranimal.weparticipateinlifewithbothadivinenatureandananimalnature. Manisdouble;heisnotone.Andassuch,heisonlyapromiseofmanuntilhe canlivewithbothnaturespresentinhimselfandnotwithdrawintooneorthe other.ifhewithdrawsintothehigherpart,heisdistantfromhismanifestations andcannolongerevaluatethem;henolongerknowsorexperienceshisanimal nature.ifheslidesintotheothernature,heforgetseverythingthatisnotanimal, andthereisnothingtoresistit;heisanimal...notman.theanimalalways refusestheangel.theangelturnsawayfromtheanimal.aconsciousmanisone whoisalwaysvigilant,alwayswatchful,whoremembershimselfinbothdirections andhashistwonaturesalwaysconfronted.(25) Theprocessofself-rememberingisthegatewayorportaltodeeperlevelsofconsciousnes andawareness: Humanbeingsexistinboththephysicalandspiritualdimensionsofreality.Self-rememberingcreatesasimultaneousconnectionbetweenthesetwoworlds: Asmyinnerreceptivespacebecomes,fromtimetotime,lessoccupiedbyinvoluntarythoughts,impressionsandsoforth,moresubtleimpresionscanbereceivedandarereceivedinastateofSelf-remembering.Andastimegoeson,one feelsinthisstateone sownlivingconnectionwiththesilencewhichliesbehind sound thesamesilenceinwhich,whetherweareawareofitornot,wepassour lives.thissilenceandthecoresponding,moresubtlefeelingsoftheemptiness thelivingvoidbehindappearances,behindforms connectusinaveryvivifying waytotheverygroundofbeing,aboutwhichwecannotsaymorethanthatitis awordles,nakedexperienceofbeing...thatsomethingelsethatcomesinto beinginuswhenweexperiencethisinnerstatewhichwecalself-remembering issomethingthatgrowsinusovertime.(26) 11
Self-rememberingisaprerequisitetothepossibilityofaccessinghigherenergiesandstates ofconsciousness. Self-rememberingenablesthe RealSelf toenterandflowthroughhuman beingsandformaconnectionwithtruthsthatareofdivineorigin. Gurdjiefgavethenameof self-remembering tothecentralstateofconscious atentioninwhichthehigherforcethatisavailablewithinthehumanstructure makescontactwiththefunctionsofthought,feelingandbody.theindividual remembers, asitwere,whoandwhatherealyisandismeanttobe,overand abovehisordinarysenseofidentity.thisconsciousatentionisnotafunctionof themindbutistheactiveconsciousforcewhichalourfunctionsofthought, feelingandmovementcanbegintoobeyasthe innermaster. Consistentwith theknowledgebehindmanycontemplativetraditionsoftheworld,thepractice ofthegurdjiefworkplacesitschiefemphasisonpreparingourinnerworldto receivethishigheratention,whichcanopenustoaninconceivablyfinerenergy ofloveandunderstanding.(27) Self-rememberingalowsustotouchthestateofpurebeingortimelespresence.Whenwe rememberourselveswebecomepresenttothemoment,totheceaselesscreationandflowof life.thisissometimescaled beinginthebeing, avoyageofdiscoveryinwhichwegodeeper anddeeperintotheworldofbeing: Theatentionthatleadstothemomentofconsciousnessisthefirewhichbrings aboutablendingofforces,atransformation.tobecomeconscioussimultaneously ofboththesemovementsrequiresagreateractivityofmyatention.theefort awakens it,awakensaforcethatwasasleep.myatentionisentirelymobilized, includingatthesametimethehighercentersandthelowercenters,thefunctioningofmywholepresence.thisdependsonanewfeelingthatappears,thefeeling ofbeing.rememberingoneselfisabovealrememberingthisotherpossibility,the searchforaforceinmyselfthatismoreactive.iwishtoknow,iwishtobe.(28) Inasense,self-rememberingisthedeathknelfortheegoorconditionedself,leadingtoan openingtohigherconsciousnessanduniversalunderstanding: Insoseeing,Iliberatemyself.ForamomentIamnolongerthesame.Myfreed atention,myconsciousnes,thenknowswhatiamessentialy.thisisthedeath ofmyordinary I. Torememberoneselfmeanstodietooneself,tothelieofone s imagination.ihavethetasteofunderstandingthroughawarenessofthelackof understanding.inrememberingoneself,itistheletinggooftheegothatalows anewconsciousnesstopenetrate.theniseethattheordinary I isaphantom, aprojectionofmyself.infact,everythingitakeasmanifestationisnotsomething separate,butaprojectionoftheessential.returningtothesource,ibecome consciousofthatwhichisnotbornanddoesnotdie theeternalself.(29) 12
Self-rememberingwidensandintensifiestherangeofimpressionsweassimilateinourconsciousnesandremovestheilusionofbeingaseparateentityconfinedtoasinglebody. The ordinaryeverydaysenseofselfisfundamentalyanilusiontowhichnothingcanbeaddedexceptfurtherilusions.theautomaticbody-mindwilgoonlivingandbreathing,thinking, feelingandwilinguntilthebodydies.whatremainsisthe RealI, thetrueselfwhichhasalwaysexistedunrecognizedbehindthepowerfulconvictionthat Iamthebody;Iamthese thoughts,feelingsanddesires. Firstcomesanewfeelingof self-consciousnes, thehalmarkofwhichisasudden,unmistakablesensationof wakingup, verysimilartowakingoutofregular sleep.perceptionsandimpresionsbecomeinstantlymuchmorevivid,anda strongfeelingofmyownpresence,here,now,isarousedandimbuedwithan entirelynewandpositiveemotionaboutmyselfandeverythinginmysphereof perception.everythingisnewandvital.theselfnowexperiencedisthe realself, stil,silentandglorious,nottheconstantlychangingsenseofaseparateegothat istiedandconditionedbysomeobjectinthephysicalandsubtleworlds.then cancomeafurtherexpansionofawarenesssothattheexperienceof Self-consciousness becomesuniversal sometimescaled cosmicconsciousness. Now, theultimaterealityofmyselfandeverythingintheuniverse,physical,subtleand causal,becomes one, perfectandindescribable.(30) Self-rememberingalsogivesrisetotruehappinessandfulfilment,andtounconditionalLove whichisexpressedasalifeofservicetothedivineself: KnowledgeofmyownSelfasdivine, eternalandunassailableisthedrivingforceforaconscious,awakenedlifethatnotonlyperfectlyreflectstheharmonyofthewholecosmosbutactivelyhelpstosustainit. References (1) Henriette Lannes This Fundamental Quest (San Francisco: Far West Institute, 2003), p. 60. (2) G.I. Gurdjieff Views From the Real World: Early Talks of Gurdjieff (New York: E.P. Dutton, 1973), pp. 79-80. (3) P.D. Ouspensky In Search of the Miraculous (New York: Harcourt, 2001), p. 119. (4) William Patterson Spiritual Survival in a Radically Changing World-Time (Fairfax, California, 2009), p. 182. (5) P.D. Ouspensky In Search of the Miraculous (New York: Harcourt, 2001), p. 119. (6) P.D. Ouspensky In Search of the Miraculous (New York: Harcourt, 2001), pp. 149-150. (7) P.D. Ouspensky In Search of the Miraculous (New York: Harcourt, 2001), p. 118. (8) P.D. Ouspensky In Search of the Miraculous (New York: Harcourt, 2001), pp. 120-121. (9) P.D. Ouspensky In Search of the Miraculous (New York: Harcourt, 2001), pp. 117-118. (10) Henriette Lannes This Fundamental Quest (San Francisco: Far West Institute, 2003), pp. 61-62. (11) Gerald de Symons Beckwith Ouspensky s Fourth Way (Oxford: Starnine Media and Publishing, 2015), pp. 164-165. (12) Jeanne de Salzmann The Reality of Being (Boston: Shambhala, 2010), p. 16. 13
(13) G.I. Gurdjieff Views From the Real World: Early Talks of Gurdjieff (New York: E.P. Dutton, 1973), pp. 234-235. (14) C.S. Nott Teachings of Gurdjieff: The Journal of a Pupil (New York: Samuel Weiser, 1974), p. 37. (15) William Patterson Spiritual Survival in a Radically Changing World-Time (Fairfax, California: Arete Communications, 2009), p. 13. (16) Keith Buzzell A New Conception of God (Salt Lake City: Fifth Press, 2013), pp. 118-119. (17) Joseph Azize Foreword in Keith Buzzell A New Conception of God (Salt Lake City: Fifth Press, 2013), p. ii. (18) G.I. Gurdjieff Views From the Real World: Early Talks of Gurdjieff (New York: E.P. Dutton, 1973), p. 235. (19) P.D. Ouspensky In Search of the Miraculous (New York: Harcourt, 2001), pp. 116-117. (20) Jean Vaysse Toward Awakening (New York: Harper & Row, 1979), pp. 155-156. (21) Jeanne de Salzmann The Reality of Being (Boston: Shambhala, 2010), p. 19. (22) Gerald de Symons Beckwith Ouspensky s Fourth Way (Oxford: Starnine Media and Publishing, 2015), p. 169. (23) P.D. Ouspensky The Psychology of Man s Possible Evolution (New York: Vintage Books, 1974), pp. 20-22. (24) Henri Tracol The Real Question Remains (Sandpoint, Idaho: Morning Light Press, 2009), p. 177. (25) Jeanne de Salzmann The Reality of Being (Boston: Shambhala, 2010), p. 21. (26) Hugh Ripman Questions and Answers Along the Way (Washington, D.C.: Forthway Center Press, 2009), pp. 120-121. (27) Jacob Needleman Introduction in Jacob Needleman (ed.) The Inner Journey: Views From the Gurdjieff Work (Sandpoint, Idaho; Morning Light Press, 2008), p. xviii. (28) Jeanne de Salzmann The Reality of Being (Boston: Shambhala, 2010), p. 74. (29) Jeanne de Salzmann The Reality of Being (Boston: Shambhala, 2010), p. 264. (30) Gerald de Symons Beckwith Ouspensky s Fourth Way (Oxford: Starnine Media and Publishing, 2015), p. 141. 14