KCI Halloween Assembly Skit 2013 Scene One: The Party Curtains open on an empty party scene, scary sounds (creaks, wind, etc.) can be heard. Suddenly muffled voices can be heard offstage. Offstage voices: Come on! Get it open! We re late! Why is this door so big? Did you try pushing? etc... The sound of an excessively loud door is heard slowly opening as guests enter in various Halloween costumes. The door then slams shut. That door was huge! Yeah, that s pretty excessive. I m sweating through my costume. Honestly, that door is literally bigger than my house! No it is not! Well it s pretty close. No it actually yeah it is! Who cares! We re finally in the party! Thanks for inviting us, man! I didn t invite you I m pretty sure you did. I think I would know. You re a dirty liar and horrible host! What?!?! He didn t invite us. This guy did! Not me.
Party Guest 9: No, it was her! Nope. You? Nahhhhh. This guy? Everyone already guessed me! Than who is it? Okay, this is getting out of hand. Whoever is our gracious host, please raise your hand! No one in the room raises their hand. Honestly, there is no host? This place is creepy I ve got a bad feeling about this! Meh, nothing bad has ever happened when a bunch of teenagers break into an empty house and throw a party with no adult supervision. Ummmmm? Wait, there is a note on this table! Read it! (hands note to Party Guest 3) For all your crazy party needs, give this card to one who reads Hey, that s me! Keep going! For a wild party that isn t lame, just three times repeat the name. Repeat the name? What name? This guys? (gestures to Party Guest 6)
This is not helpful! Just try something! Ummm Party Host? Slight sound of thunder is heard. Party Host? Thunder is heard again. That s it! Once more! PARTY HOST! The lights go out as thunder crashes and lightning flashes. Lights come back on. Beetlejuice is standing in the middle of the room. All: Party Guest 4-8: Party Guest 9: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Robin Thicke! Hey, hey, hey! I m not Robin Thicke. Oh my god, I m a huge fan! I m not Robin Thicke. I can t believe we re in Robin Thicke s house! I m not Robin Thicke. Than why do you look exactly like him? Yeah, the clothes? The hair? The age spots?
For the last time, I am not Robin Thicke! Everyone goes quiet. Party Guests 4-8: Party Guests 4-8: Alright, sorry maybe I m going deaf. (quietly) Hey, hey, hey Maybe I m going blind (a little louder) Hey, hey, hey Maybe I m out of my mi-i-i-ind! Everybody shut up! Party Guests begin laughing hysterically. I have invited you all here for a very special purpose Very special purpose? Creepy Ewww yeah, why did Robin Thicke invite a bunch of teenagers over to his house late at night? Party Guests react suspiciously and grossed out. Look, I m not Robin Thicke! My name is Beetlejuice. Guests all look at him with blank expressions. Beetlejuice. From the hit motion picture Beetlejuice. Guests all act like they ve seen it, but no one has a clue. Really? Tim Burton? Nothing? Whatever, it doesn t matter! Like I said, I have invited you all here for a very special purpose. I have chosen you all because I have figured out the true meaning of Halloween. Pause. LAME!
Party Guest 9: I m pretty sure I already learned that from Charlie Brown. Oh yeah! With Linus and the Great Pumpkin! Classic. Oh so you ve seen It s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown but not Beetlejuice? Pfft, kids these days! I ll bet you d know who I was if Miley Cyrus had twerked all over me at some Award Show. I m pretty sure she did I m not Robin Thicke! (composes himself) I have gathered you here to share the true meaning of Halloween. Come in close. (nobody moves) Good enough. The true meaning of Halloween is scaring people. That s it? We know that see the masks and the costumes! And the fake weapons! Riiiiiight fake I thought it was for the candy Cheers! (takes down a box of Smarties) No, not just putting on cheap costumes and jumping out at people, but actually scaring them.to death! That isn t possible. Yeah, no way! Oh, but it is. Would you like to know the secret? Come in real close. (nobody moves) Great. In order to really scare people to death, you have to catch them completely off-guard. When they are least expecting that something might possibly have the slightest chance of maybe eventually happening, then you get them! Wow, I really thought something scary was going to happen there! Yeah, I know! That s the best part; you catch them completely off- Suddenly there is a loud crash of thunder, the lights flash, and ultimately go out. Everyone screams!
Part Two: The Investigation The loud crash of thunder and flashing lights from the end of Part One happen again. Everyone screams! The lights come back on. Oh no, he s dead! What just happened? Ummm the lights went out and now we re in the room with a DEAD BODY! Is that clear enough for you? (excitedly) It s a murder mystery! (inspecting body) I think it s just a murder But who did it? That s the mystery! Enough, that s not helpful right now. You go lock those doors, you lock those ones! No one leaves this room! One of the people in this room is a murderer. Lightning flashes and everyone cuddles up together, then everyone remembers that one of them is a murderer and push each other off and grab weapons. All: Party Guest 9: Don t you come near me! I ll cut you like a box! Ain t nobody murdering me! Etc. Whoa, everybody just calm down. Why do you want us to calm down, huh? Yeah, so you can murder us? I m not afraid of you! Look, I m Party Guest 1 turns to speak to Party Guest 6 who panics and begins flailing their weapon randomly at Party Guest 1. Whoa, there little buddy, I m just saying that one of us should contact the police.
Loud knocking is heard from the door. Everybody panics. One Guest throws their weapon at the door offstage left. Detectives: Party Guest 9: (offstage) Police! Open up! It s the fuzz! That was fast! Yeah, well I texted them back when what s-his-name was telling us to come in real close. Creeped me out. You can t just text 911. Knocking is heard again. Detectives: (offstage) Police! We got a text! Party Guest 9 gestures to the door knowingly. I stand corrected! Well someone get the door! A Party Guest moves offstage and re-enters with two Police Detectives. Party Guest 9: Thank the Great Pumpkin you re here! Hello, I m Detective Miley, this is my partner Detective Cyrus. No way We received a text about a creepy, striped individual, potentially a middle-aged pop star weirding us all out? Well, things have escalated a little bit and now he s dead. Dead, huh? Well you re lucky we re Homicide Detectives. Why would they send two Homicide Detectives to a random text about some creepy guy?
Great question. Maybe you should be a detective. (beyond excited) That s exactly what I ve always dre I ll be right back! Party Guest 5 runs offstage hurriedly. Okay then, who saw what happened? Well, none of us did Yeah, the lights were on, and then they weren t, and then they were again and (points at body) Classic murder mystery scenario if you ask me. Party Guest 10 is so excited. And there are so many of you here you thinking what I m thinking partner? Interrogation montage? Interrogation montage. Hit it! Blurred Lines Parody starts If you re a killer / we will try and catch you Are you the killer? / Cause we are gonna catch you Did you do it? (Hey, Hey, Hey) Are you the killer? (Hey, Hey, Hey) Maybe a killer? (Hey, Hey, Hey) Nope, nope it s not them. Huh, that usually works Yeah, oh well. The case is unsolvable. Wait, that s it? You re just going to quit? There was a murder! Yeah and we investigated. Pretty awesomely, I might add.
Look we re not trying to tell you how to do your jobs, but there has to be something else you can do We did it already! Yeah, but if you have any better ideas Party Guest 5 runs back onstage in a Batman costume. Wait! I got it! I m back. (Pulls on cowl clumsily. Begins talking in a Batman voice) What seems to be the issue, Commissioner Gordon? Yeah, we re done. Good luck kids. Cover him up with this. (hands a sheet to Party Guests who toss it over the body) If he starts to smell, I don t know, open a window or something. Wait! You can t quit! You didn t solve the mystery! Party Guest 10 gets really excited again. It s okay. I ve got this. (awkwardly tries to climb on top of the furniture) Justice never sleeps. It lurks. Waiting. At night. In the shadows. Possibly upside down. I am the detective this party needs right now! I am the World s Greatest Detective, the Dark Knight, the Batman. (Jumps off furniture, lifts sheet to inspect the body) I have no idea what I m doing Everyone sighs. Lights out. Part Three: The Reveal Curtains open on the same staging as the end of Part Two. Everyone is gathered around Party Guest 5. I have no idea what I m doing Everyone sighs. Well, since the police can t seem to help, I guess it s up to us to solve this mystery. What mystery?
This one! Which one? The one that is starting to smell a lot like a rotting pumpkin! What kind of mystery is it? (sighs) It s a murder mystery (beyond excited) Yes! Murder mystery! It s a murder mystery! I love Clue Enough! It s time we get to the bottom of this! Yeah, it s still very likely that whoever killed this guy is still here somewhere. Very true, but we need to go about this in a fair and orderly Everyone begins tossing accusations around the room wildly, for the most inane reasons. Party Guests: All: Party Guests 6: I know it s you! I just met you but I ve never trusted you! You re not going to get away with this! Take that mask off and show yourself! Etc. I know who it is! (stopping their random accusations) Who? Isn t it obvious? The person who is responsible for all death! DEATH! Everyone gasps and turns to look at the ominous figure of Death standing in the corner. Lightning and thunder crashes. Get him!! Several Guests rush towards death and end up lifting him off a platform. Confused, they set him down and take off his hood to reveal a young, innocent girl. What the? You re not Death! Death is so scared she can t speak, begins crying, and runs offstage. It s Halloween! I mean, you re not actually, this guys not really a ghost, he wasn t really Robin Thicke, and this guys is definitely not Batman
All: Hey! I mean (changes voice to Batman voice) HEY! See? Good point! Than who did it? COLONEL MUSTARD IN THE Enough! Who did it?!?! Wait what if he s not actually dead? (begins whispering ) I mean, he was talking about scaring us all, right? I would say this murder has us all pretty scared. What if he faked his death to prove his point and he s been alive in the room this whole time! Party Guests begin realizing that Party Guest 2 might be right. Suddenly, Party Guest 7 runs screaming out of the crowd and kicks the body extremely hard! Everyone reacts. Nope, he s dead! I ve got it! No you don t No I don t, but I do have a solution! Natural causes! (cracks knuckles) Okay, which one of you is Natural Causes. No, I mean what if he died of natural causes. He was, like, a million years old. I guess it is possible Party Guests begin muttering in agreement. Alright, that settles it, he died of natural causes and no one here is a murderer! That kind of feels like a cop out. I feel like Linus with his blanket in It s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown. This room is our pumpkin patch and the murderer is our Great Pumpkin. We ve waited around all Halloween night for this murderer to appear, and they never did, no matter how much we convinced ourselves they would.
Oh well, maybe next year! Man, that s a great holiday special! Speaking of Linus and his blanket, It s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown comes on t.v. in like 10 minutes! Really? If we hurry, we can watch it at my house! Why don t we just watch it here? There is a huge t.v. right there. Great plan! Robin Thicke (played by the same actor as Beetlejuice) enters from Stage Left. Robin Thicke: All: Robin Thicke: Hey, hey HEY! What are you kids doing in my house! BEETLEJUICE?!?! I knew it! Beetle-who? I m Robin Thicke! Everybody get out! I m not allowed to be within 100 yards of children anymore! RUN! All Party Guests (except the Ghost) quickly exit leaving Robin Thicke onstage. Robin Thicke: Crazy kids, breaking into my house, leaving dead bodies all over the place. (lifts sheet) Nice suit. Oooh, It s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown is starting. Robin Thicke sits down, puts his feet up on the body and turns on the tv. Creepy Peanuts Theme Song begins playing. Upstage, the Ghost pulls off his costume to reveal Linus, as the music gets creepy, Linus chokes Robin Thicke with the blanket. Music fades low. Linus: The Great Pumpkin will appear and I ll be waiting for him. Music rises again. Linus begins sucking his thumb and exits stage right, dragging the murder blanket behind him. Lights out. The End.