The Role of Man and Woman The relationship between a man and a woman; is truly one of the most misunderstood relationships in the society and world that we live in. There are numerous theories, explanations and ideas, and many different types of studies that attempt to explain and define how that relationship should work. As always, it is the word of YHVH that provides a clear understanding of the roles of both man and woman within the marital relationship and how they relate to each other on a spiritual and personal level. The relationship between a husband and wife is very important, since it points to relationships that exist in the spiritual realm. YHVH ordained the marriage relationship for a specific purpose. We must recognize and fulfill that relationship in the proper way, to learn and gain all of the benefits and blessings that YHVH wants us to realize, from a right and harmonious relationship. Elohim created man incomplete if man was complete, perfect and whole in every way, why then did Elohim not just populate the planet with men? Elohim is perfect, He plans for and anticipates everything, and He does not make mistakes! He could have made man entirely self-sufficient, but Elohim had a plan. Genesis 2:18 18 And הוהי Elohim said, It is not good for the man to be alone, I am going to make a helper for him, as his counterpart. Elohim purposefully created the man with the need for a mate, a full and complete partner, a helper comparable to him. After He had said this, Elohim then continued to create all of the animals and creatures and allowed Adam to name them. But, in everything that was created, there was not found a helper, or mate for Adam: Genesis 2:20 20 So the man gave names to all livestock, and to the birds of the heavens, and to every beast of the field. But for the man there was not found a helper for him, as his counterpart. In all that Elohim had created up to that point, there was nothing found on earth that could provide for Adam what he was lacking. Elohim then caused a great sleep to fall upon Adam and removed one of his ribs as he slept:
Genesis 2:21 21 So הוהי Elohim caused a deep sleep to fall on the man, and he slept. And He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. From the rib that came from Adam, Elohim then created a mate for Adam: Genesis 2:22 22 And the rib which הוהי Elohim had taken from the man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. Adam named the mate, that Elohim created for him, woman: Genesis 2:23 23 And the man said, This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. This one is called woman, because she was taken out of man. There is much that we can learn and understand from what is said here. Elohim allowed Adam to name this newly created person, just as He had allowed him to name all of the other creatures that were made to inhabit the earth, why? This signified man s preeminence and his role of leadership and dominion. Elohim could have easily created woman from the dust, just as He had Adam, but He did not. Why then did Elohim use a physical part of man, Adam s rib? By taking one of Adam s ribs, Elohim demonstrated to the man in a physical way, that he was lacking something. By creating the woman from the rib, it also showed that the woman belonged with the man; she was part of him and came from him. Since the rib was part of man and came from him, now the man had to join with the woman in a harmonious relationship to be complete, the two combine and make one. Genesis 2:24 24 For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. The man and woman were more acceptable to each other, since they were created from the same bones and flesh. They were attracted to each other and had a natural desire and affection for each other. Notice what it says in the passage above. A man is to adhere, or cling to his wife and they are to become as one. To be as one flesh, means that the man and woman have to be so close as to be the same as one body! This is not speaking in a plural sense, it is speaking of ONE man and ONE woman the two make, or become as one. Sha ul understood the nature of this relationship and he expounded on it to the Ephesians.
Ephesians 5:28 28 In this way husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. A man is to love his wife just as part of his own body! It is extremely important that we are able to fully and completely understand the meaning and importance of these relationships. There is a spiritual aspect that must be recognized and understood! Ephesians 5:22-24 22 Wives, subject yourselves to your own husbands, as to the Master. 23 Because the husband is head of the wife, as also the Messiah is head of the assembly, and He is Savior of the body. 24 But as the assembly is subject to Messiah, so also let the wives be to their own husbands in every respect. Here Sha ul tells us that wives should submit to their husbands, just as they would to Messiah. However, this does not give a husband license to dominate his wife and mistreat, enslave, or abuse her! That is NOT what Sha ul is talking about here. Would Yeshua treat the assembly, or called out ones in that manner? Absolutely not! Ephesians 5:25 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Messiah also did love the assembly and gave Himself for it, Yeshua loved the assembly (the called out ones) so much, that He was willing to give up His own life for it. This scripture is very plain in meaning! Men are to love their wives in the same way. There is no misunderstanding what is being said here! Husbands have a clear and very important responsibility. Ephesians 5:28-30 28 In this way husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but feeds and cherishes it, as also the Master does the assembly. 30 Because we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. Husbands are to love, nourish and cherish their wives, just as Messiah loves, nourishes and cherishes the assembly, the body. Why? We are members of His (Yeshua s) body; we are of His flesh and His bones! Do you see
the duality here? Messiah loves the assembly as part of His own body! Husbands are to treat their wives in the same way! Ephesians 5:31-32 31 For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. (Not two separate identities, each going their own way, but unified.) 32 This secret is great, (Why is it a great secret, or mystery? Because you have to put the understanding of these relationships together to get the meaning.) but I speak concerning Messiah and the assembly. Here is the great secret and the great mystery, these principles also apply to the relationship between Messiah and the assembly! The marriage relationship between man and woman is a type of the relationship between Messiah and the called out ones! That is the reason that it is so important that we get this right and that we understand the true relationship that is pictured in marriage and in our relationships! The husband serves as a type of Yeshua in the marriage relationship; he is the spiritual head and leader of the family. The wife serves as a type of the assembly, she is submitted (willingly) to the husband (just as we are to Yeshua) and they love and support one another. The two come together to make one. Ephesians 5:33 33 However, you too, everyone, let each one love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she fears her husband. Sha ul admonishes husbands over and over to love their wives as themselves, as their own bodies. The husband must learn to lead in love, not abusing his authority and position as the spiritual head of the family. He is to teach and to lead and even lay down his life if necessary and that does not just mean physically. In the same way, the wife is to be submissive to the husband as he leads in a Messiah-like manner. 1 Peter 3:7 7 In the same way, husbands, live understandingly together, giving respect to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the favour of life, so that your prayers are not hindered. Notice Peter says husbands should live with their wives according to knowledge and understanding. Husbands have been given instruction through scripture and receive guidance through the Ruach (Spirit) in the proper treatment of their wives and families.
Husbands are to honor and respect their wives, recognizing and appreciating their special and unique attributes. The husband is to recognize that the wife is not as strong in stature, or physical strength, but also that in no way does that diminish her importance, or potential. The husband and wife both, must realize that each one is an equal heir in YHVHs Kingdom and will receive eternal life in the Kingdom of YHVH. It is so important that these roles be fulfilled properly that the prayers of both husband and wife can be hindered from reaching YHVH, if they are not each fulfilling their roles properly! The role of the wife is every bit as important as the husband. If the husband is overbearing and abuses his authority, then the wife is prevented from fulfilling her proper role and the relationship suffers. Likewise, there are women who are overbearing, overassertive and take responsibilities upon themselves that YHVH never intended for them. They refuse to let the husband fulfill his role as leader and spiritual head of the family. Again, the relationship suffers when the proper roles are not maintained. The important and vital lessons that YHVH wants us to learn from a proper marriage relationship will never be realized. If these roles are not being properly fulfilled in your marriage, then you are walking in opposition to Abba! There are still more truths to be learned about this relationship. John 10:30 30 I and My Father are one. John 17:11 11 And I am no more in the world, but these are in the world, and I come to You. Set-apart Father, guard them in Your Name which You have given Me, so that they might be one, as We are. John 17:21 21 so that they all might be one, as You, Father, are in Me, and I in You, so that they too might be one in Us, so that the world might believe that You have sent Me. Once again, the duality aspect of two becoming one is revealed, only this time Messiah is referring to the relationship He has with His Father! An all knowing, compassionate, loving, Father has created and ordained relationships for us, during this lifetime, that are patterned after relationships that exist in the spiritual realm! We must learn now and get this right to receive the full benefit that YHVH wants for us to experience and to understand the things that He wants us to see!
YHVH ordained these relationships from the beginning and He expects us to obey Him! Men must accept their role and learn now, in this life, to be leaders. Men must lead with love, compassion and wisdom. When the time comes for making a decision, the man must be able to think clearly, weigh all the deciding factors and then have the strength and conviction to follow through and stand by his decision. The woman has a very important supportive role, men and women do not think exactly alike. Women can provide valuable input, insight and bring to light important details that may have not been considered before. That is precisely one of the ways that YHVH intended for woman to be a help meet to the man!! The woman has a very important role in the rearing of children. Just as the body of Messiah is supposed to support, care for and nurture new babes in Messiah, the woman also supports, cares for and nurtures the children that are produced in a marriage. Since the woman is the primary caregiver, she has a very powerful influence in shaping the children as they grow. It is a very important and huge responsibility that has been given to her by YHVH! Men and women should recognize and appreciate the special roles and responsibilities they have each been given by YHVH, supporting, encouraging and helping each other every step of the way. Acts 18:24-26 24 And a certain ehu ite named Apollos, born at Alexandria, a learned man and mighty in the Scriptures, came to Ephesos. 25 This one had been instructed in the way of the Master. And being fervent in spirit, he was speaking and teaching the matters about the Master e actly, though he knew only the immersion of o anan. 26 And he began to speak boldly in the congregation. And when Aqulas and Priscilla heard him, they took him aside and explained to him the way of Elohim more exactly. YHVH clearly blessed Aquila and Priscilla with knowledge and understanding and because of the harmonious relationship they shared, they were able to teach others YHVH s way of life in greater detail. What a blessing and how pleasing to YHVH! They were fulfilling their roles in the proper way and they were blessed for it. Proverbs 31:10-31 10 Who does find a capable wife? For she is worth far more than rubies. 11 The heart of her husband shall trust her, And he has no lack of gain. 12 She shall do him good, and not evil, All the days of her life. 13 She shall seek wool and flax, And with delight she works with her hands. 14 She shall be as the ships of Tarshish, She brings in her food from afar.
15 She also rises while it is still night, And provides food for her household, And a portion for her girls. 16 She shall consider a field and buy it; From her profits she shall plant a vineyard. 17 She shall gird herself with strength, And strengthen her arms. 18 She shall taste when her gain is good; Her lamp does not go out by night. 19 She shall stretch out her hands to the distaff, And her hand shall hold the spindle. 20 She shall extend her hand to the poor, And she shall reach out her hands to the needy. 21 She is not afraid of snow for her household, For all her household is dressed in scarlet. 22 She shall make tapestry for herself; She is dressed in fine linen and purple. 23 Her husband is known in the gates, When he sits among the elders of the land. 24 She shall make fine linen and sell them, And shall give girdles for the merchants. 25 Strength and splendor are her garments, And she rejoices in time to come. 26 She shall open her mouth with wisdom, And on her tongue is the Torah of kindness. 27 She watches over the ways of her household, And does not eat the bread of idleness. 28 Her children shall rise up and call her blessed; Her husband too, and he praises her: 29 Many daughters have done nobly, But you have risen over them all. 30 הוהי Loveliness is deceptive And prettiness is vain, A woman who fears is to be praised. 31 Give her of the fruit of her hands, And let her works praise her in the gates. YHVH inspired this to be placed into scripture for a reason. It is a beautiful description and a list of very noble attributes; things which a person should certainly aspire to achieve. But it is not a litmus test, or a yardstick by which someone s worth, or value should be measured and judged, as it has been used for. There are many scriptures which give us examples of attributes we should all strive for. We are all working towards becoming the people that YHVH would have us to be. This is also a description of a woman that is clearly in love and the household is being lead by a husband who understands his role. This woman is in a happy and harmonious relationship and it shows in all the things she does and in how she acts and in how she treats others. The relationships between men and women can be very complex and each relationship has its own set of unique challenges. Relationships take involvement, maintenance and commitment, in order for them to work properly and for us to realize all that YHVH wants us to understand and learn from them. YHVH created man and woman to dwell together; we are all responsible before YHVH, to conduct our relationships in the way that He has shown us.
When two people are married, they make a covenant with each other and with YHVH. They are bound by that covenant to remain in a relationship and to conduct themselves according to the guidelines and examples YHVH has provided. The Pharisees attempted to trap Yeshua and questioned Him on the marriage covenant. Matthew 19:3-6 3 And the Pharisees came to Him, trying Him, and saying to Him, Is it right for a man to put away his wife for every reason? 4 And He answering, said to them, Did you not read that He who made them at the beginning made them male and female, 5 and said, For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh? 6 So that they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what Elohim has joined together, let man not separate. Man has NO authority and NO jurisdiction over what Elohim has put into place. Man is not to tamper with this covenant man is not able to remove or dissolve it. It pictures something very important! Yeshua is betrothed to His bride and her to him that marriage will be bound and last forever. Matthew 19:7-9 7 They said to Him, Why then did Mosheh command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away? 8 He said to them, Because of the hardness of your hearts, Mosheh allowed you to put away your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. 9 And I say to you, whoever puts away his wife, except on the ground of whoring, and marries another, commits adultery. And whoever marries her who has been put away commits adultery. The Pharisees were looking to justify divorce on the word of Mosheh, but Yeshua corrected them. Divorce for any reason represents unfaithfulness to our mate, whether it is immorality, or not. Divorce was used as an excuse to put away their wives for any reason. Yeshua made it very clear that there was only one exception that was allowed for someone to put away their wife. Whoring was symbolic of going after other gods and breaking the covenant that they had entered into. Marriage is symbolic and a picture of that covenant. Exodus 24:7-8 7 And he took the Book of the Covenant and read in the hearing of the people. And they said, All that הוהי has spoken we shall do, and obey. 8 And Mosheh took the blood and sprinkled it on the people, and said, See, the blood of the covenant which הוהי has made with you concerning all these Words.
When you can divorce for any reason, what incentive is there to remain together and work through difficulties? When two people come together, there are going to be differences! For two to become one, it will require change and a different way of thinking. Too many people have used divorce as just a way to avoid compromising and to avoid putting someone else ahead of themselves. It requires sacrifice and commitment to have a successful relationship. The same thing applies to our relationship with YHVH. We have to learn to change and we have to learn to do things in different ways, and to think differently. We put His Will above our own and we seek to please Him and obey Him above all. Relationships change us we are supposed to learn from them and grow in them. Children naturally look to their parents as role models and it is very important that they are exposed to the proper roles of a husband and wife in marriage, as they are growing up. It is an important part of teaching them the knowledge of YHVH and about His way of life. Children begin to shape their thoughts and attitudes from a very young age and the examples they see as they grow, will set the pattern for how they interact in their own relationships in the future. You may not realize it, but people from outside the immediate family also watch and learn from the way husbands and wives treat each other and whether or not you honor and value each other and your marriage. YHVH intended and He wants us to learn and reap all the benefits we can from our relationships. He created man and woman to be together in life and to become as one, in perfect harmony, with mutual love, respect and honor for each other. He wants us to cherish each other, to appreciate each others differences and to use those differences to our advantage. Everything YHVH does has a reason and a purpose. It us up to each of us, individually, to conduct ourselves properly and in a way acceptable to the Almighty in our relationships, the way He has shown us, faithfully before Him, with deep appreciation for what He has given us. Colossians 3:15-19 15 And let the peace of Elohim rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one Body, and be filled with thanks. 16 Let the Word of Messiah dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing with pleasure in your hearts to the Master in psalms and songs of praise and spiritual songs. 17 And whatever you do in word יהושע, or deed, do all in the Name of the Master mihole ot sknaht gnivig the Father through Him. 18 Wives, subject yourselves to your own husbands, as is proper in the Master. 19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them. Copyright 2011 Jeff L Mills www.haemet.org