The Light of Forgiveness Rabbi Chaim Koritzinsky Yom Kippur 5776/2015 Over the last couple of months, I have been trying to learn a lot of names. I really appreciate the effort that people make on Shabbat to wear nametags. I apologize if I ve called you by a wrong name. (Zoe, even though I called you Sophie three times at the Chardonnay Shabbat, I know your name is Zoe, even spelled with an exclamation point!) I ve also noticed there are many names that are common in this congregation. Lots of Loris, lots of Saras and lots of Rachels, and lots of Jons. Come on, there are even two Jon Kaplans! and lots of Karens such as the one with whom I have the pleasure of leading these services. While there are many Karen s (spelled with an a ), fortunately for my wife, there are fewer Kerens (spelled with an e ). Keren kuf, raish, nun means in Hebrew either a horn or a ray. My wife s middle name is Lior -- coming from the word Or, meaning light. Keren Or: a ray of light. This expression is well known from the episode in the Torah when Moshe came down from the Mount Sinai a second time carrying the second set of tablets. The Torah says that Moshe s face was radiant (keren or panav) and that Aaron (his brother) and all Israel witnessed this radiance so much so, that they were a bit frightened by it. But Moshe called them close and spoke with them about everything he learned up on Mount Sinai. Why was Moshe s face so radiant? Was it because he was fasting for 40 days prior to coming down the mountain? (I imagine anyone who fasts for 40 days may have a certain glow!). Or, was it the relief of finally being able to share with his people the laws and customs which he had learned in a 1
private audience with God for 40 days? (I can certainly relate to this sense of relief after the long build up to this day. Am I radiating?!!). But, maybe something deeper was going on. Let s recall the context. During these 40 days on the mountain, Moshe was not only functioning as a scribe but also representing his people, asking God for forgiveness. In Chapter 33 of Exodus, Moshe continually asks God to forgive the people for going astray and building the golden calf. God coyfully engages Moshe but doesn t give him the forgiveness he is seeking. However, finally in Chapter 34, God tells Moshe Go and carve two tablets of stone just like the first which YOU shattered and present yourself to Me on the mountain. Nobody else, just you. God then comes down in a cloud and reveals Godself to Moshe by giving him this message, saying: Your God is a compassionate and gracious One, slow to anger, abounding in kindness and loyalty. This is a God who forgives and extends generosity to future generations. (Exod. 34: 6-7). The Rabbis take this response from God known as God s 13 attributes of mercy as a way of offering forgiveness to the Jewish People. Our tradition finds this message so compelling that the sages teach that in the future, whenever we need to seek divine forgiveness, recite this passage over and over to remind God of that moment when we were first granted forgiveness. This is why, to this day, we continue to recite and repeat this passage over and over when we sing Adonai, Adonai, el rachum ve chanun (God, o Merciful, Gracious God) as we did earlier in the service. (I find it inspiring that we still use the same passage for forgiveness after thousands of years!) In fact, our sages teach that the day that Moshe came down 2
from the mountain was none other than Yom Kippur TODAY! I ll come back to Moses and light, but let us first consider how forgiveness works or doesn t work, beginning with an extreme example: On October 2 nd, 2006, a gunman walked into an Amish schoolhouse in Nickel Mines, Pennsylvania and opened fire on the young schoolgirls. Five girls were killed and another five were seriously wounded. In addition to the shock and horror that anybody could commit such a horrendous act of barbarity, another great surprise came out of this tragedy almost immediately, the Amish community extended forgiveness both to the killer and his family. A book was written about this tragedy and the surprising reaction of the Amish. The book is called Amish Grace, and for those of you who might prefer watching as opposed to reading, the book has been turned into a TV movie. In the preface to the book, the co-authors begin by making an important distinction. They write: In telling the Amish story, it is important to distinguish forgiveness from both pardon and reconciliation. Whereas in FORGIVENESS the victim forgoes the right to vengeance, PARDON releases an offender from punishment altogether. In many cases, PARDON can be granted not by the victim but only by a person or institution with disciplinary authority over the offender (such as the judicial system). RECONCILIATION (on the other hand), is the restoration of a relationship, or the creation of a new one, between the victim 3
and the offender. Reconciliation is not necessary for forgiveness to take place, and of course it does not always happen, because it requires the establishment of trust between two willing parties. In many situations, however, reconciliation between victim and offender constitutes the ultimate goal, and FORGIVENESS is a crucial step in that process. So, what do we have here PARDON, RECONCILIATION, AND FORGIVENESS. Pardon is not always up to us. Reconciliation is up to us and forgiveness is a step along the way to achieve that objective. The Amish call this forgiveness grace, or in extreme examples, radical grace. For them, it is not important whether or not the perpetrator asks for forgiveness from the victim or, in this case, from their families. In the example of the Nickel Mines Massacre, the murderer actually killed himself after shooting the girls, thereby not allowing any opportunity for the asking of forgiveness. In Hebrew, the word for grace is chen. It is this same word that is used in the 13 attributes of God I mentioned earlier. We refer to God as El rachum ve chanun a compassionate and gracious God. But, do we have the same idea of grace as the Amish? How important or critical is it for us to first have an apology before offering forgiveness? According to Gates of Repentance, by Rabbenu Yonah of Gerona, if someone commits a forbidden act, they can be forgiven for that act only if they engage in teshuva (repentance), which includes: regretting/acknowledging the sin understanding the magnitude of the sin 4
worrying about the future consequences of the sin acting in a way opposite to that of the sin correcting the mistake however possible refraining from committing the same mistake if the opportunity presents itself again and even teaching others not to engage in the same behavior In order to appreciate Rabbenu Yonah s prescription for forgiveness, it s worth noting the historical context of his life experience: Rabbenu Yonah came from Girona, in Catalonia and was the most prominent pupil of Solomon of Montpellier, the leader of the opponents of Maimonides and one of the signers of the ban proclaimed in 1233 against Maimonides main works (Moreh Nevukim and the Sefer ha-madda). According to one of his students, Rabbenu Yonah was the instigator of the public burning of Maimonides' writings by order of the authorities at Paris in 1233, and the indignation which this aroused among all classes of Jews was mainly directed against him. Subsequently, when twenty-four wagon-loads of Talmuds were burned at the same place where the philosophical writings of Maimonides had been destroyed, Rabbenu Yonah saw the folly and danger of his ways. He publicly admitted in the synagogue of Montpellier that he had been wrong in all his acts against the works and fame of Maimonides. As an act of repentance, he traveled to Palestine and prostrated himself on Maimonides' grave and implored his pardon in the presence of ten men for seven consecutive days. He went on to become one of the great Talmudic teachers of his time and in all his lectures, he made a point of quoting from Maimonides, always mentioning his name with great reverence. 5
So, for Rabbenu Yonah, both the words and the acts of teshuva are important in order to achieve forgiveness, even if the victim has already passed away. The well-known Biblical scholar Jacob Milgrom agrees. He writes that in ancient Israelite religion rituals were never acts of magic. This point is underscored by the sacrificial formula of forgiveness. Humans had to involve themselves both in conscience AND in deed in order to secure divine or human forgiveness. Forgiveness then, according to Milgrom, is always and only consequent on repentance the idea of an arbitrary grace is almost totally absent. And yet our sources also teach us that even when we don t get an apology, it s still important to forgive. Maimonides says: even if another doesn t apologize, you are still free to forgive and you should. Grudge or resentment is a horrible weight to carry around in this world. As a friend of mine said to me recently, it s like giving someone space in your head rent free. Why carry it around with us? There is a custom before we go to bed to recite the Shema. In addition to the Shema which we are accustomed to, there are other prayers which some say in order to let go of what happened to us in the day. One such prayer goes like this: Master of the universe, I hereby forgive anyone who angered or antagonized me or who sinned against me whether against my body, my property, my honor or against anything of mine, whether (they) did so accidentally, willfully, carelessly, or purposely; whether through speech, deed, thought, or notion May no person be punished because of me (Art Scroll siddur, p. 289) 6
Also prior to Yom Kippur, some recite a prayer called Tefila Zaka which is actually very similar to the prayer that was recited by Bart, Mitch and Preeva last night during Kol Nidre. This Tefila Zaka prayer closes with the following passage: I release anyone who has injured me either in person or in property, or has committed any manner of sin that one may commit against another just as I forgive everyone, so may You grant me grace in the eyes of others, that they too forgive me absolutely. (Art Scroll Machzor, p. 39) What I find interesting about this prayer is that it is not only asking that I release the anger and resentment in my heart, but that by doing so, I will also be judged favorably. Again the use of the word grace, chen. In other words, if I can be so generous to forgive others without waiting or asking for their apologies, then perhaps God and others will be so kind and generous in extending forgiveness towards me. About a month ago, I made a big mistake. We had a neighborhood gathering scheduled for a Tuesday night. I had it in my calendar In the morning, I knew I had it, but by the afternoon, it completely slipped my mind! To make matters worse, I had my cell phone on silence while I was putting our boys to bed and therefore didn t hear their calls wondering where is the rabbi?!!. I ended up falling asleep next to the boys, and when I woke up around 2:00am and looked at my cell phone, you can imagine the horror I felt seeing all of the missed calls, text messages, and concerned emails. I apologized profusely to the hosts Ted Goldstein and Jessica Bernhardt (who so kindly went out of their way to open their home and set everything up). I also apologized to each of the 7
invited guests who devoted their evening to come and meet me. So, am I forgiven? I don t know. Who am I to say? Do we really know when we are forgiven or when we have forgiven someone else? We all know how difficult it is to truly forgive someone or to forgive ourselves. Even after I apologized to the hosts and the guests of the neighborhood gathering, I was still very upset with myself. Rabbi Jonathan Sacks the former Chief Rabbi of Great Britain writes that in order to forgive, we have to be willing to let go of the past. This, however, does not mean forgetting the past. He writes, Forgiveness means living WITH the past, but not living IN the past It is the ability to live with the past, without being held captive BY it. Forgiveness means that we are not destined endlessly to replay the grievances of yesterday. Forgiveness heals moral wounds the way the body heals physical wounds (The Dignity of Difference p.178-188) Perhaps THIS was the light radiating from Moshe when he came down the mountain the healing light of forgiveness. A light and lightness that comes with the feeling of forgiving and being forgiven. A feeling that we are no longer captives of our past. A feeling of spaciousness which gives more room for future growth. And lastly, a feeling and a hope that we can heal the moral wounds of the past. MY hope for all of us this Yom Kippur is that this keren or, this beacon of light, may shine upon all of us today. May this light illuminate our intentions and guide our actions toward a path of forgiveness both from others and for ourselves. Whether we have asked for it or not, whether we deserve it or not, may 8
the light hover over all of us, transform our hearts and help us move one step forward on the road toward reconciliation. 9