Realistic Recovery Part 6 Commitment
Recovery All in ; willing to go to any lengths; 100% commitment. Anything less will not be enough 1. Many want Recovery, but they often don t want it as badly as they think they do a) Most truly believe that they are desperate for Recovery and totally committed to it. But they often don t realize that they have subconscious conditions on recovery b) They will be motivated to do Recovery only as long as.
i. They are in pain as soon as they start feeling better and life starts going smoothly, they lose interest in Recovery. They think they are fixed or that they can slack off ii. They are dealing with the negative consequences of past decisions CFS, Parole, threat of divorce, loss of job c) They will do recovery as long as. i. It is easy doesn t require too much work ii. It won t require them to deal with anything that is too painful iii. It doesn t require them to change much
2. Understanding Commitment a) Continuing to do the right thing even when you don t feel like it b) It is easy to do the right thing (and Recovery) when you feel like it. But if you live by that philosophy, you are in trouble c) Child brain (limbic) vs Adult brain d) Hanging in there when life gets hard and overwhelming (We will face hardships and difficulties; we will get hurt at times, and fail) e) Continuing to do the right thing even though you don t see tons of positive results
f) Commitment and Relationships never become all they could be unless both parties are committed give as much as they get i. Reciprocity - willing to give as much as you want to get ii. Many want the benefits of a relationship without the responsibilities - They want to get more than they give iii. Any relationship that does not have reciprocity will eventually die; anyone who takes more than they give will eventually destroy the relationship
iv. Farming land must get as much as it gives, or it will be depleted and be unable to give v. Anything in your life where you demand more than you give will result in you feeling ongoing discontent g) Commitment and talent - Some rely on their talent. They can float by. But what would they have been like if they were committed i. Great golfer vs poor golfer same clubs ii. Difference talent, education, dream, commitment
iii. No one has been extremely successful unless they have been totally committed sacrificed, fought, persevered, gave it their all h) Commitment to one thing requires saying no to other things i. Committed to a few close relationships = can only have a few other friends ii. You can t add something to your life (puppy, goldfish, relationship, Recovery) without it changing your life i) You cannot conquer what you are not committed to
3. Things that work against commitment a) Complex Trauma i. Characteristic - Avoid commitment it makes them feel trapped. Always have an escape hatch ii. Great starters, poor finishers - boredom iii. One foot in, one foot out b) Upcoming generation/culture i. Want everything given to them, and give back nothing ii. More committed to taking than giving iii. Quit easily
4. Process of Change, of becoming committed A. Pre-contemplation - Denial Everybody else says I have a problem, but I don t think I do. I think I can control it just fine, thank you. B. Contemplation Maybe I have a problem a) Ambivalence sitting on the fence I want, and don t want, to change (a long way from commitment) b) Desired Solution - not to quit, but to find a way to control it; or to find a way to experience the nice consequences without experiencing the negative ones
C. Preparation weighing out what commitment would look like a) What would I have to do if I was to change? What would I have to give up? What would I have to add to my life, or change? b) Often a gradual realization that to change in one area will require being willing to change in another area - You mean I wouldn t just have to give up the drug, I have to give up friends, habits; and I have to heal from wounds and deal with painful stuff, and change lots of things?
D. Action willing to go to any lengths Commitment E. Maintenance committed to continue to do the things necessary to maintain that change 5. Commitment is essential, but not enough a) Committed to the right thing b) Realistic, accurate plan c) Right priorities
1. Matthew 13 - A farmer went out to sow his seed. As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly because the soil was shallow. But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants. Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown.
4 types of soil = 4 heart conditions a) Packed footpath = Seed doesn t penetrate - they have hardened their heart to God - unresponsive heart due to not giving it any consideration b) Rocky places = shallow soil not able to put down roots. Seem to be committed, but quit as soon as they experiencing the scorching sun - life gets hard, trouble and persecution c) Thorns and weeds Committed, but distracted by fantasy dreams (deceitfulness of wealth) or distractions of life (worries, other distractions) d) Good soil bears fruit
2. Matthew 15 story of women who wanted healing from Jesus A Gentile woman came to Jesus, pleading, Have mercy on me, O Lord, Son of David! For my daughter is possessed by a demon that torments her severely. But Jesus gave her no reply, not even a word. Then his disciples urged him to send her away. Tell her to go away, they said. She is bothering us with all her begging. Then Jesus said to the woman, I was sent only to help God s lost sheep the people of Israel.
But she came and worshiped him, pleading again, Lord, help me! Jesus responded, It isn t right to take food from the children and throw it to the dogs. She replied, That s true, Lord, but even dogs are allowed to eat the scraps that fall beneath their masters table. Dear woman, Jesus said to her, your faith is great. Your request is granted. And her daughter was instantly healed.
A. Why this Response? a) Provides a wonderful parallel to Recovery the foundational, essential attitude one must have if they are to experience healing b) The message - How badly do I want it? To what lengths am I willing to go? i. Want it more than anything else ii. Desperation c) Proof I will continue to pursue the goal even though path is difficult. I will fight battles, overcome obstacles, difficulties, persecution d) Play hard to get; Coach Olympic athletes
B. Responses a) Jesus did not answer a word. i. Jesus initial response silence. Jesus has never responded like this before ii. Is very confusing it seems he doesn t care b) I was sent only to the lost sheep of Israel God s intent for him was to make Israel the focus of his ministry. He is under no obligation to help this women c) The woman came and knelt before him. Lord, help me! she said. He replied, It is not right to take the children s bread and toss
it to the dogs. Gentiles were referred to by the Jews as dogs d) She says, Yes it is, Lord. Even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their master s table. i. What the woman realizes ii. dogs Jews referred to Gentiles as Gentile dogs. The word they used for dogs was the wild, dirty dogs that scavenged in the garbage dumps iii. Jesus word is different household pets loved and cared for by master
iv. Even dogs eat crumbs from master s table v. She realizes that even though she is not a Jew (one of the children at the master s table who receives the direct blessing of the master), dogs were still loved and cared for by their master. He made sure their needs were met vi. She will trust Jesus love for her C. Application - Recovery involves a) Wanting to be healthy more than anything relationship, image, pleasurable activity