THEPARENTLINK April 2012 FOR PARENTS OF TEENS REMIND TEENS OF GOD S GRACE Easter is a perfect time to focus on the gift of God s grace. One often-heard definition of GRACE is God s Riches At Christ s Expense. The good news of the gospel is that though we ve all fallen short of God s expectations, we re made righteous, or pure, by Jesus death and resurrection (Romans 3:23-24). Because Jesus took our place on the cross, we have forgiveness and new life. That s what makes grace so amazing. Young people often feel overwhelmed by and unloved because of their shortcomings. Even mature Christians struggle with understanding and accepting God s grace because we re surrounded by anti-grace messages from the time we re young. Do this to earn that. Play fair and you ll get your reward. You got what you had coming to you. And so on. Steep your kids in the radical idea of grace. Talk about how God s abundant love for us is never based on what we do. Instead, it s always an undeserved, free gift, based on what Jesus did on the cross. We ll always fall short. We ll never be good enough. But God sent Jesus to die for us once and for all so we can live in God s amazing love and grace. We don t ever have to try to earn our salvation. God s grace doesn t make any sense when we re playing by the normal, everyday rules of you get what you deserve. None of us deserves God s grace, but all of us can be recipients of it. Thank God! THE VIEW Got grace? According to surveys of thousands of Christian teenagers (conducted at Group Workcamps), young people need assurance that God has wiped away all their sins: Half of respondents agreed with this statement: I ve done things no one really knows about that impact my ability to feel loved by God. One-quarter of respondents agreed with this statement: Because of the things I ve done or said in my life, it s hard for me to believe that I can do something great for God. Group TIPS >>> Part of the appeal of video games is the ever-present chance to start over with a clean slate. The good news is that God gives each of us a clean spiritual slate. Use video games to start a conversation about grace with your teenagers and their unchurched friends: What s the draw? Ask kids why video games appeal to them. Do they like solving things? Are they captivated by puzzles, mazes, questions, problems? Are video games a good escape from real life? Why or why not? What s the problem? Next, ask kids what things in life they think are critically important to figure out; for example, deciding on a career, a spouse, a belief system, etc. After listening, share what s important to you including how you decided to become a follower of Jesus. What s the answer? Finally, ask kids if they understand that Jesus offers us a clean slate, or grace. Share with them God s gift of forgiveness through Jesus and his promise to remove our sins as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12). Game on! Make sure young people know that when they ve discovered Jesus, they have the power of starting over with a clean spiritual slate. And they can share this good news with others, so they can hit reboot and begin a new game, as well. Jane Dratz of Dare 2 Share Ministries (writing at SimplyYouthMinistry.com) PONDER THIS How confident are you of God s complete forgiveness of all your sins? What are some helpful reminders for you to live in God s grace? What are some practical ways you can demonstrate God s grace to other people, including your family members?
DUMP THE OUGHT-TO S Expert Insights for Parents of Teenagers By Steve Merritt When I was a wilderness guide, our group was fond of pranks. I ll never forget when we put two large rocks in another guide s pack. We were sure he d find them right away, so it was funny when, in dismay, he pulled the boulders from the bottom of his pack after a weeklong, 40-mile hike. Rocks have an uncanny ability to enter our lives, and, like the unknowing guide, we can end up carrying them a long time before realizing they re weighing us down. Christians of all ages are bearing heavy spiritual knapsacks, feeling as if they aren t doing enough for God and are failures because they can t stop sinning. RESOURCE Recently, a quote and a Bible verse have lightened the load in my own backpack. Author Larry Crabb says, Make every effort not to sin less but to love more, and Colossians 3:3 says, Your life is hidden with Christ in God. These words put into perspective my overwhelming crowd of good intentions. My endless todo list, even when filled with Godly pursuits, often prevents me from remembering that my life is hidden with Christ and my sins are covered by his grace. When I boil everything down, I want to love. And when I don t love well (which is quite often), this thing called grace picks me up and calls me onward toward God and others. Christians driven by ought-to s can be inspiring, yet their ultimate impact is exhaustion for themselves and for everyone around them. By contrast, believers who truly love and who revel in God s grace inspire with their hearts. Ultimately, they challenge us at deeper levels. They give us permission to go off-duty yet encourage us to take risks and give our hearts with abandon. Your life is hidden with Christ in God. So dump the ought-to s. Now just love. Counselor Steve Merritt, writing at SimplyYouthMinistry.com In Fresh Start (Simply Youth Ministry), Doug Fields helps young people get a grasp of what God has done and examines how they can rest securely in God s grace. The study guide contains 10 foundational lessons that will help new Christians and will offer refreshers for young people who already walk with God. BIBLE FOCUS For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God not by works, so that no one can boast. Ephesians 2:8-9
MEDIA SPOTLIGHT MAINSTREAM MUSIC CHRISTIAN MUSIC MOVIES RASCAL FLATTS Background: This three-man popcountry band has had incredible success since starting in the late 90s. Many of their albums have gone multiplatinum. They re very popular with young people; in a 2007 poll, they were the sixth-most -popular act among preteens. The band, which has raised millions of dollars for various charities, received a Humanitarian Award from the Academy of Country Music. Albums: Changed (2012), Unstoppable (2009), Me and My Gang (2006) What Rascal Flatts Says: When Vanderbilt Children s Hospital named its pediatric surgery center for Rascal Flatts after it raised $3 million for the project they responded, It was an emotional day. It s emotional any time you walk in there because it s such a magical place and a place of hope. That s probably our biggest accomplishment to date. Explore: Nearly all of the band s albums are available on Spotify. SIDEWALK PROPHETS Background: This Christian rock band started at Anderson University, wanting to integrate worship with real life. Their first major-label debut spawned two hit singles, and their second album, Live Like That, released in March. They won the 2010 Dove Award for Best New Artist. Albums: Live Like That (2012), These Simple Truths (2009) What Sidewalk Prophets Says: Hopefully, our music paints a picture that is a reflection of the faith, hope, and love that we ve experienced through the grace of God. We want to be real, we want to be candid, and we want God to move through us. Explore: You can hear the band s first album on Spotify and watch the video for their new single at www.youtube.com/watch? v=gfossggwqs0. Movie: The Three Stooges Genre: Comedy Rating: PG (for slapstick action violence and some rude and suggestive humor, including language) Synopsis: In this fictionalized account, the Stooges are left on an orphanage doorstep and grow up into slapstick wiseguys. Somehow, they manage to get caught up in a murder plot. Eye-pokes abound. Our Take: Though it s rated PG, this film was written and directed by the Farrelly Brothers, so be aware. The previews show a nun getting out of a pool in a very revealing swimsuit, for example. Movie: Wrath of the Titans Genre: Action, Adventure Rating: PG-13 (for intense sequences of fantasy violence and action) Synopsis: Because of man s diminished worship, the gods powers are weakening. That allows the Titans to break free from their prison and wreak havoc on earth. Perseus must leave his quiet life and fight again. Our Take: This movie will be popular with kids who love Rick Riordan s Percy Jackson book series. The first film wasn t very good but made enough to spawn a sequel. You can discuss false gods and how they differ from the one true God. For more media discussions and ideas, go to www.ministryandmedia.com. VIDEO GAMES Kinect Star Wars This is just the type of game we ve been waiting for since the Kinect was first announced. You can swing a lightsaber, ride on speeder bikes, and use the Force on enemies by making the movements in real life. Kinect and Star Wars fans hope this game is as awesome as it sounds. Rated T for mild language, mild suggestive themes, and violence. Xenoblade Chronicles The Wii has very few games of any length or depth especially RPGs. This game boasts 100 hours of play. If it s like most Japanese RPGs, it will have a confusing and mostly nonsensical plot but immersive gameplay and lots of monsters to fight. Rating is pending (probably T).
THEPARENTLINK May 2012 FOR PARENTS OF TEENS FIND LESSONS IN FAILURE At this time of year, many young people are celebrating their high school successes and looking forward to the future. Encouraged by well-wishers, they head out into the real world, hoping to avoid failures and disappointments that might trip them up. Yet failing might not be such a bad thing, some experts say. Paul Tough, author of the upcoming book The Success Equation, argues that failure is actually a key component of success. Writing in The New York Times, Tough says although parents strive to provide for and protect their kids, We all know on some level, at least that what kids need more than anything is a little hardship: some challenge, some deprivation that they can overcome, even if just to prove to themselves that they can. Fear of failure can paralyze young people, leaving them incapable of making decisions or stuck in the past, ruminating on past screw-ups. So it s essential to embrace mistakes and communicate that messing up is acceptable and even valuable. Failure isn t fun, but it builds character, teaches patience, and helps us rely on God, not ourselves. Only through our imperfections can we see God s 100%- reliable perfection. Thankfully, he has perfect, eternal plans for each of us imperfect people. THE VIEW In a Gallup Poll about top fears, teenagers listed not succeeding in life/being a failure as No. 4 (after terrorists, spiders, and death). Specific responses included fear of making mistakes that will mess up my life, not measuring up, not achieving the goals I ve set for myself, and not leaving a mark. Researchers looking into how college students react to setbacks discovered that effective coping strategies include acceptance, humor, and positive reframing. Ineffective strategies, which leave people feeling unsatisfied, include denial, self-blame, venting, disengaging, and (surprisingly) social support. TIPS >>> Brian Berry, author of the upcoming book You Stink! (Group), uses these questions to process failure and criticism: Who s the source? Not all criticism is created equal. If it s an anonymous comment, throw it out. If it s from a friend, sit down and chase it to the end of full understanding, knowing he or she cares about you. Why is this so hurtful? Selfawareness requires soul-level digging. Are you lacking affirmation? Are you playing the comparison game and falling short? Take time to figure out why you re hurting. Why is this person upset with me? After considering the source and what s going on inside you, start assessing the situation. That likely means asking someone for clarity. It will certainly mean prayerful evaluation. And it might mean asking a trusted friend for a third viewpoint. Understanding motives helps you move beyond hurt toward understanding Am I trying to please God or people? This deserves a pause for honest exploration (see Galatians 1:10). Until you get your priorities straight and seek God s insight, comments and failures will hold more weight than they should. Next time you hear You stink! in your head or ears, know you re in good company. Let s embrace the truth about our weaknesses and, like the apostle Paul and his thorn, keep our faces wide open to God as we muddle our way through life s potholes. PONDER THIS What role have failures and disappointments played in your life and in your successes? How have you encouraged your teenagers to persevere in life, despite obstacles that come their way? How can you tell and show your kids that failure is acceptable?
BLESSED BY FAILURE Expert Insights for Parents of Teenagers By Brandon Schmidt Everyone has ups and downs, successes and failures. Failure is a part of life, though it s usually frowned on by our results-driven culture. Rather than repressing those painful experiences, it s important to not only embrace failures but to learn from them. Our mishaps and mistakes are valuable learning tools. A professor once told me, I hope you aren t cursed by success but rather blessed by failure. He realized the importance of failure as a chance to improve. Here are four ways to embrace failure: 1. Learn what not to do. When asked about his repeated failures in developing the incandescent light bulb, Thomas Edison replied, I have not failed. I ve just found 10,000 ways that won t work. RESOURCE 2. Recheck priorities. Consider the time and effort you put into various activities and whether you need to re-evaluate what s most important to you. 3. Prepare for the future. Every day is a new learning experience. Some days may seem like monotony, while others are downright dreadful. Yet every single day is one more day God has to mold you into his servant. The lessons you learn now will certainly help you later. They ll also help you help other people. 4. Depend on God. If life were all about us, we d be in trouble. Use failure to evaluate your relationship with God and make sure he has prime position in your life. One professor also told me, It s not about you, stupid. I knew he was right about the second part, but I ve been learning the first part. Life isn t about me; it s all about God. Failure helps me make sure it s all about him. Don t be deterred by mistakes; embrace them. Don t be discouraged, but be blessed by failures. SimplyYouthMinistry.com No Fear Living (Simply Youth Ministry) by Doug Fields contains transcripts of four messages about fear and failure. The second message examines how to fail forward, letting God help us move into the abundant, full life he desires for us. BIBLE FOCUS We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. Romans 5:3-5
MEDIA SPOTLIGHT MAINSTREAM MUSIC CHRISTIAN MUSIC MOVIES NICKI MINAJ Background: Born Onika Tanya Maraj in Trinidad and Tobago, Minaj moved to New York at age 5. To cope with a rough home life, she created alter egos one of which is Nicki Minaj. ( Fantasy was my reality, she says.) The alter egos manifest in her songs; a favorite is Roman Zolanski, her gay twin brother who lives in her and emerges when she s angry. The R&B/hip-hop singer is also known for making bold fashion statements. Albums: Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded (2012), Pink Friday (2010) What Minaj Says: One day, you re going to look back and think, Wait a minute, did I really lose my life clubbing and miss out on a moment where I could ve been building myself as a woman and having something to offer my children? We got so many girls right now having children [who] don t even know the first thing to say to a child. Explore: You can watch Minaj s videos on YouTube, but beware: Her songs are filled with profanity, sexual language, and sexual images. KJ-52 Background: Hip-hop artist KJ- 52 has been dropping beats for 12 years, steadily increasing his influence and notoriety. The numbers in his name refer to Jesus miracle of feeding the multitude with five loaves and two fish. KJ-52 has won four Dove Awards, and his songs have been featured on numerous TV shows. Albums: Dangerous (2012), Five-Two Television (2009), The Yearbook (2007) What KJ-52 Says: The theme [of the new album] is God is calling us to live dangerously for him. We have to be careful that we don t give into the world, which is like drinking poison out of a gold cup. But as Christians, we can t go along with the status quo or play it safe. There s no room for laziness or complacency. Explore: Many of the singer s videos are posted at kj52.com, and his albums are available on Spotify. Movie: The Avengers Genre: Action, Adventure Rating: PG-13 Synopsis: Nick Fury, director of the highly secret government agency S.H.I.E.L.D., assembles the world s greatest superheroes to fight off an otherworldly threat. Our Take: Marvel s superhero movies are generally teenfriendly, with little violence and a minimum of coarse language. Joss Whedon is a great writer, so film fans have high hopes. This movie will likely feature snappy dialogue and big-time action. Movie: Men in Black 3 Genre: Action, Comedy Rating: PG-13 Synopsis: In this sequel to the smash hit originals, Will Smith s Agent J travels back in time to save his former partner and the entire planet. Josh Brolin is a dead ringer as the young Tommy Lee Jones. Our Take: The smash-hit originals were full of interesting characters, funny situations, and Will Smith s cool-guy attitude. Because that winning formula likely won t change, expect some foul language and cartoonish, sci-fi violence. For more media discussions and ideas, go to www.ministryandmedia.com. VIDEO GAMES Minecraft This game revolves around one simple principle: survival. It s split into day and night cycles. During the day, players gather resources, search for ore, dig holes, fish, and plant crops. Players spend the nights indoors, mining underground tunnels, building tools, and being chased by monsters. What makes the game unique is the elaborate structures people have built including the Cathedral of Notre Dame and the Taj Mahal. Minecraft is a springboard for ingenuity and creativity. (Rating pending.) Max Payne 3 This gritty, run-and-gun sequel is now being handled by Rockstar Games, the same studio behind the violent Grand Theft Auto series and Red Dead Redemption. The series is notable for its bullet-time sequence, where time slows down and you can see bullets tear through enemies. (Rated M.)