Shame Origins Impacts Implications Ralph Ennis, Judy Gomoll, & Dennis Stokes GENESIS 2:25 The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame... 3:7-10 Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves. Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden, and they hid from the Lord God... But the Lord God called to the man, Where are you? He answered, I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid. -GENESIS 2:25, 3:7-10, 21 GUILT and SHAME... any difference? Job 10:15 If I am guilty woe to me! Even if I am innocent, I cannot lift my head. For I am full of shame And drowned in my affliction. GUILT FEELING: I HAVE DONE WRONG For what I have done Psalm 51:3 GUILT LANGUAGE: I did the wrong thing I sinned Forgive me BASED ON LAW & MORALITY SHAME FEELING: I AM WRONG For who am I Job 10:15 SHAME LANGUAGE: I am unlovable I feel like I am sh-- I deserve punishment Based on sense of imperfection & identity
HEALTHY SHAME We may trust God with our past as heartily as with our future. It will not hurt us so long as we do not try to hide things, so long as we are ready to bow our heads in hearty shame where it is fit that we should be ashamed. For to be ashamed is a holy and blessed thing. Shame is a thing to shame only those who want to appear, not those who want to be. Shame is to shame those who want to pass their examination, not those who want to get into the heart of things. To be humbly ashamed is to be plunged in the cleansing bath of truth. From An Anthology of George MacDonald, Edited by C.S. Lewis UNHEALTHY SHAME Shame is the raincoat of the soul, repelling the living water that would otherwise establish us as the beloved of God. It prevents us from receiving grace and truth where we need them most... causing us to conclude that we are unworthy of love and honor. The emotion of inferiority, bad shame expresses itself as an inner torment, a sickness of the soul that divides us from self, others and God. Bad shame invites the soul to turn on itself rather than to welcome mercy. Bad shame bars us from life. Andrew Comiskey, Strength in Weakness Healthy Shame Becoming Unhealthy 1. Lens for seeing and experiencing SIN 2. Feelings 3. CORE Belief w/hopelessness 4. Shamelessness SHAME S FEELINGS: Navigator Staff responses Unchosen Second-team All alone Trapped Terrified Veiled Escape Naked Cover-up Hidden Helpless Confused Unaware
SHAME S FAMILY OF FEELINGS Alienated Belittled Defeated Degraded Defenseless Different Dumped Embarrassed Exposed Flawed Helpless Humiliated Hurt Inadequate Inferior Insecure Intimidated Invisible Meaningless Odd Powerless Rejected Shy Stigmatized Unlovable Unwanted Unworthy Weak Worthless SHAME S INNER SELF-TALK I don t measure up. I suck.... Living in pain. Can t get it right. I m not good enough to fix it right. Gotta be smart. Produce!!! Keep it hidden. Am I beautiful like God says I am, or ugly like I feel?
SOURCES/TYPES OF SHAME 1. Gender 2. Socio-economic 3. Cultural 4. Spiritual 5. Survivor 6. Performance 7. Image & Body 8. Identity-level 9. Family 10. Victim
GOOD NEWS OF JESUS ISAIAH 61:1-3 vs. 1 to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, vs. 2 to comfort all who mourn, vs. 3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. HEBREWS 12: 2 Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
PAUL S EXPERIENCE I TIMOTHY 1:15,16 15 Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners-- of whom I am the worst. 16 But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life. A TRANSFORMATIVE JOURNEY OF IDENTITY Embracing that I am Totally Dependent humility & trust Totally Redeemed.. joy & freedom We are living into the day after the prodigal son s return SELECT one of the three stories below when Jesus met someone in her or his shame and redeemed that person. John 8:1-11 (Woman caught in adultery) Mark 5:24-34 (Bleeding woman) Luke 19:1-10 (Zacchaeus) also cross reference Levi in Mark 2:15-17 As you reflect on the story, what do you notice about what Jesus did and did not do! when he ministered to people struggling with shame? A Bible Study: FREEDOM: Breaking the Power of Shame http://www.lifebiblestudystore.com /connect-series-freedom-breaking-
Helps and Guidelines for Discussing Sensitive Issues http://leadersandinfluencers.com/uploads/safetotalkaboutshame_- _downloaded_dec_18_2013.pdf A Book: The Shame Exchange As counterintuitive as it may seem, the valley of shame is also the door of hope the door that leads us to the heart of God, where we can experience God as the Almighty Lover of our souls.... [when] finally, you begin to exchange the ashes of your shame for the beauty of God s mercy and freedom. (p. 142) http://leadersandinfluencers.com/store_p4uf.html http://leadersandinfluencers.com/store_p4uf.html