All in the Family: The Divine Order of the Family 1 Cor. 11:2-16 Englewood Baptist Church Sunday morning, Sept. 18, 2011 When one compares the year 1911 with the year 2011, it becomes obvious that our world has advanced. Time has improved our society in so many ways. Technology has simplified common tasks like dishwashing, the refrigeration of food, and the disposing of dirty diapers. Praise God for this! Enormous energy and time is now saved because the riding lawnmower came to be. Vaccines now exist that keep our kids from polio and we can now call people on phones that require no cranking. Without question, I have inherited enormous benefits by being born in 1976, rather than 1876. Living in this generation is much easier than living in a little house on the prairie. However, while I am grateful for the blessings of new technology, for these advances, I do, with all my heart, believe that our culture has gone backwards when it comes to issue of building a family. We have not advanced, we have woefully retreated. While we busy ourselves with the building of skyscrapers and cell phone towers, the family below is falling to pieces. To be quite honest, there are some days when I do wish I could live in the day of Charles Ingalls and chop wood with my kids so that we could have a warm house. When I read the biographies of people of times past, I am jealous of their relationships, of their connectedness, of their intimacy, of their simplicity, of their depth. My observation of my age is that we have lost the forest for the trees. We are gaining comfort and losing our kids! Something has gone awry, and Christians more than ever, must reconsider what it means to build a home of God s design, rejecting the default settings of our culture. So this subject of the family is far more than just a feel-good emphasis for me. It s more than just a warm, fuzzy feeling to start the fall season. This is foundational, utmost important, kind of stuff. God s design for the home how HE wants it to look, how HE wants it to operate. Let s see what the Bible says! Where I want to begin this conversation is at the core. Understanding male and female identity, role, and relationship. Have you ever paid attention to the way God built the human race? He accomplished this in a specific way. Basic observations from the book of Genesis: He began with one man. He didn t create two, he created one, and that person was not unisex. He was male. He created a female from that male. So we see differentiation from the start. Adam is created from dust; Eve is created from Adam. Interesting choice of design, to say the least. God could have said to Adam, Run along, give me an hour, when you come back, there s a surpise. No, God put Adam to sleep, and did not use the dust of the ground, but created Eve out of the man. They were created different. Equal, but different. And that leads me to point 3
The Bible says that they are both created in God s image. Male and female, created in the image of God. So, there is something about masculinity that must be preserved. Manhood displays a side of God that he wants the world to see. And there is something about femininity that speaks of the character of God. There is a side to womanhood that discloses the person of God. When these two parts of the pictures of the same person and you piece them together, male and female, the image is magnified. And then, after creation, comes the earthly assignments in the garden: The Man is commanded to rule over the garden, to exercise authority, to work, and to be a leader. The Woman is created to be a helper for the man, for the creation of a godly family, and to be a supporting, caregiving companion. They are a formidable force when they are together. All these things I just said are indisputable truths that flow from Genesis 1 and 2. So I want to begin our discussion of the family today, by taking a close look at the roles of men, and the roles of women. And the question I want to ask, are we embracing or resisting God s design for both? Look with me, now, at one of the most controversial passages in the New Testament. This passage is almost never preached because it comes across as 1) off-putting to women, and 2) confusing to the mind. But I can promise you that if we can sort through some ancient custom here, this passage contains timeless principles to help us get back to the blueprint of God for the family. Let me read to you 1 Cor. 11:2-16. So this is a hair passage. Let me explain the hairdos of the Corinthian church. In Greece, in the Corinthian church, there was a tradition that involved hair. It was in fashion that the women wore a head-covering in public. This is not the same thing as Arab veil that covered her whole face except for the eyes. No, this was only a covering of her hair. A good, respectable, upstanding woman of that day would conform to the culture and wear her head cover. So, women looked intentionally different from the men. It was not difficult to distinguish. So, when the church gathered, and the pastor stood up to preach, he could see two groups: the headcoverings and the hair. Men and women, male and female. And this distinction was intentional. Now, with the new liberty that came through Christ, women were now exalted in a thousand new ways and these new freedoms were wonderful. So, before you brand Paul a chauvinist, listen to his words in Gal 3:28, There is neither male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. Gal. 3:28
What Paul meant was, in equality, in worth, in value, men and women are the same. Women are to be appreciated. Christianity was a religion of equality, and it flew in the face of ancient culture. In fact, one of the common prayers of devout Jewish men had been this: Thank you, Lord, that I am not a Gentile, a slave, or a woman. It was a dishonored place. And in that Greek culture, women had been pushed into the background, their voices unheard, their worth degraded. But now, through Christ, a corrective lens was put into place and suddenly people could see women as worthy of great honor and treated with respect. So with all this new freedom for females, how was it all supposed to function? Was it time to do away with all male-female distinctions? And, on a practical level, what are we supposed to do with all these women who are leaving their headcoverings at home? This was a point of contention so Paul speaks. What Paul seeks to do here is, in no way, suggest that women are less able, capable, or gifted than men. His purpose is to reinforce The Order of the Church (and the Family) 1. God has built subordination into society. (v.3) Now, I want you to notice v.3. Subordination is the system of God s choosing. This is not my choosing or some committee of men that conspired together. God decided to set a chain of command in place. He wanted headship. And all of us men and women are under a head, under authority. Husbands, your head is Christ. Wives, your head is your husband. Jesus, his head is God the Father. So before we get twisted about this, and bristle in our seat, let s think about what this means. If Jesus had not submitted to the will of the Father, and had done what was best for HIM, imagine how awful the world would be now for those of us that followed. We would still be lost. But, because Jesus came under the Father, and did not consider equality something to be grasped, he made himself nothing and we are the recipients of his obedience. Jesus embraced the Father s plan, and then he was rewarded. Phil 2 says that because of his joyful submission, God has given him the name that is exalted above all names, every knee will one day bow before him. He becomes great because he became subordinate. He is over, because he went under. In the same, when a woman refuses to embrace God s plan of being under a head, when she refuses her estate, her lot in life, and seeks authority and seeks control over her husband, she brings misery to herself and great damage to those that follow. Now, I m not talking about a woman who wants to be a partner and share control of the relationship. That s good and godly! That s oneness! I m talking about a woman who resents her place, who dominates and wants to rule over her head, and this is so obviously
seen by the way she puts him down all the time. If a woman persistently puts her husband down, her kids will grow up with a distorted view of design. And they will hand off this warped plan to their kids. A domino effect because of one woman s defiance. But, if she is spiritual, she knows that she can only rise above and she puts herself below. Listen to me. Some women are so obviously superior to their husbands. In intellect, in skill, in maturity, in spiritual depth. This has nothing to do with headship. An employee might be smarter than his boss, but a company cannot survive without organization. The family is the same. God has given an organizational plan, and we make choices about whether we follow. At this point of the sermon, the men are sitting in their seats quietly but inside they are saying, YESSSS! Preach it brother! I m in charge! If you say that, then you have a worldly view of headship. Headship means wearing a heavy coat. It s like carrying around a jacket with cannon balls in the pockets. Headship is a heavy responsibility and it requires enormous sacrifice. How should I display headship in my home? By receiving orders from my boss. My head, who is Christ, voluntarily died for the sake of those he led. Being the head of a woman means martyrdom. I give up my life for her. So, this word does not imply tyranny, but instead, sacrifice. A good shepherd lays down his life for his sheep. We need to re-examine our understanding of authority and submission. Now, look what Paul says next 2. God wants us to honor male and female distinctions. (v.4-6) This whole argument about hair isn t about hair. It s about manners and propriety. How should a woman properly behave in public when there are men present? How should a man properly act when there are women present? What makes for good manners? Read with me, vv.4-6 Now, this is maze, most difficult to understand. Let me see if I can help. In those days, the local custom was for men to wear no head covering. When a man stood and prayed or prophesied, that is, he shared things out loud about the Lord he was to have an uncovered head. That was a visual sign of his maleness, his assignment by God. To wear a head-covering would be weird because he would be acting like a woman. That s what women wear. That s a role reversal. In the same way, when a woman prayed or prophesied, she was expected to have her head covered, as a humble sign of her God-ordained position. She was under a man s leadership. And so Paul says, if she is going to take off her headcovering, which is a cultural sign of rebellion, she might as well go ahead and shave her head because that s what prostitutes do. Women of the night, in those days, cut off their hair and Paul said, None of you would want to be labeled as scandalous woman, so why would you want to
rebel against this cultural practice, and cause people to think less of you? In other words, why would a woman want to bring disgrace upon herself? Like it or not, how we appear and how we dress does have an impact on the way people view us. Now, let me say this. What we wear is dictated largely by culture. It s not spiritual; it s cultural. What style shirt or the type of pants we wear makes no difference to God unless it is immodest and sexually suggestive. Assuming it s appropriate, God doesn t care if you wear a sweater or a long-sleeved t-shirt. So, Paul is not trying to prescribe a uniform for Christians, and he isn t saying that all Christians at all places should have headcoverings for the women. No, look deeper. You have to look at the principle that he is putting forth. Women should dress and behave in ways that honor her husband; and men should dress and behave in ways that honor the Lord. God wants us to keep cultural expressions that reflect his divine design. Now, let s look at the most difficult part of this passage, the part that seems to be most off-putting for women. V.7 Now, what that sounds like. My 21 st century ears hear this: Men are most loved by God because we are both the image and the glory of God, but the woman is just the glory of man. We were created straight from the dust, but women are less loved because they were created from the rib. So the logic might go like this. It s like a photocopy. You know? You make a copy of a form and it looks good, but when you make a copy of that copy it s not so bright. Is that what this is saying? Since woman came from man she has diminished glory? NO! That s not what this is saying. A woman comes as deeply into communion with God as a man. A husband is not a mediator between his wife and God. No, she has every benefit and privilege that comes through knowing Christ. What s different though, is that she is the glory of man because she came out of man s side. In other words, the woman is best thing a man ever produced. The woman is man s crowning achievement. She came out of him. She is the glory of God, but she is also the glory of man. And the Lord created her special for him. And so, she is worthy of special protection. 3. God wants men to show special protection toward women. (v.7) She is the most glorious thing on this earth to him. A few weeks ago, on Labor Day weekend, my family was in Arkansas with Lynley s extended family. We were on the lake one afternoon, and the pontoon was pregnant with little kids. A few adults and a multitude of little men and women with life jackets on. We stopped, we began to swim, all the kids were in the water, when my wife spotted it. Snake! And sure enough, slithering around the boat toward bobbing tribe of kids, was a snake. Now I must tell you my first reaction, which was to get my tail out of the water! I don t do snakes and if you have a snake for a pet, you re sick. At any rate, as I made my way to the boat, I saw the snake turn away from the group, and headed toward a woman
and a little boy, my wife and my youngest son. And they were sitting ducks. Something just snapped inside me, and I turned into the crocodile hunter. I mean I went swimming toward that snake. I remember thinking that snake was 12-14 ft long, it turned out it was 12-14 inches long, but the climate felt dangerous. And I went splashing and pushing the waves out to that snake until my wife was able to get to the boat. And when it was all done, I felt pretty cool. There was something strangely spiritual about what just happened to me in that water I saved my wife from a sea monster. Our God is a God who protects his glory. And he has made man in his image, we want to protect our glory. And the glory of a man is his woman. Elizabeth Elliott. Now, what I would like to do with the remainder of my time is to offer three very practical applications from this text. How do we make a passage about hair coverings practical today. What Can We Take From This Text? 1. We must learn to love authority and submission. Our culture hates authority and hates submission. So we should not expect much help from our nation which prides itself on self-interest and autonomy. A church sign, around the time of the 4 th of July, read this: The last 4 letters in American spell I Can. I can. That is the ethos of America which says, I can do anything I want to do. And that s just simply unbiblical. I don t care how many swim lessons I receive, I will never compete in the Olympic games. I wasn t given that gift. Now, I have been hardwired to win at certain things. Some activities come naturally to me, but I will receive the greatest joy when I am trying to be exactly what God wants me to be. As Paul said, By the grace of God, I am what I am. And I am a 35 year old man. And we need to help our kids realize that God made them as little men and little women, to fill a certain place in society. It was his choice and his design where we fit in the puzzle. I don t know why, but God chose to make me a boy, a man, a head. He never consulted me about this. He assigned me this lot in life. And by the grace of God, He chose to make Lynley a girl, a woman, a helper. And our family operates best when I am sacrificially leading, fiercely protecting, and looking out for the welfare of the family. And our family operates at the highest level when Lynley is enthusiastically supportive of me, lovingly leading the operation of the home with my help, partnering with me joyfully. I m not saying I m a perfect leader or that she is a perfect partner, but we do understand that this design of brings both of maximum joy, and I can tell you this: when Lynley and I are both working well together, our children flourish. It is so unpopular today for a woman to love her place in the home.
Quote from Elliott 2. We must restore an appreciation of manhood and womanhood. What Paul could have said to the Corinthians, a much cleaner plan, would have been this: Oh throw away the headcoverings! My goodness! Jesus has died and rose again and you re still fighting about your hair and your hats. No, Paul didn t say that. Paul sought to retain the cultural expressions of manhood and the cultural expressions of womanhood, and we would be wise to do the same. Christians should seek to reflect the divinely-ordained pattern of things. I have in my hands a copy of James Dobson s book, Bringing Up Boys. I have in this hand a copy of James Dobson s other book, Bringing up Girls. Why didn t he just write one book?!? Because they are radically different species. You cannot raise a boy like you raise a girl. You can t treat them the same. The world says you can; the Word says you can t. They are to be treated differently. I have one girl, and three boys. And I already notice one difference with boys. VOLUME! Boys are loud, and they make all kinds of weird noises. And they are fascinated with sticks and with objects that might be taken for guns. Generally speaking, they go to the hospital a lot more and like to take risks. And before long, they will want to impress girls. You put a group of teenage boys near a group of teenage girls, and those boys will jump off towers and break both legs just turn a head. The things that a boy will do to turn the head of a girl it s crazy! And girls, I just have one girl so my observations are less broad, but I what I can see about this little creature is that she has an inherent love for soft things, pastel colors, cheerleading, and she does not like PE so long as the boys have to be present. She is a distinct creature. We, as Christians, need to celebrate the differences between boys and girls and work hard at keeping the lines separate. God created us male and female, and it it was good. And so, wives, don t try to make your husband into a woman. He doesn t think like a woman; he doesn t understand women much. And men, stop trying to treat your wife like she s a man. She doesn t think like a man; she doesn t understand men. But the truth is, when a man and woman choose to appreciate one another, look out for one another, live together in love, the picture of God is put on full display.