When the storm won t cease Jonah 1:1-12 June 2, 2013 Travis Collins Many of us perhaps most of us have thought about it. Suicide, I mean. Statistics say, and on this one I trust the statistics, that most of us have given it at least a passing consideration. Maybe it was as a child. Maybe you remember being punished and sitting in your room thinking, If I weren t around anymore people would really be sorry! Most of us grow out of that. But sometimes the thought of suicide as an answer, a viable way out of the hurt, is something we entertain even as Christian adults. Most of us push that thought back down to the dark place from which the thought emerged. But sometimes the thought of death as an answer climbs the stairs from the cellar and walks around in our heads, presenting itself as a real option. For months I ve been planning this sermon. I ve read all that I had time to read. I ve prayed for wisdom. Yet I still am in way over my head. I cannot understand the depth of despair that results in suicide. And I have no simple answer or solution for the issues I will address today. I speak as a pastor, not a psychiatrist or psychologist. And as a pastor I cannot not talk about this. Americans are increasingly unhappy. Yesterday s USAToday reported the International Organization for Economic Co-operation and Development s Better Life Index. It measures life satisfaction in the 36 countries participating in the Organization for Economic Co-operation and Development. And Mexico ranked four spaces ahead of the United States! Mexico! From which people are pouring looking for jobs. But Mexicans are more satisfied with their lives than are Americans! The news gets worse. In the May 15 issue of the Chesterfield Observer there was an article titled, Virginia s suicide rate highest in 13 years. And in the May 18 issue of the New York Times was an article titled, All the Lonely People. The article reports that over the last decade Americans have become increasingly more likely to take our own lives. Statistics recently released by the U. S. Centers for Disease Control & Prevention show that about 5,000 more people now die each year from suicide than from car accidents. Suicide is common enough that many of us have suffered, or will, suffer, the loss of someone close to us due to their choice to end their life. Suicide is common enough that it is very likely that someone will hear me today who is at least contemplating suicide. I can t not talk about this. Let me be clear that I m not talking about a choice to reject unreasonable, artificial and temporary measures to keep us alive when death seems inevitable. I m not talking about 1
someone who has lived a good life signing a Do Not Resuscitate order that says, When it s time, it s time; don t keep me artificially alive on a machine. I m talking about actively, intentionally bringing about one s death when there is plenty of life left to live. Back to the story of Jonah. I ve always read that part of the story which we read a few minutes ago and assumed that Jonah knew God was after him and that it was an admirable act of self-sacrifice that he would seek to spare the lives of the sailors by asking them to throw him into the sea. But I ve read it another way now. And I invite you to consider, with me, another possibility. After all, Jonah does not appear in the story to be a loving, mature, sensitive soul. So why would he be loving, mature and sensitive here? What if Jonah had mixed motives? What if one of Jonah s ultimate goals here was simply to die? If you read the story like that, then some things fall into place. His words to the sailors, for example, seem like the sentiments expressed in lots of suicide notes: If I m gone, the storm will subside. It s my fault that things are bad anyway. Everyone will be better off with me at the bottom of the sea. Think about it. Jonah was in the depths of the ship, perhaps the author s literary way of saying he was in the depths of despair. He conflicted. On the one hand, wanting to please God. On the other, terribly resentful that God would send him with good news to the people he so despised the people of Ninevah. And perhaps guilt-ridden over his hatred and resentment. Maybe Jonah thought death was a way out. Lots of people obviously do think death is a way out. Why do people reach that point? Factors that contribute to suicides include addictions, psychiatric illnesses, job loss, financial loss or relationship loss. There are people for whom death appears to be the sole remedy for their unfathomably deep pain. So they choose to take their lives. Let s talk first about those left behind. Over the years I ve dealt with a number of families reeling from the pain of someone s choice to end their life. And often I ve been asked, Is suicide an unforgivable sin? Does suicide forfeit Heaven? No, suicide is not the unforgiveable sin. Suicide is not the will of God. It is sin, for I believe it is assuming the role of God in making a choice that is only His to make. But there is nothing in Scripture that says the sin of suicide is unforgivable. 2
In fact, Romans 8 declares that neither death nor life will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. But what about the painful emotions of the ones left behind? The choice of someone we love to take his or her life will result in a powerful confluence of grief, loss, and confusion. And, of course, anger. Anger at the one who took his or her life. Anger at himself of herself for not seeing more or doing more. Anger at God for allowing it. Survivors, victims of a loved one s suicide, will have to find ways to acknowledge our resentments to people we can trust and to God Himself. William Ritter, whose son took his life, wrote the following: It doesn t help the recovery process to think like a victim. Bill s (his son s) death happened in my life, but it did not happen to my life. It was not done to me by Bill, by God, or by anybody else. Bill did not die to make me miserable. He did not die to make his mother or sister miserable. He did not die to make his friends miserable. He died because, at that point in his life, he was miserable in ways we couldn t fully fathom or successfully penetrate. I know that a death like Bill s feels like rejection. And I know it is hard to take any rejection any way but personally. But I have reason to believe he did not mean it that way, and that he would be chagrined to think I was taking it that way I do not believe that people who kill themselves are (at that precise moment) capable of understanding or appreciating the pain they are inflicting upon those they are leaving behind. I think their despair is too great for them to see that. I think they may believe they are solving one problem, with scant recognition of other problems they may be setting in motion. Their choice is just that their choice. Private. Personal. And largely incapable of taking into account the wider impact it will have. I do, however, have one suggestion for the survivors. Sooner or later, you will need to forgive what you can t understand The only way out of your pain may be to start splashing forgiveness in every direction forgiving the one who took the life forgiving yourself for anything you did or didn t do, just before it happened forgiving God for allowing it or not stopping it...and even forgiving circumstances for being so hard and weighted against you. (William Ritter, take the dimness of my soul away) To those possibly contemplating suicide This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live, (Deuteronomy 30:19). I set before you life and death. It is your choice. But death is the wrong choice. Choose life as a gift to those who care about you. In William Ritter s book, take the dimness of my soul away, he wrote: 3
When you reach the point where you can t come up with a single reason to stay alive one more day, then stay alive as a gift to somebody. Make a circle of friends. It probably won t happen unless you assume responsibility for it. So work at it. Join a small group. A Sunday School class. Social networks minimize the likelihood of suicide. Please get help when life is overwhelming. You need help beyond a sermon. God is bigger than any problem you have, but this sermon is not. He can work through physicians, counselors and other professionals. You need them. This is too big for you to work out alone. Embrace grace. Grace the unconditional, undeserved, unlimited and unrelenting love is what I hope will keep you choosing life when the days grow dark 2 Thessalonians 2:16 reminds us that God, by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope. And 1 Peter 5:10 declares that the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. In grace is hope! Which brings us to the next point Choose hope. Of course severe depression contributes to thoughts of suicide. But even more devastating than depression is hopelessness. Hopelessness seems to be a greater factor in suicide than depression. I often quote Psalm 30:5, Weeping may last for the night, but joy comes in the morning. I believe the truth of that verse at the core of who I am. Yet that morning seems like it never will come for some people. There are those for whom hope seems unimaginable. Indiana Erna s fiancé took his life. Interestingly, Ms. Erna had attempted suicide herself some years earlier. So she had a unique perspective. She wrote, I ve been on the other side of that wall too, and I ve felt alone in a world that was suffocating me: things like losing a loved one, being in financial ruin, uncontrollable drug addiction, an overwhelming feeling of guilt and shame. I was only thirteen when I first attempted to take my life by cutting my wrists and taking a bunch of pills... Ms. Erna explained that she understood the pain her fiancé was trying to escape when he decided to end his life. But I wish I could have told him there is another way. Today I have a beautiful son, my own apartment, a job, and I m going to school as well. I am working with children, adults, the elderly, drug addicts, the disabled and the sick Each day is precious no matter how badly it ends, another day will be born at sunrise, with new hopes and dreams waiting to be fulfilled. 4
(in Children of Jonah) I want so desperately to communicate hope. I want so desperately for all of you to know that, by God s grace you will be okay at the core of who you are you will be okay even if the circumstances you are in don t turn out well. I believe hope is the answer, at least an answer, to the kind of despair felt by those whose lives seem not worth living. Turn your will and life over to God. Deep, personal, genuine faith does make a difference. It s the sense of connection with people, a community. It s a sense of purpose. And it s what Scripture calls a peace that passes all understanding. The research is pretty clear: People with deep, personal, genuine faith tend to be less depressed and seem to recover more quickly following depression. Of course that s a likelihood, not a certainty. Even faithful believers break down. There are so many complicating factors when it comes to mental health. Yet deep, personal, genuine faith does make a difference. Now to all of us. Galatians 6:2 says, Share each other s burdens, and so fulfill Christ s law. A few years ago Keri s parents were giving a trampoline to the grandkids for Christmas and we wanted to keep it a surprise. They sent a check and we purchased the trampoline. Friends in the church agreed to keep it in their garage. I purchased the trampoline and guys at the store where I purchased it loaded the not-yetassembled trampoline for me. I drove over to our friends place to deliver the trampoline, which was in a long box. When we unloaded it, the man in whose garage we were going to hide it lifted his end of the box without a lot of trouble. I, however, had a terrible time lifting my end of the box. I strained and groaned until I finally got it in the garage. This guy gave me a hard time about that. His favorite name for me was Never Sweat, so he needled me a little bit about not being able to handle the box. Then, on the night before Christmas, I went to load up the box and this fellow again helped. This time it was much easier for me, and my friend struggled with the box. He could barely lift it, and eventually said, I didn t realize it, but this end is heavier than that end! All the hardware was in one end, and the cloth was in the other end. He had not known how heavy my end of the box was! You don t know how heavy is the load someone near you is carrying. And if your load is becoming overwhelming, we won t know unless you tell us. If the load you bear is getting too heavy, please get help. 5
Let s return to the story of Jonah Jonah was in the depths. He was a conflicted man. On the one hand, wanting to please God. On the other, terribly resentful. And perhaps guilt-ridden over his resentment. So he says, If I m gone, the storm will subside. It s my fault that things are bad anyway. Everybody would be better off with me at the bottom of the ocean. And so this tormented man gets tossed overboard and is swallowed up by the sea. Only the sea is not the only thing that swallows him. God had prepared a great fish in which Jonah could survive. And he did survive. Then, instead of condemning Jonah for his foolish act, God had compassion on him. James Clemons, in the book Children of Jonah: Personal Stories of Survivors of Suicide Attempts, wrote, on the final page, the following about Jonah: God has the last word: Jonah, do you still not get it? You are my son. I need you, and others need you, too. You are worth far more than you know. Together we can do so much for those in need. In a word, we matter. Each of us matters. Please know that. Each of us matters. 6