Counseling Abandoned Women: Teaching Them to Live by Faith I. How Women Are Abandoned A. Three Methods of Abandonment 1. abandonment- he leaves and lives elsewhere. 2. abandonment he stays in the marriage and the house but is not engaged in any aspect of the relationship. 3. abandonment he refuses to be intimate with his wife. II. The Experience of Abandonment A. Physical Abandonment 1. Emotional/Spiritual Responses a. Fear b. Confusion c. Anger/bitterness d. Sorrow e. Self-pity f. Depression g. Rejection h. Guilt i. Fatigue j. Loneliness B. Emotional Abandonment 1. Emotional/Spiritual Responses a. Self-pity b. Depression c. Anger d. Confusion e. Self-blame f. Crushed hopes g. Disappointment h. Loneliness i. Fear
C. Sexual Abandonment 1. Emotional/Spiritual Responses a. Confusion b. Anger c. Loneliness d. Rejection e. Shame/embarrassment f. Disappointment g. Fear h. Worry/anxiety III. Abandoned Women in Scripture A. Abraham and Hagar: So Abraham rose early in the morning and gave her the boy, and sent her away. And she departed and wandered about in the wilderness of Beersheba. Genesis 21:14 1. Sarah told Abraham to drive out this maid and her son and to send her away. 2. She was used and rejected then sent away, unwanted. 3. She was left to fend for herself and her son in the wilderness. a. She thought they were going to die. b. She was unable to provide food or water for her child. c. She was homeless. d. She was without income. e. She was forsaken. f. She had no future as far as she could see. 4. God intervened on their behalf. B. Jacob and Leah: Now the Lord saw that Leah was unloved, and He opened her womb, but Rachel was barren. Genesis 29:31 1. Unloved is actually hated. 2. When the Lord saw Leah was hated, He gave her children to comfort her.
IV. The Role of the Church A. God provides for the abandoned woman and her children through the Church. 1. Provides and support a. Provides prayer. b. Provides basic. James 2:14-17, Proverbs 21:13 c. Encourages woman to begin to take care of herself and her children. d. Financial assistance through instruction. e. Housing and maintenance f. Car maintenance and repair g. Child care h. Job or job training i. Schooling expenses j. Government assistance V. The Biblical Counselor s Role A. Address the Heart Issues 1. The Heart of Abandonment
2. The Heart of Fear, Worry and Anxiety a. Fear and worry are. b. Fear is the cause of much mental and physical. c. Fear indicates a lack of faith in God. Matthew 6:25 34 d. Ask her heart-level questions to reveal if she is fearful. 1) What are you focusing on right now? 2) Do you believe God is in control of this person/situation? 3) Do you understand that your thoughts are contributing to how you feel right now? 4) Have you stopped thinking about God and His sovereign control over this situation? 5) Is worry stopping you from accomplishing your daily responsibilities? 6) What is God accomplishing within you during this time? 7) Are you living according to how you feel? 8) Does God care about how you feel? 9) How is worrying helping you glorify God? e. A biblical response to fear 1) Jesus: Matthew 6:25 34 2) Paul: Philippians 4:4 11
3) Teach her to look up- both at God and at the birds of the air for her reminder of God s faithfulness. 4) The Lord is at hand! Philippians 4:5b, 6a 5) God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Psalms 46:1 6) God is completely sovereign. 7) Be thankful, even for this. Romans 1:21; 1 Peter 5:7 8) Remember God s promises. 1 Corinthians 10:13; Romans 8:28 29 f. As she learns to think biblically she will conclude that God is: 1) Sovereign (possessing supreme power) 2) Omniscient (all knowing) 3) Omnipresent (everywhere all at once) 4) Omnipotent (all powerful) 3. The Heart of Rejection a. Rejection can be the most part of the abandonment. b. Rejection leads a person to draw inward self-protection. c. Husband will use knowledge of his wife to hurt, harm, and manipulate her. Isaiah 53; John 1:11; Psalm 34:17 d. A biblical response to rejection 1) Pray for his.
2) Cooperate with the church. 3) Meditate on 1 Peter 2:19 23, Romans 12:12 21. 4) Entrust herself to the Righteous Judge. 5) Stand on the side of no matter what her husband does. 6) Make it goal to honor God. 7) Develop an eternal view. 4. The Heart of Guilt, Self-blame, & Introspection The Heart of Guilt, Self-blame, Introspection This is all my fault I should have been a better wife. If I was only more submissive My husband is right about me I should have listened more I am a bad person. Fear Doubt Guilt Shame Sinfulness Selfcondemnin g a. A biblical response to guilt, self-blame, introspection 1) Reject blame-shifting. 2) Confess personal sin. 3) Repent of personal sin. Matthew 6 4) Ask forgiveness 5) Accept personal for personal failure in marriage. 6) Forgive
5. Self-pity, Depression a. A biblical response to self-pity 1) Remind her that God is and in. 2) Point her back to Christ. 3) Teach her what to preach truth to herself. 4) Ask: Does this (response, words, actions) glorify God? VI. Words of Caution A. Do not bad mouth her husband to the kids under any circumstances. B. Suggest she consider taking no aggressive legal action if possible. (finances/kids dictate) C. Seek financial protection if necessary. VII. Special Circumstances A. Physical abuse brings a different response. B. Sexual abuse brings a different response. C. Child abuse brings a different response.