M utuality is a cosmic principle and spiritual law the movement towards Unification. It is a fundamental force in the Universe. No creation can take place unless mutuality exists. Mutuality means that two different energies move toward one another to unite and make one comprehensive whole. These two energies open up toward one another and cooperate with and affect one another to create a new divine manifestation. New forms of self-expression can only come into being when the self merges with something beyond itself. Mutuality is the movement that bridges the gap between duality and unity. Wherever there is separation, mutuality must come into being if separation is to be dissolved. This transformational creative force has two vital elements: 1. Imagination The vision of what we long for must be formed and held in the mind s eye. This engages our creativity and inspiration. The energy of this is free flowing, spontaneous and enlivening. 2. Execution This is the blood, sweat and tears to bring the vision of Imagination into being. It takes work, effort, perseverance, investment and self-discipline. This aspect is more step-bystep and labor-intensive. It calls for consistency, diligence and sustained effort. It is in relationship that we most acutely experience these two aspects out of balance. Many of us have felt the initial creative, juicy, energizing attraction that flows seemingly without effort in the early stages of deep friendship and intimacy. The Pathwork call this Eros. Jim Thompson We ve also run aground hard on the treacherous rocks of hurt and disappointment when things didn t work out. Here the relationship seems to us drifting on its own course and we simply along for the ride. The Guide says we neglect the Execution aspect of mutuality the piece-by-piece work of handcrafted relationship: The labor of working out the inner dissensions. Brian Stokes Page 1 1/29/2015
So what does it take to sustain Eros? An expansive, reciprocal movement toward another. (Actively opening yourself to the other, taking steps, literally and figuratively) Two expansive movements must flow out toward one another in a harmonious interplay of giving and receiving, of mutual cooperation, of positive opening. (Each of you shows up and participates in an open-hearted give-and-take) Two Yes-currents must move toward each other. Mutuality applies to every thing we do: Whether you make something, compose a symphony, paint a picture, write a novel, cook a meal, search for new scientific discoveries, heal illness, create mutual love, develop on the path of self-realization, this law of mutuality applies to everything, all successful completion, and all meaningful self-expression. There are two reasons we are uncreative in life and in relationship: 1. We are unwilling to take on the necessary self-discipline to follow through on our creative ideas we childishly refuse to be bothered by the difficulties, the trials and errors. We also don t want to experience uncertainty and fear failure. 2. We are emotionally and spiritually too contracted to open our individual creative channels. Inspiration is blocked. Three stages on the Mutuality Journey. What parts of you are where now? 1. Separateness -- At this level, we are consumed by fear and misconceptions and able to expand very little. Without expansion mutuality is not possible. We huddle behind our separateness as a shield, convinced it s less threatening than stepping out and risking connection. This stage can be recognized as a thought form (an image), a feeling current ( No! ) and an energetic block (Numbness). 2. Fantasy Here we are willing to open up in theory, but lurch back into separateness when a real chance of connection appears. So, we create a fantasy world where the bliss and pleasure of expansion and union can be experienced. Such people are convinced that their strong longing indicates their actual readiness for a real mutuality. After all, they experience it so beautifully in their fantasies. That they still do not experience it in reality is ascribed to their lack of luck in meeting the proper partner with whom they could realize these fantasies. This is usually explained away by all sorts of outer circumstances, which may even be true. Brian Stokes Page 2 1/29/2015
3. Mutuality A commitment to be open to mutuality and fulfillment, to interplay and expansion, to cooperation and positive pleasure. Requires relinquishing negative pleasure and pseudo-safety. The soul then becomes ready to learn, experiment, risk, love, pleasure, and to function safely in an open state. These stages often overlap, fluctuate and interchange; many, many degrees exist and hold true for each of the various levels of the personality. What may be true on one level for a specific person may not be true on another. For the deeper self always knows where a person stands. What prevents and blocks mutuality? To the exact degree we are out of touch with our unconscious negativity and cruelty, we will act that out with others especially those we love and trigger their unconscious negativity and cruelty towards us. Mutuality as a spiritual law must first be applied to the relationship between our Inner Self and us. It can exist only when we are aware of the evil of our hidden destructive side. It is vital to gain increasing contact with and growing awareness of the unconscious destructive aspects of our being in order to grow. Mutuality cannot take place as long as there is a war between conscious striving for goodness love and decency and our unconscious negative intent, bent on destructiveness, hate and negation. This is our No!. What prevents mutuality is not that we have evil, destructive tendencies, but that we repress them. Human beings see this backwards. We mistakenly believe we must first erase the still existing evil within--otherwise we are undeserving of the bliss that comes from mutuality. The opposite is true as long as the evil inside us is too frightening to own, the split between the conscious awareness of self and the unconscious denial of self widens as life goes on. We become more and more divided. Brian Stokes Page 3 1/29/2015
Separation from others is a sure sign of this split within ourselves. When we feel distance between ourselves and someone else, we are actually experiencing the split within our own being. As our awareness grows of the yawning chasm between what we like about ourselves and what we are ashamed of and deny, we feel more connected with the other. As we grow in consciousness, it dawns on us we have been running from what is undeniably true we can t expect mutuality with others until we have it within our self from our self for Our Self. When we don t accept our dark side, we project it on others, and judgments and suspicion swarm to close any heart opening. We focus on the faults of the other and find delight in that person s failings and imperfections. We conveniently find handy explanations why the distance we feel is their fault. As we learn to accept ourselves as we are, lo and behold we find we can accept others as they are. To the degree we deny our repressed negativity, we also cut off our Life Force our juice. As long as we deny our hidden, destructive negativity, mutuality is impossible even within our self. The price we pay is staggering, as we also deny our vital original creative energy that is underneath the evil we pretend we don t have. We desperately need this hidden energy to become whole. We can t access it as long as we deny the distorted, hateful, cruel parts of ourselves that cover it. Since we are hiding this part of our self from others and from our awareness, it shows up in every relationship we have and in our lack of relationships. It doesn t matter how ugly and how distorted, how cruel and how selfish our dark side is if we don t accept it and take ownership of it, the vital life-giving energy that is in it will elude us to the end of our days. www.kaleidosoul.com Brian Stokes Page 4 1/29/2015
We can t become open, loving human beings without wholeness, and wholeness comes from accepting all of who we are, the good and the bad. Results can come quickly as we own what we ve denied. We don t have to resolve all our internal conflicts before getting a taste of deep self-acceptance. Self-acceptance is a process that emerges, as we are willing to face our negativity. Our capacity for mutuality will deepen as well, and our relationships richen. Exercise: In the Guide s own words: Look at all relationships with family, partners, associates, friends, business acquaintances. Look at any life situation where I may be involved with others. (Write down the names of those who come up in my consciousness as I do this.) Look closely at those relationships if anything troubles me about them. (Next to each person, write out in just a few words the difficulty I experience with them.) To what degree am I truly open to the reality of the other person? (What can I notice as to my fixed opinions about these persons? What are my judgments towards them? Look for emotional currents such as, They re hard to get along with or They don t appreciate me etc). (Where do I feel the emotional charge towards these people? Be as self-revealing as I can. Remember, this work isn t about being good (trying not to do what the Guide points out) but being real and self-aware (Seeing honestly where I do it). If I honestly answer this question, and I can see that I am not open, I can then use this key for myself. (What is it about this person that is a mirror for how I struggle with myself?) Of course, I can easily shirk seeing it by busying myself with explanations, justifications, rationalizations -- and even with acute self-blame which may easily be confused with self-acceptance, but is just as far removed from it as is overt self-denial. (We have a natural tendency to either minimize and rationalize (self-justify) or aggrandize (self-blame). I know perfectly well in my mind that others and I are far from being perfect, and I pay lip service to this truth. But do I really accept it in my heart of hearts? (The invitation here is to lay down my defenses and see myself as I am, rather than the Idealized Self Image of who I want to be. Where do I pay lip service to self-awareness rather than strengthening the spiritual skill of accepting myself where I am?) Brian Stokes Page 5 1/29/2015
When I attempt to answer this question on the deeper emotional levels, I will see that in many instances the willingness is very small. My reactions prove contrary to what I know in my mind. (This is the difference between what we think and what we feel.) As you slowly discover your intolerance, your criticalness, your refusal to accept others for what they are, you can automatically know that you do exactly the same with yourself. (Can you find a greater awareness of this intolerance towards your own self? If not, can you make a commitment to search it out as part of your spiritual journey?) Debra Beers Brian Stokes Page 6 1/29/2015
W e are more afraid of bliss and connection than of pain and suffering. On the surface this strikes many of us as paradoxical, if not outright unbelievable. Consider where the truth of this lies within you. Let these words penetrate you at a deeper level than just the mind: The movement of opening up and taking in, the relaxed bliss of streaming into another energy field and accepting the emanation of the other energy field -- this bliss is unbearable and appears dangerous for those who hate themselves. What we tell ourselves is that pleasure and bliss aren t there. The reality is that we are surrounded by it, like fish in water, wondering where it is. Oftentimes we open up briefly to the rich and altering bliss that can flow between us and someone else, only to pull back and contract. This is the result of our unwillingness to accept all of who we are The part of our self we deny can t expand freely to keep taking in more and more pleasure and bliss in an open-ended and unending way. By closing your eyes and your consciousness to the total person you happen to be at this stage, you create these apparently two selves: the acceptable and the unacceptable. But in reality there are not two entities: they are both you, whether or not you choose to know this now. But are you really two people? Of course not. You use subterfuges destined to cover up the unacceptable. Yet these subterfuges are more unacceptable than whatever you originally negated. Thus you compound your self-hate and widen the rift. This illusion of separateness is the cause of pain and struggle. In reality all is one and every entity is connected with everything else in the universe -- One consciousness permeates the universe and everything therein. You can begin to experience this unity only when there is no longer any part of yourself that is excluded, denied, or split off. A key teaching in the Pathwork is that energy is consciousness and consciousness is energy (PWL186). Where consciousness is energy, we use our intelligence and awareness to gain greater understanding and inner peace. This is the more conceptual part of Pathwork transformation Understanding our images, uncovering the content of our No!, mapping the vicious circles that whiplash us into a painful stupor. Brian Stokes Page 7 1/29/2015 Randolph Lee
As we feel into the living current of mutuality and how it moves in us or not we also grow in awareness and appreciation of this vital expansive energy flow and where it is blocked within us. There are three energetic states of mutuality: Stage One: No No Hate I -- NO! You NO! Judgment Contempt Resentment Superiority Hatred/Blame People who remain separate, who contract, and cannot open up to mutuality; two such people remain enclosed, each like an island, with little or no energy being exchanged. The fear of accepting the self in its present stage is essentially the same fear that wants to run away from true mutuality and bliss. Since the fear is there, hate must also come into being with all its derivatives. Stage Two: No Yes I NO! You - YES! I -- YES! You NO! Where a person can open only when there is no chance of mutuality, or when a Yescurrent must be met with a No-current because mutuality still seems too frightening, one energy flow streams out but reverberates and bounces back, thrown back by the closed energy field of the other. The latter is like a wall that throws off any incoming flow. Stage Three: YES! YES! From the energetic point of view the expanding movement is an outgoing and outflowing movement. When two separate human beings open up toward one another in mutuality, able to accept an open flow without contracting, the energy from one interpenetrates the energy field of the other, and vice versa. It is a constant interflow and exchange Brian Stokes Page 8 1/29/2015
How energy gets distorted on various levels of our being: The Mental, Physical and Emotional Levels of Being are fundamental aspects of who we are. Mental level: We seek ready explanations for what cannot be understood unless the self is accepted for what it is now. The mental activity becomes so busy that it cannot attune to the higher voices within the self, to the deeper truths of the universe. More separation. Mental noise creates more disconnection from the feelings and from the state that first created this condition. Such a person or entity is forced by its own choice to live in a constant state of frustration and unfulfillment. Physical Level: This creates all the blocks in the body which you already know so well. Most of us are riddled with them. Emotional Level: Confusion creates more frustration and anger. The faulty interpretations only increase frustration, and therefore anger and hate. Longing and disappointment alternate with fulfillment in fantasy. Withdrawal and contraction also include anger and hate, disappointment and blaming. Paul Klee Be blessed, my dearest ones. May this lecture again be like a little light going on inside yourself, giving you hope and strength, showing you from yet another side the way, and leading you more strongly toward accepting yourself exactly as you are now. May you not indulge in anything, nor excuse it, but see it for what it is. Accept the imperfection fully, neither embellishing it nor exaggerating it so that you cringe with shame and fear. All these distortions must disappear, for they are pitfalls, much more disastrous than whatever aspects you hate yourself for. When you find and apply this attitude, you will find your happiness and the truth that unites you with yourself and the universe. Brian Stokes Page 9 1/29/2015
The Pathwork, as we grow into it, engages more parts of our being than we have been accustomed to using at the same time. We use our Brain to read the Pathwork material and understand in a conceptual way the principles and living wisdom of the Guide. We ask our Heart to give its consent to experience feelings we have been terrified to feel for most of our life. www.nasa.gov We invite our Body to open up and reveal where it is armored and blocked against the Life Force that can seem so frightening when we lack understanding of its ultimate power and safety. We connect with our Soul in a process of rediscovery of our connection to Spirit as we find our way through the devastation of religious wounding and spiritual numbness. 1. The Pathwork Guide tells us we have two selves, the one we accept and the one we don t. 2. Using the Focused Meditation technique presented in PWL190, invite these two parts of you to engage in a dialogue with each other. www.aquarius.4me.pl/galeria/stworzenie.jpg 3. What do they say? What are they holding back from you, from each other? Ask them. 4. While much of this work is about trying to understand the various splits inside us, it is critical simply to feel them. In a separate Focused Meditation, invite these two selves back, and simply experience them on an energetic level in your being. What do you notice? 5. If you feel blocked, where? On the physical level? On the emotional level? On the mental level? On the spiritual level? More and more, see yourself through the lens of these four levels the Guide lays out. The harvest is simply transformational. Brian Stokes Page 10 1/29/2015
Edited by Brian Stokes, Pathwork Helper btnstokes@gmail.com 919 260-6251 Based on the loving work of John and Judith Saly with the teachings of the Pathwork Guide. For teaching purposes only. Original is at http://pathwork.org/lectures/mutuality-a-cosmic-principle-and-law/ Includes original audio of Eva Pierrakos Phrases in quotes are from Pathwork Guide Lecture No. 185 1996 Edition October 9, 1970 Mutuality: A Cosmic Principle And Law The following notices are for your guidance in the use of the Pathwork name and this lecture material. Trademark/Service Mark Pathwork is a registered service mark owned by The Pathwork Foundation, and may not be used without the express written permission of the Foundation. The Foundation may, in its sole discretion, authorize use of the Pathwork mark by other organizations or persons, such as affiliate organizations and chapters. Copyright The copyright of the Pathwork Guide material is the sole property of The Pathwork Foundation. This lecture may be reproduced, in compliance with the Foundation Trademark, Service Mark and Copyright Policy, but the text may not be altered or abbreviated in any way, nor may the copyright, trademark, service mark, or any other notices be removed. Recipients may be charged the cost of reproduction and distribution only. Any person or organization using The Pathwork Foundation service mark or copyrighted material is deemed to have agreed to comply with the Foundation Trademark, Service Mark and Copyright Policy. To obtain information or a copy of this policy, please contact the Foundation. Brian Stokes Page 11 1/29/2015