Blended Motherhood Refined: 2 Tim. 1:5 Pastor Jerome Gay Jr. Announcements: o Elders getting ordained next week. o B.A.R.E. Necessities volunteers. o Family meeting September 20 at 7pm. o DACA decision. o Hurricane victims. o My son getting saved. My five hopes (don t show all five at the same time) 1. That you ll understand God s plan and purpose for the family. 2. That you ll fulfill God s plan and purpose for the family. 3. That your family will thrive spiritually, emotionally, mentally and financially. 4. That your children will want to emulate the example that you set for them (Deut. 6:6-10). 5. That we ll preserve and produce more godly families. You re the real MVP. These were the words of the 6 ft. 9 in, 240 lbs., 25-year old, NBA All-Star in his MVP acceptance speech. It was for the 2013-14 season and then Oklahoma City Thunder small forward Kevin Durant drenched in tears said those words to his mother; Wanda Durant, she was drenched in tears as well along with everyone else in the room. Kevin went on to talk about his mother s sacrifice and how she worked relentlessly to provide the opportunity to perfect his craft. Countless athlete s, movie stars, business men and women and others attribute their success to the love of their mom. There s something about a mother s love that connects deeply to the heart of their child. God gave dad s primarily as authoritative voices and mom s as nurturing voices, both have authority that may be applied differently. Overtime the gift of motherhood has changed, in fact, it s viewed as a tedious task that gets in the way of your dreams. Women are encouraged to have it all, which may or may not include a family. I agree, that motherhood shouldn t be a defining factor of life, but it shouldn t be disregarded either. Whenever this (tedious task) mindset is embraced, motherhood becomes something you begin to resent and your children and the father of your children become objects of frustration, rather than gifts of grace. This is why in the same way there are daddy issues, there of mother issues as well, some moms have left their family in hopes of pursuing their dreams, others have made their children s lives miserable in order to get back at their dad who left them, while others simply feel trapped by laundry, car pool lines, making lunches and after school activities. In order to recapture God s purpose and gift of motherhood we must understand the master s intent. Motherhood exists to show aspects of God s love to children Psalm 127:3-4 Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, 1
the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one s youth. So, motherhood isn t something for reserved for women who couldn t jump start their career nor is it something to be viewed as a temporary detour until you can start your career, so whether your quiver is full or you re still waiting or you re debating adoption, motherhood is one of the most lifealtering places to hold in someone s life. How you view it will determine how you handle it. So, we re going to look at three women; Rebekah, Eunice and Mary. Motherhood is a calling, not a consequence! This is important to understand because if it s viewed as punitive than you won t enjoy it, you ll resent it. In talking to many moms in preparation for this sermon, I ve found that the feelings of resentment brought shame and guilt, because it seemed like and they felt like mom became the defining factor of their lives. In other words, they no longer had any value outside of what they did for their children. Let me free you from that notion, you may be or you may desire motherhood and that s fantastic, but please fight against the notion that, that s ALL you are. You are God s daughter, you were loved, cherished and valued by God before you had your first child or if you re battling infertility, His love for you isn t based on you being a mom or not. Motherhood is not your identity! Last week, we addressed daddy issues and we saw how Jacob made a lot of fatherly mistakes, yet, God still extended grace to him and his children. One of the driving factors of Jacob s favoritism was how he viewed his sons with Rachel. Moses writes after thinking that he lost Joseph and Benjamin being the only one left of his children with Rachel he lost his identity in Benjamin: Gen. 44:30 30 Now therefore, as soon as I come to your servant my father, and the boy is not with us, then, as his life is bound up in the boy s life, Where did Jacob learn this? Rebekah, his mom. In other words, he (Jacob) was living through his son and many women are living through their children. Making motherhood the defining factor of your life will lead to either apathy or inordinate affection (monster mom who won t let go). Apathy makes you want to retreat, inordinate affection makes you want to cling to the child that you identify with the most, which is what Jacob experienced from his mom, Rebekah. Remember, Isaac loved Esau, while Rebekah loved Jacob (Gen. 25:28). I know this is hard to balance, but God loves you with or without children and it s vital to remember this truth when you feel like your children are the only tangible display of success or value, that s a lie, God s love for you isn t contingent upon whether you re a mom or not nor will it change when you make mistakes as a mom, you re in your child s life primarily to share and show God s love for them to them by how you love them. 2
I read an article called Motherhood is a Calling written by a young lady named Rachel Jankovic and in it she writes some diagnostic questions for moms to ask themselves to discern if their dealing with apathy: 1. Have you given your life to your children resentfully? (lost yourself/admit it/no shame) 2. Do you tally everything you do for them like a loan shark tallies debts? (12-hours of labor) Or do you give them life the way God gave it to us: freely? The favoritism shown by Isaac and Rebekah was glaring, when Isaac was older and losing his sight, he told Esau to make him a meal so that he could bless him before he died (Gen. 27:1-4). Rebekah was secretly listening to what Isaac told Esau and devised a plan to trick Isaac so that he would end up blessing Jacob, her favorite. She had Jacob get the items and she made the meal, but there was a problem, Esau was extremely hairy and Jacob was not, this didn t stop her, she had Jacob put on goat s skin on his hands and neck in order to trick her husband (Gen. 27:5-18). Inordinate Affection 1. Is your life bound up in your child(ren)? Are they your primary measure of success? 2. Do you internalize failure when you mess up with your child(ren)? (You re free to mess up) Gen. 27:5-17 5 Now Rebekah was listening when Isaac spoke to his son Esau. So when Esau went to the field to hunt for game and bring it, 6 Rebekah said to her son Jacob, I heard your father speak to your brother Esau, 7 Bring me game and prepare for me delicious food, that I may eat it and bless you before the Lord before I die. 8 Now therefore, my son, obey my voice as I command you. 9 Go to the flock and bring me two good young goats, so that I may prepare from them delicious food for your father, such as he loves. 10 And you shall bring it to your father to eat, so that he may bless you before he dies. 11 But Jacob said to Rebekah his mother, Behold, my brother Esau is a hairy man, and I am a smooth man. 12 Perhaps my father will feel me, and I shall seem to be mocking him and bring a curse upon myself and not a blessing. 13 His mother said to him, Let your curse be on me, my son; only obey my voice, and go, bring them to me. 14 So he went and took them and brought them to his mother, and his mother prepared delicious food, such as his father loved. 15 Then Rebekah took the best garments of Esau her older son, which were with her in the house, and put them on Jacob her younger son. 16 And the skins of the young goats she put on his hands and on the smooth part of his neck. 17 And she put the delicious food and the bread, which she had prepared, into the hand of her son Jacob. Entitlement she lived in a way that communicated to Jacob that he was entitled. If you have favorites or if you re living through your children this will lead to them not understanding privileges or placing unrealistic expectations on others. Enablement Jacob s name meant deception and rather than opposing it she actually enabled him in his deception of his father. Mom s there are times when you need to say no and face the fear of resisting what your child wants. Enablement isn t love, it s abuse. It s the sin of omission when mom s 3
in particular essentially lives in a way in which their child can do no wrong, they re enabling their sin. I realize that you can t control every action of your child, but you can communicate truth. Rebekah didn t do that here, additionally, we don t know from the text directly, but it is possible that she s using her son to get at Isaac. Remember, when motherhood becomes the sum total of who you are it ll lead to clouded judgment and a refusal of truth, especially when that truth is your baby is a sinner. Endangerment because his sin was enabled by his mom, it put his life in danger and when children aren t given healthy boundaries, they re a danger to themselves and others. Ladies, you don t want a man who doesn t really know what it means to be told, no. 2 Tim. 1:5 5 I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you as well. Eunice. Timothy s mother, daughter of Lois (2 Tm 1:5), and the wife of a pagan Greek (married a scrub); a Jewish woman who was a believer (Acts 16:1). She apparently taught her son the OT Scriptures from childhood (2 Tm 3:15) and was converted to Christianity during Paul s first trip to her home in Lystra, previous to his visit mentioned in Acts 16:1. 1 1 Walter A. Elwell and Barry J. Beitzel, Eunice, Baker Encyclopedia of the Bible (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Book House, 1988), 729. She made a mistake in who she chose to be with, but that mistake didn t define her life, she continued to love the Lord and raise her son to love the Lord. Acts 16:1 Paul came also to Derbe and to Lystra. A disciple was there, named Timothy, the son of a Jewish woman who was a believer, but his father was a Greek. Live the gospel in the things that no one sees. You re called to authoritative nurture: Sacrifice sacrifice for your children in places that only they will know about. Put their value ahead of yours, but don t lose your identity in them. Strength Eunice raised him along with her mother and he turned out alright. Your strength is seen in your ability to trust God in midst of trial. Whether your child in on honor roll or calling you from prison, Christ has to be the source of your strength. Involvement Eunice was involved in Timothy s life, but she was also able to recognize the divine help of Paul in his life. Involvement doesn t mean busyness (AAU, swimming, etc), listen to me. Some of you think that keeping him busy will keep them safe or out of trouble, the greatest involvement that you can invest in your children is spiritual involvement. I m not against extra-curricular activities, but if that takes precedent over their spiritual health, you could be enabling their disdain for God and His church. 4
Teaching moms can and will teach about life and I m sure Eunice did that in Timothy s life, especially with the help of her mother, Timothy s grandmother. I love this because we have biblical examples of a two parent and a single parent household. Jacob had both parents, while Timothy had his mom and grandmas raise him to be a man of God. Look at what Paul writes about Timothy s mom: 2 Tim. 3:15 14 But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it 15 and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. Discipline considering the circumstances, Eunice had to model a life of discipline to her son. (my mother s work ethic/six minutes/oran Juice Jones Walking in the Rain) Availability Eunice was available for her son, it doesn t record that finding a replacement for his father consumed her, perhaps, she wanted another man and that s okay, but she didn t let that get in the way of raising her son in the admonition of the Lord. Your godly presence in your child s life is instrumental in leading and leaving a godly legacy. John 19:25 25 but standing by the cross of Jesus were his mother and his mother s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. Presence present in triumph (John 2:1-12 Wedding at Cana) present in trial (John 19:17-27). In that moment, he went from son to Savior and he s present in every challenge you face as a mother. 5