Forgiven and Forgiving By Rev. Stephen 't Hart Pastor, Free Reformed Church of Baldivis, Australia Pasig Covenant Reformed Church Saturday, February 8, 2014 8:30AM-3:15 PM Schedule Session 1 Blessed are the Peacemakers 8:45-10:00 AM Break: 10:00-10:15 AM Session 2 The Heart of Conflict 10:15-11:30 AM Q&A Lunch Break 11:30-12:00 Noon 12 Noon-1:15 PM Third Session Living in the Joy of Forgiveness 1:15-2:30 PM Q&A Fellowship Session 1. Blessed are the Peacemakers Session 2. The Heart of Conflict Session 3. And Forgive Us Our Debts Session 4. And Tell Him His Fault... Session 5. Living in the Joy of Forgiveness Table of Contents 2:45-3:15 PM 3:15-3:45 PM
Session 1: Blessed are the Peacemakers Scripture Reading: Matthew 5:1-12, 38-48 Introduction What is peace? Peace where there is no peace The world s claim to peace Is peace the same as the absence of conflict? Peace as our carnal natures try to get it Appeasement Fight Flight The peace of God Shalom God s peace lost in the Fall Genesis 3:15 And I will put enmity... The Prince of Peace Making peace Peace at all costs? Matthew 10:34. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. Know the things that make for peace! A right focus on the glory of God Dealing with conflict biblically (From Wycliffe International) Adopt a godly attitude Begin with yourself. Confront gently and constructively. Deal with all the issues. Entrust end-results to God. Forgive as God forgave you. Go and be reconciled.
The blessing of peace You will be called sons of God. Looking forward to a future where we live in perfect peace. Discussion Questions: 1. How would you describe peace? 2. How would you describe conflict? 3. What do people tend to fight about? 4. Why does Satan love to see Christians in conflict? How does he stir up conflict in the church? 5. What is a peacemaker? 6. How should being a Christian cause you to deal with conflict differently?
Session 2: The Heart of Conflict Scripture Reading: Matthew 7:1-5; James 4 Introduction 1. Perspectives on conflict What is it, where does it come from and how do we deal with it? Godly Conflict. Genesis 3:15; Revelation 12; Ephesians 6. Ungodly conflict. James 4 How we deal with conflict 2. The heart of conflict James 4:1-3 Idolatry of the heart: Comfort, approval, success, power, pride, material goods. 3. The progression of an idol (Ken Sande, The Peacemaker, p102ff) I desire I demand I Judge I punish 4. The cure for the heart of conflict Repentance. Seek the glory of God. 5. Be of one mind in the Lord Philippians 4:7 Discussion Questions: 1. Is conflict ever good? Would you ever welcome it? 2. What kinds of desires can get out of control and become idols? Can a good desire or goal become an idol? 3. A question from The Peacemaker, p115: In order to more clearly identify your idols (desires turned into demands), ask yourself these questions:
a) What am I preoccupied with? (What is the first thing on my mind in the morning and/or the last thing at night?) b) How would I fill in this blank?: If only, then I would be happy, fulfilled, and secure. c) What do I want to preserve or avoid at any cost? d) Where do I put my trust? e) What do I fear? f) When a certain desire is not met, do I feel frustration, anxiety, resentment, bitterness, anger, or depression? g) Is there something I desire so much that I am willing to disappoint or hurt others in order to have it? 4. Does Christ s teaching in Matthew 7:3-5 mean you must only deal with your own sins if they are bigger than your neighbor s? What if it is clear that the other person was the primary cause of the conflict? 5. How does true self examination enable you to be better prepared to confront the person who has sinned against you?
Session 3: And Forgive Us Our Debts... Scripture Reading: Psalm 51 Introduction Why is it so hard to say I am sorry? And what makes an apology real? Common apologies that we tend to hear. When is a sorry not a sorry? 1. Worldly sorrow versus godly sorrow. 2. Repentance or regret? Judas Iscariot compared to the Prodigal Son. True Repentance Sin is, in the first place, sin against God. Psalm 51:4. Westminster Shorter Catechism Q87. What is repentance unto life? Answer: Repentance unto life is a saving grace [Acts 11:18; 2 Tim. 2:26] whereby a sinner, out of a true sense of his sin [Acts 2:37-38], and apprehension of the mercy of God in Christ [Joel; 2:12; Jer. 3:22], does, with grief and hatred of his sin, turn from it unto God [Jer. 31:18-19; Ezek. 36:31], with full purpose of, and endeavor after, new obedience [2 Cor. 7:11; Isa. 1:16-17.] What sin must we then confess? Sins of the heart. Sins of omission. Sins of commission. The Seven A s of Confession. (K. Sande, The Peacemaker, p126-134.) Address everyone involved. Avoid If, But and Maybe. Admit specifically. Acknowledge the hurt. Accept the consequences. Alter your behaviour. Ask for forgiveness (and allow time).
Discussion Questions: 1. Why do we often find it so difficult to confess our wrongs? What are some of the ways that we minimize or avoid admitting our sin? 2. What things should you confess to God only, and what things should you confess before men? 3. What are some common apologies that you have heard? What is wrong with them? 4. When and how should you say sorry to someone if that person has committed a greater sin against you? 5. Which step in the Seven A s of confession do you think is the most difficult to do sincerely and thoroughly? Why? 6. How should you respond when someone has said sorry but you do not think that they really are sorry? 7. Reflect on why the Westminster Shorter Catechism includes the phrase and apprehension of the mercy of God in Christ. How does this affect your desire and ability to express your sorrow for sin?
Session 4: And tell him his fault... Scripture reading: 1 Samuel 25:1-35 A confrontation involving David, Nabal and Abigail In 1 Samuel 25, David and his band of men were hiding from Saul and living in the Judean wilderness. While they were in the hills, they helped protect Nabal s shepherds and flocks from danger. When Nabal held a feast at the time when he was shearing his sheep, David decided it was a good time to ask for payment for his good deeds. Take note of: David s request. (v. 8). Nabal s response. (vs. 10,11) David s offence and response. (vs. 21,22) Abigail s plea and how she presents her request. (vs. 24-28) Abigail s warning to David for his sinful response. (vs. 30,31) How David received Abigail s correction. (vs. 32-25) How should you respond when someone has offended you? Overlooking an offence 1. When should you overlook an offence? Proverbs 19:11; Proverbs 17:14. 2. When should you not overlook an offence? When God s Name is dishonoured. When it damages your relationship with the person who offended you. When others are seriously hurt or the peace of the family/church/ community is affected. When the offence hurts the offender. A godly way to respond when someone causes offence 1. Be quick to listen! James 1:19. 2. Wait! Proverbs 18:13. 3. Pay attention. 4. Make sure that things are clear. 5. Where appropriate, agree on what is true before going into points of difference. 6. Speak words of healing. Proverbs 12:18.
The Biblical road of church discipline (Matthew 18:15-20) 1. Talk in private. 2. Take one or two others along. 3. Tell it to the church. 4. Treat him as a Nonbeliever. What about conflicts over doctrine and church life? 1. Ephesians 4:15 speak the truth in love. Fight for the truth or pray for the peace of Jerusalem? Speak the absolute truth in absolute love! Discussion Questions: 1. Why do we often see correction and discipline as something negative rather than positive? 2. What do you tend to do more often: under-correct (avoid confronting a person even when it is truly needed) or over-correct (confront people too quickly when you see their faults)? How can you develop a more biblical approach to restoring a person who is overtaken in a trespass (Galatians 6:1-3)? 3. Should children ever confront or correct their parents? 4. How should you approach a person who has wronged you or others if he has a position of authority over you? 5. When and how is it appropriate to involve other people in a conflict before we talk personally with the person who has offended us? 6. In some cultures it is not considered appropriate to confront a person face to face. How should Matthew 18:15-20 be applied in those situations?
Session 5: The Joy of Forgiveness Read: Psalm 32; Matthew 6:5-15; Heidelberg Catechism LD 51 Introduction. 1. Two things that threaten to rob us of the joy of forgiveness: It is hard to feel forgiven. It is hard to forgive others. 2. God s grace is worked in you that you might be forgiven. 3. God s grace is worked through you so that you are able to forgive others. Sin causes pain. 1. Your sin has consequences: For yourself. For others. 2. Example: David s sin with Bathsheba. You are the man! Seeking forgiveness. 1. Can you forgive yourself? 2. Can you run and hide? 3. The sob of confession: Forgive us our debts. Forgiveness in Christ. 1. He died for the complete forgiveness of all your sins. 2. He is faithful! The joy of being forgiving. 1. Why is it so hard to forgive? What does forgiveness mean? 1. Pretend the offence never happened? 2. What about repentance? 3. Forgive and forget? From where do we receive the ability to forgive? 1. Living out of the gospel of grace. Page of
The Four Promises of forgiveness. (K. Sande, The Peacemaker, p. 209) 1. I will not dwell on this incident. 2. I will not bring up this incident again and use it against you. 3. I will not talk to others about this incident. 4. I will not let this incident stand between us or hinder our personal relationship. A Concluding Prayer NOTES: Page of