Compassionate Movement Compassionate movement is an informal mindfulness practice that you can use whenever you would benefit from being kind to yourself. When we are angry, our threat system becomes energized. We can use compassionate movement to take energy away from the threat system, instead energizing the safety system. The steps in compassionate movement are: 1. Grounding; 2. Opening; and 3. Moving in a compassionate way. A. Grounding: --While standing, feel the soles of your feet on the floor. --You may stand with your eyes open or closed. --Start to move your feet by rocking side to side, backwards and forward. --Try to make circles with your knees. --Become aware and grounded within your feet. B. Opening: --Move your awareness and sense of being grounded from your feet to other parts of your body. --Note any areas of discomfort or tension. C. Moving in a compassionate way: --Start to move your body in any way that feels good. --Don t think about it; let your body be in charge, not your mind. --Just move your body in a way that feels right. --Move without judging yourself or being concerned about being judged by others. --Examples might include: --Stretching --Moving at the waist --Dancing --Forward bend D. Return to standing again and notice how your body feels. Any differences? (Source: Adapted from Germer and Neff, 2014)
Angry Thinking Specifically focused on the threat or what we are angry at Causes rumination: Squirrel in a Cage Thinking Inflexible Triggers our Threat System Fuels our anger Gas on the fire Creates hostility Versus Compassionate Thinking Versus Broad, looks at many factors Versus Flexible Focused on solving the problem Versus Triggers our Safeness System Helps us to feel comfortable and peaceful Versus Creates kindness Judgmental Critical Closed Focuses on domination and punishment Versus Non-judgmental Empathic Noncritical Open Versus Focuses on being helpful and finding prosocial solutions (Source: Adapted from Kolts, 2012, p. 177)
Compassionate Thoughts 1. (Your name), you are trying your best. Allow yourself some gentleness. 2. May you be kind to yourself right now. 3. Peace Peace Peace. 4. Be calm Relax 5. We all make mistakes. I do not have to be perfect. 6. I may not be able to control my environment, but I have power over what I say and what I do. 7. Gentle Gentle Gentle. 8. I have control over what I do next and where I focus my attention. 9. I can do this. 10. I can handle this. 11. I will get through this. 12. I can stand this. 13. I will go easy on myself. 14. I am worthy of love and respect. 15. I can let go of anger and let in love and joy. 16. This is temporary. NOTE: Adapt the above to refer to self in third person for extra punch Add several of your own: 17. 18. 19. 20.
Self-Compassion Letter Writing Directions Remember what self-compassion is: 1. Mindfulness: a. Awareness of your emotions and thoughts, without being overcome by them. b. Your thoughts and feelings are not facts and are not who you are. c. Experiencing painful feelings without pushing them away or ruminating about them. d. Being aware that you and all human beings have a need or desire to be healthy, to be happy, to connect with others, to do well or do good, etc. 2. Common humanity: a. Remembering that pain and suffering is part of being human. b. You are not alone in your pain. c. Your pain does not indicate there is anything wrong with you. d. We are all flawed, imperfect human beings. e. We are all good enough. 3. Self-kindness: a. Treat yourself as you would treat a close friend. b. Soothe and comfort yourself, so that your Safeness System is triggered. c. Do not wallow in self-pity ( Poor me! ). (Source: Adapted from Germer & Neff, 2014)
Steps for Writing a Self-Compassion Letter Start by thinking about recent difficult situation you experienced that triggered your Threat System and resulted in you feeling irritated, frustrated, angry, or full of rage. Write a self-compassion letter to yourself, in the second person ( Dear Bob, I know you are feeling angry today ), about this situation following these steps: You may want to start by taking a few soothing rhythm breaths or imagining your ideal compassionate image. 1. Mindfulness: a. Identify your feelings or thoughts, as well as what you (were or are) hoping for and needing. b. Examples: Dear Sam, I know that you are feeling angry. You were really trying your best to handle your anger effectively so that you could be more open to feedback from others. You were angry because you felt threatened and all humans have a desire to feel safe. 2. Offer a message of common humanity: a. Examples: All humans make mistakes. All humans sometimes fail. All humans get angry. 3. Offer yourself self-kindess: a. What would you say to a good friend in this situation? b. Do not lecture or criticize yourself. Leave out should and must. After writing the letter, reading it out loud to you once. Be prepared to read your letter out loud in the last Cage Your Rage Group. Keep the letter and re-read when you need self-compassion, specifically when you become irritated, frustrated, angry, and/or full of rage. (Source: Adapted from Germer & Neff, 2014)
Examples: Trigger: Sam, a patient at an inpatient treatment facility, is attempting to be assertive with Mike, another patient, about what he would like to watch on the dayroom TV. Sam knows from past experience that Mike has trouble sharing. Mike starts to become loud and and both patients start to argue. Sam loses his temper and starts to yell and swear at Mike. Sam is very angry. Letter (longer example): Dear Sam, I know you are feeling angry today at yourself and Mike. It makes sense that you are angry; your Threat System was triggered. I know you were trying your best to be more effective in this situation. (Mindfulness) Remember Sam that all humans get angry. It is not our fault; its how our human brains work. You are still a worthwhile person even though you get angry at times. (Common Humanity) Remember to breathe and be kind to yourself. It will be okay Sam. You need support right now. You have the skills to handle this differently next time. It might help to listen to a mindfulness CD in your room right now. (Selfkindness) Love, Sam Letter (Shorter example with pauses to trigger the Safeness System): Sam You are angry That s your threat system (Mindfulness) Sam It s not your fault All humans get angry (Common Humanity) Sam You will be okay Breathe Relax Take a moment. (Self-kindness)
Soothing Rhythm Breathing (SRB) Goal: Calm ourselves when we feel threatened (heart beat faster, shallow breathing) Find a comfortable place to sit or lay down. Pick a place that is quiet. If sitting, place your feet flat on the ground and sit with your back straight, but not rigid. Rest the palms of your hands on your thighs or in your lap. Close your eyes or leave them open, your choice. If you leave your eyes open, gaze ahead without really looking at anything. Focus on your breath. Take a few slow breaths, breathing in through your mouth, filling your lungs, and then breathing out through your nose. Breathe from your belly. Allow your breath to fall into a natural rhythm; don t work at your breathing. Take your time, slowly breathing in for a count of 3, pausing, breathing out for a count of 3, pausing, and then breathing in again for a count of three. Practice breathing slower or faster. Remember the key is to find one that is soothing to you. Focus on the sensation of your body and mind slowing down. Notice what slowing down feels like. Now spend about 30 seconds just focusing on our breathing. Your mind will wander, because that s what minds do. Whenever you notice this, just bring your mind back to your breathing. You might try breathing in through the mouth and out through the nose (or in through the nose and out through the mouth), so that you have to increase your focus a bit more than usual. This is different from how we usually breathe, which can help to focus our attention on our breathing. It can help to practice this exercise for at least 30 seconds at a time when you are feeling calm and relaxed, so that we can use it when you notice your threat system is triggered. (Source: Adapted from Kolts, 2012)
When stressed or upset: Self-Compassion Break (Mindfulness, Common Humanity, and Kindness) A. Put your hand on your heart (or hug yourself) Use other ideas on soothing touch handout too. B. Breathe deeply in and out (soothing rhythm breathing) C. Say this to yourself (out loud or silently): a. This is a moment of suffering. Other Options to practice being mindful of emotion: Ouch! This really hurts. I am in pain. b. Suffering is a part of life. Other options to remind you that suffering is part of being human (common humanity): I m not alone. Everyone has struggles in life. Pain is part of life. Other people feel this way too. c. May I be kind to myself. Other options to show kindness to yourself: May I have the strength to handle this. May I be safe. May I learn to accept myself as I am. May I accept myself as I am. May I be as compassionate to myself as I am to a friend in need. Source: Adapted from Germer and Neff, August 2014
YOUR IDEAL COMPASSIONATE IMAGE: --Used to activate safeness system; --Used to increase kind, supportive, and wise thoughts DIRECTIONS: Start by sitting in an upright position, relaxing your face and forming a half-smile. Spend 30 seconds breathing in a slow, soothing rhythm. *Start to visualize your ideal compassionate image or being. What does your being look like? Young or old? Male or female? Human, animal, nature? Spend 30 seconds imagining your ideal image. *If you d like, imagine your compassionate image being with you in your safe place that you developed. Imagine how you feel as this being stands or sits by you. Imagine this being smiling at you. Spend 30 seconds or so imagining this scene. *Think about your being s other qualities. What does your being sound like, including tone of voice? What does your being say to you? What does your being smell like or feel like? Focus for 30 seconds on this being s presence and the being s complete support of you. *How did your being become compassionate? Remember your being deeply understands suffering and totally understands your suffering. This being s deepest wish is to offer you COMPLETE understanding and compassion. Imagine this for 30 seconds. *Think about your being s positive qualities, including warmth, safety, kindness, and wisdom, and non-judgment. Imagine how you feel being surrounded and nurtured by these positive qualities. Imagine feeling completely safe with this being. Remember it does not matter if you do or do not feel safe, IMAGINE what it would be like if you did. How would this feel? Spend 30 seconds on this. *Think about your being s wisdom, strength, and acceptance. This being is not overwhelmed or pushed away by your distress, anger, or pain. It remains present and comforting to you regardless of these feelings and is not bothered by the strange thoughts or images that can come and go in your mind. Imagine what it is like to be comforted, supported, and fully accepted by this being and through this you experience these qualities too. There is nothing you could do that would cause this being to ever reject you. Spend 30 seconds on this. *As you breathe in a soothing manner, with a half-smile, imagine your being saying these comforting, soothing phrases to you in a warm voice. Repeat these phrases out loud or in your head for the next minute. *When you are ready, slowly allow your being s image to fade to the background, as you continue to breathe in soothing manner in/out three times, while you start to bring your attention back to the present. (Source: Adapted from Kolts, 2012, pp. 138-140.)