FUNERAL CUSTOMS AND RITUALS: Ways to Say Goodbye PARTICIPANT PACKET

FUNERAL CUSTOMS AND RITUALS: Ways to Say Goodbye PARTICIPANT PACKET

WELCOME! "Customs and Rituals" was specially designed for hospice professionals and volunteers. It provides useful information about funeral customs and rituals specific to Christian, Jewish, Islamic, Buddhist, and Hindu faiths as well as Asian culture. The goal is to enable you to more knowledgeably support patients of these faiths and cultural backgrounds. Learning Objectives After completing this course, participants will be able to: 1. Identify funeral customs and rituals specific to Christian, Jewish, Islamic, Buddhist, and Hindu faiths as well as Asian culture. 2. Understand how these customs and rituals impact patients and their loved ones. 3. Communicate more confidently with patients of different faiths and cultures about endof-life issues. 4. Provide more appropriate and informed advice to patients of these faith and cultural backgrounds. 5. Develop stronger patient relations based on greater knowledge and understanding. Course Evaluation After completing this course, log on to http://dignity.hospicefoundation.org, provide the appropriate Site ID Code* and complete the course evaluation. You can then print a Certificate of Completion that documents your attendance and/or continuing education credits. In most states, nurses, social workers and nursing home administrators are eligible for 2.0 hours of continuing education credits. *We will provide the Site ID code for the Hospice Foundation of America (HFA) website at the end of this class. July 2016 2

Diversity and Communication Hospice professionals and volunteers are more likely than ever before to encounter a variety of cultural and faith traditions. Faith and cultural traditions may cause misunderstandings related to: We always say, don t touch or move the body for eight hours after the death. That s when our Buddha Nature is separating from the body. Buddhist Monk, Chung Tai Zen July 2016 3

Christianity ROMAN CATHOLIC KEY POINTS According to a 2014 Pew Research Center survey, about 20% of U.S. adults are Roman Catholic. Roman Catholics believe in eternal life. The soul is reunited with the body at the final resurrection of the dead. Church teachings include heaven and hell. The Roman Catholic house of worship is a church, and their faith leader is a priest. RELATED RITUALS The Sacrament of Anointing of the Sick. A priest may receive a person s confession and administer Holy Communion (the patient must be conscious). The priest may then confer the Commendation of the Dying. How it impacts me: HOW THE BODY IS PREPARED AFTER DEATH Organ donation Autopsy Embalming Cremation Yes No Yes, but Helpful information: If the family chooses cremation, the Roman Catholic Church recommends that it take place after the vigil and the mass, so the body may be present for these rites. July 2016 4

Roman Catholic funeral rites and final disposition: ETIQUETTE Flowers may be sent to the funeral home or to the family s residence. Charitable donations are also appropriate and may be sent in the name of the deceased. Sympathy cards, phone calls and personal visits are also appreciated. DISTINGUISHING POINTS Catholicism is distinguished from other forms of Christianity by belief in papal authority and the seven sacraments, which are rites of particular importance such as Baptism and Holy Communion (Eucharist). July 2016 5

Christianity PROTESTANT KEY POINTS According to a 2014 Pew Research Center survey, about 46% of U.S. adults are Protestant. Protestants include: Lutheran, Methodist, Presbyterian and Baptist. There is a common belief in heaven, life everlasting and salvation by grace. End-of-life practices for Protestants generally reflect customs rather than rituals; no last rites. The Protestant house of worship is a church, and their faith leader is a pastor, minister or reverend. How it impacts me: HOW THE BODY IS PREPARED AFTER DEATH Organ donation Autopsy Embalming Cremation Yes No Yes, but July 2016 6

What types of funeral services are acceptable for Protestants? What are acceptable final disposition practices for Protestants? ETIQUETTE Appropriate expressions of sympathy include sending a card, attending the visitation, funeral or memorial service, sending flowers to the family home or funeral home, donating to a charity designated by the family, etc. July 2016 7

Christianity GREEK ORTHODOX KEY POINTS According to a 2014 Pew Research Center survey, about 1.2 million U.S. adults are Orthodox. The Church believes that death represents the separation of the soul from the body, but the physical body will be reunited with the soul at the Last Judgment. The Greek Orthodox house of worship is a church, and their faith leader is a priest. FINAL RITUALS Sacrament of Confession Holy Communion HOW IT IMPACTS YOU Keep the family closely informed of their loved one s condition; the patient must be conscious for the Sacrament of Confession and Holy Communion. Ask the family if they need help contacting a Greek Orthodox priest. Consider sharing the importance of these rituals with family members who are not Greek Orthodox, but are making decisions on their loved one s behalf, also by putting them in touch with a priest. HOW THE BODY IS PREPARED AFTER DEATH Organ donation Autopsy Embalming Cremation Yes No Yes, but Helpful information: The Church does not allow cremation because it is considered the deliberate desecration of the body. July 2016 8

What do Greek Orthodox Funeral Services include? ETIQUETTE You may telephone, visit the family, or send cards or flowers. If visiting, it is traditional to say May you have an abundant life, and May their memory be eternal. ANNIVERSARIES AND REMEMBRANCE The church holds a memorial service on the 40 th day after the death, and typically the first, third and 10 th anniversaries of the death; the Trisagion (pronounced tree-sigh-yon) is part of this service. However, families can request a memorial service at any time. The memorial service may also be served graveside, and families will mention having the grave blessed. TRISAGION SERVICE Before the funeral service itself, the brief Trisagion or Thrice-Holy service is served at the place where the deceased lies. This service derives its name because it begins with the familiar prayer, Holy God, Holy Mighty, Holy Immortal, have mercy on us, repeated three times. After the initial prayers, four hymns are chanted asking the Lord to give rest to the deceased among those who have already been perfected in the faith. A litany follows and is concluded with a prayer that includes again the petition to the Lord to grant rest to the deceased and asks for the forgiveness of sins. Before the service is concluded, the faithful sing, May your memory be eternal. Funeral Service of the Orthodox Church July 2016 9

Team Exercise RITUALS How do rituals help loved ones and the community come to terms with a person s death? July 2016 10

Judaism KEY POINTS According to a 2014 Pew Research Center survey, about 4.6 million U.S. adults are Jewish. Jewish funeral tradition supports two primary principles: The first is honoring the dead. The second is that death is a natural part of life. Many Jews believe in an afterlife, when the soul returns to God, and some also believe in a physical resurrection of the body. Jewish end-of-life practices vary depending on the family s preferences and whether they are Reform, Reconstructionist, Conservative or Orthodox. The Jewish house of worship is a synagogue, and their faith leader is a rabbi. FINAL RITUALS The Vidui, (pronounced v-doy), a confessional prayer The Shema, (pronounced sheh-ma), a fundamental prayer of faith HOW IT IMPACTS YOU Keep the family closely informed of their loved one s condition; the patient must be conscious to say the Vidui and the Shema. Both prayers may also be recited on someone s behalf. Ask the family if they need help contacting a rabbi. Consider sharing the importance of these rituals with family members who are not Jewish, but are making decisions on their loved one s behalf, also by putting them in touch with a rabbi. The family may ask you to contact a funeral home that can support Jewish traditions such as a shomer and/or Jewish washing and purification rites. Organ donation Autopsy HOW THE BODY IS PREPARED AFTER DEATH Embalming Cremation Yes No Yes, but Helpful information: Judaism emphasizes respect for the body and for its natural decay and return to the earth. Embalming is therefore not a traditional Jewish practice. Judaism has historically rejected cremation, although its practice among Jewish families is now more common. Autopsy is permitted if required by law. A rabbi should be consulted regarding organ donation. July 2016 11

What are some ways that Judaism shows Respect for the Body? How does Judaism honor the principle of Returning to the Earth? July 2016 12

Key points about the Jewish Funeral Service *: *See following page for an English translation of Kaddish (pronounced kah-dish). Burial: Sitting Shiva (Mourning): July 2016 13

ETIQUETTE For the majority of Jewish families, charitable donations are fitting memorial gifts. Floral arrangements, however, are associated with celebrations and are therefore considered inappropriate. Condolence visits by friends and extended family are welcomed during shiva (pronounced shivah). In addition to a formal shiva, some families will receive friends on a more casual basis. You may bring gifts of food; it may be safest to bring kosher food to avoid the possibility of offending the family or their visitors. ANNUAL REMEMBRANCE Yahrzeit is the practice of observing the death anniversary of an immediate family member, i.e., a mother, father or child. It may involve services, lighting a special candle, visiting the cemetery, or engaging in special acts of kindness to others. KADDISH (English translation) Glorified and sanctified be God's great name throughout the world which He has created according to His will. May He establish His kingdom in your lifetime and during your days, and within the life of the entire House of Israel, speedily and soon; and say, Amen. May His great name be blessed forever and to all eternity. Blessed and praised, glorified and exalted, extolled and honored, adored and lauded be the name of the Holy One, blessed be He, beyond all the blessings and hymns, praises and consolations that are ever spoken in the world; and say, Amen. May there be abundant peace from heaven, and life, for us and for all Israel; and say, Amen. He who creates peace in His celestial heights, may He create peace for us and for all Israel; and say, Amen. July 2016 14

Islam KEY POINTS According to a 2014 Pew Research Center survey, about 2.2 million U.S. adults are Muslim. Islam is a religion founded in Arabia in the early seventh century CE by the Prophet Muhammad; followers of Islam are called Muslims. The fundamental principles of Islam include: belief in one God, Allah; the immortality of the soul, and an afterlife with Barzakh followed by heaven or hell. People are held accountable for past deeds on the Day of Resurrection. The Muslim house of worship is a mosque, and their faith leader is an imam. What Deathbed Rituals do Muslims practice? July 2016 15

HOW IT IMPACTS YOU Keep the family closely informed of their loved one s condition; the patient must be conscious to make a declaration of faith. Ask the family if they need help contacting an imam. A large number of visitors may gather to honor the Muslim custom of forgiveness of sins or transgressions. Rather than turn a dying loved one to face Mecca, the family may wish to turn the bed so their loved one is facing toward the Northeast. The family may ask you to contact or help locate a funeral home or cemetery that can support Muslim washing and shrouding rituals. HOW THE BODY IS PREPARED AFTER DEATH Organ donation Autopsy Embalming Cremation Yes No Yes, but Helpful information: Cremation is strictly forbidden. Islamic law directs Muslims to bury the dead. Autopsy and embalming fall outside traditional practices, but autopsy may be required by law, and embalming is necessary when decedents are returned to their homelands. July 2016 16

Notes about Ritual Washing : Funeral and Burial Practices: ETIQUETTE The community customarily brings food to the family as a way of support. Comments to the bereaved should be short and respectful. It is appropriate to send flowers after the funeral. July 2016 17

Buddhism KEY POINTS According to a 2014 Pew Research Center survey, about 1.7 million U.S. adults are Buddhist. Buddhists believe in a continuing cycle of the life, death and rebirth of one s consciousness. The ultimate objective of Buddhism is an end to rebirth, called nirvana (see page 21 for The Path to Nirvana.) Death is of major religious significance. The Buddhist house of worship is a temple, and their faith leader is a monk. Common Customs and Rituals : Peaceful Death Acts of Guidance Waiting to Move the Body Careful Timing of Events July 2016 18

HOW IT IMPACTS YOU Keep the family closely informed of their loved one s condition. Ask the family if they need help contacting a Buddhist monk or temple. Consider sharing the importance of these rituals with family members who are not Buddhist, but are making decisions on their loved one s behalf, also by putting them in touch with a Buddhist monk or temple. Try to accommodate requests to minimize or remove anything considered negative or unharmonious. If the patient is in a clinical setting, a private room with a door will help minimize the disruption that may be caused by chanting (believed to provide the dying person with support and guidance to help secure a good rebirth). Be prepared to delay removal if the family asks that the body not be moved for a certain number of hours. Removal delays explained: Though a person may be clinically dead, he is not yet completely dead... If we try to move the body, we may be causing discomfort to the deceased, who might be resentful and angry. Since the state of mind of the deceased can influence his or her rebirth, it is recommended that the body not be moved for eight hours after death, writes Venerable Master Hsing Yun in When We Die. HOW THE BODY IS PREPARED AFTER DEATH Organ donation Autopsy Embalming Cremation Yes No Yes, but Helpful information: Some Buddhists prefer cremation because it prevents the consciousness from returning to the body, which the consciousness perceives as a familiar home. July 2016 19

Key points about the Buddhist Funeral Service: Key points about the Ancestral Shrine : The Tibetan Book of the Dead may be the world s most unusual guidebook. One s spiritual teachers, relatives, and friends read the book during one s death process. It is a wellknown guide for orienting the dying person so he might hold a proper frame of mind to assure a good future rebirth, or even liberation, writes Elisabeth Benard, The Tibetan Tantric View of Death and Afterlife. ETIQUETTE Friends may call at the home of the deceased s family after the funeral, but not before. Flowers or donations may be sent to the family. Guests may also make a donation to a designated charity in the name of the deceased. RITUALS TO HONOR ANCESTORS On the anniversary of the death, many Buddhists seek to generate good energy for their loved one s new life with ceremonies held either at the family s home or a temple. July 2016 20

THE PATH TO NIRVANA Nirvana is achieved by an Eightfold Path to enlightenment: right understanding, right thought, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right mindfulness, right concentration. July 2016 21

Hinduism KEY POINTS According to a 2014 Pew Research Center survey, about 1.7 million U.S. adults are Hindu. One Supreme God and subordinate gods and goddesses Reincarnation and karma Ultimate goal is spiritual awakening, becoming one with the Supreme God Spiritual awakening ends the cycle of reincarnation The Hindu house of worship is a temple, and their faith leaders are priests FINAL RITUALS AND CUSTOMS Notes about Final Customs and Rituals for Hindus : Notes about The Great Departure : July 2016 22

Mahamrityunjaya* Mantra *pronounced maha-mrityun-jaya Introduction: This is an ancient Sanskrit mantra that may be chanted into the ear of someone who is dying. It is a call for enlightenment, and a practice of purifying the karmas of the soul at a deep level. Om Tryambakam Yajamahe Sugandhim Pushtivardhanam Urvarukamiva Bandhanan Mrityor Mukshiya Maamritat (English Translation) We meditate on the Lord Siva Who permeates and nourishes all like a fragrance. May we be liberated from death for the sake of immortality, Even as the cucumber readily releases itself from the vine. HOW IT IMPACTS YOU Keep the family closely informed of their loved one s condition. Ask the family if they need help contacting a priest or a Hindu temple. If the patient is in a clinical setting, a private room with a door will help minimize the disruption that may be caused by chanting. Consider keeping a bottle of Ganges River water as a convenience to Hindu patients (you can buy it online; search for bottled Ganga Jal, which means holy water ). Hinduism focuses on completing the funeral and cremation quickly, so you may be asked to help with the prompt attainment of a death certificate from the attending physician. Organ donation Autopsy HOW THE BODY IS PREPARED AFTER DEATH Embalming Cremation Yes No Yes, but Helpful information: Cremation is believed to liberate the soul of the deceased, who may linger if the physical body remains. July 2016 23

Key points about Hindu Funeral Rituals: ETIQUETTE: Flowers may be sent, although this is not traditional. Friends may visit the family and bring gifts of food. Mourners typically wear white, but visitors are expected simply to wear subdued colors. It is not necessary to wear a suit to the funeral service. REMEMBRANCE: The Shraddha (pronounced shruh-da) is performed during the year to honor deceased ancestors, including one s father, grandfather, and great-grandfather, and one s mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother. It is no coincidence that there are no massive monuments to the dead in Hinduism, no tombs, sarcophagi, or pyramids to mark the final resting place of the dead, because death is not in any sense a final stopping point. All beings that die will be reborn as long as they are still engaged in the karmic process, so their physical remains are only a transient and insignificant reminder of their passing... Thomas J. Hopkins, Hindu Views of Death and Afterlife. July 2016 24

Asian Culture KEY POINTS Asian end-of-life customs reflect Buddhism, Confucianism, Taoism, Hinduism, Shintoism, folk practices, Christianity and Western thought. Asians incorporate different facets of these philosophies, cultures and religions to create a rich end-of-life heritage. This diversity makes it necessary to look at Asian-American culture as a whole rather than an individual faith. Team Exercise What might be the possible relevance of these paper products to a bereaved loved one? What might they represent? July 2016 25

What are some examples of how the following common themes are reflected in Asian culture? Comfort in the Next Life Folk Practices Respect for Ancestors July 2016 26

General Questions for Patients and Their Families The following general questions may be used as a reference when communicating with patients or the families of patients. Gathering this information will help support your efforts to appropriately serve patients from all faiths and cultures by working with your hospice chaplain and other affiliated faith leaders. 1. Does your loved one practice a particular faith? 2. Does your loved one have a house of worship or faith leader in the area? 3. Will your loved one be participating in any final rituals or sacraments? 4. Are there any other customs or rituals that your family wishes to practice on behalf of your loved one? 5. Do you need us to contact a funeral home on your behalf? 6. (If Jewish) Will the funeral home need to provide a shomer? 7. (If Jewish or Muslim) Will the funeral home need to provide special washing or shrouding services? 8. (If Jewish or Muslim) How quickly do you wish to complete the funeral and burial? 9. (If Hindu) How quickly do you wish to complete the funeral and cremation? 10. (If Buddhist) Will your family be consulting with a monk or the temple to determine when we can move your loved one to the funeral home? July 2016 27

Bibliography and Suggested Readings Bregman, Lucy. Death & Dying in World Religions. Galanti, Geri-Ann. Caring for Patients from Different Cultures. Irish, Donald P. Ethnic Variations in Dying, Death and Grief. Khadro, Sangye. Preparing for Death and Helping the Dying. Kramer, Kenneth. The Sacred Art of Dying: How World Religions Understand Death. Matlins, Stuart M. The Perfect Stranger s Guide to Funerals and Grieving Practices. Obayashi, Hiroshi. Death and Afterlife: Perspectives of World Religions. Parkes, Colin Murray. Death and Bereavement Across Cultures. The Pew Forum on Religion & Public Life, U.S. Religious Landscape Survey, conducted by Princeton Survey Research Associates International (PSRAI), 2007. U.S. Census Bureau, 2010 U.S. Census. Veylanswami, Satguru Bodhinatha. What is Hinduism? Yun, Hsing. When We Die. July 2016 28