SOUTHERN BAPTISTS OF TEXAS CONVENTION By Joe Perry & Prestonwood Baptist Church
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OUR MISSION WHO DEVELOPED PALS? Joe Perry through the ministries of Prestonwood Baptist Church. WHAT S UNIQUE ABOUT THIS PROGRAM? It encourages and builds godly male relationships in the lives of boys in single parent homes. WHY PALS? Boys need God honoring men in their lives to help them to grow to be the men God has called and designed them to be. PALS helps to provide that for needy families. WHAT DO I NEED TO COMPLETE THE PALS PROGRAM? You are required to complete a background check and some ministries require men to fill out a purity analysis before you can participate as a mentor. These forms are included in your training material. Please complete and return these as soon as possible. We want to provide boys from single parent homes the opportunity to experience male led outings and to understand the meaning of Godly manhood. The program revolves around four basic principles of authentic (R.E.A.L.) manhood Reject Irresponsibility (or accept the responsibilities of manhood) Express Truth Accept God s Best Lead & Follow Effectively Male led outings and mentoring are for boys ages 8 to 14 from single parent homes Boys can stay in PALS past age 14 if they were in PALS before they turned 14 and can remain until their 18th birthday Boys over age 14 often create too many issues to begin in the PALS program from experience we have seen that they have too much of a negative influence on younger boys 3
CHILD SAFETY We strongly recommend that every ministry do four things for any sponsor or mentor that wants to work with the boys. It has been stated that 94% of all child abuse issues in the church come from those who are a regular part of the church not from outsiders. That means that they are the ones you don t think you need to do all the steps with. The easiest way to handle this is to require everyone to go through the complete process. Those that object may be objecting for a reason. BACKGROUND CHECK 1. Ministry Safe - www.ministrysafe.com 2. Purity Survey - Attached in this booklet 3. References - have them provide 2-3 references on their character as men 4
REJECT IRRESPONSIBILITY ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY A CHRIST TO CONVEY A creator to love, honor, and know A church to serve A CHARACTER TO CREATE A CHRISTIAN WOMAN TO LOVE A CAREER TO CONDUCT A CAUSE TO CHAMPION (eternal cause) A LEGACY TO LEAVE Matthew 22:37 (HCSB) He said to him, Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. CORE VALUES FOR THE CHRISTIAN TO LIVE BY Relationship to God Relationship to wife, children and family Righteousness Integrity, honesty Character Friendship Each mentor will relate and teach these values through their own experience as a Christian OTHER VALUES MIGHT INCLUDE Perseverance Self Control Humility Trust Appropriate relationships with women Hope 5
REJECT IRRESPONSIBILITY ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY BEATITUDES Humbleness Meekness Righteousness Mercy Pure hearted Peacemaker FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT Love Joy Peace Patience Kindness Goodness Faithfulness Gentleness Self-control LOVE (1 CORINTHIANS 13) Is patient Is kind Is not envious Is not boastful Is not proud Is not rude Is not self-seeking Is not easily angered Keeps no record of wrongs Rejoices about truth (does not delight in evil) Protects Trusts Hopes Perseveres 6
EXPESS TRUTH TRUTH IS A PERSON Jesus Christ Truth is more than a concept it is Jesus Ask yourself: What Would Jesus Do? YOU ARE A TRUTH TELLER Christians strive to always tell the truth Lying creates, and compounds problems and trouble RECOGNIZE THE DIFFERENCE Recognize the difference between the truth and a lie. ACCEPT ONLY GOD S BEST ACCEPT ONLY GOD S BEST FOR YOUR LIFE Have the discipline to wait for God s best Don t take the easy way, or path of least resistance Prayerfully seek God s guidance and direction for your life. Proverbs 3:5-6 (HCSB) says, Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding; think about Him in all your ways, and He will guide you on the right paths. Do not hang around those who are not interested in God s best (negative peer pressure). 7
LEAD & FOLLOW EFFECTIVELY LEARN TO LEAD & FOLLOW EFFECTIVELY Leadership implies influence over others We all have influence We choose to use our influence for good or evil Jesus is our perfect example of leadership Hebrews 10:24 (HCSB) says, And let us be concerned about one another in order to promote love and good works... SEVEN MAJOR MALE PROBLEMS KINKS IN THE ARMOR WHAT ARE KEY ISSUES MEN STRUGGLE WITH? Anger Disconnection from relationships (absent father) Passivity Obsession and compulsiveness Depravity Over bonding to mom Selfishness and immaturity 8
LESSON ONE THREE OF MEN S ISSUES Let s look at three of these issues: ANGER James 1:20 DEPRAVITY 1 Thessalonians 4:3-7 DISCONNECTION Proverbs 27:17 How are these a problem for you? How can you overcome? A PURE THOUGHT LIFE (DEPRAVITY) As a young man, one of your greatest challenges will be keeping your thought life pure as it relates to sexual issues. What distracts from the purity of your thought life? Friends that talk about inappropriate issues The Internet Television Movies/Videos Magazines 9
LESSON ONE WHAT CAN HELP YOU YOUR BATTLE WITH AN IMPURE THOUGHT LIFE? Recognize every man and boy has this struggle. Follow 3-second rule: Do not continue to focus on something inappropriate for more than 3 seconds. Remember, a young lady that you lust after is someone s mom, daughter, sister or wife. Take thoughts captive (2 Corinthians 10:5). The accountability of a friend will help you. Have a regular time of Bible study and prayer. Hide God s Word in your heart (Scripture memorization) Block every inappropriate thought you can. Realize that you are different from the world, they will not understand God s word or your thinking. See yourself as a saint (because you are one). Ask for forgiveness quickly when you sin and move on. Don t put yourself in situations where you will fail. 10
LESSON TWO ISSUES MEN STRUGGLE WITH PASSIVITY May be aggressive at work but in personal areas (social and spiritual) doesn t take a stand (Genesis 3:1-6). PROSPERITY AND POPULARITY Money and popularity can cause us to compare. If we have popularity and money we get prideful (and fail); we don t think less of ourselves (Psalms 34:17-19). PURITY Take impure thoughts captive (2 Corinthians 10:5). EXPRESS TRUTH Teach that truth is more than a moral concept Jesus is truth I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me. -John 14:6 (HCSB) It is important to tell the truth because it is one of the clearest examples of our character. Lying breaks one of God s basic commandments. Tell the truth to keep a clear conscience and keep life simple. By telling a lie, you have to tell another lie to cover the deceit. Take responsibility for what you do and tell the truth. Be a truth teller because you are Christ s representative and you should reflect who he is because you are his. 11
LESSON TWO LEARN TO ACCEPT ONLY GOD S BEST So many athletes, weightlifters, wrestlers and teenagers choose to take steroids each year to build muscle, gain speed or gain weight. Taking steroids will make this happen faster, but steroids are proven to be dangerous. They can cause depression (many athletes become severely depressed while taking steroids). Steroids can also cause cancer, even at a young age. Steroids can weaken bones, ligaments, tendons and other structural elements of joints. All illegal drugs are dangerous and can kill you. Prescription drugs, taken illegally, are dangerous as well. Real men know what is best for their lives and what is not. Satan will deceive many and will counterfeit pleasure drawing people in to what seems to be a quick fix. Real men are willing to wait on God s best, rather than taking a quick fix counterfeit. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding; think about Him in all your ways, and He will guide you on the right paths. -Proverbs 3:5-6 (HCSB) KEY ISSUES Knowing God s best. Choosing to do God s best, not being negatively influenced. 12
APPENDIX A HUNTING TRIP
APPENDIX A HUNTING TRIP We advocate that trips be overnight if at all possible. This allows for the maximum interaction with the boys. If that is not possible, you can do other events with the boys. DO S & DON TS OF A TRIP 1. You need to have a current Texas Park and Wildlife Hunting and Fishing License. A hunter safety course is required to get a license. 2. You DO NOT have to have detailed knowledge about hunting and fishing, but it helps. 3. DO NOT EVER be alone with a PAL outside of the view of other mentors. 4. DO NOT call a child s mom for the purpose of having a conversation with her. You are NOT to date a mom while you are a mentor. 5. DO NOT pick up a PAL for an event outside of those scheduled without another mentor accompanying you. 6. Do focus on the PAL on trips fishing/hunting time should be spent making the PAL successful, not on your personal fishing or hunting. 7. DO NOT contact individuals that allow us to use their property for fishing or hunting for personal fishing or hunting on their property. 8. Do always abide by game laws to break a law is to set the wrong example for a PAL. 9. Do exactly what our landowners request. 10. Do help the boys learn conservation and the preservation of natural resources. 11. Do help the boys understand why we hunt and fish and why we harvest game. 14
HUNTING TRIP COUNTDOWN BRAINSTORMING TRIP TOPICS Communicate with moms & release Guns & gun safety First aid Mentors Tents Snacks & drinks Meals & fire Bedding Shuttle or cars? Travel plans (maps) Rods & reels & other fishing tackle RODS & REELS Be sure to load Extra line for trip Put swivels on end of line Are there enough? TACKLE OTHER THAN RODS & REELS Make sure tackle boxes have everything you want Bait - Live: Get night crawlers & earthworms Casting demo for all boys Boys should not go in tackle boxes Boys cannot change bait with out asking mentor One mentor keeps up with tackle boxes 15
HUNTING TRIP COUNTDOWN BRAINSTORMING MEALS Dinner - pre-order food at a local restaurant Breakfast - something already cooked and just needs to be warmed Hot dogs for lunch - gather meat, buns, cheese, mayo, mustard, relish Cook hot dogs before trip Cooking utensils Wet wipes and two to three cloth towels Plates, forks, napkins, paper towels, salt/pepper FIRE Gas cooker to heat food Boys should not throw trash in the fire Do not do start a fire if it is too dry Fire starter Boys collect firewood FISHING TRIP Food menu Communication with parents Casting demo Safety & first-aid Destination & lodging reservations Mentors Boats Bait Transportation Equipment 16
HUNTING TRIP COUNTDOWN BRAINSTORMING BEDDING Put out ant killer several days in advance Rain gear? Remind moms to pack pillow if needed Make sure each child has a sleeping bag One mentor should keep up with the sleeping bags TENTS Check tents at least two weeks in advance Someone go early to set up tents If there is a big rain, what is another option? Help break down tents and clean camp after a night of camping TRAVEL PLANS Pray in advance Pray before leaving both ways If a boy gets sick, who goes back? Copies of map; send to everyone in advance Make sure men and moms have contact numbers Each mom must sign release & give current phone number SHUTTLE Reserve transportation in advance Count - are all kids on or off each time? Does anyone need to drive personal vehicles? 17
SUMMARY Each trip we will emphasize one of the four principles (R.E.A.L. -see page 5) The principle to be covered will be identified prior to each trip. One of the mentors will open up each trip with a word of prayer and a few words regarding the principle. Mentors will be notified in advance, so they can prepare their thoughts for sharing with the boys during the trip. Trip organizers will not be responsible for sharing or mentoring a boy unless they would like to. 18
APPENDIX B CAMPING TRIP
CAMPING TRIP COUNTDOWN BRAINSTORMING TRIP TOPICS Communicate with moms & release First aid Mentors Tents Snacks & drinks Meals & fire Bedding Shuttle or cars? Travel plans (maps) Outdoor activities COMMUNICATION WITH MOMS Email four to five weeks before with all details Final reminder Tuesday before trip Re-contact moms if no response Release forms out at arrival - get phone numbers FIRST-AID Extra Band-Aids Snake bite kit First-aid kit Sun screen and insect repellent Ice and baggies or chemical ice bag MENTORS Email material to be covered by mentors Take material to be covered by mentors Remind mentors to stay with their boys Upon return, stay to help put stuff away Send an email to mentors when first email to moms goes out 20
CAMPING TRIP COUNTDOWN BRAINSTORMING SNACKS (PURCHASE & KEEP RECEIPTS) Are there food allergies in your group? Muffins and small cinnamon rolls Peanut butter and crackers Trail mix (two bags per ten) Fruit (apples, tangerines, bananas) Packaged cookies Good health bars Pringles (five tubes per ten people) DRINKS Remind of limit & not to leave cans sitting around Do not burn plastic in fire Ice drinks down before leaving for campgrounds Who will be responsible for drinks? BEDDING Put out ant killer several days in advance Rain gear? Remind moms to pack pillow if needed Make sure each child has a sleeping bag One mentor should keep up with the sleeping bags TENTS Check tents at least two weeks in advance Someone go early to set up tents If there is a big rain, what is another option? Help break down tents and clean camp after a night of camping 21
CAMPING TRIP COUNTDOWN BRAINSTORMING TRAVEL PLANS Pray in advance Pray before leaving both ways If a boy gets sick, who goes back? Copies of map; send to everyone in advance Make sure men and moms have contact numbers Each mom must sign release & give current phone number SHUTTLE Reserve transportation in advance Count - are all kids on or off each time? Does anyone need to drive personal vehicles? SUMMARY Each trip we will emphasize one of the four principles (R.E.A.L. -see page 5) The principle to be covered will be identified prior to each trip. One of the mentors will open up each trip with a word of prayer and a few words regarding the principle. Mentors will be notified in advance, so they can prepare their thoughts for sharing with the boys during the trip. Trip organizers will not be responsible for sharing or mentoring a boy unless they would like to. 22
APPENDIX C SPORTS TRIP
SPORTS TRIP COUNTDOWN BRAINSTORMING TRIP TOPICS Communicate with moms & release First aid Mentors Snacks & drinks Equipment Tickets Shuttle or cars? Travel plans (maps) COMMUNICATION WITH MOMS Email four to five weeks before with all details Final reminder Tuesday before trip Recontact moms if no response Release forms out at arrival - get phone numbers FIRST-AID Extra Band-Aids Snake bite kit First-aid kit Sun screen and insect repellent Ice and baggies or chemical ice bag MENTORS Email material to be covered by mentors Take material to be covered by mentors Remind mentors to stay with their boys Upon return, stay to help put stuff away Send an email to mentors when first email to moms goes out 24
SPORTS TRIP COUNTDOWN BRAINSTORMING TRAVEL PLANS Pray in advance Pray before leaving both ways If a boy gets sick, who goes back? Copies of map; send to everyone in advance Make sure men and moms have contact numbers Each mom must sign release & give current phone number SHUTTLE Reserve transportation in advance Count - are all kids on or off each time? Does anyone need to drive personal vehicles? SUMMARY Each trip we will emphasize one of the four principles (R.E.A.L. -see page 5) The principle to be covered will be identified prior to each trip. One of the mentors will open up each trip with a word of prayer and a few words regarding the principle. Mentors will be notified in advance, so they can prepare their thoughts for sharing with the boys during the trip. Trip organizers will not be responsible for sharing or mentoring a boy unless they would like to. 25
RESOURCES For a list of tools and questionnaires to help you in the development of your own ministry, visit sbtexas.com/pals
P.O. Box 1988 Grapevine, TX 76099-1988 4500 State Hwy 360 Grapevine, TX 76051 817.552.2500 Toll free 877.953.7282