1 Allison Hullinger Dream Come True As I lay my head down to rest each night, it s my only time to escape. I reflect on each day, which is the only thing keeping me awake. I wonder who and what I ll make of myself as well as if my big dreams of a small girl will come true. Often I catch myself worrying about where life may take me, and other times I m ready for anything and everything life has to throw at me. I m just an average girl, nothing extraordinary about me. I was born and raised at Fort Bragg with the military lifestyle being my home. I m not known for any of my own accomplishments but rather my father s accomplishments. My name is Estelle, but more times than not I m just Lieutenant Colonel Dean s daughter. My father grew up in a military-based household so it was only right that he followed in his family s tradition. He says I have a normal upbringing, but I know this is anything but true. I m an only child living on a military base with my mother for the majority of the time, since nine months out of the year my father is engaged in active duty overseas. As Lieutenant Colonel of Detachment D, my father s position is a very high ranking, though things weren t always this way. He worked his way up through the ranks for seventeen years. At my parents age of twenty eight I entered the picture along with my parents. Then six months later, after my birth, my father had to leave overseas for two years. My mother was
2 my main support while my father missed most of my early milestones. My father then occasionally would pop into my life for a couple months at a time. I haven t ever made much of an effort for a relationship, knowing he is always going to leave. It was hard to watch my mother raise me alone for the most part, and while I respect my father, I wonder why. I wonder why, because I don t understand why or how he leaves his family for the majority of the year and the majority of my life. Considering my father s job, I ve been lucky enough to have stayed in one place for my entire life, though it still hasn t made my life any less complicated. Growing up, I went to school on base along with many other kids who faced the same things I faced for the most part. It was great to be surrounded by people who could relate to the military lifestyle, but it wasn t that easy. Every time I began to form a strong friendship, it crumbled as those I grew closer to were relocated to other bases miles and miles away. So my entire childhood I had friends, but I never knew how long they would be around. As I grew into a young teen, I found it easier to keep to myself. If I kept to myself, I had no one that could be taken away from me. Now it s been nineteen years, and it s about time to make the dreams of a small girl into a reality. I m ready to break out and see the other side to the world, outside the walls of Fort Bragg. So I m attending the University of North Carolina-Wilmington this year. I ve always dreamed of furthering my education near the beach as the University of North Carolina allows me to do so. Its campus is located on the coast and allows for an incredible education in marine sciences and biology, which I plan to major in. There has just always been something that draws me to the beach, whether it s the comforting sense that the
3 waves will always crash and the sand will always be soft, or its mysterious power; it takes my breath away. As a little girl I would think about the ocean and the beach each night before I went to sleep. Though I had never been to a beach or seen the ocean, it was so comforting to me. I could imagine the waves crashing, as I had watched on the television and the sand being as soft as the flour my mother baked with. I often talked about the beach as a little girl, but as I grew older I began to talk about it more and more. My mother brushed off my constant infatuation with the beach as if it were normal for anyone to talk about it as much as I did. I saw the beach as an opportunity for me, and I wouldn t let it fade. These were the things I often thought about before the end of each day, just as I once thought the same thoughts as a little girl. Some dreams never go away and mine was a blessing that I saw each night. Each night I dreamed the same dream as I slept. As I lay my head down to rest I never once had to worry about a bad dream as I knew what was awaiting me. I dreamed of a beach covered in white, silk-like sand that covered my sun-kissed skin and an ocean so clear and blue I could see into eternity. In the sea swam beautiful marine life along with coral formations that would make National Geographics jealous. The beach was unlike anything I d seen in books, or on television; it was my very own paradise. As I lay in the sand I would watch the wispy clouds drift above the beach and into the distance over the ocean. This paradise was never anything but clear skies. Sometimes I arrived as the sun set and faded over the water while the moon appeared along with many bright stars. As I lay on the beach content, time was of no essence and nothing interrupted the sense of peace. Then I would take a small sailboat into the waters and glide ever so gently across the open seas.
4 This dream helped me each day as I always had something to think about when I needed a happy place. It never failed to put me in a good mood. I had dreamed the same dream for so long but never wanted to dream of anything else. I had dreamed the dream for so long I began dictating what I wanted to happen. It was like a vacation each time I went to sleep. Many times I lay sun bathing, scuba diving, surfing, or playing in the sand just making a simple life for myself. There was not a worry in the world. Then, one night as I lay down to sleep, I had a nervous feeling I d never felt before. I knew something had to be wrong, but there wasn t anything I knew of that would have made me feel this way. I lay in bed, in my dorm room wide awake, unable to sleep. I watched my roommate sleep as I contemplated waking her to ask her for advice, but I knew I just needed to get to sleep so that I could be in my happy place, and my worry would fade away. I lay awake a little longer; then I thought about calling my mom just to talk, but it was now 2:00 in the morning and I decided I wouldn t worry her. I had been away from home for less than a month and didn t think I was home sick. Then another hour passed, and I finally fell asleep. I awoke in my paradise just to find there was a sense of uneasiness there too. It was something that had never, no matter what worries I had ever faced, followed me to into my dream. Everything appeared the same: crystal clear waters, soft sand, and blue skies. I just didn t understand what this feeling was or meant. Then I decided to go for a sailboat ride as it was my favorite thing as I dreamed. While on the water gliding along the coast, something caught my eye. It was something that had never appeared in my dream before. As I sailed closer, I saw another sailboat, and yet as I got even closer, I could see a man s figure. It was a
5 sunny day out, but I saw a shadowed figure, and I was unable to see his face. Soon enough our sailboats were right next to each other, and strange enough my sailboat came to a stop. I stayed still and silent for a few moments as I tried to figure out who this man was. I then looked at his shadow-covered face and asked, Who are you? I waited, and no response was returned so I called out again, Who are you, and why are you here? This time he responded but not in a way I imagined. He answered saying, Who are you and why are you here? My name is Estelle, I said and this is my dream. Why are you in my dream? He then took a moment to look around, almost as if he didn t notice where he was and answered, You tell me Estelle, why am I here? I didn t understand where this conversation was going. This was my dream and he shouldn t have been here, but I didn t know why he was or who he was. I didn t recognize him though he was covered by just a shadow; not even his voice sounded familiar. But soon enough I woke up confused. The next night I went to sleep hoping to find only my paradise as I wanted it, without any visitors. But that wasn t the case, but this time I didn t bother to talk to him. Every dream after that first night, the man appeared the same and out of my control. The man always stayed on the sailboat, keeping to himself, yet always watching me in a sense. Though the man watched me it never made me feel uncomfortable; it was as if he weren t a threat, but a protector. I went out to see him once again, and when I asked why he was there, he gave a
6 different response. He said, This is heaven, and it s more beautiful than I could ve ever imagined. I was taken back by his response. This was heaven? Then that must have been Jesus, but for some reason I knew it wasn t that simple nor was that the case. I was more confused than ever, and before I had a chance to respond, the shadow lifted but still covered his face. I could see that he was dressed in a military uniform with the name patch DEAN sewn to it. I woke up from my dream in a cold sweat and instantly called my mom. When I called my mom, I asked her how my father was. She then explained that he was overseas on a secret mission and wasn t able to have contact with her for two weeks or until he was completed with the mission. This wasn t the first time for this and so she wasn t too worried as she had been through it all before being a military wife. She could sense the panic in my voice though and asked what was wrong. I explained that I had a frightening dream but not to worry. We ended the conversation, but before I got a chance to place my phone back on the bedside table, my phone rang. It was my mom, and this time she had panic in her voice. She explained that she just received a call that she never hoped to receive. My mother s husband, my father, had been killed in combat along with his troop. My father and his troop had been missing since earlier the previous night, and their contact with their base was cutoff, and when they were found less than twenty-four hours later, it was too late. We cried together on the phone until I was stable enough to drive home. When I arrived home, I understood why I had had such an awful sense. I somehow knew that a tragedy had happened but was unaware of what. Then it came to me, that my dream and the man in my dream had to be my father. The only thing I could think to do was try to sleep so that I could figure things out. I soon
7 found myself on the beach of my dream, and I scanned the horizon looking for the man and his sailboat. He was still there, as if he had never left. I sailed out to him, with the most nervous knot in my throat that I had ever felt before. Once I got to him he still had a shadowed face and stood in his military uniform just as before. I then asked him with a shaky voice, If this is your heaven, you must have died how, how did you die? He responded very strong and confidently saying, Yes, I have died, but I died protecting the ones I loved because I wanted to put my life at risk so that yours and your mother s wouldn t be. I then said only one word, Dad? and the shadow covering the man s face lifted. Under the shadow I saw my father, and I leaped into his boat to give him a hug. Then he looked me in the eyes and told me, I never intended for you to go through the things you went through growing up, but I want you to know even when I wasn t home with you and your mother, I never once stopped thinking about you, and only loved you more. So this is my heaven because I want to be with you where you re happy. I couldn t say anything so I just hugged him tighter. Though my relationship with my father didn t turn out how I expected, I was right from the beginning; I wasn t going to have a normal upbringing, but it was okay with me.