SHIRAT HANEFESH BNEI MITZVAH HANDBOOK May, 2017 Table of Contents Introductory Comments...2 Family Preparation for the...2 The Service...4 The Day of the Event...5 The Kiddush and Meal Afterwards...6 Tikkun Olam (Repairing the World)...6 Post bnei mitzvah...7 ToDo List for Planning:...8 Worksheet for Honors and Aliyahs in the Service...10 Critical Concerns and Sanctuary Setup...13
Introductory Comments Dear Family, MAZAL TOV! You are about to embark on a journey. This Handbook is designed to help you and your child feel prepared and supported along the way. We use the plural term, bnei mitzvah, to refer to either a bar or bat mitzvah. Our students do not have a bar or bat mitzvah at Shirat HaNefesh. They become a bar or bat mitzvah a son or daughter of the commandments. They are beginning to pursue a path toward Jewish adulthood and we are starting to recognize them, in their own right, as an integral part of the fabric of our community. Preparing for a bnei mitzvah is a process, involving and actively engaging both the student and the student s family. It is also a celebration for the entire Shirat HaNefesh community. The student becomes a voice of Torah and a leader of prayer, within our community s Shabbat morning service. Family Preparation for the You will meet with the rabbi to initiate the bnei mitzvah process and set a date for the event, and you will meet periodically with the rabbi and education coordinator throughout the process, as well. Since a bnei mitzvah ceremony can be any time after the 13th birthday, most families set their first meeting sometime around their child's 12th birthday, although we encourage students to stay with their cohort. Once you have set a date for the ceremony, you will meet 2-3 more times with the rabbi to clarify timelines and planning. During the week before the Shabbat of your bnei mitzvah you will do a run-through of the event, which will take one to two hours. While the whole process may seem confusing and intimidating at first, you will have friendly guidance all along the way. In general, advice, help, and stress-relief is but an email or phone call away!
The meetings with the rabbi will focus on 1. setting goals for participation in the service for the student and the student s family; 2. engaging in a mitzvah project for the student and family; 3. gauging the student's progress and discussing ideas for the drash; and 4.setting goals for involvement in the community after the bnei mitzvah. To this end, students are expected to become madrichim (coaches, counselors) for the Limud program or for upcoming bnei mitzvah students. Your child will study twice a week with the bnei mitzvah teacher, once on Shabbat mornings for 2-3 hours, and once midweek for 60-90 minutes. We encourage the family to attend Shabbat morning services along with their bnei mitzvah student. Student Preparation for Becoming a Bar or Bat Mitzvah Bnei mitzvah students must be enrolled in all elements of the Shirat HaNefesh education program, which currently includes Shabbat morning classes, Hebrew and trope tutoring, and Wednesday bnei Mitzvah classes. The year will most likely be very demanding. Students will need to have, or develop some proficiency in Hebrew. They will learn trope the ability to chant Torah and Haftarah. And they will learn many of the prayers in the liturgy. The Bnei Mitzvah program is designed to make this happen successfully for each student, no matter what their abilities are at the beginning of the process. If students need extra assistance, the Education Coordinator will assist the family in making arrangements to receive this assistance from a competent teacher. Bnei mitzvah classes begin with the standard school year. As noted above, there are 2 classes each week, one on Shabbat and one midweek in the evening. These are required classes. In them, students will begin by learning the Shabbat morning prayers. They will then proceed to learn the Torah and Haftarah blessings. The hazzan will introduce them to trope (ta'amim in Hebrew), the musical foundation of chanting sacred texts. In December or January students will begin working on writing their d'var Torah, an
analysis of their parashah (Torah portion). Generally this will include a combination of personal reflections on the ideas/events of their parashah, and a review of one or more commentaries written by modern and medieval rabbis. Students are also encouraged to pose questions to the congregation during their d var,and to orchestrate that discussion. Separately, with a tutor they will learn to chant their Torah and Haftarah portions. These lessons generally will begin 6-8 months prior to the bnei mitzvah date and will occur weekly. The shul will provide parents with a list of approved tutors. During the year, students will be encouraged to lead prayers. They may also choose to read from the Torah on one or more occasions prior to the date of their bnei mitzvah. Naturally, after their bnei mitzvah, we will encourage your child to become a regular Torah and/or Haftarah reader. It's a great honor and a profound skill. But we would like to emphasize that we understand that each student is different in their interests, learning styles, and abilities. We do not believe that one service fits all. Together we will plan your ceremony at a level that excites and challenges your child without being overwhelming. Our classroom program will support them as they become fully prepared. On the Shabbat of their bnei mitzvah, our goal is to see that each student has a genuine feeling of pride and joy in their accomplishments. The Service Bnei mitzvah ceremonies will generally take place on Saturday mornings, during the community s Shabbat morning service. The service should not feel like a private affair. Rather, it will be part of our community s regular celebration of Shabbat. However, we wholeheartedly welcome all guests of the bnei mitzvah family to join us as we gather.
The service will reflect the practices of our regular attendees, but families are welcome to explore creative modifications or additions with the rabbi and hazzan, to reflect the needs and interests of the family. The location of the service can be the regular sanctuary of the congregation, or the larger church sanctuary upstairs. This latter is best if there are more than 50-60 invited guests, and it must be reserved well in advance. On rare occasions another location may be desirable for the event. This must be approved in advance by the rabbi and hazzan. The location must be accessible to the rabbi and hazzan and appropriate for our worship. In addition, the space must be physically and geographically accessible to the congregation and able to accommodate the religious school program on that day. Non-Jewish family members and guests are welcome to participate in services. As welcome partners in our congregation, they are invited to join family members on the bimah and to lead the congregation in readings and some of the prayers. The Day of the Event Photography and videography during the Shabbat Service is not permitted, since there are members of our community who feel compromised in their worship if they are being filmed. Family photography will be permitted during the Kiddush, with sensitivity to those who don't wish to be photographed. Photos with the Torah scroll can be done only at the rehearsal. The entire community will be invited to attend the service. If school is in session, the Education Coordinator and teaching staff will seek to enable the other students in our program to attend at least a portion of the service, especially when the Torah is being read.
The Kiddush and Meal Afterwards It is expected that the bnei mitzvah family will make arrangements for a dairy and/or vegetarian kiddush, including grape juice and a large challah, following the Shabbat morning service, which will accommodate their guests and all community members who choose to attend the service that day, even if the family and its guests are going offsite for lunch. If families need assistance with set-up and clean up, they should talk with the Education Coordinator. WE ENCOURAGE FAMILIES TO KEEP IT SIMPLE!! Tikkun Olam (Repairing the World) Becoming a bar or bat mitzvah means that you are becoming responsible for your actions. This is a good time for you and your family to make (or renew) your commitment to help repair the world. To this end we expect all bnei mitzvah students and their families to participate in mitzvah project approved by the clergy. We also encourage all families to consider contributing 3% of the cost of your celebration to the tzedakah (charity) of their choice. The clergy are happy to help if families need guidance in this. For example, we encourage donations to Mazon.
ToDo List for Planning: From 18 months before, to the day of your Costs to consider: 1. hall/venue 2. catering/food a. Kiddush only or Kiddush and meal 3. extra tutoring 4. kippot 5. Chumash and other texts 6. placecards 7. stamps/postage 8. thank you notes 9. tallit 10. new clothes for family 11. centerpieces/decor/florist 12. photographer and videographer 13. hair/make up 14. DJ? 2. reserve upstairs church sanctuary and/or Harlow Hall if there will be more than 6070 people expected to attend 3. send save-the-date to guests, especially to out-of-towners 4. decide on honors and aliyahs for special guests (see Honors/Aliyahs Worksheet below) 5. call, or send request to special guests offering them honor/aliyah and keep list of acceptances/turn downs 6. order or design your own invitations, and placecards 7. order or make kippot 8. make timetable for Kiddush/reception/party 9. arrange for a photographer or choose people to do photography 10. does your child know the blessings? 12-18 months before event: 1. appt. with rabbi to set date and parashah 11. design invitations (will you hire a calligrapher?) 2. decide if there will be an evening event 12. get Hebrew names for people taking an (after sunset/havdalah?) aliya 3. begin to discuss mitzvah project 4. make preliminary guest list (will affect 3 months before event: which sanctuary to use) 1. finalize guest list and send invitations 2. finalize menu with caterer; if you are 8-12 months before event: preparing your own food, begin looking for 1. if using the church sanctuary, reserve good deals on ingredients date 3. family study night: meet with rabbi and 2. make tutoring arrangements 3. arrange accommodations for out-of-town teacher to talk about parashah and student s drash guests 4. if using a caterer, reserve date and decide 4. buy tallit, or if it is to be a gift from a family member or friend, remind them and on menu help them choose type/design 5. make hotel packets for guests 4-8 months before event: 6. place order with florist and for decorative 1. firm up guest list items
7. some people make centerpieces of a fruit/food basket to be donated to charity; if you are doing that, make arrangements with the charity 8. buy new clothes 9. is your child becoming comfortable with reading Torah and Haftarah? 3. instructions to photographers 4. review details with any 3rd party hires (caterer, DJ, etc) 5. listen to your child read Torah, Haftarah, and present dvar last week before event: 1. run thru at shul with rabbi, hazzan, 4-6 weeks before event: tutor, and teacher 1. talk to rabbi about timeline of service, 2. the run-through provides a great photo honors, aliyahs, and any other concerns op, since photography is forbidden during 2. meet with rabbi to review blessings, chant ceremony Torah/Haftarah, and read drash 3. confirm guest count for caterer/food, 3. optional: prepare welcome pamphlet for table setup, and any last minute changes in guests with details about flow of services, honors/aliyahs honors/aliyahs, and some welcoming 4. arrange pick ups from airports for outparagraphs and explanations about our of-town guests services; a template is available from the 5. take welcome baskets to hotel(s) for Education Coordinator guests 4. verify hotel reservations are in order 6. if using church sanctuary, prepare 5. make a seating plan for Kiddush/party sanctuary (cover large cross, cover door 6. request friends and SHN members, via crosses, get podiums, arrange to have Ark listserv, to help with setup arrangements moved upstairs, arrange microphones 7. if you are preparing your own food, begin 7. hair appointments and make sure clothes cooking fit 8. listen to your child read the Torah and Haftarah Day of event: 9. is your child's dvar complete? 1. get a good night's sleep! 2. rise early to give yourself plenty of time 2-3 weeks before event: to get ready 1. if you are preparing your own food, now 3. remember matches or lighter if you need is the big push for you and any other to light candles cooks/bakers. Also remember, food must come 4. remember: food must come in and go into the shul and go out on the same day. No out on the same day. No food can be stored food can be stored at shul. at shul. 2. remind all people with honors and aliyahs 5. breathe deeply, relax, and let yourself be to practice their parts and figure out correct blown away by how amazing a day it is. pronunciation of foreign words and unusual names
Worksheet for Honors and Aliyahs in the Service Please give this completed worksheet to the rabbi or hazzan 2-3 weeks before the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Let us know about guests that you want to honor by leading various portions of the service. They can lead a whole section (usually in Hebrew), or just one prayer in the section. If they are leading one prayer, it can be in Hebrew or English. Please note these details in the worksheet below. The rabbi, hazzan, or education coordinator will be glad to help you with all of this. Bar/Bat Mitzvah English name: Bar/Bat Mitzvah Hebrew name: Date and Parashah: Portion of Prayer Service Leader Siddur page # Birkhot HaShakhar Mah Tovu Elohai Neshama Morning blessings Psalm 30 other hazzan/rabbi or honoree 9 10 12 13-15 17 P sukei D Zimrah Barukh She-amar Brakha Ashray Reading/Psalm Psalm 150 (sung) Barukh Adonai l'olam Shokhaen ad hazzan/rabbi or honoree Presentation of Tallit parents Shacharit Bar'khu 1st blessing before Sh'ma Ail Adon 2nd blessing: Ahava Rabbah V'ha'er ananu (gather tzitzit) hazzan/rabbi or honoree 42 42 45 49 49 19 29 33 34 39
Portion of Prayer Service Sh'ma V'ahavtah 2nd Sh'ma para, or reading V'Omer Adonai Mi Khamokha Meditation before Amidah Amidah thru Kedushah Oseh Shalom Kaddish Shalaem Torah service Ain Khemokhah Open Ark V'Yehee Torah passing ceremony Bay anah rakhaetz Sh'ma to Gad'lu Torah procession Torah reading Reader Leader Torah reading 1st aliyah 2nd aliyah additonal aliyot Last aliyah 51 51 52 53 57 58-61 73 74 75 family 75 Aliyah First aliyah Second aliyah Additional aliyot, as needed Last aliyah Siddur page # Verses to read (book, chapter, verses) 77 77 Hebrew Name
After Torah reading Honoree Hagbah (Lifting the Torah) G lilah (Dressing the Torah) Haftarah reading Reader Blessings before Haftarah Haftarah Finish Haftarah (leyn, read, in English) Blessings after Haftarah After Haftarah reading Dvar Torah procession around sanctuary Charge to B. Mitzvah Shehekheyanu Parent reflections Teacher blessing Torah Procession, Y'Hallellu; p 90 Closing the Ark Aetz Khiyim Hi, while closing Ark; p 92 Aen Kelohanu; p 107 Alanu; p 108-110 V'ne'emar (to end Alanu); p 110 Adon Olam; p 112 Kiddush over wine Motzi over bread Siddur page # 84 84-85 Honoree rabbi rabbi and all parents B.Mitzvah teacher? class class or sibling/relative/class or sibling/relative/class
Critical Concerns and Sanctuary Setup In the last week before your event the pressure really ramps up. There are lots of details that now need attention, and lots of things you've put into motion that will be piling in on you now. Notes:The section will include things like, reserving the church sanctuary well in advance, setting up the sanctuary, planning food, and setting up the kiddush.