June 2012 Dear Temple Sinai Bar/Bat Mitzvah Family: Some of you have been planning for this milestone for 13 years, but I would imagine that when you received your Bar/Bat Mitzvah date, the level of urgency and anticipation rose dramatically. The preparations for a Bar/Bat Mitzvah ceremony and celebration can seem overwhelming, for kids and parents alike. We hope that this booklet will serve as a helpful guide and answer many of your questions as you plan for your special day. With so much to attend to, it is possible to lose sight of what becoming a Bar or Bat Mitzvah truly represents: that is, the understanding that being Jewish requires a certain level of commitment. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah ceremony allows a young man or woman to say: I am proud of who I am, of what I have learned and from where I came. I am proud to be Jewish and want to do my part to make this world a better place. If that can be said, then it matters little how much of the service one leads or how fancy the celebration is following the service. I hope that you will remember this advice should you encounter rough spots along the way. I, and the rest of the Temple Sinai professional staff, look forward to sharing in the preparations for your special day! Mazal Tov! Rabbi Adam Wohlberg
BAR/BAT MITZVAH - Preparation Timetable 1 Year Ahead: Purchase Religious Apparel (Tefillin and Tallit). The Temple Sinai Giftshop staff is available to help you. Attend to Shabbat morning services with your child; child called to bimah for simcha aliyah (with parents or another adult; introduced to congregation as he/she starts B/M preparation process.) Contact Executive Director, Ed Altman, to discuss celebration plans and options and reserve space for your event (ealtman@tsinai.com or 215-643-6510 ext 105). If you intend to sponsor an extended kiddush luncheon or a Saturday night celebration, you must talk with Ed Altman in order to reserve the appropriate spaces. A Saturday evening party cannot begin before the end of Shabbat (approx. 1 hour after Friday night candle lighting). Start times must be confirmed by Rabbi Wohlberg. 9 10 Months Ahead: Bar/Bat Mitzvah Coordinator (Marjorie Schwartz) will contact family to schedule individual lessons (mschwartz@tsinai.com or (215) 643-6510 ext 107). You will receive a packet of information/forms in the mail from Rabbi Wohlberg. This packet will contain a number of forms to be completed and returned to Rabbi s Assistant, Suzanne Teleha. You will be contacted by Suzanne to schedule the first of 2 meetings with Rabbi Wohlberg. 5-6 Months Ahead: Complete and return enclosed multi-colored 3-paged B/M Information Packet to Rabbi s Assistant, Suzanne Teleha, regardless of whether or not your celebrations will be held at Temple Sinai. Submit videography and photography forms to Suzanne Teleha Confirm all BBM celebration plans and party options which occur at the synagogue with Executive Director, Ed Altman. 3-4 Months Ahead: Email completed student s d var Torah to Rabbi Wohlberg (awohlberg@tsinai.com) and Suzanne Teleha (steleha@tsinai.com) before the meeting for review. Schedule 2nd meeting with Rabbi Wohlberg. Schedule 2nd meeting with Rabbi Wohlberg. Contact Suzanne to schedule your students s reading of Torah morning minyan. Participation will take place either the Monday or Thursday morning during the week before the bar/bat mitzvah. (Note: Sponsoring morning breakfast is tradition but is optional.) Submit a picture and completed biographical information form for Temple Sinai News to Edy Israel in the synagogue office (eisrael@tsinai.com). 4 Weeks ahead: Give final version of honors/aliyot list to Suzanne and donation list of contributions to Edy Israel in the synagogue office. 3 Weeks Ahead: First rehearsal with Cantor. (Dates & times will be mailed to you 4 months ahead of BBM) Week of: Meet your photographer for pictures. Participate in morning minyan on Monday or Thursday the week of bar/bat mitzvah.
INFORMATION FOR PARENTS and STUDENTS PREREQUISITES Families who wish to celebrate a child s becoming a Bar/ Bat Mitzvah at Temple Sinai must be members in good standing, which requires that all financial obligations to the synagogue have been met or that an agreement has been reached with our Controller regarding prior balance and payment plan.. In order to become a Bar/Bat Mitzvah at Temple Sinai a student must have completed at least five years of Religious School or the equivalent at a Jewish Day School. The student must be enrolled In a Religious School, Day School or Hebrew High School at the time of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. The privilege of leading parts of the service will be extended to those students who attain satisfactory classroom and Shabbat attendance. Students who enhance their Shabbat service attendance will be able and better prepared to maximize their participation. Please refer to the Shabbat Attendance Policy. ATTENDANCE During the Vav year, students will be introduced to the practive of wearing tallit and tefillin. Families are strongly encouraged to purchase a set of tefillin for their son or daughter. Tefillin are available for purchase in the Sisterhood Gift Shop. Students are responsible for recording their attendance at Shabbat Services through the Religious School Shabbat service attendance log. Periodically on Sunday mornings, parents of Vav and Zayin students will be expected to attend Bar/Bat Mitzvah related educational programs with their children. These dates will be part of the Religious School calendar. It cannot be emphasized strongly enough how much familiarity with our synagogue s Shabbat services will aid a student in feeling more relaxed and comfortable on the day of his/her celebration. Please plan to attend Shabbat services (Friday night and especially Shabbat morning) regularly from now until the time of your family s simchat. BAR/BAT MITZVAH TRAINING PROCESS Bar and Bat Mitzvah lessons will be set up by a call from the Bar/Bat Mitzvah Studies Coordinator, Marjorie Schwartz. The first lesson will be about 30 minutes in length and a parent should be present for the entire first lesson. Subsequent lesson will be 20 minutes per week and will not conflict with Religious School classes. It is important that the Bar/Bat Mitzvah Coordinator be informed as soon as possible of any family members who are interested in chanting a Torah portion. MITZVAH PROJECT Students will participate in the SOAR mitzvah project process beginning in 5th grade. When completed, the mitzvah project, will be presented to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah Coordinator and Rabbi Wohlberg no later than a month before the Bar/Bat Mitzvah ceremony. D VAR TORAH (sermonette) Each student will work with Rabbi Wohlberg to prepare a D var Torah which will be shared with the congregation on the day of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah ceremony. The D var Torah must be completed and emailed to Rabbi Wohlberg no later than 8 weeks before the service. RABBI S APPROVAL NEEDED FOR: 1. Invitation: Submit to Rabbi Wohlberg before printing. 2. Parent s Prayer Offered in front of Ark: Submit by your second meeting with Rabbi Wohlberg. 3. Brochure Insert (if you choose to create one): Submit at least 4 weeks before B/M date.
MORNING MINYAN PARTICIPATION INFORMATION FOR FAMILIES SHABBAT BROCHURE Bar/Bat Mitzvah students are strongly encouraged to come with their families to the Monday and Thursday morning services which occur during the week prior to the Bar/Bat ceremony. The family will receive an aliyah and the student will chant portions of his/her Torah reading and participate in the service. During midweek services, young men and those young women who have chosen this obligation are expected to wear tefillin. Bar/Bat Mitzvah families are asked to sponsor the breakfast which follows the morning minyan. If you would like to sponsor breakfast, please contact the synagogue office 1 month in advance. Mincha Candidates have a different timetable; please consult with Cantor Freedman. TORAH HONORS Torah honors will be given to you and those adult Jewish men and women you designate. The person called to the Torah must be able to read or recite the Torah blessings. If any person to whom you wish to give a Torah honor needs assistance, please call the office, and the blessings (in Hebrew and transliteration) will be sent to you. If those called to the bimah have small children, please assure them that children are welcome on the bimah as long as they are orderly and well behaved. A maximum of 6 adults can come up together for an aliyah. Specific honors information can be found on the honors sheets included in this handbook. If members of your family are not Jewish, please consult with Rabbi Wohlberg as to how they might be honored during the service. TORAH READERS Temple Sinai encourages family members of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah who are comfortable doing so, to read a portion of Torah at the Bar/Bat Mitzvah service. We will be glad to supply a recording if needed. Those who wish to read Torah will be required to have their Torah portion readings approved by the Torah Reading Coordinator. Plans for Torah reading by family members should be initiated no later than 6 (six) months prior to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah service. Information for the Shabbat brochure should be submitted to the synagogue office 4 (four) weeks prior to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah date. A sample copy of the Shabbat brochure is available in the synagogue office upon request. Grandparents, family members, and friends are encouraged to make donations in celebration of the simcha. All donations will be listed in the brochure. If you are sharing a date with another family, reciprocal donations are common. Many parents wish to express their appreciation to Synagogue professional staff for work done in preparing their child for his/her Bar/Bat Mitzvah. A donation to a synagogue fund is an appropriate way to express this appreciation. TIME OF SERVICES Our Friday night service customarily begins promptly at 6:00 P.M. and concludes at about 7:00 P.M. The service is followed by an Oneg Shabbat consisting of light refreshments to which the entire congregation is invited. All families celebrating a Bar/Bat Mitzvah are expected to attend Friday night services the weekend of the simcha. Extended family and friends are welcome as well. Our Shabbat morning service begins promptly at 9:30 A.M. and concludes at about noon. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah family is requested to arrive no later than 9:15 A.M. and to take their seats by 9:25 A.M. The service is followed by a kiddush to which the entire congregation is invited and where the congregation may extend good wishes to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah family. Families that choose to celebrate in the synagogue with a kiddush luncheon are asked to include the congregation in their Se udat Mitzvah (Meal of Celebration). If the Bar/Bat Mitzvah is being celebrated at a Mincha service, the starting time is determined by the Rabbi Wohlberg based on the time of Friday night candle-lighting that week. The service lasts about one and one-quarter hours. The Sunday morning Rosh Chodesh, Chol HaMoed or Chanukah service begins at 10:30 A.M. and concludes at about 12:00noon.
RELIGIOUS APPAREL A Bar Mitzvah must wear a kippah and tallit. A Bat Mitzvah must wear a head covering. If a Bat Mitzvah wishes to wear a tallit, she may do so. However, this decision should not be taken lightly, as the wearing of tallit is a lifelong obligation. At Temple Sinai, all men wear head coverings. All women who go to the bimah must wear head coverings and should leave their handbags at their seats. We will gladly provide head coverings for those men and women who do not bring their own. At Temple Sinai, the tallit is worn at a morning service, but not at a Mincha (evening) service. However, at all services, any man coming to the bimah for a Torah honor must wear a tallit. At a service where tefillin are worn (Sunday or weekday) the Bar Mitzvah - and Bat Mitzvah if she has chosen this obligation - must wear tefillin. Fathers and male siblings are also expected to wear tefillin; other men receiving Torah honors are encouraged to wear tefillin. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah and family should dress in a manner which reflects the religious nature of this ceremony; short skirts, low-cut necklines, off-the-shoulder and/or sleeveless dresses are inappropriate synagogue attire. It is important to remind women guests, especially those who will come to the bimah for an honor, that short skirts, low-cut necklines, off-the-shoulder and/or sleeveless dresses are inappropriate synagogue attire. Religious apparel, including tallitot, tefillin, tallit and tefillin bags, head coverings for women and kippot (personalized), are available for purchase at Temple Sinai s Sisterhood Gift Shop, 215-643-7372. PARTICIPATION IN SERVICES 1. Friday Night a. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah and his or her parents will ascend the bimah and read an English prayer before the congregation blesses the Shabbat candles. b. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah will recite Kiddush. 2. Shabbat Morning/Shabbat Mincha/Sunday or Weekday a. The parents of the Bar Mitzvah - and of the Bat Mitzvah if she has chosen to wear a tallit - will present the tallit prior to the beginning of the service. b. At the Bar/Bat Mitzvah service, the parents will be honored with an Aliyah. c. As part of the service, the Bar/Bat Mitzvah will address the congregation. The parents of the Bar/ Bat Mitzvah usually recite a prayer aloud in front of the ark. A meeting with the Rabbi to discuss the parents and child s remarks will occur approximately nine months prior to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Original prayers are encouraged, but please remember that these are prayers to G-d in front of the Ark and the congregation. d. Siblings or other relatives of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah are welcome to call him/her to the Torah. A recording may be obtained for young children. If you prefer, the Cantor will call your child to the Torah. e. After the Rabbi s charge, the parents and the immediate family will be asked to stand and recite the Shehecheyanu with the Rabbi. f. At the conclusion of a Shabbat morning service, the Bar/Bt Mitzvah and his/her immediate family will exit the sanctuary first and stand alongside the Rabbi and Cantor at the kiddush table in the auditorium. g. During most Shabbat morning services, adult supervised babysitting is available. We encourage you to make your guests aware of this service. h. The parents and the Bar/Bat Mitzvah will be asked to come to the synagogue and serve as greeters at the Bar/Bat Mitzvah service which proceeds their simcha. Families celebrating on Shabbat morning or on a Sunday/Weekday morning would greet at a Shabbat morning service. Families celebrating at a Shabbat Mincha service would greet at a Shabbat Mincha service.
Bar/Bat MITZVAH CALENDAR CHANGES The assignment of B nai Mitzvah dates occurs approximately three years in advance of the synagogue ceremony. During the intervening period of time, it may become necessary for the synagogue to create a double Bar/Bat Mitzvah on a Saturday morning that was originally scheduled to be a single. The synagogue reserves the right to make such a change up until the point at which a student begins his or her Bar/Bat Mitzvah lessons. Bar/Bat MITZVAH CELEBRATION The Bar/Bat Mitzvah celebration should focus on the religious significance of the occasion. This is a time that should be marked by the gathering of family and friends. It is Temple Sinai s philosophy that ostentatious parties deny the sanctity of the occasion and take away from the religious significance of the event. In planning your celebration, we strongly urge you to keep in mind the pronouncement of the Conservative Rabbis of our community regarding the manner of celebrating religious occasions. They state that: Two of the most hallowed Jewish institutions which we deem indispensable for the survival of Judaism are Shabbat and kashrut (Jewish dietary laws). To violate either or both of these sacred traditions in conjunction with the celebration of a religious event, such as a wedding or Bar or Bat Mitzvah, is to compromise seriously the significance of the occasion and to render a disservice to the tradition which provides the motivation and the framework for that occasion. Accordingly, we call upon our people to enhance the spiritual character of the sacred moments in their lives by observing them in ways which honor the Shabbat and kashrut. In order to enhance the celebration of a Bar/Bat Mitzvah in the Synagogue, the following policy has been approved by the Board of Directors: In accordance with an opinion within the Rabbinical Assembly Committee on Law and Standards, the Temple Sinai Religious Committee approves live background and Israeli folk music at a social function celebrating a religious simcha held in the Synagogue on Shabbat. The type of music will be specifically regulated, and only Israeli dancing will be allowed. Smoking is prohibited within the building as well as on the grounds of Temple Sinai. Please ask your guests to abide by our policy. There is no gum chewing permitted in the sanctuary. Please encourage your guests to remain in the sanctuary for the duration of the service. Constant entering and exiting during the service detracts from the sanctity of the occasion. It is expected that visitors and guests act appropriately at all times and treat our facility with respect. The Synagogue does permit professional videotaping and still photography of Shabbat luncheons under certain conditions; flash photography and video lights are not permitted on Shabbat. No photography is allowed in the sanctuary. In all cases, only those professionals engaged by the family are permitted to photograph or videotape. If you are making arrangements to videotape the service, you must contact the synagogue office. BAR/BAT MITZVAH FEES The Bar/Bat Mitzvah family pays a fee to cover the costs of all instruction, including materials. The fee also helps to defray the cost of the Oneg Shabbat and Kiddush. The use of the Synagogue immediately following services for the Kiddush is also included. The synagogue enlists the services of security guards for all Bar/Bat Mitzvah evening parties and occasionally for other related events as well depending on the type of event and number of attendees. This security service is arranged by the synagogue office and is billed to the B/M family. In order for Bar/Bat Mitzvah training to begin, the families must be members in good standing as defined in PREREQUISITES above. Any payment plan must be structured so that the Bar/Bat Mitzvah fee and all other outstanding financial obligations to the Synagogue are paid in full no later than six weeks prior to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. The use of cell phones, pagers and other electronic devices is prohibited on Shabbat. Please make certain that you and your guests turn off such devices before entering the synagogue.
PARENTAL EDUCATION Parents and their children preparing to become Bar/Bat Mitzvah are strongly urged to attend Shabbat services regularly during the year before their child s simcha. Becoming familiar with the service will enormously enhance the joy experienced throughout this simcha. Parents are encouraged to take advantage of the many Adult Education classes and programs offered at the synagogue. SPECIAL CIRCUMSTANCES The experience of becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvah provides a wonderful opportunity to focus on what a child can accomplish. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah highlights successes, not limitations. If a child has a special need, the Educational Staff and Clergy should be informed as soon as possible. With ample preparation provided by our Bar/Bat Mitzvah studies coordinator, the Bar/Bat Mitzvah ceremony can and will be a meaningful event in a young person s life. Every child has the right to participate in a Bar/Bat Mitzvah ceremony which is both meaningful and appropriate. Helpful Phone Numbers: Temple Sinai Office: (215) 643-6510 Sisterhood Gift Shop: (215) 643-7372 Bar/Bat Mitzvah Studies Coordinator, Marjorie Schwartz: (215) 643-6510 x-107 Executive Director, Ed Altman: (215) 643-6510 x-105 Office Manager, Edy Israel (215) 643-6510 x-100 Rabbi Wohlberg s Assistant, Suzanne Teleha (215) 643-6510 x-103 Accounting Office: Marcy Lyons Gohen (215) 643-6510 x-121 Carol Erb (215) 643-6510 x-122