Destiny's collide in the water and bring God's Glorious Grace. Grace in the Water by Liz A. Darnell Order the complete book from the publisher Booklocker.com http://www.booklocker.com/p/books/9091.html?s=pdf or from your favorite neighborhood or online bookstore.
Copyright 2018 Liz A. Darnell ISBN: 978-1-63492-006-3 All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the author. Some people and incidents in this book may be composites created by the author. Names and details may have been changed and any similarity with names or stories, of individuals, described in this book known to readers, is purely coincidental. Published by BookLocker.com, Inc., St. Petersburg, Florida, U.S.A. Printed on acid-free paper. BookLocker.com, Inc. 2018 First Edition To reach the author: www.lizdarnell.com
Unless otherwise noted, all scripture quotations are taken from the King James Version of the Bible. Scripture quotations marked (NIV) are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The NIV and New International Version are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc. Excerpt from "Diary of Saint Maria Faustina Kowalska: Divine Mercy in My Soul" "Used with permission of the Marian Fathers of the Immaculate Conception of the B.V.M."
Table of Contents About the Author... IX An Opening Prayer... XI Grace in the Water... 1 The Number of Grace... 21 Grace Sees Inside... 47 Protection Through Grace... 73 Web's Covered By Grace... 115 Grace When We Mourn... 137 Grace Makes Me Good Enough... 149 Grace When We Dream... 175 Grace In July... 195 Grace Covers Bad Chapters... 215 Grace When We Trust... 227 Grace Cancels My Shame... 239 How Do I Know that I am a Child of God?... 275 vii
Grace Sees Inside When I spent those few hours with that little girl, it was so wonderful to experience. I came home and wanted to figure out if I could draw the picture of Jesus and the little girl, as they sat in the ocean. The image was so beautiful when it happened in my mind. I had been praying for God to help me find someone that might be able to draw. I'm ok with writing but I definitely can't draw. I had no idea how I was going to make it come to fruition but I knew in my heart, I really wanted to try. In the following weeks, I got a couple of emails from artists. I had never gotten an email like these before. If I would send them a photo, they could draw a picture for me. Some of the emails showed examples of work. They had images of things they had drawn, in the past. One email was from a pencil and paper artist and the other drew with water and paint. I replied to one of the emails and the guy thought it sounded like something he would really like to do. After a week or two of trying to capture the image, he emailed me back. He told me that he just couldn't seem to capture the image in his mind and get it down on paper. His commercial renderings were starting to take off so we just let things go. 47
Liz A. Darnell I knew it was going to be a difficult job. I didn't have a photo to show anyone. I knew they would have to start drawing, from their own imagination. I had a few details to provide but I really needed someone to be able to connect to the image, just as I had done. The very first time I had the thought of drawing Jesus, sitting in the chair, I pictured the chair being red and more wooden. Almost like an Adirondack chair. I wasn't sure why but it kept coming to my mind as red. No matter how many times I tried to brush the color aside, the chair was always coming back as red, in my mind. Not long after thinking of the picture, I heard a pastor talking about the latest tragedies' and shootings that were happening in the news. He mentioned how we are all the same color on the inside. He said, "We are all red on the inside." Something inside of me leapt, with that word. No matter the outside, our blood is the same color, on the inside. There is no room or reason for prejudice, when we're viewing things from inside. Under our skin, we are all the same. The differences in our "shells" are only seen from the outside. What's in our hearts' is what matters the most. (I thought of the little girl when I typed the word shells.) God fascinates me. The color red represents what Jesus is providing. His blood, on the cross, has all the power we will ever 48
Grace in the Water need. Because of this we can be healed. We're blessed by His Grace. The color red brings us together and unites us, into one. When we view things with a different perspective, our transformation can begin. Our minds become renewed. We're washed (more water) and made pure. Isn't it fascinating that as I sat here, just now, it came to my mind and fingers so gently and easily. "It washes us." God's blood washes our souls, deep on the inside. I really love the way God is working with me. I love when I can feel Him as He's helping me write. He makes me more beautiful. I'm nothing without Him. I never could get the right image or anyone to help me with the drawing. Soon it was time to select the book cover. I sent in a description of a few things that I would love to see. Something wasn't right about the initial selection. The artist asked me to visit a site that he liked. He asked me to view more pictures there and see if there was something else I could find. I searched and searched, for hours that day. I would save a photo and then search for more, just to be sure. I continued doing this several more times. Finally, I stopped what I was doing. I closed my eyes and I prayed, "God, you already know which picture's going to be the final one. I need your help. If I keep 49
Liz A. Darnell looking, it's going to take me all day just to find the right one. You can do this instantly. Please help me." I opened my eyes and the very first picture, on that page, was one I didn't remember seeing. It became the cover of my book. It was almost breath taking, when I saw it. There it was, right in front of me. I even think the chair is, reddish, in color. I think the chair is made of wood. It looks like an aged wood. It shows a quality to it. There's a hidden beauty in that chair that can only be appreciated, when one has weathered through storms. When I got one of the final proofs, for the cover of my book, I noticed there were more boats in the picture than I had originally seen. At first, I didn't know how I felt about seeing three boats, in the water. I wanted to figure out a way I could blur two of the boats. That would be like trying to alter God's plan, in a way though. Wouldn't it? I searched for the meaning of ships and boats and I discovered a really beautiful thing. Ships and boats are used to carry things that we need for life. Like God's word, they carry life inside. They become a safe place for us to rest when we're on a restless sea. When we come to calm waters, we feel a difference inside. I think they represent a really wonderful thing. 50
Grace in the Water For the first time I noticed there were three boats. I hadn't seen the other two before. Everything about the picture was becoming more perfect. Things were growing and coming to life. God is three persons, rolled into one. The Holy Trinity carries three. I love to notice all of these details. New things come to light, the more that I look. There was no way that I couldn't have all three boats showing now. The way you see the picture, on the front, is exactly how it was, when I opened my eyes. I had been praying, all of this time. I had wanted to find someone to create it in drawing. I wanted it to be drawn, on paper. This beautiful picture was there, all of this time and waiting for me. I only had to pray, ask God for help and open my eyes. In my first idea, I wanted a man to be sitting and a little girl leaning on his knee. Months and months later, I'm seeing something new, now. The chair should have always been empty. The chair is waiting for anyone that's willing to believe. The choice is up to each of us. Every person gets their own right to choose. We get to decide if we believe in the almighty power of God. Now, I realize, the chair was never just about me. It's also about you. I emailed another picture to the cover designer and asked him if I could pick two pictures. I found one for the front and one for the back. The back of my book 51
Liz A. Darnell has a little girl and she's leaping, by the water. I love the shadow below her (We always reside in God's shadow). The first time I saw the picture I started to cry. I knew it was perfect. Shadows can only be seen, when there's light. 1 John 1:7 - But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin. 52
Grace in the Water Everything about my cover has meaning even the grey that backgrounds my name. It took a life of its own too. Grey is stable and balanced. It represents impartiality. I didn't even know the meaning of grey, when the color had been chosen to approve. I just knew I liked it better. It seemed softer and right. Everything comes down to perspective, what we're choosing to see. God changes our view with time. He helps us find beauty in everything around. When we're walking in love, it's like we're giving God a wonderful offering. When we learn the beauty in giving, it begins to feed our body and then it feeds our soul. We almost become the one that's actually receiving our own offering. He gives everything back to my heart. Ephesians 5:2 - And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour. With all of the attention coming to me about the picture, I began to notice more details, in other pictures around me. I started stopping more and standing still. I started to gaze into art. I was noticing more details, in all of the pictures. One day, while I was alone, I noticed something about one of my pictures that really amazed me. I had just recently purchased the set and they were hanging on 53
Liz A. Darnell my wall. It had been a few weeks, since I brought them to my home. I found them at a store that I love to go walking through. It's a large store with second hand items and newer things to purchase. One day, I stumbled upon the two pictures and I could tell they were meant to be together. I knew I couldn't buy one and not buy the other. I had just the perfect spot for them. They are now hanging, close to one another, on a wall in my home. One is of a beautiful doorway that's leading to a gorgeous, outside sitting area. In the picture, you can see giant French doors. They open to an exterior garden. There's sun and trees and a beautiful scene. It shows a lot of nature and flowers. The other picture shows the same house. The view in the second picture looks out of a doorway as well but it's on a different side of the house. You can see a beautiful garden in the second picture. There's a pathway that leads to a large gate. The gate is closed and off in the distance. It shows a few trees and lots of flowers, climbing on trellises. When I purchased the two pictures, I never noticed all of the small details. I knew that I really liked them and I wanted to take them home. Both pictures are now hanging and equally balancing an area. 54
Grace in the Water One day the lights were off in my room and the sun was falling behind the clouds. My room became darker than normal. I started noticing the pictures. Different details were coming through in each one. The darkness and distance was changing their appearance. I was seeing different things, standing out, in the pictures. Things I hadn't noticed when I was in the store. In the picture showing the pathway, I noticed that one of the bushes looked more and more like the shadow of a man. The man looks hunched over and almost like he's hiding. From a distance, in the dark, the picture looks more like it's on a longer, dirt road. The road is leading to a taller, closed gate. The pathway looks more like a road made of dirt and it's leading to an entry gate. The gate seems to be further away. Something about the picture, at a distance and in the dark, made me think of how it must seem when someone feels lost and alone. In the two pictures, you can see how different angles and lighting change the entire perspective. The differences start to become more revealed. 55
Liz A. Darnell 56
Grace in the Water In the two pictures, the image is the same. One perspective shows a darker side and can carry a sadder tale. When the light shines upon the picture, we see deeper and closer. It becomes a beautiful oasis that's sitting, right outside the door. It shows a beautiful garden that's flooded with light and flowers. 57
Liz A. Darnell Something about seeing the different angles of the same image helped me. It filled me with hope. It reminds me how my mind can be used against me. The mind can play tricks on our very own eyes. Just with a small change in our view and a difference is created with our thoughts and perceptions. We can choose to distort the truth. It all comes down to our view. Ephesians 4:23 - And be renewed in the spirit of your mind. Before I was to marry again, I was terrified that I might choose the wrong person. I knew I was ready to be dedicated and be with one person. I knew I was ready for commitment. I knew what was going to be required from me but I wanted to be able to pick the person myself. I wanted the right one that God wanted but I also wanted to be able to select a few things on my own. I was confused on which man I wanted to be with. I had more than one person that I had been dating. I didn't want to date more than one person anymore. Deep in my heart, I wanted God to help me. I met my husband about a year before I prayed for God's help. He was a really great guy but he already had a son that had been getting into trouble at preschools. His son wasn't adjusting well and he never 58
Grace in the Water got to see his mom. I always knew it would be a difficult road if I ended up staying with him. I enjoyed his company and we had fun together. We both had attraction to one another and our first kiss was magical. We had a fairy-tale first kiss. We both felt things, when we had that first kiss. He tells me, all of the time; he fell in love with me on his first kiss. He treated me well and his heart was right. Most importantly, he seemed to have a love for God. Everything wasn't perfect, of course. There were things that I liked and things that I didn't. About six months in, I broke things off. I needed to make sure how I felt. I wanted to just take things slow, and see other people for a while. I knew the relationship was going to take work. I really wasn't sure that I could handle all of the dynamics involved. After I broke things off, I started seeing a few other men. I really wanted to take control of things and sever all ties and move on. Months passed and I thought the doors were sealed and completely shut with him. I thought we had both moved on. One day, I was in such despair over what I should do. I had been dating two or three other people at this time. I knew, deep down, I wanted something better. I knew that I wanted to commit. I wanted to be monogamous and to start a more solid path with one person. I knew what I wanted but I had to make the 59
Liz A. Darnell right choice this time. I didn't know if I could trust myself with the decision. I started making my bed one morning and I knelt down to the floor. Sitting on my knees, I wept and prayed. I knew I wanted more in my life. I prayed harder than I think I've ever prayed for anything else before. I asked God to show me what to do. I asked him to show me the right person. I asked him to send me a sign, "God, if I know this person, please make him call me. I will know the next person that calls me, will be the right one." I stood up and finished making the bed. As I was putting the final pillow in place, the phone began to ring. On the other end it was my, now, husband. He called and said, "I had the strangest feeling that I needed to call you, right away. I tried to ignore it but I couldn't turn away and not call." I sat down on my bed and almost dropped the phone. How is this possible? We weren't communicating at that time. Not in any way. It had been about five months since he tried to reach out to me. I would never allow contact with him. I tried for so long to break any lines of communication. The person on the other end wasn't the one I thought it would be. It ended up being someone I hadn't been expecting. I thought the doors had been closed shut 60
Grace in the Water and quietly sealed. We started seeing each other again on that day. We've been together almost every day since. Now, it's almost eighteen years later. There have been times in my marriage where I think I tried to sabotage the bond. I think I have probably done a few things almost trying to see if he would leave. Maybe, I could prove that things were always wrong. Maybe, the first time we separated was correct. If he left, I could be right. My own selection could be true and then I could be right. We've haven't really left each other's side since the day that he called. He takes care of me. He's never afraid to tell me when he's done something wrong. I'm never afraid to tell him anything either. We use to talk for hours and hours at a time. We started out as friends. I even offered to babysit for him, when we first met, so he could see other people. There have been a lot of days that have passed by in our lives. Many times the trials have been hard to get through. A few people have tried to come and break our marriage apart. In the end, we just choose to stay together. We stick together, just like we're glued. We... just go together... Romans 8:28 - And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to [his] purpose. 61
Liz A. Darnell A long time ago, when I lived in Virginia, my son was still very small. We had just moved into a brand new home. The builder had just finished building it and we were finally allowed to move in. I had suffered a very bad miscarriage during our wait. At this time in my life, my first husband was rarely home. He was in the military and overseas almost the entire time we were together. There always seemed to be a little piece missing in my home. My son was about two or three and I use to take him to the pool. I loved to watch him in the water, as he learned how to swim. One day, I decided to take him to our new, little community pool. It was going to be a day of swimming and playing together outside. I had been thinking of getting a kitten for a while. I never really did anything about finding one. I thought a lot about it but I never went to seek one out for us. While I was at the pool that day, a lady started a conversation with me. She told me that one of her friends had found a kitten. She asked me if I knew anyone that might be interested in one. I found out, the kitten had been abused very badly. Someone had put it in a mailbox and lit firecrackers and closed the door. The kitten had been through a lot of trauma and was still very young. The lady's friend had been trying to find a really good home for 62
Grace in the Water the kitten but was having no luck. I told her that I had been thinking of getting one for a while. A day or so later, I went and saw the kitten. The kitten was very tattered. It looked patchy in spots, almost like it had gotten burnt. You could tell it was probably one of the smallest ones in the litter. She was possibly even the most unattractive. I left the kitten and told her, "I'm about to go out of town but when I get home, if you still have her, I will take her." When I got back home that day, the kitten kept coming to my mind. I thought about why I didn't want her. I had the thought, "You don't want this kitten because it's not pretty, on the outside. The kitten needs a home and you won't take her because she's not cute." That thought really made me ponder. Deep in my heart, I knew it was true. I didn't want the kitten because it wasn't beautiful, on the outside. Proverbs 12:10 - A righteous [man] regardeth the life of his beast: but the tender mercies of the wicked [are] cruel. All the days on vacation I thought about the little kitten. I decided when I got home I was going to go get her. I wanted to give this kitten a home. When I got back I called the lady and the kitten was still there. I was a little aggravated that no one else had taken her. There was still something inside of me that 63
Liz A. Darnell wanted to find a beautiful kitten. I knew what I had to do. In my mind, I wanted the perfect, adorable kitten. Now, here in front of me, there was a kitten that was in need. She was not beautiful and I almost rejected her because of her "shell". My son and I went to go get her and we named her Ali. When I moved from Virginia, I couldn't bring myself to leave Ali behind. I knew she had to come with us. We were moving to Florida. Car packed with clothes and boxes, we took Ali with us too. The car now held me, my son, a cat and her litter box. She became part of our family. There was no way we could leave her behind. We drove over ten hours on that first day. She barely made a sound as she sat on my lap while I drove. Many years later, after she was gone, I found myself longing for another kitten. I looked online and found an ad for free kittens. The people lived in the same town as me and I wasn't going to have to drive very far to go see them. This time around, it was a local rescue foundation that was seeking good homes for the entire litter. I didn't have to pay for shots and they were even going to pay for the cats to get spayed, later. A good home was all they needed. 64
Grace in the Water There was a little black and white one, in the picture. He looked a lot like Ali. I called the lady to see if that one was still there. He was still available and I committed over the phone to come pick him up. I told her, "I want the black and white one. I'm very sure, that's the one." In the picture, you couldn't see the black and white kitten very well. I knew that I really wanted one that favored Ali. When I went to pick up the kitten, there were a lot more there, than I thought I would see. The black and white one wasn't the cutest. I stood and stared as I pondered. There was another kitten that I liked. She was cuter. I wondered if I should take her instead. I already told the lady, "No matter what, I want the black and white one." She had held him for me and had not adopted him out. I told her I wasn't going to change my mind when we spoke on the phone. After I got to the room, all the kittens were playing. I stood and watched them as they played. There was a beautiful one. She was white and beige in color. Now, I wanted to take the white one instead. I had already committed to the black and white one though. "Oh no...he's one of the most unattractive ones. Maybe I should take the white one." I thought. I wanted to take the cuter, more adorable one. It didn't matter now. I already made a commitment to take the black and white one. The kitten needed a 65
Liz A. Darnell good home and that was all that mattered. With a small gulp, I picked the little kitten up and walked away. I left the most adorable, white one behind. I already had him named before I got to their home. His name was Prince Alee (Ah-lee). When I was about to leave, the lady told me it was strange that I was naming him Alee. Her husband had been calling him by a famous boxer's name. They thought it was funny that his name was now Alee. When Alee was very young, he never wanted to be away from me. He would curl up on my shoulder and sleep, as I worked in my office. He never wanted to be away from me for any length of time. Still to this day, he follows me when I leave a room and go to another room. He rarely leaves my side. When I change rooms, I know we have to bring his bed with us. One night, I woke up and it was really early in the morning. Alee was in his bed, close to the footboard of my own bed. I started praying to God, in my mind. Alee got up and came over to me. He sat down, close to my face. He sat right next to me as I continued to pray. A few times after that, I would wake up really early and I'd try really hard not to move or make a sound. Almost every time that I started to pray, he would come over to my face. It was like something was waking him up and he knew I was awake. 66
Grace in the Water I wondered how he knew I was awake. I made sure that I didn't speak out loud. I didn't make a whisper or noise. I closed my eyes and lay very still, every single time. I was praying, inside my own mind. I didn't want to wake him up. I tried to be careful and never moved my body. Every time, never failing, he would come and sit by my face. One day, I was wondering if Alee might be able to hear my thoughts, as I prayed. I had read when we are praying, the enemy cannot hear us. It got me thinking about Alee. He seemed to know that I was awake, every time. Even if he couldn't see me move or hear my voice, he always came over. Thinking, back and forth, in my mind, I had the thought, "Maybe he's seeing something." Instead of hearing something, maybe he's seeing something. I heard a story about a man one day that went to church. When the preacher got in the pulpit, he opened his bible and started preaching. The man could see angels when the preacher opened his bible. The angels stood with swords. I've never seen anything, appear before my eyes. I've heard other stories where people have said things like this. One day, I opened my bible and I saw Alee looking at something, above me. When I tried to see what he was looking at, there was nothing there. 67
Liz A. Darnell One time, I was in the kitchen and he hopped up in a chair beside me. He just started staring at something by the ceiling. It gives me comfort inside when I see him come over to me now. I can't believe that I ever had the thought of letting him go. Imagine if I would have taken that white cat all because of a shell. Imagine if I would have turned away from my husband because he had things I didn't like that were happening around him. I know that God loves me. His word says that the angel of the Lord encamps around me. Psalms 34:7 - The angel of the lord encampeth round about them that fear him, and delivereth him. I was in a store one day and walked by a lady talking to her friend. She was discussing a recent event that had happened, in her life. As I passed by, I heard her say, "I asked God to restore my spirit." When I heard her say that, something touched me inside. It was like my stomach did a little flutter. I knew it was a good thing. A few mornings later, I opened my eyes and was lying in bed. Before I moved, I prayed inside, over and over, "God, please restore my spirit. Please restore my spirit." I just kept repeating it. It felt like my soul was being washed, so deeply, on the inside. It was a wonderful feeling. I'm trying to remember to tell people about it, when I see them feeling down. 68
Grace in the Water Psalms 51:10 - Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. So many times, we judge people based on their outside shell. The inside is so much better. They're like beautiful, hidden gems. There's an undeniable, inner beauty. Just like a rough diamond, that's never been polished. I don't ever want to make that mistake again. Not ever, for the rest of my life. I know my beautiful kittens have guided me with this. They've given me a beautiful story to share and they make me feel really blessed. 69
Liz A. Darnell My Prince, as a kitten... My prince as an adult... 70
Grace in the Water The Beautiful... The one and only... Prince Alee 71
Destiny's collide in the water and bring God's Glorious Grace. Grace in the Water by Liz A. Darnell Order the complete book from the publisher Booklocker.com http://www.booklocker.com/p/books/9091.html?s=pdf or from your favorite neighborhood or online bookstore.