ONE: Christ at the Center of Our Sexuality Pursuing Intimacy Layne Lebo February 5, 2017 I ve been accused of preaching about sex too much, and that critique has some merit, because my goal is to address the topic with a focused series at least once every eighteen months. I m committed to preaching regularly about sexuality because there is a growing divide between what the Bible teaches and culturally acceptable behavior and standards. And increasingly, when it comes to sexuality, followers of Jesus appear to be accommodating to the culture rather than embracing the truth of Scripture. I ll give one example. The Bible teaches that sexual intimacy has been established by God for a husband and a wife in the context of marriage, but our culture tells us that it s ludicrous to think that a man and a woman who love each other would choose not to sleep together until they are married. Our culture uses arguments like: If a couple love each other, they can t be expected to resist the attraction they have for each other until they re married. It makes sense financially to live together and with our busy schedules, it s the only way we d get to spend time together. And, How can you know if you re compatible with each other, if you haven t slept together? Living together before marriage is common even among adults who follow Jesus and who have grown up in church. A majority of the engaged couples I meet with for pre-marriage counseling, who are followers of Jesus, are living together for one or more of the reasons mentioned above. As a pastor and as a dad I wonder, Do our children and teens, and even, parents, know what the Bible says about God s design for sexuality? So, last spring I invited Pastors John King, Chad Wenger and Susan Vigliano, along with Doris Barr, a former McBIC pastor, to breakfast to discuss this topic. I loved hearing their perspectives and talking together about how we might address our concerns. One of the ideas that came out of that time together was this series and a renewed commitment we had to pro-actively communicate how God views our sexuality and what his Word says about sexuality. Over the next 4 weeks John King, Susan Vigliano and I will be preaching a series called, ONE: Christ at the Center of Our Sexuality. We start the series today with a message titled, Pursuing Intimacy. 1
Here s my plan for our time together today I want to begin by laying a biblical foundation related to sexuality. I can t say everything there is to say, because there is a lot in the Scriptures, but I want to cover the basics. (The best book I ve read that wrestles with the biblical text and what it says about sexuality is called, People To Be Loved: Why Homosexuality is Not Just an Issue, by Dr. Preston Sprinkle. I read this book several weeks ago and it was really helpful to me. The author focuses on the issue of homosexuality/same sex attraction, and in addressing that topic he looks at key Scriptures in the Old and New Testaments to develop a theology of sexuality.) Secondly, I want to challenge us as followers of Jesus, to embrace a higher standard both in living sexually pure lives and in showing love to those who are living in ways that are inconsistent with our beliefs. And finally, I want us to look at the example Jesus sets for us by exploring his interaction with the Woman at the Well in John chapter 4. A biblical framework for our sexuality begins with the Creation account in Genesis. In Genesis 1:27 after God created light and darkness, land and water and sky, and plants and animals we read, So God created mankind in his own image; in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. Each of us is created in God s image that s the starting place. God made our souls and our spirits and He made our bodies. We re designed for relationship, for intimacy with our Creator. God also created us to crave relationship and intimacy with others. After creating Adam, God noted that it was not good for man to be alone and in response, He created Eve. Each of us is designed for relationship with our Creator and with others. Being made in his image sets us apart from everything else God created. The Bible teaches that all of creation worships God, but as ones created in God s image, we re uniquely designed to worship our Creator. Adam and Eve experienced intimacy with God, as ones created in God s image. God walked with them in the Garden of Eden, but that relationship with God was broken when Adam and Eve sinned. In Genesis 3 we learn that Adam and Eve s sin brought brokenness and separation from God and every person since them has lived with that reality. Sin also gravely impacted our relationships with others. When Adam and Eve sinned they hid from God and they hid from each other they sought to cover their nakedness with clothes. This brokenness and separation from God and from others that sin brought is clearly seen in humanity s sexual brokenness. Ever since The Fall we ve been on a quest to fill 2
the hole meant for intimacy with God and with others. And one of the primary ways many of us try and fill this void is through the pursuit of sexual fulfillment outside of the boundaries God has set for us. The 2 nd statement I d like us to grasp as I continue to lay a biblical foundation for our sexuality is, our sexuality is an important facet of our identity but it s not everything. God made us male and female and through sexual intimacy we have the potential to become one with a husband or wife. Our sexuality is an important part of who we are. But contrary to the message our culture often gives us and to what the church typically communicates, sexuality and marriage aren t the be all, end all. One of the errors I see is that we tend to equate intimacy and fulfilling relationship with sexuality, but intimacy and sexual expression aren t synonymous. In my experience some of the people most committed to relational intimacy and deep community are single people. You don t have to be married to experience intimacy and relational fulfillment. Jesus, our model for faithful, godly living, was single and celibate. The Apostle Paul the greatest missionary and church planter and most prolific N.T. author, was single and throughout his writings in the New Testament Paul encourages those who are single to remain single because of the advantages their singleness provides in allowing them to be devoted to Jesus and to doing his work. That s a different message than our culture gives us. Our culture is designed around marriage and if it glorifies singleness it does so apart from celibacy or sexual purity. Our culture portrays the main advantage of singleness to be sexual freedom unchained from the burden of commitment to one partner. I m convinced that one of our culture s and our church s foundational problems is that we ve glorified sexuality elevating it to a place God never intended. Instead of our sexuality coming underneath our identity as ones created in God s image who submit ourselves and our desires to Him, we worship sex. We ll probably look at this passage more later on in this series, but listen to the Apostle Paul s words in Romans chapter 1 verse 25: They exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator. That is an indictment of our culture, and too often it s an indictment of the church. Rather than embracing the truth of God, as it is revealed to us in his Word, we ve chosen to embrace lies. And as part of the lie we ve embraced, we worship and 3
serve things that God created, rather than worshiping Him as our Creator. That verse perfectly describes our culture and the situation in which we find ourselves. The third statement I d like to unpack as part of the biblical framework for sexuality is, sexual intimacy isn t casual. Through sexual intimacy we become one with another. In the Creation account in Genesis 1 & 2 we learn, that we are created in God s image. God made us male and female. He told Adam and Eve that a man would leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and they would become one flesh. And in the New Testament the Apostle Paul builds on the Creation account and applies it to the lives of his readers. Paul gives us extensive teaching on sexuality in a letter he wrote called, 1 Corinthians. 1 Corinthians was written to the 1 st Century Church at Corinth a church riddled with sexual struggles. In chapter 6 of 1 Corinthians verses 12-20 Paul writes these words I have the right to do anything, you say but not everything is beneficial. I have the right to do anything but I will not be mastered by anything. You say, Food for the stomach and the stomach for food, and God will destroy them both. The body, however, is not meant for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. By his power God raised the Lord from the dead, and he will raise us also. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, The two will become one flesh. But whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit. Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. I Corinthians 6:12-20 Two things I d specifically like to highlight from Paul s words that support the idea that sexual intimacy isn t casual. There is a oneness connected with sexual intimacy that is unique. First, the foundation for sexual purity is the fact that we are members of Christ our oneness with Him as his followers takes priority over all other commitments. And, when we engage in sexual impurity, we re in a sense uniting Christ with that impurity, because we are linked to Him. And secondly, in verse 18 Paul says, All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. I m not totally sure what Paul means in this statement and Bible scholars have differing theories, but I can say this with assurance. There is something about the nature of the sexual union between two people that impacts 4
them at a level that isn t the case in other activities or sins. Our culture says, Sex is just physical. You can have sex with someone and walk away from it and it s done. They call it casual sex. There is no such thing as casual sex. Sex is always a big deal there is a connection that occurs in sexual union that transcends the physical it s emotional and mental and it is spiritual. When we connect with another sexually, we re joined with that person in a way that can t be easily separated. Take this play dough as an example. When I put them together they can t be separated. When we join with another person sexually the two become one. That s why God in his plan, designed sex for a husband and a wife in the context of their commitment to each other through marriage. Casual sex is an oxymoron. Having laid a foundation of biblical sexuality albeit a quick one I want to address the question, How do we show Jesus love to those whose beliefs and behaviors don t agree with ours? Differing views on sexuality between followers of Jesus and those who don t follow Christ have led to significant division and misunderstanding. Followers of Jesus espouse our view on sexuality based on what the Bible says and people feel criticized, judged and unloved and we re accused of being critical, judgmental, unloving and out of touch with reality. And while our differing views are responsible for some of that divide, we have to admit that much of the divide is due to our judgmental, unloving attitudes and to our hypocrisy. I want us to look at Jesus interaction with the Woman at the Well in John chapter 4, because his example serves as a great model for us. If you have your Bibles or electronic devices, I encourage you to find John 4. Jesus and his disciples were traveling and their travels took them through Samaria, a place no self-respecting Jew would travel through, because Samaritans were viewed as half-breed, heretics they were Jews who had intermarried with non-jews and rather than worshiping in Jerusalem they had set up their own worship site in Samaria. So, devout Jews avoided any and all interaction with Samaritans. Jesus stopped at a well while his disciples went to a nearby town to get food. It was noon and a woman came to the well. No one went to draw water in the heat of the day, but apparently this woman was looking to avoid interaction with people. Jesus engaged her by asking her for a drink. I ll begin reading at John chapter 4 verse 9 The Samaritan woman said to him, You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink? (For Jews do not associate with Samaritans. Jesus answered her, If you knew the gift of 5
God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water. John 4:9 & 10 The woman didn t seem to understand what Jesus is referring to. She continued talking about the cool, wet stuff while Jesus was talking about her spiritual need. Eventually she said, Sir, give me this water so that I won t get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water. And then in verses 16-26 Jesus turned the conversation to spiritual matters, He told her, Go, call your husband and come back. I have no husband, she replied. Jesus said to her, You are right when you say you have no husband. The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true. Sir, the woman said, I can see that you are a prophet. Our ancestors worshiped on this mountain, but you Jews claim that the place where we must worship is in Jerusalem. Woman, Jesus replied, believe me, a time is coming when you will worship the Father neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem. You Samaritans worship what you do not know; we worship what we do know, for salvation is from the Jews. Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in the Spirit and in truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth. The woman said, I know that Messiah (called Christ) is coming. When he comes, he will explain everything to us. Then Jesus declared, I, the one speaking to you I am he. John 4:16-26 Eventually, this woman returned to her town and encouraged everyone to Come see a man who told me everything I ever did. Could this be the Messiah? John tells us that many Samaritans in that town placed their faith in Jesus because of her testimony. It s a fantastic story, but I want to hone in on Jesus interaction with this woman whose lifestyle and value system were diametrically opposite to his. Jesus loved her. He engaged her in conversation. He didn t get hung up on what others who saw Him talking with her might think. After talking with her for a bit, He made it clear to her that He knew who she was and what her lifestyle was. And when she tried to hide behind theological arguments, He kept bringing the conversation back to the need that He saw in her. Jesus spoke truth, but He spoke it with love and graciousness. He didn t judge or criticize her. He didn t tell her she was sinning or that she was headed for hell. He just loved her; highlighted the need He was aware of in her life; and, pointed her to the one (Him) who could meet that need. Jesus is our example. Admittedly, He s better at engaging people than we ll ever be, but his Spirit lives inside of us and He promises in his Word that He ll guide us into all truth. 6
He will empower us to follow his example and to love and treat people the way He did. I m convinced that most of the fault for the divide between followers of Jesus and those who live differently is ours. We ve chosen judgment and criticism and fear, rather than love and grace. Have you ever thought about how odd it was that Jesus the perfect, sinless Son of God was able to draw people who were broken and hurt by sin to Himself like a magnet. I d think that those were the people who steer clear of Jesus, but they were drawn to Him, because the love and grace and truth of God emanated from Him. And God will empower us to respond in the same way. When it comes to sexuality, our beliefs and our behavior based on God s Word will put us at a different place than others in culture, but our differing beliefs don t mean that we can t love and respect people and point them toward the love and grace and forgiveness of their Heavenly Father. As I close this message today I want to speak specifically to those whose behaviors or lifestyle may not be consistent with what I ve shared from the Bible today. I want you to know above all else that Jesus loves you. He came to this earth and gave his life for you, so that you might receive the love of your Heavenly Father. Your Heavenly Father longs for relational intimacy with you. John 3:16 tells us that Jesus came to save us, not to condemn us. Jesus knows that your ultimate quest is for intimacy with Him. He understands the attempts you re making to fill the void that only He can fill through sexual intimacy. His heart hurts not because you re breaking his rules or failing to live up to his standards, but because He knows where the path you re traveling on leads to hurt, brokenness and emptiness. And just like his heart for the woman at the well, He wants to be the one to quench your deepest thirst and to satisfy your greatest hunger. Hope, healing, wholeness and true intimacy are found in Jesus alone. I also want to speak to those of us today whose beliefs are consistent with what I ve shared from the Scriptures today. I commend you, because the beliefs you re embracing aren t popular and they re not easily held in a culture that espouses very different views. I want to challenge us to a higher standard a life that s true to Scripture and a life that shows love to those whose beliefs and behavior differ from ours. I hope you noticed that my first challenge is for us to live in a way that s consistent with Scripture. That s crucial, because too often we ve espoused something that we haven t lived out. No one likes this word, but we can t avoid the 7
reality that too often we ve been hypocritical. We say we believe what God says in his Word about sexuality while our lives at times show little difference from those who live differently. Our lives are marked by lust, pornography, sex outside of marriage what our culture calls casual sex, living together before marriage and adultery within marriage. None of us is perfect and we all stumble and fall and sin in some ways, but my sense is that our failures related to sexuality are often more accommodations to our culture and its belief system than occasional slips and stumbles. Romans 1:25 too often describes us. We ve exchanged the truth of God for a lie and we ve chosen to worship and serve sex, rather than our Creator. As a follower of Jesus in this culture and as a pastor and a dad of 3 teens, I m troubled by the value system and the activity I see surrounding sex in our culture, but I m much more concerned about how we as followers of Jesus and as the church are living than I m concerned about the lives of those outside of the church. I believe that our Heavenly Father s heart is for us as his followers is to embrace a higher standard living lives that are true to Scripture and living lives that show love to those beliefs and values and behavior in relation to sexuality are different than ours. As we embrace that standard, I m confident we ll notice change in our lives, in our families, in our church, in our communities and in our culture. 8