ROUND TRIP TO MONTE CARLO TEN MINUTE PLAY

ROUND TRIP TO MONTE CARLO TEN MINUTE PLAY By George Matry Masselam All Rights Reserved Heuer Publishing LLC, Cedar Rapids, Iowa The writing of plays is a means of livelihood. Unlawful use of a playwright s work deprives the creator of his or her rightful income. The playwright is compensated on the full purchase price and the right of performance can only be secured through purchase of at least four (4) copies of this work. PERFORMANCES ARE LIMITED TO ONE VENUE FOR ONE YEAR FROM DATE OF PURCHASE. The possession of this script without direct purchase from the publisher confers no right or license to produce this work publicly or in private, for gain or charity. On all programs and advertising this notice must appear: "Produced by special arrangement with Heuer Publishing LLC of Cedar Rapids, Iowa." This dramatic work is fully protected by copyright. No part of this work may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without permission of the publisher. Copying (by any means) or performing a copyrighted work without permission constitutes an infringement of copyright. The right of performance is not transferable and is strictly forbidden in cases where scripts are borrowed or purchased second hand from a third party. All rights including, but not limited to the professional, motion picture, radio, television, videotape, broadcast, recitation, lecturing, tabloid, publication, and reading are reserved. COPYING OR REPRODUCING ALL OR ANY PART OF THIS BOOK IN ANY MANNER IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN BY LAW. PUBLISHED BY HEUER PUBLISHING LLC P.O. BOX 248 CEDAR RAPIDS, IOWA 52406 TOLL FREE (800) 950-7529 FAX (319) 368-8011

ROUND TRIP TO MONTE CARLO By George Matry Masselam SYNOPSIS: An Arab-American young man seeks the blessing of his fiancée s mother in southwestern Virginia. Stereotypes abound; sparks and guile result before all comes to rest. CAST OF CHARACTERS (ONE MAN, TWO WOMEN) SARA JEAN... Woman in her fifties. Strong-willed and opinionated mother who adores her daughter. (66 lines) AHMED... Man in his twenties. Quiet and confident, also strongwilled. Smart. (57 lines) LINDA LEE... Daughter Of Sara Jean. In her twenties. Softer than her mother. But nevertheless crafty in her own way. (32 lines) SET: A parlor. - 2 -

PRODUCTION HISTORY World Premiere at Playwrights Platform Summer Festival, June 2010 Produced by Robert Boulrice Directed by Lau Lapides Sara Jean Alice D Antoni Ahmed Ibrahim Miari Linda Lee Mary-Liz Murray Winner of Best Play - Audience Choice Best Play - Playwrights Choice Best Female Actor - Audience Choice, Alice D Antoni Best Male Actor - Audience Choice, Ibrahim Miari Produced at the New England Fringe Festival, October 2010 Directed by Lau Lapides Sara Jean... Alice D Antoni Ahmed... Ibrahim Miari Linda Lee... Mary-Liz Murray - 3 -

SETTING: A parlor in Bedford, Virginia. AT RISE: SARA JEAN and AHMED play checkers. AHMED has the black pieces and SARA JEAN the red. The characters speak very cordially to each other belying their test of wills. SARA JEAN: My daughter can t marry some damn A Rab. What kind of life would that be? (Makes a checkers move. Jumps one of his pieces.) AHMED: There s nothing subtle about you. (Makes a checkers move.) SARA JEAN: We don t have much time. Linda Lee s gonna be back momentarily. They d never let her board a plane in the U.S. again. A Rabs are terrorists. AHMED: Allah Esiadna. SARA JEAN: What? AHMED: God help us. All of us are terrorists? SARA JEAN: Sorry. Birds of a feather. (She makes a double jump.) It s the genes. (To the audience with exaggerated gestures.) You think there are some sharks out there that don t eat people? Instead cuddle with humans? No! Dolphins cuddle, sharks don t! (To him.) You don t marry my daughter, buster. (Takes all of his pieces off the board except one.) AHMED: She s already agreed. (He moves his one piece.) What do you expect me to do? SARA JEAN: (She jumps his last piece.) Disappear. AHMED: What? SARA JEAN: Tell her you are HIV positive. AHMED: I m not. SARA JEAN: Then lie, for God s sake. AHMED: I m very good for your daughter, Mrs. Stone. SARA JEAN: Just not possible. AHMED: I adore her and will treat her as my princess and bride for the rest of her life. - 4 -

SARA JEAN: (Picks up the teapot. Opens top.) Like Aladdin s genie. Disappear! A puff of smoke evaporating into thin air. AHMED: Aladdin was a lucky A Rab. Where should I tell her I m going? SARA JEAN: Who cares? Just that you are no longer in her life. AHMED: There will never be a man who loves her as much as I do. SARA JEAN: How many wives do you expect to have? AHMED: I m a Christian Arab. Named Ahmed after my father s best friend. I only plan to have one. SARA JEAN: You know you re a despised race. AHMED: We re not a race. Like the Jews, we are descended from Abraham. SARA JEAN: Abraham who? (Looks around her and at the audience, as if Abraham is sitting there.) AHMED: In the Old Testament? (He looks around and at the audience as well.) SARA JEAN: Oh, that Abraham. He was Jewish. AHMED: It all depends on whom you ask. SARA JEAN: (To the audience.) There s a pecking order, you know. Benjamin Franklin was appalled about Germans immigrating to Pennsylvania. He thought they d destroy the American way of life. (Back to AHMED.) Now, you re on the bottom. Do you know Benjamin Franklin? AHMED: A founding white father? SARA JEAN: (Enter LINDA LEE.) Hi, honey. You done calling your bridesmaids? LINDA LEE: Mostly. Just wanted to check and see how you and Ahmed are getting on. SARA JEAN: We re having the most wonderful conversation. What a wonderful choice you ve made for a fiancé. LINDA LEE: Thanks, Mama. I m glad you like him. SARA JEAN: Very charming. It s great to have him down here in Bedford. We consider it God s country down here, Ickmed. AHMED: Ahmed. It is very beautiful with the Blue Ridge Mountains. LINDA LEE: I was worried. I thought you wouldn t like him. SARA JEAN: Sugar, why would you say something like that? LINDA LEE: You tend to like what you know. - 5 -

SARA JEAN: Yes, I am very tried and true. LINDA LEE: What are you guys talking about? SARA JEAN: Just getting to know each other. We share many common views. AHMED: Your mother s been educating me about the ways of Americans. LINDA LEE: Mom. Ahmed is an American citizen. AHMED: I think your mother and I will have a wonderful relationship. She really is an interesting woman. And if I may say, very beautiful. (He pours a cup of tea for her. Hands it to her.) SARA JEAN: Why, thank you, Ickmed. AHMED: Ahmed. Allah Sudna. LINDA LEE: (Goes to AHMED.) Isn t he good, Mama? And he has a fine eye for beautiful things. SARA JEAN: (Draws LINDA LEE to her.) Have you known a long time? No ring. LINDA LEE: That s not important. AHMED: (AHMED draws LINDA LEE back to himself.) I proposed last night. I m working on the ring. My Jido has friends. SARA JEAN: Jido? AHMED: My grandfather. He says he can help us find something truly beautiful. But Linda Lee has the final say as to what goes on her finger. LINDA LEE: It s not important. SARA JEAN: (Draws LINDA LEE to her.) No, Linda Lee. These symbols are very important. Your father, God rest his soul, was only able to afford a tiny diamond in the beginning, but he got me something much better on our tenth anniversary. AHMED: (AHMED draws LINDA LEE back to himself.) I agree with your mother. You must have the best money can buy. (To SARA JEAN.) See how we agree? It s a pleasure being with you in your home. Family is very important to us. I think your mother and I really understand each other. I ve told her I m a very fortunate man indeed to have her daughter be in love with me. LINDA LEE: Great. I need to finish those calls. To make sure my friends can all do it. I ll be back. (LINDA exits.) - 6 -

SARA JEAN: No way, buster. No soft talking this woman. It may work with my daughter. But with me, flattery won t get you to first base. She puts the checkerboard away. Picks up compact makeup kit. Begins to fix makeup on her face, looking in her mirror. AHMED is behind her so she carries the conversation using her mirror and AHMED talks back to her reflection in the mirror. AHMED: I like you. SARA JEAN: It s not personal, Ahmed. Down here we just don t believe in mixing things up. (A pause.) It s not about you. If she had your name, her life might be in danger. As good as we are, we have our cuckoos. (Curls her eyelashes.) AHMED: (To her compact mirror.) Cuckoos. SARA JEAN: Nuts. AHMED: (To her compact mirror.) Pistachios? SARA JEAN: How would you plan to support my daughter, Ickmed? AHMED: Ahmed. As a teacher. In our culture, teachers are very valued. Every young Arab child wants to become a teacher. A person of learning and wisdom. SARA JEAN: My daughter has been given a lot. She s used to a certain lifestyle. AHMED: I don t worry about those things. SARA JEAN: As my daughter s husband, you need to. What does your father do? AHMED: Like his father, a teacher. SARA JEAN: Nope! It disturbs the equilibrium. AHMED: I will not lose Linda Lee. SARA JEAN: Ahmed, we have in America, figures of speech. I believe in them: one is fight fire with fire. (Takes out her checkbook.) Can I offer you an incentive to reconsider this? (Begins to write check. A pause.) Ten thousand dollars. (He stares at her silently.) We re not that rich. Fifteen thousand? (Writes that number in her checkbook. Slides it to him.) - 7 -

AHMED: I understand your concern. You don t know me. You don t know my family. We are the same as you. With the same desires. The surface may seem different. But inside, similar and one. Linda Lee and I have one soul. My family would love to have me marry a good Arab girl. But when you behold a jewel that glows for you beyond all jewels, you hold onto her, because it s meant to be. (Sings several lines from an Arab song to brides.) Ya hena ya hena ya hena ya atr e nada Ya shubak habibi ya einy jalab el hawa AHMED: (Continues. Slides check back to her.) We should follow our hearts. SARA JEAN: You can t afford to support her on a teacher s salary. AHMED: We re not worried about that. SARA JEAN: You need to be. People seek their own level, like water. AHMED: Is that an American figure of speech? SARA JEAN: I don t know. AHMED: You re not sure of me because I appear different from you. She s fair-skinned. I m almost black, you think. I come from a different culture. (Enter LINDA LEE. SARA JEAN quickly puts checkbook and check away.) LINDA LEE: Honey, (Sits in his lap.) I ve been talking to the girls. The bridesmaid dress I like costs $400, and that s a little steep for them. AHMED: Let me see it. (She shows him.) Is that your favorite? LINDA LEE: My real favorite is this one. But it s a thousand dollars. SARA JEAN: A thousand dollars? Good Lord, Linda Lee. AHMED: Let s do the thousand-dollar one, then. LINDA LEE: Are you sure? SARA JEAN: Are you crazy? How can people pay? AHMED: We don t need to worry about those things. SARA JEAN: What? The Bedford Baptist Church? LINDA LEE/AHMED: Monte Carlo. - 8 -

SARA JEAN: (Starts getting excited. Walking about the room.) Monte Carlo? What are you thinking? How will everyone get to Monte Carlo? The expense? I was expecting your wedding would be in the church in which you grew up. LINDA LEE: Mama, Monte Carlo. It s on the Mediterranean. SARA JEAN: I know where it is, darling. You re planning a small wedding? LINDA LEE: Absolutely not, I want everyone there. SARA JEAN: (Still walking.) I don t understand. How can you ask people to pay? AHMED: We don t need to worry about that. SARA JEAN: Do you need a psychiatrist? AHMED: I already see one. SARA JEAN: So that explains everything. People will not pay to go to your wedding in Monte Carlo. AHMED/LINDA LEE: They won t have to. SARA JEAN: Linda Lee, help me. LINDA LEE: His grandfather will pay. He ll charter jets to pick them up and put them up for a week. SARA JEAN: I thought you said your grandfather was a teacher. AHMED: Yes, among other things. LINDA LEE: (Her cell phone rings. Sits on the front edge of the stage.) Excuse me. Hello, Jido. Yes, Jido. Um-huh. Let me ask him. Jido s in Paris. Wants to know if we can meet him there tomorrow. He saw a beautiful diamond there, but wants me to approve of it. He has a plane in the States that can take us. AHMED: That d be fun. LINDA LEE: He says okay, Jido. See you tomorrow. (Hangs up.) You don t mind, Mama, do you? SARA JEAN: (Joining her on the front edge of the stage.) Who minds Monte Carlo? LINDA LEE: Things are happening so fast. I got to let the girls know. Wait til I tell them about their dresses. Thank you, Ahmed. (LINDA LEE exits.) SARA JEAN: Sounds like your grandfather is a wealthy man. Why didn t you tell me? AHMED: I don t think it s important. Do you? - 9 -

SARA JEAN: No well no I do. AHMED: What s important is the love that Linda Lee and I share. With that, anything is possible. SARA JEAN: It does seem that you could provide very well for my daughter. AHMED: I ve never worried about that. SARA JEAN: Now I know why. AHMED: Will you give us your blessing? SARA JEAN: (Coyly.) It would be very hypocritical of me. AHMED: You worried about your daughter. Now you don t have to worry. SARA JEAN: Money does help all situations. You can rise above everything with it. Monte Carlo in the spring. That s such a lovely memory. As wealthy as we ve been, we ve never vacationed there. You won t consider me a hypocrite? AHMED: (Goes to her.) I want your blessing any way I can get it. I don t believe our marriage could work without it. We both want it. SARA JEAN: Yes, then. If this is what Linda truly wants, I give you my blessing. AHMED: Thank you. (Enter LINDA LEE. Goes to AHMED. SARA JEAN listens.) LINDA LEE: You know, Ahmed, I was talking with my bridesmaids again. They were telling me about their weddings. In their hometowns, in their family churches, where they grew up. They suggested I do it the same. Simple. Would you mind terribly if we had it here? AHMED: Whatever your heart desires. LINDA LEE: I think I would like that. And we don t need those expensive dresses. I can make their dresses for them. I love to sew. AHMED: Yes whatever LINDA LEE: And I don t want some big diamond from Paris. I d be very happy if we got our ring at the jeweler downtown. SARA JEAN: (Can t contain herself any longer.) Linda, are you cuckoo? - 10 -

LINDA LEE: No. I think I want an intimate, simple, non-extravagant wedding. Ahmed, would your family mind coming here for the wedding? AHMED: They d like that. It would be a chance for them to know your world. But this wedding is your day. Are you sure this is what you want? LINDA LEE: Yes, I m sure. AHMED: They d particularly like staying here with your mother and her family. Would it be too inconvenient for you and your family to put them up? SARA JEAN: We have many bed and breakfasts in town. AHMED: They d love being taken into your homes - to learn about you and your way of life. There s much to be respected here. They would reciprocate when you come North. SARA JEAN: I guess we could arrange that. I was looking forward to Monte Carlo. AHMED: Doesn t sound like Linda Lee wants that. SARA JEAN: I guess not. Linda Lee? LINDA LEE: I m happy. Thank you, Mama. SARA JEAN: It seems we have come full circle. I feel dizzy. LINDA LEE: About what? SARA JEAN: I m not sure. I ve been to Monte Carlo in a private jet and am now back in the Bedford Baptist Church, cooking for a family of Arabs. (A pause. Light dawns for SARA JEAN.) Does Ahmed have a rich grandfather? LINDA LEE: Rich in spirit. SARA JEAN: You rascal you lied. LINDA LEE: I did. You gave us your blessing. SARA JEAN: I did. LINDA LEE: Will you take it back? SARA JEAN: I d like to. LINDA LEE: Mama, you always said, Fight fire with fire. SARA JEAN: I did. I swear, child, you re as bad as me. LINDA LEE: You taught me well. Please, Mama? Will you give us your blessing? - 11 -

She kisses her. SARA JEAN hugs her back. Takes LINDA LEE s hand and then AHMED s hand, facing out to the audience. SARA JEAN: Every pot has its cover. AHMED: Now that s a French figure of speech. SARA JEAN: God help us. THE END - 12 -