WHEN YOUR CHURCH FEELS STUCK 7 UNAVOIDABLE QUESTIONS EVERY LEADER MUST ANSWER CHRIS SONKSEN

Transcription

1 WHEN YOUR CHURCH FEELS STUCK 7 UNAVOIDABLE QUESTIONS EVERY LEADER MUST ANSWER CHRIS SONKSEN C

2 2017 by Christopher A. Sonksen Published by Baker Books a division of Baker Publishing Group P.O. Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI Printed in the United States of America All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means for example, electronic, photocopy, recording without the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC. ISBN Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations are from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois All rights reserved. Scripture quotations labeled NKJV are from the New King James Version. Copyright 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations labeled MSG are from THE MESSAGE. Copyright by Eugene H. Peterson 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, Used by permission of NavPress. All rights reserved. Represented by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc

3 This book and all the work behind it are dedicated to my mom. She always stood in my corner, rejoiced with me, and responded with a confident pride when I would tell her about my latest and greatest news. As this book is released, I can still hear her voice telling me, You can do it, son. Thank you, Mom, for always believing in me and establishing that belief in myself. Shirley Jean Sonksen September 4, 1941 August 16, 2014

4 Contents 1. My Church Is Stuck 9 2. God Determines the Talent, We Determine the Choices Making Excuses Will Keep You from Winning The Six Phases of a Church... What Phase Are You In? Question 1: Mission 65 What Do We Do? 6. Question 2: Strategy 85 How Do We Get It Done? 7. Question 3: Values 99 What Are the Guiding Principles We Live By? 8. Question 4: Metrics 113 How Do We Measure a Win? 7

5 Contents 9. Question 5: Team Alignment 127 Do We Have the Right People in the Right Seats Moving in the Right Direction? 10. Question 6: Culture 147 How Do We Change the Culture of Our Church? 11. Question 7: Services 163 How Do We Match What We Say Is Important and What We Really Do? Acknowledgments 179 Notes 181 8

6 1 My Church Is Stuck It was Tuesday morning and the alarm began to make that annoying sound that screamed at me to get up. I typically jump out of bed pretty quickly, but this specific morning I must admit I was a little tired. As I began to get myself ready to head to the airport, I started to think about Pastor Jeremy. Today was going to be the first day we met face-to-face. We d talked a few times on the phone, but today was the first official day of his church becoming a South Hills Church affiliate. Translation: our team at South Hills was going to come alongside him to help take his church off pause and move it toward a pattern of growth. The affiliate strategy is something that was birthed several years ago. It was a result of our team coaching churches toward change but realizing that they needed more than just a monthly phone appointment. They needed someone to walk alongside them and to help them build strategies that would lead them to 9

7 When Your Church Feels Stuck momentum and move them toward becoming a growing and thriving church. I finished getting ready, grabbed my worn-out, black carryon bag, and headed to the airport. As I arrived I went through the security lines as I have hundreds of times before and boarded the flight fairly quickly. Doesn t always work out this way (on-time flight, short lines, and a quick takeoff), but man, it sure is nice when it does. Despite hoping for an emergency exit row, I was stuck in the last row near the freshly scented restroom. I removed my laptop from my backpack and started to review the notes and church history information that Pastor Jeremy had sent me. The report seemed fairly typical. It read like most of the churches we have partnered with. Pastor Jeremy had been at the church for almost ten years. The church had very little debt (he inherited the church and its building from a pastor who had been there for several years) and was located in a small to midsize town. Attendance was roughly 200 to 250 and the bills were current. The website wasn t exactly the best, but overall it was okay. They had some fairly successful programs in place and a few part-time staff to help carry the load. Nothing too extraordinary, but nothing out of the ordinary. As the flight prepared to land, I put away my work. Soon enough I got off the plane, rented a car, and was headed to meet Pastor Jeremy. As I pulled up to the church, it looked fairly normal. The building was architecturally outdated but seemed to be kept up okay. Like many American churches that are twenty-five years or older, it wasn t positioned in the best part of town or on the busiest street. At one time maybe it was, but that 10

8 My Church Is Stuck is not the case today. There were two banners strung across the front of the church. One banner promoted the service time at 10:00 a.m., and the other promoted a children s camp that was taking place in just a few weeks. I stepped out of my car into the somewhat neglected asphalt parking lot and, after a bit of a search, located the right door to lead me to the office, where I told the front desk volunteer that I was there to see Pastor Jeremy. After I waited for a few minutes, a dark-haired guy in his late thirties or early forties dressed in a fairly modern style and with a slight smile on his face rounded the corner and I said, You must be Pastor Jeremy. Please, just call me Jeremy. He waved his hand to motion to me and said, Let s go into my office. We headed toward his office, stopping along the way to meet two of his parttime (or possibly stipend) staff members, one of whom was serving as the worship leader and the other as the children s director. Once again I thought, Pretty typical... he s compensating someone to lead worship and someone to oversee the children s ministry. Nothing out of the ordinary here. As we stepped into his office, I recognized several books on his shelves; books from great authors on the subjects of leadership, church growth, vision, raising up volunteers, increasing your giving, and many other books and resources dealing with these types of church-related subjects. (I also noticed that he didn t have any of my books on his shelf, which in turn ended our time together and I went back to the airport.) All kidding aside, it looked like a normal office, with great books, a few pictures of his family, and a couple of important memorabilia on his desk. Again, pretty typical. 11

9 When Your Church Feels Stuck We sat down to begin the initial discovery phase of his church. This is always phase one of working with churches that become affiliates. Having a detailed discussion with the pastor and his staff and key leaders gives us real insight into where the church is currently, where it s been, and what needs to happen to see it grow and become all God intended it to be. It wasn t very long into the conversation before Jeremy began to be very transparent with me. Typically this takes a while, but I think Jeremy was tired of acting like everything was fine when deep inside he was screaming for help. He didn t want to wait until we were in month three or four... he was ready to be honest with me and with himself, and he wanted answers. He looked troubled, and he said with a tone of frustration and discouragement, Nothing I am doing seems to work. We average 200 to 250 every week but I can t seem to get this church to grow. I feel so stuck. When I first got here ten years ago, they had been without a pastor for quite some time. When the former pastor left, the church was averaging 175 to 200. The church dwindled a bit before they were able to find a new pastor. I came in, and as they say in the church world, I had a honeymoon phase. The people were thrilled to have a pastor and we shot up quickly in attendance. That first year or so went really well. Sure, I had some people leave because I wasn t like the former pastor, but they were quickly replaced with new faces. I thought the growth we experienced in that first twelve to eighteen months was because of me and because of the changes I had made. Looking back, it might have simply been the fact that they finally had a leader and it really had nothing to do with what I was doing. I m not 12

10 My Church Is Stuck sure which one is right, but I do know since the honeymoon ended we haven t really seen any growth at all. He went on to tell me, I feel so frustrated because we have tried so many things over the last eight or nine years. Programs, projects, big events... we have done it all. We get a little bump in attendance, people start getting involved more, and we even sense a little more energy on Sunday morning, but it always goes back to normal a few weeks later. I feel so discouraged because I see friends of mine who are experiencing growth and, although I want them to succeed, it s hard not to let insecurity and jealousy set in. I attend the big conferences and hear the stories of great success that other churches have experienced. They tell of going to two services and then three. They talk about adding another campus and the incredible growth they have experienced, and I sit there quietly in despair and cry out to God, What about me? I ve prayed hard, read some books, attended conferences, started programs, stopped programs, hosted concerts and special guests, passed out flyers, sent out mailers, and nothing seems to work. I feel so defeated and at times I start questioning whether I can do this at all. My heart broke for Jeremy. As I sat there listening to his story, I couldn t help but think of how many other times 13 I ve prayed hard, read some books, attended conferences, started programs, stopped programs, hosted concerts and special guests, passed out flyers, sent out mailers, and nothing seems to work.

11 When Your Church Feels Stuck I have heard very similar stories from countless pastors throughout America. These pastors really want their church to grow but just can t seem to find the right formula for success. Some have experienced the honeymoon phase, but when it came to an end, so did the growth. Some hold on to a past success and look back with fond memories of a church that once was thriving but isn t anymore. They think back to when the church was larger and attempt to repeat that success through the same method, believing that if it worked once it can work again. Sadly, there are some who search for any excuse they can find to explain why they are not growing. A portion of churches are even led by pastors who don t recognize there is a problem and continue to do the same thing over and over. This is not the kind of church we read about in the New Testament. These are not the kinds of leaders Jesus wanted his followers to become. Look at the book of Acts. The first local church that was established experienced growth. They created structure and systems to handle the growth. They met behind closed doors to strategize about how to fulfill their mission. They created community among the people. They created a culture of invest and invite. They gave opportunities for people to serve. They developed in the people a spirit of generosity. They didn t view their position in ministry as a career; they viewed their position in ministry as a calling. They were hungry to learn and hungry to grow. The same God who showed up on the scene in the book of Acts is the same God who wants to show up on the scene of your church. We know that God didn t change because he never does. So if he didn t change, what did? 14

12 My Church Is Stuck I have the privilege of being the founding pastor of South Hills Church and the leader of the organization birthed out of our church that partners with and helps other churches realize their unfulfilled dreams. I have coached and helped countless pastors, and I have come to realize that most churches fall into one of three categories: 1. They do everything. Many churches have more of a thirty-one flavors approach. Whatever you want, we ve got it for you. They are driven by programs and operate under the philosophy that if they have enough programs to offer, then enough people will show up. These churches have a host of programs to offer, such as: Women s Bible studies Men s prayer breakfasts Small-group ministries Wednesday night Bible studies Sunday school Ministry to the elderly Single adults ministry Bus ministry And of course this is only a partial list. Again the belief is that if we have something for everyone, then everyone will show up. I have worked with several pastors who operate under this premise and are still very frustrated and discouraged. They are wearing out their staff, leaders, and volunteers. Because everything is important, nothing is important. 15

13 When Your Church Feels Stuck So the result is a church with too many programs and not enough focus. 2. They do anything. This would be where I think Pastor Jeremy was when I met him. He was trying anything to be what he thought of as successful. He seemed to buy into the latest idea, program, or philosophy, and he would change the course of his church on a dime. We have all seen various ministry approaches that seem to work for some, but when we try them at our church they don t work for us. In the 1980s the term seeker sensitive became wildly popular. Pastors across the nation determined whether or not they were going to be a church for the seeker or a church for the already convinced. Then in the 1990s a new term was coined: purpose driven. Pastors across the nation wanted to discover and duplicate the amazing success of pastor Rick Warren. So the discussion in staff meetings and among church boards throughout the nation was, How do we become a purpose-driven church? After this another term was introduced: the simple church. Once again pastors began investigating and evaluating if they met the simple church criteria. Programs were slashed, projects were minimized, and the focus was narrowed to try to emulate the concept and become a simple church. I am not against any of these approaches. As a matter of fact, I am for each of these concepts. They have encouraged us to ask tough questions and have long-overdue conversations among our teams. They have personally shaped my heart, my leadership, and my church. But, there are two things that they do anything churches need to consider. 16

14 My Church Is Stuck First, at some point you have to decide who God has called you to be and discover the unique culture and community that God is leading you to build. When Jonah was trying to run from God, he got into a boat that God didn t want him in and started heading the wrong way. Is it possible that you are trying to get into someone else s boat rather than getting in the boat that God has perfectly designed for you? Second, there is a common thread among each of these approaches to ministry. The seeker-sensitive, purpose-driven, and simple-church movements all resulted from a clear mission that God had called those churches to accomplish and a clear strategy to fulfill that mission. Most pastors have looked at these approaches as programs rather than processes. As a result, they jump from program to program, ignoring the most important thread that connects all of these processes together: they are clear on their mission and clear on their approach. Ignoring clarity and putting all your hope into a program will, in most cases, leave a pastor disappointed and a church in the same undesirable condition. 3. They do nothing. Now I am not saying that they do absolutely nothing, though in some cases that may be true. What I m speaking of here is churches that do nothing to change. It has been the same for years and will continue to be the same. Same 17 Ignoring clarity and putting all your hope into a program will, in most cases, leave a pastor disappointed and a church in the same undesirable condition.

15 When Your Church Feels Stuck programs, same projects, same events. If someone was to leave for a few years and then return to the church, they would be able to tell you what program was going to happen in what month. The calendar for these churches has become extremely predictable, and there isn t too much change from year to year. Creativity has all but stopped, and it is hard to think back to the last time they took a risk. This category of churches is usually the result of one glaring reality: there is a big problem in the church and the person leading doesn t know it or doesn t want to address it. This is a very difficult and, if I may say, dangerous stage of the church. I will speak to this in much greater detail in chapter 4. Let s go back a moment to my new friend Jeremy. After he shared with me the challenges he was facing and his deep level of frustration and discouragement, I told him, Jeremy, I am so proud of you. You are realizing there is a challenge in your church and you are willing to face it. You have tried everything you know to try and your church seems stuck. But you are trying and you are getting the help needed. You re not so full of insecurity or pride that you are going to let it get in the way of God s plan for this church that he has put in your care. I grabbed a piece of paper and a pen and leaned across Jeremy s desk. With the pen in my hand, I drew a line down the middle of the blank piece of paper. On one side I wrote the phrase God Factor, and on the other side I wrote the phrase Leader Factor. I looked at Jeremy, whose eyes at this point seemed to be fighting back some tears, and said, Jeremy, there are two things you have to realize; there is the God factor and the leader factor. The God factor says 18

16 My Church Is Stuck We can t do anything without God. Would you agree? He nodded his head and quietly said, Yes, I agree. I went on to say, The leader factor says that God doesn t do anything without a leader. Now, Jeremy, we both know that God can do whatever he wants; he s a miracle-working God. But when it comes to building a thriving local church, more often than not God looks for a leader. Would you agree with that, Jeremy? Again, he quietly said, Yes, I agree. I said, Jeremy, what this means is that we have to be willing to do our part. God will always do his part. He never lets us down and never quits on us. He will always come through. Our part is to be willing to change. Be willing to be honest about where our church is and willing to take it where it needs to go. We can t be insecure, filled with pride, overwhelmed with jealousy, or continually searching for excuses for why someone else is growing but we re not. We have to be willing to explore new ways of doing things and, more important, new ways of thinking. If you are willing to do this, then I am completely confident that we can get your church moving in the right direction. I looked at him and asked, Are you in? With a sign of hope in his eyes and a smile that returned to his face, he looked at me and said, I m in. 19