Dear Parents of Graduating Seniors,

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1 Dear Parents of Graduating Seniors, We here at St. Marks are very excited for you and your family as you celebrate your child s High School graduation. This is not only a milestone marking their academic achievements, but it also has the potential of being a very powerful spiritual marker in their life as well. We would like to help you erect a relational and spiritual monument during this graduation season that will have lasting meaning for them. It is called the Graduate Blessing and here is what it looks like: The Graduate Blessing The practice of parents blessing their children is an ancient and powerfully moving practice that goes back to the times of the Patriarchs in the Bible. Abraham blessed Isaac, his son. Isaac blessed Jacob and Esau, his sons. Jacob blessed his twelve sons and daughters. Moses blessed his people. Jesus blessed his disciples. This practice has also been passed down through many families of faith throughout the centuries. The Written Blessing is a lasting memory you can give to your son or daughter. The blessing they receive from you will literally empower them to move forward in becoming an adult and embrace all that God has for them and their future. Many children leave home without ever receiving or perceiving a blessing from their mom, dad, or both. This opportunity will allow you to express your love and dreams for your son or daughter. When and Where: Sometime after Graduate Sunday, go to a special and quiet place with your child and spend some quality time talking about their future and who they re becoming. This is not the time to talk about careers and college but rather about character and faith. This is also not the time to discuss faults or failures but about their hopes and dreams. I really want to encourage you to think and pray about how you will lead this talk with your young adult. At the right time in the discussion share with your child that you have prepared a Blessing or Prayer that you would like to say over them. Let them know that you have given lots of time and heart into preparing it and that it is a very significant moment that has been practiced by parents of faith for thousands of years. Take out the prepared Parental Blessing that you have written and place your hand on your teen s shoulder and read it over them. What do you put in a blessing? Here are some suggestions: 1. Expression of Love and Appreciation: A blessing may start with you affirming your child. You may tell them how you love them, how you always have loved them and how you always will unconditionally love them. You may tell them what specifically you appreciate about them. You may want to talk about the gifts, the talents, the abilities, and

2 the potential that you see in them. However you do it, this should be a time when you affirm your child. This is not a time to correct, scold, or in anyway express disapproval. There are other times and places for that. 2. Expression of Hope and the Future: Here you will express what you hope and pray for their future. You know your child s potential better than they do and they need to see themselves positively through your eyes as you express your hopes and dreams for them. 3. Calling upon God s Help and Guidance: Here you ask God to help and guide your child. Here you can express how completely dependant they need to be upon God to become what God wants them to be. Here you can rededicate your child to God and rededicate yourself to doing everything you can to continue to develop them in their relationship with Jesus. You may, of course, put other things into your blessing. This is your child and your blessing of them; these are just meant as starting points to get you thinking. Believe me in this this will be powerful. Your son or daughter will never forget this time with you. Your prayer and heartfelt blessing can be one of those defining mile marker moments in the life of your child. TIP: One idea is to have the Blessing printed on nice paper and framed as a keepsake. Another idea is to accompany the Blessing with a meaningful gift that reinforces the spiritual legacy that you desire to leave in the life of your child. It could be a good study Bible for college students! Recommended Reading: The Blessing by John Trent IMPORTANT A lot of parents do not take advantages of moments like this because they feel that they have not been a good example in their faith or that they have not done an adequate job at leading discussions about faith in the past. Therefore, they feel that it is too late to start now. Can I encourage you by saying that it is never too late? This can be a HUGE moment for you and your teen. Do not allow your past failures to stop what God may want to do over the next few months. His Grace is sufficient. If you need help or suggestions preparing this time, please do not hesitate to call me and I will be glad to help. Love in Christ, Jarm Turner 936/Student Ministry Pastor jarm@exploresmc.org Cell

3 The Blessing Challenge So just what is The Blessing anyway? Every time a blessing was given in God s word whether it was a parent blessing a child; a grandparent blessing a grandchild; a spouse choosing to bless their life-partner; friends blessing each other; or even Jesus blessing children who were brought to Him there were 5 things that were a part of that blessing. We re going to share these five elements in abbreviated form. Please feel free to go deeper by going to scripture yourself and reading about the Blessing (I d suggest Genesis 27 the story of two twins: Jacob who received the Blessing and Esau who misses it and his terrible cry of emotional pain). You can also read the book The Blessing by John Trent that unpacks this concept in much more detail. You can purchase it here: Here s a summary of these 5 simple, but incredibly powerful actions that were always a part of giving the Blessing to a loved one The Five Elements of the Blessing 1) Appropriate Meaningful Touch Whether it was with the laying on of hands, a hug, a pat on the shoulders, or placing a hand on a young child s head or holding them in your arms, appropriate meaningful touch is a way to say I love you! even before a word is spoken. All through scripture, you see touch being important in blessing others. 2) Spoken (or Written) Words Way, way, too many people I ve counseled over the years have told me, I know my parents loved me but I never actually heard the words. Then sadly, they never got the blessing from their parents. Along with appropriate meaningful touch, the Blessing ALWAYS involved WORDS, either spoken or written But what kind of words? 3) Attach High Value - The third element of the Blessing involves our attaching our spoken (or written) words of high value to a loved one s life a tangible action that helps them know they have great value in your eyes and in God s eyes well. Often these words highlight a character trait or a God-given bent. For example, you might say or write something like, You have such a sensitive heart when people around you are hurting. When your little sister falls or hurts herself, you always step forward to get her some help or to help her feel better. In short, it s a child hearing that, in your opinion, he or she has traits, skills, abilities, and makes choices that are of high worth and value to you and the Lord. 4) Picturing a Special Future In Scripture, the Blessing was also a time for a parent (grandparent or loved one) to assure a person of God s blessing on their future, and

4 their own prayer for that person s future. In Jeremiah 29:11, God says of His children, For I know the plans I have for you, says the LORD. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. When a Blessing was given in Scripture, it helped a child (or loved one) know that God saw positive things in their life and future and their parents or loved ones did as well. Kids tend to be literalists when it comes to hearing about their future from their parents. (Which is also why negative words, like, You re so stupid. Don t take algebra that s for the smart kids! can be so destructive in fact we call that a curse or subtracting from a child. Children carry the words we speak over them into their future - positive or negative. So linking a character trait they have today, with a prayer for God to use that trait in the future, are key ways of giving the Blessing to a child. (i.e., You do such a great job of taking things apart to see how things work. I wouldn t be surprised if God used that ability some day to help solve problems or to help build things that help lots of people. 5) Genuine Commitment While the choice to Bless was an intentional act that was often linked with a special situation or occasion, (marriage, birth, death, moving away, etc.), the 5 elements of the Blessing are things that we can choose to add to a loved ones life each day! In other words, we can choose to hug our child before they head out the door (appropriate meaningful touch), or write them a note to put in their lunch telling them we re praying for them (spoken message and attaching high value). In short, while the Blessing may have been linked to a specific event in Scripture, like a marriage, or when a grown child was leaving home, or near the end of a parent s life, it wasn t just a one-time event. It was a way of saying, I use this event to bless you but I choose from now on to live out these words of affirmation, encouragement and love in your life. In other words, while we re asking you to take the Blessing Challenge by creating a special, intentional, purposeful event for your child, genuine commitment is looking for ways to live out these 5 elements of the blessing with your child. Again, that s a very quick look at these 5 very simple, but incredibly powerful elements that go into giving the Blessing. PLEASE feel free to get more specifics if you need to by reading The Blessing by John Trent & Gary Smalley, available on Amazon. Now that you re up to speed on what the Blessing is in Scripture let s see how this ties into STEP ONE of the BLESSING CHALLENGE! 1) STEP ONE: CAPTURE YOUR BLESSING The Blessing Challenge is an easy first step in learning how to give and live the Blessing in your family and world! Step One begins with you CAPTURING YOUR BLESSING IN WORDS in just three short paragraphs. In fact, those three short paragraphs will help you capture four of the five elements of the Blessing you ve just read about! All you have to do is go to STEP TWO next (where you create a special occasion to give your Blessing and make it memorable) and then add your appropriate touch when you read them your Blessing and you ve wrapped all 5 elements into a life-giving, life-changing gift for your child or loved one!

5 Why write out my Blessing? Remember this is just a first step. There will be times, MANY times we pray, where you bless your child with one or several of those elements of the Blessing. Like a hug before bed, or sharing with them words that picture a special future when you drop them off at school. In short, you don t have to write out your blessing every time you bless a child or person but it s a great first step! I m ready! Where do I start! In just three simple paragraphs you re going to capture your Blessing! (Kind of like writing a prayer that you re going to let them listen to when you read it to them!) How you write out Paragraph One: It doesn t matter if you use pencil and paper, or the computer, but think of ONE thing that you value and appreciate about that person which God has given you to bless. (OK, you can pick two things, but just pick ONE or two things at most that you re very thankful for as you think about this child or person). Remember, you re going to be looking for times and ways to bless them for years to come! You don t need to put everything into words right now, feel like this has to be perfectly written or write a book! Just three short paragraphs (you get tons of grace on spelling and grammar) and you ve taken this first step!. For example, let s say you have a son whose name is Jared. As you think about him, let s say it s his perpetual smile and his nonstop energy for life that jumps out at you. You can t decide on which one trait wins out that you like the most, so you just put both into a few short sentences, written like a prayer. Here s an example below: Paragraph One Example: Jared, we are so grateful that the Lord has given you to us. Two things we love about you so much is how the Lord has built into your life such a joyful spirit and He s combined that with an amazing energy for jumping right into the middle life! (Remember spoken message and attaching high value are the first two elements of the Blessing. You ve just captured both in one sentence or you will have when you read your whole Blessing to your loved one when you re done!) How do you write out Paragraph Two? Let s stay with Jared as our example. Now pick ONE CHALLENGE that Jared is facing this year. EVERYONE faces challenges! What s one thing that he s facing? In this case, let s say Jared s family moved over the summer. Jared is getting ready to start 5th Grade in a new school. That means he has to make new friends in a whole new place. That s a challenge for almost any kid! So what do you do? Again, like you re writing out a prayer, you capture words that can help him see (or in this case, to hear) your spoken words that attach high value. And because you re helping him see beyond this challenge, you re also helping him see a special future -- even in spite starting in a new school. And you ll do that by just writing a few sentences!

6 Paragraph Two Example: Jared, we know as you start 5th Grade at a new school that there will be lots of challenges. But your joy for life, your incredible smile and your willingness to jump in and try new things, are strengths God will use in your life to help this be a great year for you and to help others. We believe the Lord get through the tough days, and help you find that right group of friends. We know it may be tough at first, but we pray that by the end of the year, this will have been the best year ever for you in your new school. How you write Paragraph Three: Now you ve just got ONE MORE short paragraph to write then you re ready to head on to STEP TWO and begin to create an experience in which to read and give Jared your Blessing! But first, that third short paragraph is going to focus on that 5 th element of the Blessing Genuine Commitment. You ve shared something that you love and appreciate about this child, (spoken message and attaching high value) and how God has given them strengthen to help them get through even the most challenging times ahead. Now PARAGRAPH THREE IS a statement of GENUINE COMMITMENT or the 5th element of the Blessing. In a few sentences, you share how YOU and THE LORD are committed to this child (or person) no matter what. Here s an example of a few sentences that capture our, and our Lord s commitment to them as they do life and face challenges: Paragraph Three Example: So Jared, may you know every day, that Mom and I are going to be praying for you and will be looking for ways to cheer you on. And even on those days when it may be tough to smile or when you re lonely and miss your old friend, or times are just tough, may you remember that you re NEVER alone. Jesus has said, For He Himself has said, I will never leave you, nor forsake you. (Hebrews 13:5). We want you to know that God will be with you every day in your new school. He ll be your Shepherd and guide every day, and as long as we have life and breath, we ll be there for you as well. We can t wait to watch you use the God s given strengths He s give you to create a special future! That s it! Three short paragraphs and you ve written out your Blessing! Now you re ready to go to STEP TWO and create a special way in which these words (with your appropriate touch added in) can give your child or loved one Your Blessing! 2) STEP TWO: CREATE THE EXPERIENCE You ve done the hard work of writing your blessing here comes the fun part for many! STEP TWO is where you think about YOUR UNIQUE CHILD and come up with a setting or experience that allows you to give your Blessing in a way that is memorable to them and you. For example, my wife and I have two daughters. They may look alike, but in personality they re night and day different. One daughter is a morning person. The other is a night person. One would love it if we threw a party and had crowd of relatives and friends (and strangers who could be new friends!) around when we read her Blessing letter to her. The other would love having just our immediate family, at home,

7 after a fun family dinner, on the couch with her dog at her fee when we read her blessing letter! The Blessing in scripture was ALWAYS crafted for that unique person. There were no cookie-cutter Blessings. For example, in Scripture, there was a Blessing given during or before a wedding, at the birth of a child, and when one became a young man or woman. There was a Blessing given anytime a family member was going on a journey further then the horizon. (Meaning, roughly, if they were going more then eight miles away from home they were given a Blessing!). In short, what we re encouraging you to do is to pick a time, a place and a setting in short, a hand crafted experience that matches your life-setting and your kid s character, which puts you and them in the best position to share your Blessing in a way that encourages and impacts them for a lifetime. Examples of creating or picking an experience: For example, if your child is a few months away from their high school graduation that could be a tremendous time to write out your blessing. Again, based on who they are, you might invite a special circle of friends and loved ones, and gather everyone in a circle as read your letter of Blessing. Or let s say your daughter is about to get her drivers license, or start Kindergarten, or just made a team, or your son is getting ready for a summer missions trip or to start college, trade school or enter the service. Those are great times to pick to take the Blessing Challenge and write out and give them your Blessing. You could choose to give your Blessing to a child or loved one at a formal Holiday (like Thanksgiving or Christmas). Adding your Blessing at a birthday is often a wonderful way to add a gift of great price (your words) that are way better then socks! Whether it s something hugely important, like a wedding, or just before a mom or dad (or son or daughter) is deployed -- or it s just a weekend when life slows down a little bit! Taking the Blessing Challenge, writing out your words, and then picking an occasion to read your Blessing to them can be an incredibly impactful time. AND IN THAT TIME YOU CHOOSE, THE MAIN THING WILL BE YOUR CHOOSING TO READ THEM YOUR BLESSING. It s the spoken words you ve come up with, that attach high value and picture a special future that will be a gift that can remain in their hearts and minds. BE SURE to add appropriate meaningful touch with your hand on their shoulder or holding their hand or a hug after you ve read your letter. In short, it doesn t matter if you throw them a party or you just take them one-on-one for a bike ride to the local park with a sack lunch and food for the ducks. Just look for a time and place that works for you and that child. That s STEP TWO which leaves one more STEP in the Blessing Challenge and it s incredibly important for you, your family and ONE CHILD! 3) STEP THREE: GIVE THE BLESSING TO SOMEONE ELSE! Once you give the Blessing to Your Family AS A FAMILY we re asking you to prayerfully Pick ONE child who won t get the Blessing unless your family gives it to him or her and then give them your Blessing!

8 If you ve read this far, we know you re all in on giving the Blessing to your child, spouse, parents, roommate or others God brings into your life. HOWEVER there are so many kids out there who need the Blessing and for whatever reason, simply will not get the Blessing unless you and your family choose to give it to them. So AFTER STARTING WITH YOUR FAMILY FIRST our challenge is that you and your family pick ONE child and put what you ve learned into practice! Who is that child who needs your Blessing? It may be one of your child s friends, or a neighbor child. It may be a child showing up at your church or perhaps a child on one of your kid s sports teams or who was in their school play. ASK THE LORD TO OPEN YOUR EYES! There are so many kids who are simply NOT going to get the Blessing in their homes, and your words of love and blessing and high value and a special future can be a tremendous gift for that child from your family! A family that says, We d choose you! That s the goal One Million People Choosing to Change the Life of ONE Child! So after you Bless your family look for that one child who needs your Blessing as well!