Pre-Marital Counseling Bible Study on. Marriage

Transcription

1 Pre-Marital Counseling Bible Study on Marriage 24

2 Church must declare the truth of God's Word regarding what is truly Marriage and what dishonors Marriage. Those things which God has forbidden dishonor Marriage when we accept and openly promote them, therefore the Bible believing Christian, who bases his or her values and ethics, their entire worldview, on God's revealed will in the Bible, must stand up for the honor of God's definition of Marriage and against those things of sexuality God has forbidden for the sake of the honor of God s institution, but most especially so that others may come to know all of the blessings of the God who wants so fervently to give them to us and that they may flee the things God promises to curse. May this study of God s Word help to strengthen your marriage for the rest of your lives. May it anchor you and lead you forth always mindful of God s will to bless you both with the image of his greatest blessing: Christ and his Bride, the Church. May you always cling to that forgiveness which covers all sins and makes all things new. And may the good Lord bless you with many children and the love and joy to bring them up in his Word. The almighty and gracious God abundantly grant you his favor and sanctify and bless you with the blessing given to Adam and Eve in paradise, that you may please him in both body and soul and live together in holy love until your life s end. Amen. 2 23

3 your body? God has set forth very specific rules on human sexuality. He knows that corrupted human nature wants to do things contrary to His will, and, Romans says, God even gave those utterly rebellious to Him over to such unnatural lusts and desires as are against Him so that all would know that they are under his wrath and judgment. And the Apostle Paul tells us why sexual sins matter so much to our God. 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 "Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body." That which is sexually moral is that which is according to God's standards in God's institution. That which is sexually immoral is that which is contrary to God's standards set forth in His Word regarding sexuality and Marriage. And the writer to the Hebrews says regarding sexual morality and God's institution of Marriage. Hebrews 13:4 "Let Marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous." In what ways is Marriage held in honor among you? In what ways is Marriage dishonored by the world around you? How can you, personally and in your family, take specific actions to stand up for the honor of God s institution of Marriage? In order to defend the honor of God's institution of Marriage and in order to keep the marriage bed pure, the Christian 22 You re getting married! Congratulations. What a wondrous blessing God has in store for you. This Bible Study is intended to walk you both through all that God has planned for you, for your marriage, and for all marriages. He is, after all, the Creator of Marriage so who better to learn from? Here you ll find what the Bible says Marriage is; what God wants of you and your marriage; what God knows is best for you to avoid in order to have a blessed marriage and what you can and should do to have the best life-long marriage possible. So, to begin with; the Foundation: What IS Marriage from the Bible's Perspective? Genesis 2:22-25 "And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man He made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, 'This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.' Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed." Ephesians 5:31-32 "'Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.' This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the Church." In Ephesians 5:31-32, to whose Marriage is Paul referring? How is that different than or the same as what God said in Genesis 2:22-25? Paul teaches us how to properly interpret God's actions from the beginning through Jesus Christ. Marriage was instituted by God from the beginning to point us to the profound mystery of the union of Christ and his Church. To fully understand God s good gift of Marriage, we must start the conversation from where Man and Woman were joined together to serve as an image, an icon, of Jesus with those whom He has redeemed. So Paul explains further in verses 22-30: 3

4 Ephesians 5:22-30 "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the Church, His body, and is Himself its Savior. Now as the Church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her, that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word, so that He might present the Church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his on flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the Church, because we are members of His body." What does Paul mean by submit? What example of submission is given? What does Paul mean by love? What example of love is given? You've likely read or heard this passage before and interpreted it as primarily about your marriage or your parents' marriage. But Paul teaches us that we are supposed to read and hear this first and foremost about what Jesus has done for His Church. Jesus laid down His life for His own body, the Church, in sacrificial love and devotion because she was His own flesh. The Church, in turn, submits to Him from Whom she came, the One who laid down His life to bring her to Himself pure and in splendor. The very language is reminiscent of Eve being taken from the body of Adam and so declared "Flesh of my flesh;" and that's no accident. God talks often about His relationship to His people in terms of Marriage. Revelation 19:6-9 "Hallelujah! For the LORD our God the Almighty reigns. Let us rejoice and exult and give Him the glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and His Bride has made herself ready; it was granted her to clothe herself with fine linen, bright and pure" for the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints. And the angel said to me, 'Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb.' And he said to me, 'These are the true words of God.'" 4 statutes and all my rules and do them, that the land where I am bringing you to live may not vomit you out. And you shall not walk in the customs of the nation that I am driving out before you, for they did all these things, and therefore I detested them You shall be holy to me, for I the LORD am holy and have separated you from the peoples, that you should be mine." Romans 1:25-28, 32 "Because they exchanged the truth of God for a lie and worshipped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever, amen, for this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error. And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God have them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done Though they know God's righteous decree that those who practice such things deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them." 1 Corinthians 6:15-16 "Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Never! Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, 'The two will become one flesh.'" Galatians 5:17, "For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God." Why do you think God cares so much about what you do with your body? What do you think is the purpose of all of these laws about who you can have sex with and how you can use 21

5 even the one who does have sex outside of Marriage is then constrained to get married, immediately. The person with whom you have sex is your wife or husband. It s as simple as that. What changes when you get married? Why would the Bible say that Marriage is the only safe place for sex? Then why would you want anything else? Leviticus 20:10-23, 26 "If a man commits adultery with the wife of his neighbor, both the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death. If a man lies with his father's wife, he has uncovered his father's nakedness; both of them shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them. If a man lies with his daughter in law, both of them shall surely be put to death; they have committed perversion; their blood is upon them. If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them. If a man takes a woman and her mother also, it is depravity; he and they shall be burned with fire, that there may be no depravity among you. If a man lies with an animal, he shall surely be put to death, and you shall kill the animal. If a woman approaches any animal and lies with it, you shall kill the woman and the animal; they shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them. If a man takes his sister, a daughter of his father or a daughter of his mother, and sees her nakedness, and she sees his nakedness, it is a disgrace, and they shall be cut off in the sight of the children of their people. He has uncovered his sister's nakedness, and he shall bear his iniquity. If a man lies with a woman during her menstrual period and uncovers her nakedness, he has made naked her fountain, and she has uncovered the fountain of her blood. Both of them shall be cut off from among their people. You shall not uncover the nakedness of your mother's sister or of your father's sister, for that is to make naked one's relative; they shall bear their iniquity. If a man lies with his uncle's wife, he has uncovered his uncle's nakedness; they shall bear their sin; they shall die childless. If a man takes his brother's wife, it is impurity. He has uncovered his brother's nakedness; they shall be childless. You shall therefore keep all my 20 Isaiah 61:10 "I will greatly rejoice in the LORD; my soul shall exult in my God, for He has clothed me with garments of salvation; He has covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decks himself like a priest with a beautiful headdress, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels." John 3:28-29 "John said, 'I am not the Christ, but I have been sent before Him. The one who has the bride is the bridegroom. The friend of the bridegroom, who stands and hears him, rejoices greatly at the bridegroom's voice. Therefore this joy of mine is now complete." Isaiah 54:5-6 "For your Maker is your husband, the LORD of hosts is His name; and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth He is called. For the LORD has called you like a wife deserted and grieved in spirit, like a wife of youth when she is cast off, says your God." Hosea 2:16-17, 20 "And in that day, declares the LORD, you will call me 'My Husband,' and no longer will you call me 'My Baal.' For I will remove the names of the Baals from her mouth, and they shall be remembered by name no more... I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy." The Marriage of God to His people, the Church, took place through the uniting of the flesh and blood of our Lord Jesus Christ to lost and condemned sinners through faith in the blood of His cross shed for the forgiveness of sins. Jesus is the groom, the sinner who trusts in Christ to forgive his or sins is the Bride as part of the Church. Because God knew this was what He would do for His creation Genesis 1:26-28, 31 "Then God said, 'Let Us make man in Our image, after Our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.' So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. And God blessed them. And God said to them, 'Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over 5

6 every living thing that moves on the earth' And God saw everything that He had made, and behold, it was very good." Genesis 2:21-25 "So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man He made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, 'This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.' Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed." So, from the perspective of the One who created it, what is this Marriage into which you re about to enter? How do you feel about that? Therefore the man in Marriage represents, stands as the image for all the world to see, Jesus Christ. The woman in Marriage represents the beloved of Jesus who is saved by the forgiveness of sins in His blood. This is God's intention for Marriage and was God's intention from the beginning of creation: to present this picture of His love and our reception and response to His love. Thus Marriage must be between one man and one woman lest we distort the mystery and symbolism intended by God in order to point people to faith in His eternal Son made flesh for our redemption, Jesus Christ, by having either a Church without a Savior (two women) or two Saviors, neither of which with a Church (two men). This is the foundation of Marriage and it cannot be overlooked or overshadowed by other concepts if you want the most blessed and fulfilling married life. Without this understanding of the revelation of the will of God in Christ from the foundation of the world (1 Peter 1:20), we lose God's perspective and the image we were intended to bear the image that we, as Bible believing Christians, are called to stand up for and declare to the world regardless of what the rest of our culture, our friends, or even our family are saying we should believe. Jesus is the reason. 6 If we are fallen and corrupted people, according to God, what does that make of our natural desires? Are all of our natural or biological desires from God, or can some of them come from our sinful nature? This sin affects God's institution of Marriage but it doesn't change his expectations. Because of this sin-corrupted world, God has set down laws regarding those things which He prohibits, which are contrary to His will and desire to bless us with such as the institution of Marriage. God must give these laws because of the hardness of men's hearts against Him; because the desires of mankind are inclined towards such actions. Thus God has said Exodus 20:14, Deuteronomy 5:18 "You shall not commit adultery." Matthew 5:27-32 "You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery.' But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell. It was also said, 'Whoever divorces his wife, let him giver her a certificate of divorce.' But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery." Exodus 22:16 "If a man seduces a virgin who is not betrothed and lies with her, he shall give the bride-price for her and make her his wife." Sex outside of the commitment of marriage is wrong, according to God. It has become all too common in our world to have sex and even live together before Marriage. God s word here in Exodus 22 shows that this is not at all God s intention, but that 19

7 are important to know, both for yourself and to help you bear witness to the world as a couple, and especially to your children. After the Fall into sin, recorded in Genesis 3, corruption and death and discord have seeped into all facets of God's good creation, including His good institution of Marriage. This doesn't change God's intention, but rather makes it more unnatural for humans corrupted by the sin of Adam and Eve to fulfill what God wants of us. Scripture says this of the corrupted nature of man after the Fall: Genesis 6:5, "The LORD saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intention of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually Now the earth was corrupt in God's sight, and the earth was filled with violence. And God saw the earth, and behold, it was corrupt, for all flesh had corrupted their way on the earth." Deuteronomy 32:5 "They have dealt corruptly with the LORD; they are no longer His children because they are blemished; they are a crooked and twisted generation." Psalm 51:5 "Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me." And the Apostle Paul gathers together the strongest statements of the Old Testament Scriptures on this corruption of humankind's nature. Romans 3:10-18 "As it is written: 'None is righteous, no, not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God. All have turned aside; together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one.' 'Their throat is an open grave; they use their tongues to deceive.' 'The venom of asps is under their lips.' 'Their mouth is full of curses and bitterness.' 'Their feet are swift to shed blood; in their paths are ruin and misery, and the way of peace they have not known.' 'There is no fear of God before their eyes.'" How would it change your relationship with each other if you assumed that you are sinners who can only do good by the grace of God, rather than generally good people who do bad things? 18 That s what Marriage is intended to be. Now, how did God intend that to happen? Marriage as a Godly Institution God instituted Marriage between a man and a woman to represent Christ and the Church on the 6 th day of creation when he said Genesis 2:24 "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." Did Adam have a father and mother? Then who was God talking to here with these words? We believe God's Word is true and complete and infallible. We believe that when God says He instituted this Marriage in the beginning that it happened exactly the way He says it did in real, objective history. Marriage is, from the beginning, God's institution. Jesus, Himself, confirms that this is the truth of God where he says Matthew 19:4-6 "Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, 'Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate." What is Jesus quoting in Matthew 19? Who do you believe Jesus is? What does that mean if he quotes Genesis as literal, true history? Jesus Christ, the head of the Church, our Lord and Savior, insists that Genesis is right and authoritative about Marriage. In the institution from Genesis 2:24, God declares the establish- 7

8 ment of the new family, "man and wife," as the process of leaving behind "father and mother," holding fast, or "cleaving," to his wife, and those two becoming "one flesh." Here from one generation to another God declares that this institution is for father and mother, man and woman, husband and wife. And with this institution is also included what God said Genesis 1:28 "And God blessed them. And God said to them, 'Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth." Therefore God's institution of Marriage is about a man and a woman cleaving to each other, creating their own family as husband and wife, and being fruitful and multiplying. And even after the Fall into sin, after the Flood, God assured us that this same blessing and institution was still His intention for Marriage. Genesis 9:1 "And God blessed Noah and his sons and said to them, 'Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth.'" From the beginning, then, Marriage was about the establishment of the family, man and woman uniting as one in the flesh, for the care and growth of creation ("be fruitful") and the care and growth of humanity ("multiply"). That is to say that Marriage is intended by God as the place of the creating and rearing of children which is to further the establishment of new Marriages which create and rear children in an environment of commitment ("leave and cleave"). In the New Testament, the most complete explanation we have of Marriage according to God s will and Word is from the Apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 7 1 Corinthians 7:1-17 Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: "It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman." But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the 8 steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children's children, to the third and the fourth generation." This does not mean that God will send your children to hell for something you ve done even if they have faith. It does mean that our failures will be visited upon our children. If we fail to show the love of Christ to them, they may not know the love of Christ. Or, more temporally, if we engage in a lifestyle of drinking or careless sex or drugs, or you name it our children may very well end up following in our footsteps because parents are their example. If we don t display lives of forgiveness and love for them, they will come to think that people just don t do that. But if we show them Christ, if we raise them in a home of forgiveness, love, and mercy, it will be a great blessing to them and to you. What things in your life might you need to change in order to better guide and lead your children in the ways of Christ? What baggage have you carried over from your childhood that may be affecting your relationships and the children with which God may bless you? How can you and your spouse work together to help each other carry or let go of that baggage? What Does God Forbid in Marriage? As well as providing us with an understanding of the blessings and intentions of Marriage the image of Christ and His Church for companionship and the procreation and rearing of children, God has also provided us with warnings against those things which will threaten or undermine His institution. These 17

9 buked them. But Jesus called them to him, saying, "Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it." Matthew 28:18-20 And Jesus came and said to them, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age." Acts 2:38-39 And Peter said to them, "Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. For the promise is for you and for your children and for all who are far off, everyone whom the Lord our God calls to himself." How do these words apply to your life and the children with which God may bless you? God has given parents the great responsibility of bringing his children up in the faith that fears, loves, and trusts in him above all things. As with everything else we teach our kids, if we don t lay a foundation for this learning early in their lives, it will always be an uphill battle to catch up. What can you do now to begin laying such a foundation? Because that is so great a task, it comes with great rewards and also great consequences. God s Word declares that our mistakes as parents will bear repercussions throughout the lives even of our children. Exodus 34:6-7 The LORD passed before him and proclaimed, "The LORD, the LORD, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping 16 husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. But if they cannot exercise selfcontrol, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion. To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife. To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him. This is my rule in all the churches. Why does Paul commend people to get married? 9

10 Therefore, we see in God s institution of Marriage three main purposes of Marriage: Three Purposes of Marriage: 1) Binds a man and a woman together in a relationship of mutual love (Genesis 2:18). 2) Is intended as the safe place for the procreation and raising of children (Genesis 1:28). 3) After the Fall into Sin, serves as a partial remedy for sinful lust (1 Corinthians 7:2). So far, what new have you learned about God s institution of Marriage? What would you still like to know? The Joys and Blessings of Marriage That was the foundation; now on to the fun. When you know what Marriage is intended by God to be, you can then see how blessedness and happiness should flow readily from that; be that in your communications, your chores, your children, and especially you sex life. (Yes, it is perfectly acceptable and even God-pleasing to talk about having a good sex life). That s what we ll look at here. Genesis 2:25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. Genesis 4:1 Now Adam knew Eve his wife, and she conceived and bore Cain What would it mean for you to know your wife? The word KNOW means a whole lot more than simply head knowledge. It s more than knowing your spouse s eye color, 10 Psalm 128 A Song of Ascents. Blessed is everyone who fears the LORD, who walks in his ways! You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands; you shall be blessed, and it shall be well with you. Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your children will be like olive shoots around your table. Behold, thus shall the man be blessed who fears the LORD. The LORD bless you from Zion! May you see the prosperity of Jerusalem all the days of your life! May you see your children's children! Peace be upon Israel! Proverbs 17:6 Grandchildren are the crown of the aged, and the glory of children is their fathers. How does the culture around you view children? Is that the same as or different from these words of God? Why might that be When God gives you such joys and blessings, how will you handle them? What things can you do to raise the children with which God has blessed you? Deuteronomy 4:9-10 Only take care, and keep your soul diligently, lest you forget the things that your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. Make them known to your children and your children's children--how on the day that you stood before the LORD your God at Horeb, the LORD said to me, 'Gather the people to me, that I may let them hear my words, so that they may learn to fear me all the days that they live on the earth, and that they may teach their children so.' Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. Luke 18:15-17 Now they were bringing even infants to him that he might touch them. And when the disciples saw it, they re- 15

11 ness. If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us. Are there sins in your life that need forgiving sins against God or sins against one another? Do you think God wants to forgive you for those sins? Have others sinned against you and need your forgiveness? Why can you forgive them, according to John? Does it change the way you look at forgiving each other knowing that the forgiveness you re called to give first comes from the God who forgave you? How? A Simple Formula for Forgiveness A. I am sorry that I sinned against you by. Please forgive me. B. I forgive you. If you never actually forgive one another, whatever sin or annoyance will simply fester and create a wedge between the two of you, destroying that blessing of intimacy. That s why you must get in the habit of saying, I forgive you. And once you ve forgiven, that s it. You cannot hold a forgiven sin over someone s head or bring it up again. It s forgiven. It s put away. The slate is wiped clean in the blood of Christ and you start over. That s why this forgiveness is one of the greatest blessings and joys of Marriage; even though it usually comes in the darkest nights. Another great blessing of Marriage is children. God says of children Psalm 127:3-5 Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb, a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate. 14 favorite foods, or emotional triggers. It is also much more than simply sex. It is an all-encompassing intimacy that includes body, mind, heart, and all you have. That s the type of intimacy God made us to have. (That s also why, when intimacy breaks down in a marriage, we feel like something s wrong: because we were created to have that kind of intimacy in a marriage). Sex is the ultimate gift of God to a couple as the means to have such an intimacy between them. Many think that sex is dirty or that the Church shouldn t talk about that, but God does talk about it, and he speaks of it with joy. That s why he inspired King Solomon to write The Song of Solomon (or Canticles in many old King James Bibles). Just look at how Solomon has the characters in his play sing of intimacy: Songs 1:1-4 The Song of Songs, which is Solomon's. She: Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your love is better than wine; your anointing oils are fragrant; your name is oil poured out; therefore virgins love you. Draw me after you; let us run. The king has brought me into his chambers. Others: We will exult and rejoice in you; we will extol your love more than wine; rightly do they love you. Songs 4:1-5 He: Behold, you are beautiful, my love, behold, you are beautiful! Your eyes are doves behind your veil. Your hair is like a flock of goats leaping down the slopes of Gilead. Your teeth are like a flock of shorn ewes that have come up from the washing, all of which bear twins, and not one among them has lost its young. Your lips are like a scarlet thread, and your mouth is lovely. Your cheeks are like halves of a pomegranate behind your veil. Your neck is like the tower of David, built in rows of stone; on it hang a thousand shields, all of them shields of warriors. Your two breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle, that graze among the lilies. Songs 5:10-16 She: My beloved is radiant and ruddy, distinguished among ten thousand. His head is the finest gold; his locks are wavy, black as a raven. His eyes are like doves beside streams of water, bathed in milk, sitting beside a full pool. His cheeks are like beds of spices, mounds of sweet-smelling herbs. His lips are lilies, dripping liquid myrrh. His arms are rods of gold, set with jewels. His body is polished ivory, bedecked with sapphires. His legs are alabaster columns, set on bases of gold. 11

12 His appearance is like Lebanon, choice as the cedars. His mouth is most sweet, and he is altogether desirable. This is my beloved and this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem. Songs 3:6-11 She: What is that coming up from the wilderness like columns of smoke, perfumed with myrrh and frankincense, with all the fragrant powders of a merchant? Behold, it is the litter of Solomon! Around it are sixty mighty men, some of the mighty men of Israel, all of them wearing swords and expert in war, each with his sword at his thigh, against terror by night. King Solomon made himself a carriage from the wood of Lebanon. He made its posts of silver, its back of gold, its seat of purple; its interior was inlaid with love by the daughters of Jerusalem. Go out, O daughters of Zion, and look upon King Solomon, with the crown with which his mother crowned him on the day of his wedding, on the day of the gladness of his heart. Songs 8:4-7 She: I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases. Who is that coming up from the wilderness, leaning on her beloved? Under the apple tree I awakened you. There your mother was in labor with you; there she who bore you was in labor. Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm, for love is strong as death, jealousy is fierce as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the LORD. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it. If a man offered for love all the wealth of his house, he would be utterly despised. What are you first thoughts on reading words like this from the Bible? How would you describe this couples relationship with one another? What things can you do to help create, keep, or restore such a relationship with your spouse throughout your marriage? 12 However, sex can be the easy part of intimacy in your marriage. While maintaining that physical and emotional intimacy is crucial in your relationship, one of the toughest blessings to know in a marriage has become the spiritual intimacy. The chief characteristic of this intimacy is forgiveness. This is important among all Christians, but it s especially important to married couples whose very marriage is intended to mirror the relationship between the Christ who forgave even to the point of death and the Church who receives that forgiveness not because of something we ve done to earn it, but because we did not deserve it. So the apostle John writes 1 John 2:1-12 My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous. He is the propitiation for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the sins of the whole world. And by this we know that we have come to know him, if we keep his commandments. Whoever says "I know him" but does not keep his commandments is a liar, and the truth is not in him, but whoever keeps his word, in him truly the love of God is perfected. By this we may know that we are in him: whoever says he abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which he walked. Beloved, I am writing you no new commandment, but an old commandment that you had from the beginning. The old commandment is the word that you have heard. At the same time, it is a new commandment that I am writing to you, which is true in him and in you, because the darkness is passing away and the true light is already shining. Whoever says he is in the light and hates his brother is still in darkness. Whoever loves his brother abides in the light, and in him there is no cause for stumbling. But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and walks in the darkness, and does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded his eyes. I am writing to you, little children, because your sins are forgiven for his name's sake. 1 John 1:8-10 If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteous- 13