J-JOLT Family Guide Book

Transcription

1 J-JOLT Family Guide Book UNION for REFORM JUDAISM SERVING REFORM CONGREGATIONS IN NORTH AMERICA

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3 A special thank you to Jacob Schreiber and Edna Levy who contributed to this guide and helped create this beautiful approach to the B nai Mitzvah experience. This guide was made possible by the Religious Action Center of Reform Judaism.

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5 J-JOLT FAMILY GUIDE BOOK TABLE OF CONTENTS Introduction 6 Step 1: Preparing for J-JOLT 7 Family Activity 1: What Does Bar/Bat Mitzvah Mean to Me? 8 Individual Activity: Spotlight on Me 10 Step 2: Choosing Your Mentors 11 Who Are J-Jolt Mentors? 12 Family Activity 2: Are You Looking for a Yoda or a Glinda the Good? 12 Family Activity 3: The Table of Mensch 15 Family Activity 4: Selecting Your Mentors 17 Step 3: Inviting Your Mentors 19 Sample Letter 20 Remembering My Experiences 22 Step 4: Crafting Your Ceremony (for Parents) 29 Including Your Mentors 30 Crafting the Tone 30 Creating Your Ceremony 31 Step 5: Share Your Story 37

6 INTRODUCTION Mazel tov on your journey towards becoming bar or bat mitzvah! This Family Guide will be a helpful resource as you take part in this special J-JOLT pilot program of the Union for Reform Judaism. We are excited to have you and your congregation join us! Becoming a bar/bat mitzvah is a symbolic step in Jewish life, and we hope that your participation in J-JOLT will help you discover new ways to add more meaning to this lifecycle event, and provide you with the necessary tools to continue your Jewish journey beyond bar/bat mitzvah. J-JOLT (meaning Jewish Journey of a Lifetime) is a supplementary experience to enhance your congregation s traditional bar/bat mitzvah process. As a J-JOLT participant you will: Explore what bar/bat mitzvah means to you, and how you can contribute your ideas to the experience Select 4-6 mentors adults who you choose to support you as you move into adulthood who will become an essential part of your journey Spend time with your mentors before your bar/bat mitzvah by hanging out, discussing ideas, and doing fun activities Create a special service called a J-JOLT ceremony to honor your mentors during your bar/bat mitzvah weekend. During this ceremony, you thank your mentors and invite them to be a part of your life into adulthood Celebrate and share your story! This J-JOLT Guide, along with your rabbi, cantor and/or educator will assist you through this process and provide the information you need for an unforgettable bar/bat mitzvah experience. We look forward to hearing about your journey and celebrating with you! The J-JOLT Team Bobby Harris Michelle Shapiro Abraham Rabbi Mike Mellen Program Director Educator Mentor Educator 6 J-JOLT Family Guide

7 STEP 1: PREPARING FOR J-JOLT In this step, you will plan what you want to get out of your J-JOLT experience. J-JOLT Family Guide 7

8 Family Activity 1: What Does Becoming Bar/Bat Mitzvah Mean to Our Family? Bar/bat mitzvah literally means a son/daughter of the commandments. When a Jewish person reaches the age of 13, he/she automatically becomes a bar/bat mitzvah. As a community, we celebrate this milestone by leading services, reading Torah, doing mitzvah projects, having celebrations, and more. Bar/bat mitzvah is about embarking on your J-JOLT by celebrating who you are and who you re becoming. Ask your parents: What are you hoping for me as I reach this J-JOLT of becoming a Jewish Adult? What does bar/bat mitzvah mean to you and your family? When you think of this special time, what comes to mind? Check off your top five. A family celebration A celebration with friends Becoming responsible for your own Judaism A step toward adulthood Showing that you can read the Torah Showing that you can lead a Service Becoming part of the chain of Jewish tradition Becoming responsible for carrying on the Jewish faith Graduating from the first stage of Religious School A time to celebrate the person you are becoming Beginning to take on specific responsibilities within your family or community An opportunity to share with everyone what you care about Accomplishing a challenging set of tasks Leading a mitzvah project to help the world A celebration for the community and congregation A time to show how much you appreciate your friends and family Becoming a teacher of Torah 8 J-JOLT Family Guide

9 My own As you being to plan your bar/bat mitzvah experience and the role that your mentors will play, keep in mind these interpretations of this experience. J-JOLT Family Guide 9

10 Individual Activity: Spotlight on Me! Before you can consider the J-Jolt experience with your prospective mentors, we want you think about who you are and what matters most to you. As you move into the mentor selection stage, you will share this information with your mentors to help them get to know you better. Issues I care the most about: I think the biggest problem in the world is: Activities I love to do in my free time: One of the best things that my community does is: Some questions about the world or my community: If you knew me really well, one thing you would know about me is: My favorite song is: I am most proud of: I really don t like when: When I m 35 years old, I hope I am: When I m 72 years old, I want to look back on this time in my life and remember: 10 J-JOLT Family Guide

11 STEP 2: CHOOSING YOUR MENTORS For this step, think about what qualities you are looking for in your mentors and begin to identify who you want to ask. J-JOLT Family Guide 11

12 Who are J-JOLT Mentors? Our tradition teaches: Remember the days of old; consider the generations long past. Ask your father and he will tell you, your mentors, and they will explain to you. (Deuteronomy 32:7) J-JOLT mentors are chosen by your family. Mentors may be people you already know well, or people who your parents think you should know. A mentor may be someone who share your interests, someone you feel has something to teach you, or someone who lives the values that are important to you and your family. J-JOLT mentors can include: Relative(s) (family members, not a parent) Member(s) of the congregation People with an expertise in things that interest you Someone from the larger community Someone who is not Jewish Someone who exemplifies values that are important to your family You will spend time with your mentors before your bar/bat mitzvah, include them in a special J-JOLT ceremony during your bar/bat mitzvah weekend, and invite them to continue to advise and support you as you enter adulthood. Think about: What qualities are you looking for in a mentor? What type of people do you want to include? In the J-JOLT program, you will choose 4-6 mentors who will spend time with you, get to know you, and help you through your transition into adulthood. Family Activity 2: Are you Looking for a Yoda or a Glinda the Good? The following five texts, videos, and audio tracks exhibit different mentor styles, and explain the wisdom of previous generations. Mentors often have different styles attitudes and techniques they use to help us grow and learn. Some are gentle, while others really push us to our limits. Examples of these styles are: Directive: telling you what you need to do Experience based: pushing us to learn from our experiences Encouraging: a cheerleader who encourages you by letting you know you are doing well! Question Asker: someone who helps you learn by asking inquisitive, probing questions Listener: Someone who lets you talk openly On Your Own: someone waits for you to figure it out on your own, and then helps you interpret it Enjoy each example and then reflect on the mentor style, and what you can learn from each creature, person, and witch! :All of these links are available on the J-JOLT website at 12 J-JOLT Family Guide

13 : YODA In this scene, Yoda is trying to coach Luke in lifting his ship out of the water. Luke is giving up, and Yoda pushes him to keep going. How would you describe Yoda s style? How does he treat Luke? How does his style help Luke? What could be the benefit of this type of mentor style for you? What are the challenges? Do you know anyone who reminds you of Yoda? : THE MOUNTAIN AND THE CLIFF AN UPDATED JEWISH FOLKTALE In this short animated video, we learn the modern retelling of the Jewish Folktale The Mountain and the Cliff. Watch the father and how he helps his son solve the problem. How would you describe the Father s mentor style? What does he do to help his son? What could be the benefit of this type of mentor style for you? What are the challenges? Do you know anyone who has this style in your own life? : BARBARA AND AARON HANDELSMAN: A STORY CORPS AUDIO CLIP Story Corps is a wonderful project of National Public Radio that invites pairs of people to record their stories. This story is a grandson and his grandmother talking about their time spent together and ensuing relationship. What was Barbara s style of being a mentor? What did her grandson like about it? Why would you like this style? What could be the challenges of this style? Do you know anyone who has this style in your own life? MOSES AND YITRO In this chapter, Jethro (also called Yitro) comes to visit Moses. Pay attention to how Yitro handles the situation when he sees Moses making a leadership error. (JPS Translation) Exodus, Chapter 18 1 Jethro priest of Midian, Moses father-in-law, heard all that God had done for Moses and for Israel God s people, how the Lord had brought Israel out from Egypt The next day, Moses sat as judge among the people, while the people stood about Moses from morning until evening. 14 But when Moses father-in-law saw how much he had to do for the people, he said, What is this thing that you are doing to the people? Why do you act alone, while all the people stand about you from morning until evening? 15 Moses replied to his father-in-law, It is because the people come to me to inquire of God. 16 When they have a dispute, it comes before me, and I decide between one person and another, and I make known the laws and teachings of God. 17 But Moses father-in-law said to him, The thing you are doing is not right; 18 you will surely wear yourself out, and these people as well. For the task is too heavy for you; you cannot do it alone. 19 Now listen to me. I will give you counsel, and God be with you! You represent the people before God: you bring the disputes before God, 20 and enjoin upon them the laws and the teachings, and make known to them the way they are to go and the practices they are to follow. 21 You shall also seek out from among all the people capable men who fear God, trustworthy men who spurn ill-gotten gain. Set these over them as chiefs of thousands, hundreds, fifties, and tens, J-JOLT Family Guide 13

14 and 22 let them judge the people at all times. Have them bring every major dispute to you, but let them decide every minor dispute themselves. Make it easier for yourself by letting them share the burden with you. 23 If you do this and God so commands you you will be able to bear up; and all these people too will go home unwearied. 24 Moses heeded his father-in-law and did just as he had said. 25 Moses chose capable men out of all Israel, and appointed them heads over the people chiefs of thousands, hundreds, fifties, and tens; 26 and they judged the people at all times: the difficult matters they would bring to Moses, and all the minor matters they would decide themselves. 27 Then Moses bade his father-in-law farewell, and he went his way to his own land. How would you describe Jethro s leadership style? What does he do to help Moses? Does it work? What do you like about this style? What would be challenging about this style for you? Do you know anyone who has this style in your own life? : GLINDA THE GOOD WITCH This scene takes place towards the end of the movie. Glinda showed up at the beginning, told Dorothy to take the ruby slippers, and instructed her to make her way to the Emerald City to meet the great and powerful Wizard of Oz. Finally, the Wicked Witch is dead and Dorothy has saved Oz, but how will she ever get home? What would you call Glinda the Good Witch s mentor style? How does she help Dorothy? What could be the benefit of this type of mentor style for you? What would be the challenges? Do you know anyone who has this style in your own life? As you move on to the next Family Activity, think about the different mentor styles presented above. What are you looking for in a mentor? What is a good balance for you? 14 J-JOLT Family Guide

15 Family Activity 3: The Table of Mensch As a family, explore the following questions. Who do you admire? List the qualities you admire about them. On the next page is the Table of Mensch. Looking at all of the qualities on this table, which do you think are YOUR strongest? (Each family member should answer for themselves.) Which do you think you need to work on? :Watch this film as a family: The Science of Character, found at: Think about all the people in your life (family, friends, long time friends of your parents, people who you know from school, etc.) 1. Who has a growing mindset? What have they done that makes you know this? 2. Who has characteristics that you would like to learn from? What qualities do they have? 3. Think about the mentor styles you discussed in the last Family Activity. What mentor style do you think these people will have? J-JOLT Family Guide 15

16 16 J-JOLT Family Guide Copyright Avi Orlow, used with permission of the Foundation for Jewish Camp (

17 Family Activity 4: Selecting Your Mentors J-JOLT mentors are people you will be spending a considerable amount of time with so choose wisely! Make sure they are people you admire, feel comfortable with, and exhibit qualities you aspire to have. Mentors will become intimately woven into your family and especially your teen s life. We recommend that families choose people that they know or who are connected to someone who you trust. Mentors should be people who emanate the mentor style you think would be a good match for your personality. You should plan to choose 4-6 mentors. Together as a family, use the following pages to list and track who you would like to invite to be your mentors. Same Gender Mentors You may want to consider having all of your mentors be the same gender as you are. As you can see below, this has been a meaningful experience for past J-JOLT participants. I really liked that we only chose women for my counsel of elders it gave the ceremony a sense of comfort and intimacy that I would not have had otherwise. Because it was just women, we were able to relate on a deeper level. The women mentoring me were also 13 year old girls at one point in their lives so I could relate to them in that way the whole experience helped me think about who I am and who I could choose to become. J-JOLT Participant Everyone who participated in my mentor ceremony was a man Through this experience I discovered that being a man was more than about physical strength and that the most critical part was about standing up for the things I believe in and having the courage to be the person who I want to be--even if it was not easy. J-JOLT Participant J-JOLT Family Guide 17

18 My Mentors Name: Why I would like this person to be my mentor: accepted Name: Why I would like this person to be my mentor: accepted Name: Why I would like this person to be my mentor: accepted Name: Why I would like this person to be my mentor: accepted Name: Why I would like this person to be my mentor: accepted Name: Why I would like this person to be my mentor: accepted Name: Why I would like this person to be my mentor: accepted Name: Why I would like this person to be my mentor: accepted 18 J-JOLT Family Guide

19 STEP 3: INVITING YOUR MENTORS Now that you have decided who you want your mentors to be, the next step is inviting them! Invitations It s a great idea to ask your mentors over the phone, and then follow-up with an letting them know exactly what the process will entail. You may also want to send them the first activity you did in this booklet Spotlight on Me so they can get to know you better. You or your parents (or both of you!) can reach out to the mentors. You are letting your mentors know: What J-JOLT is What you think makes them special and why you would like them to be your mentors What would be expected of them/what you would be doing together You will be asking your mentor to: Meet at least twice with you before your bar/bat mitzvah to do something they d like to share with you. This can be ANYTHING that will help you learn from each other and get to know each other better. Think: cooking, going somewhere close or far, having a meal together, working in their garden, or making a video. The possibilities are endless. Choose something that you both think is important, fun, and meaningful. Ideally, these meetings should be in person, though one could be over video chat if absolutely necessary. Help create and be a part of the J-JOLT ceremony during your bar/bat mitzvah weekend to welcome the mentors into your life Take part in 2-3 webinars being offered by the Union for Reform Judaism especially for J-JOLT mentors that are exploring and working with teens Be an on-going support as you move into high school and adulthood J-JOLT Family Guide 19

20 A template of this letter is available on the Families page of the J-JOLT website at A Sample Mentor Letter: The fabric of a culture tends to unravel in two places at once, where its young people are rejected and where its old people are forgotten. Conversely, a culture becomes creative where the dreams of its youth are revealed and the visions of its mentors are revered. A culture that rejects the spirit of its youth will come to lack spirit and imagination when faced with life s almost impossible challenges. A culture that forgets the necessity of converting olders into genuine mentors will have leaders who can t learn from the past and, therefore, can t imagine a meaningful future. Michael Meade, The Water of Life Dear We are proud to be participating in a pilot program of the Union of Reform Judaism, which has invited us to create a Counsel of Mentors to help welcome our daughter into adulthood. We are writing to invite you to be a member of the Counsel of Mentors as part of our celebration of Rachel becoming a bat mitzvah. Working with our congregation s rabbi and leadership, we are crafting this experience for our daughter and our family, and would love to have you participate in this special role. You are being asked because you re an empowering role model who has so much to offer our daughter; we just couldn t see her stepping through the J-JOLT of bat mitzvah her initiation into the adult Jewish community without your unique and intimate guidance. Rachel s bat mitzvah is important to us for so many reasons. Chief among them: the age a sacred time designated by our tradition at which we are encouraged to sharply focus on the treasured soul of a young woman, utilize lifecycle rituals, and provide her with the guidance, challenges, and support she will need to transition from child to adolescent. We are incapable of doing this without you. While we provide Rachel with parenting and family, we cannot provide her with community. And while we will always offer her love and guidance, there is so much more a young lady requires that we do not possess. In the end, we truly believe that it takes a village to help people achieve their potential and live happy, loving, spiritual lives. You shall seek out from among the entire nation extraordinary people who fear God and trustworthy people who spurn ill gotten gains, and set these Mentors as Chiefs over thousands, hundreds, fifties and tens and let them judge the people at all times Yitro s advice to Moses, Exodus 18:21 20 J-JOLT Family Guide

21 As a Member of the Counsel of Mentors, we ask that you: Commit to building a relationship with Rachel and continue to support her as she becomes an adult. Meet with Rachel at least twice (ideally in person) before her bat mitzvah Celebration (May 2014). During this time, we ask you to share with her what is important to you, including your key values. If you want, you may also provide specific guidance on any subject or skill that is dear to you. Keep in mind that the latter could be serious or fun (or both) ranging from visiting an art museum; going to a concert or sporting event; playing a game; cooking together; teaching her how to sew; taking her to a rally; or just having dinner together. Most important is that you share your time and be present for her. Help us by choosing readings and rituals for a special commencement ceremony we are creating, in which Rachel will welcome her Mentors and share what she has learned from each of you. This ceremony will take place during the bat mitzvah weekend. We will let you know the exact timing and details as we the date approaches. Provide a modest, symbolic gift to Rachel during this ceremony. This could include a reminder of your time together, a symbol of what you would like her to remember as she goes forward in life, or another small token. Consider taking part in some or all of the special webinars that the Union for Reform Judaism is planning for J-JOLT Mentors. These webinars will explore mentoring, working with teens, and will give you an opportunity to meet other J-JOLT Mentors from around the country. The registration information for these webinars will be sent to you from the URJ. The idea of establishing a Counsel of Mentors for a (modern day) bat mitzvah is a new tradition, so we appreciate your patience with us and your active input as we navigate this Jewish communal adventure. Thank your for your consideration in joining the Counsel of Mentors. You are a cherished friend, and our entire family would be most honored, and enriched, if you accept this invitation. Love, J-JOLT Family Guide 21

22 Remembering My Experiences The following pages are provided for you as a journal to write memories, stories, and lessons learned as you spend time with each of your mentors. Mentor: 22 J-JOLT Family Guide

23 Mentor: J-JOLT Family Guide 23

24 Mentor: 24 J-JOLT Family Guide

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26 Mentor: 26 J-JOLT Family Guide

27 Mentor: J-JOLT Family Guide 27

28 Creating Long-Term Relationships With Your Mentors As you work with your mentors, remember that your goal is to create life-long relationships. The time together before you become bar/bat mitzvah and the ceremony you will hold during your celebration weekend are just the beginning. Think about how you will continue to learn with your mentors and include them in your life. Some ideas may include: 3-6 months following the ceremony, invite all of your mentors to a home dinner. Write and read a letter of gratitude to each mentor and articulate specific lessons that you received from the relationship Reaching out to them to help with school projects or activities Including them in lifecycle events such as Confirmation and High School graduation Inviting them to join you at temple events such as special services or intergenerational programs Speaking with your mentors when you need advice Visiting them for a day, or even a weekend, if they are from out of town Traveling together to a place that interests both of you Meeting for lunch or dinner Continuing to meet for the activities you did prior to becoming bar/bat mitzvah, like going to see a ball-game, cooking together or hiking

29 STEP 4: CRAFTING YOUR J-JOLT CEREMONY FOR PARENTS AND MENTORS Working with your Congregational Liaisons rabbi, educator and/or cantor parents are going to create a J-JOLT Ceremony for their child. The J-JOLT Ceremony is a special ceremony that happens during the bar/bat mitzvah weekend with your chosen mentors. Here you will honor your mentors for helping your teen cross the J-JOLT between childhood and adulthood. Your Congregational Liaison will give you guidelines specific to your congregation as to when you are invited to hold your J-JOLT Ceremony, where the ceremony can be held (at your synagogue or other sites), and the role your temple leadership can play in the event. The following pages will help you craft your ceremony with prayers, readings, and rituals that are meaningful to your family. You can find an online version of these materials, including the hebrew and hebrew transliterations at to assist in creating your ceremony guide. J-JOLT Family Guide 29

30 Including Your Mentors Consider inviting your teen s mentors to help choose the readings and prayers for your J-JOLT Ceremony. You can do this by either: ing all of the mentors with a link to the resource website. You can then ask them to you back with ideas and suggestions. Bring your mentors together on a conference call or video chat, and explore the resource website/create the J-JOLT Ceremony together. Crafting the Tone Check with your Congregational Liaison (rabbi, cantor and/or educator) for materials to help you understand the options for your J-JOLT Ceremony. Think about the feel you want the ceremony to have, and how you can best create the energy and tone you and your teen want. Do you want to share it with the entire community, or have an intimate ceremony with just the mentors and the teen? Do you want music? Guitar? Drums? Live or from a recording? Do you want to hold the ceremony indoors or outdoors? Is there a special place to hold the ceremony if you are not using your synagogue? Do you want the ceremony to be held during the day or at night? Would you like to use candles, art, a campfire, or other items to craft the tone? Look back at the first activity your family did in this Journey Guide. There you reflected on what bar/bat means to you and how it will affect you and your teen s lives. What can you add to this ceremony to communicate that belief? Visit for digital versions of these materials, as well as music suggestions and Hebrew inserts. 30 J-JOLT Family Guide

31 Creating Your Ceremony Part 1: The Opening Planning the opening is essential, as it sets the mood for the rest of the ceremony. For the opening ceremony, you can choose one or a few of the readings/prayers/rituals below, or create one of your own. If you are choosing multiple welcome rituals, put them in the order you would like them to happen.* Opening Song: Choose a song you want to set the mood of the ceremony Song Title _ Welcome from Parents: parents welcome the mentors and thank them for taking part in this special experience. Shehechianu (sung OR read) Traditionally, the Shehechianu is said during holidays, lifecycle events, and first times from wearing an outfit for the first time, to eating a fruit for the first time that season. It s a blessing of thanks and joy. Blessed Are You, Adonai Our God, Ruler of the Universe, who has given us life, sustained us, and enabled us to reach this season J-JOLT Candle Blessing: This blessing was crafted specifically for this ceremony for his child s ceremony by Jacob Schreiber. The teen lights a candle and recites the following blessing: We bless the spring of life; lift our hearts, rejuvenate our souls, with the lighting of the Candle of Passage [from childhood to adolescence]. Welcome from the Bar/Bat Mitzvah: Would the bar/bat mitzvah like to welcome his/her mentors to this experience? Bruchim HaBaim Welcome Bruchim Habaim is the traditional prayer used to begin lifecycle events, including a baby name/bris or a wedding. (Hebrew and transliteration available on the website.) Welcome to those who come in the name of Adonai Other (reading, song, a favorite poem) *Hebrew and transliteration available on the website J-JOLT Family Guide 31

32 Part 2: Linking the Chain Our tradition teaches that we are all part of Shoshelet Kabalah the chain of tradition. In this section, you will choose ritual(s) to welcome the bar/bat mitzvah to this chain of tradition and to the unique relationship with their mentors.* Wine Pouring Ritual Each mentor is given a glass of wine. They each take a turn say a blessing/wish/hope for the bar/bat mitzvah. As they do, they pour some of their wine into the teen s cup. Before drinking, the group can say the Kiddush (blessing over wine). Blessed are You, Adonai Our God, who creates the fruit of the vine. A Symbolic Shared Meal The bar/bat mitzvah can cook a food (bread, sweets, etc.) and give a plate to each mentor, thanking them for their support. HaMotzi (the blessing over bread) could be said before eating. Blessed are You, Adonai our God, who brings forth bread from the earth. Remembering our Mentors Each mentor takes 1-2 minutes to share a story about a mentor in their life and how the bar/bat mitzvah is part of this chain of learning and growing. Adding to the Light In this ritual, each mentor takes a turn sharing something and lighting a candle. You can choose to ask your mentors to share: A quote they find meaningful and that has helped guide their lives A Jewish memory that inspires them Any memory that inspires them in their lives now Gratitude Ritual for Mentors The parents of the bar/bat mitzvah give the mentors a small token gift and recite the following: Blessed are You in serving as an Mentor of our Nation; may you strength be preserved to go from success to success Truth Trial The mentors ask the bar/bat mitzvah questions about life and his/her commitment. The bar/bat mitzvah thoughtfully answers. Mitzvah Pledge The bar/bat mitzvah creates and reads a short vow committing to adulthood in the Jewish people. Torah Teaching The bar/bat mitzvah shares something they have learned either from their own Torah portion or others they have studied that they feel is meaningful to their own lives. Mentor Gift Presentation Each mentor presents the bar/bat mitzvah with their token symbolic gift. *Hebrew and transliteration available on the website 32 J-JOLT Family Guide

33 Our Own Writing/Poem/Ritual J-JOLT Family Guide 33

34 Part 3: Symbol Presentation to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah In this part of the ceremony, the bar/bat mitzvah is presented with a symbol marking this transitory moment. Choose one symbol from the list provided, or create your own. Mezuzah The bar/bat mitzvah is presented a mezuzah and the following is read by the mentors: We give this mezuzah to you a symbol of your becoming a bar or bat mitzvah. Make sure to put it in a room that is special to you. Keep it as a reminder that you are a link in the chain dating back to our people s exodus from Egypt. Havdalah set The bar/bat mitzvah is presented with a Havdalah set and the following is read by the mentors: This Havdalah set is our gift to you; given to you today as a symbol of becoming a bar or bat mitzvah. As Shabbat ends each week, we hope you will use this Havdalah set to mark the passing of time. We hope each time you see the Havdalah candle dance, you will remember that bringing holiness into our world requires hard work, and the ability to enjoy what you, others, and the Divine have created. (If the ceremony is on a Saturday evening, this Havdalah set could be used during the ceremony as well.) A walking stick The bar/bat mitzvah is presented with a walking stick, and the following is said by the mentors: This walking stick is our gift to you; given to you today as a symbol of your becoming a bar or bat mitzvah. Like our ancestors who walked from slavery to freedom, may you know blessing, joy, and peace on your journey. Other 34 J-JOLT Family Guide

35 Part 4: The Circle of Initiation In this section of the ceremony, the bar/bat mitzvah is blessed by the mentors, and welcomed into Jewish adulthood. We suggest you choose one ritual/blessing for your ceremony.* Journey Blessing by Debbie Friedman Traditionally a blessing called Tefilat Haderech The Traveler s Prayer is said when someone is beginning a journey. A beautiful version of this prayer was created by composer/songwriter Debbie Friedman. The music is available on our website for inclusion in your ceremony Journey Blessing (non-gendered) The mentors can take turns reading each line, or can read the entire prayer together. May you be in tune with the Source of Life and the Spirits of our ancestors so they can lead you, direct your steps and support you in peace along your journey. I pray your journey be stirring and serene, challenging and conquerable, mysterious and direct. May you be strong enough to face your enemies and yourself, deep enough to learn from darkness and light, aware enough to rely on your soul as much as your mind. When you reach your destinations, may your heart be whole, knowing that that you treated all Creations with integrity, generosity and love. Your own writing/song/poem *Hebrew and transliteration available on the website J-JOLT Family Guide 35

36 Part 5: Conclusion In this last section, you will bring the ceremony to an end through prayers, blessings, or songs. Choose one or multiple components for your conclusion.* Initiation blessing For a girl: You are now initiated into our community in the tradition of Moshe and the foremothers, and the people of Israel. For a boy: You are now initiated into our community in the tradition of Moshe and the foremothers, and the people of Israel. Shema The bar/bat mitzvah recites or sings the Shema. Hear O Israel, Adonai is our God, Adonai is one The Priestly Blessing The Priestly Blessing comes from the Torah and is a traditional blessing to end lifecycle rituals. May God Bless You and Keep You May God s light shine upon you and show favor unto you May God lift face to you and Show you peace Sealing of the mentors The bar/bat mitzvah thanks the mentors for their commitment to his/her J-JOLT process, and bestows each with a symbolic gift of their sacred relationship. Closing song Siman tov u mazel tov Everyone sings together! *Hebrew and transliteration available on the website 36 J-JOLT Family Guide

37 STEP 5: SHARE YOUR STORY After your bar/bat mitzvah celebration weekend, take a few minutes to share your thoughts and memories here. Your favorite bar/bat mitzvah photo here J-JOLT Family Guide 37

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