It was a beautiful evening. Mark

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1 Forgiving the Dead Man Walking SERIES: Forgiving the Unforgivable (1) J. David Newman 1 It was a beautiful evening. Mark Brewster, 20 years old, and Debbie Cuevas, 16 years old were enjoying their milk shakes sitting in Mark s 78 Thunderbird just up from the river in Madisonville, Louisiana. They had been dating for eight months and were engaged in quiet conversation when two men approached their car and stuck guns to their heads. One of the men got in Mark s side behind the steering wheel and pushed Mark into the center spot on the front bench seat. The other man climbed in the back seat and put his arm around Debbie s neck and nestled a sawn-off shot gun in her cheek. The lead man, Robert Willie, said: We re escapees from Angola Prison. We ve killed before and we ll kill again. Just do what we say and everything will be all right. After driving for a few miles they stuffed Mark in the trunk of the car and then Robert Willie raped Debbie on the back seat. They drove to a deserted spot and took Mark out of the car. Debbie heard a gunshot and they returned without him. They drove all of Friday night, Saturday and Saturday night to different states and back again. In the process Robert Willie raped Debbie again and the other man, Joe Vaccaro, also raped her. The pair picked up another man who finally convinced them to let Debbie go free. Debbie told the police where they might find Mark. He was still alive, even though he had been stabbed in the side and neck, shot in the back of the head, and was covered with hundreds of bites from fire ants. The police also found near that same spot another girl who had been raped, tortured, and killed by these same two men. Robert and Joe were captured and sentenced to life imprisonment with Robert getting the death penalty. Debbie was called to testify at their various trials. You cannot even imagine what was going on in her mind during that time. The sentencing of the men brought a certain kind of closure to Debbie but her biggest struggle was only just beginning. She began to have terrible nightmares and would wake up in the middle of the night screaming and in a cold sweat. She knew that she should forgive Robert Willie but how could she? He was totally unrepentant and had openly mocked her at her trial. When the prosecutors asked her to describe the rape scene in detail Willie kept smacking his lips and grinning until he made the judge so furious that he threatened to have his mouth taped shut if he did not shut up. How do you 1 J. David Newman, D.Min., now retired, is the former senior pastor of New Hope Adventist Church in Fullton, Md, and a former editor of Ministry magazine. He is currently the editor of Adventist Today. His articles and sermons can be found at Singles Retreat Mt Aetna /1

2 forgive someone like that? All of us struggle with issues of forgiveness. Forgiveness is the giving up of any resentments that you have toward the other person. It is releasing your anger, your rage, your bitterness. It is treating the other person as if they had not wronged you in the first place. This is why forgiveness is so difficult. We have been wronged. We have been hurt. Injustice has taken place. Let me ask a very big question: Is forgiveness always unconditional? Am I always supposed to forgive the other person? This is not a theoretical question. My father, who was General Manager of the Stanborough Press, learned that he was being fired from the man who had been appointed to succeed him. The president of the board did not have enough courage to tell him himself. I had two minutes warning that I would be losing my job as editor of Ministry. My position had been removed as an elected position at the 1990 General Conference Session, so I was not even listed on the agenda for the Session in I, too, have struggled with my feelings and my needs and resentments with forgiveness. There are Bible texts that suggest that some types of forgiveness are conditional. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. (1John 1:9). In the Lord s prayer we say to God: Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors (Matt 6:12). It seems that God is saying that His forgiveness is conditional on us confessing our sins, saying we are sorry, and in addition being willing to forgive everyone else who might have sinned against us. If this is the case then I doubt anyone could be saved. How can an unconverted person have the strength to put aside all resentments and bitterness as a condition to salvation? However, in understanding the Bible we must look at all the passages. Here is another one: Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity (Colossians 3:13-14). Notice that we are to forgive whatever grievances we might have against others. No limits are stated, no conditions given. We are to forgive in the same way that God forgives. How can we forgive others their grievances if they do not confess first? Is this forgiving as Christ forgives? Or maybe the definition I gave earlier of forgiveness is not correct. Let s see what the experts say: Webster s 10th Collegiate Dictionary says: To cease to feel resentment against, to give up resentment, or claim to requital. Chamber s Dictionary says to pardon, to overlook. Does God hold resentment against us if we do not confess our sins? Does God have any bitterness toward us? This dilemma occurs because there are two parts to forgiveness. What we have are two moral imperatives that are in opposition to each other. On the one hand we have the demands of Responsibility, Justice, and Fairness. On the other hand we have the demands of Empathy, Compassion, and Mercy. We are afraid that if we extend mercy it will seem that we condone, approve of, what has happened, and besides it just is not fair. If we come down on the side of justice and fairness it will seem that we are heartless and cold and unfeeling. The two sides to forgiveness are the Singles Retreat Mt Aetna /2

3 legal and the relational. We are always to forgive the relational hurt but the legal side may or not be forgiven. For example, you own a store that extends credit to people. You now have 10,000 people who owe you money. You are not obligated, even as a Christian, to forgive them all their debts. You may if you want to, or can afford it, but it is not a moral imperative. If someone steals your car your forgiveness of their theft does not mean they get to keep the car. Jesus shows us what it means to forgive relationally. He is the perfect man. He has never sinned. He always did what was right. He was unfairly arrested. He was condemned to death in an illegal trial. He was tortured by Roman soldiers under the command of Pilate, the ultimate dispenser of justice. His closest friends deserted Him. He stood alone. Pilate condemned Him to the cruelest death ever devised by humans. Slow suffocation by being nailed to a cross by his hands so that he could not breathe easily. We find Him, on a Friday afternoon, enduring this terrible agony. Around Him His own religious leaders are mocking Him, telling him to prove that He is the Messiah by coming down from the cross. Would you want to forgive under those circumstances? Then Jesus utters these wonderful words: "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." (Luke 23:34). What was Jesus asking for? Was He asking God to spare these people punishment? Was He condoning their treatment of Him? Was he saying that they were innocent? No He was saying none of those things. Jesus was saying: I hold no resentment against any of you for what you are doing to me today. I am not bitter. I am not looking for revenge. I am not even asking for an apology. We could excuse Jesus if He felt angry and bitter. Anyone who suffers injustice should have feelings of outrage but what do we do with those feelings. Do we let what the other person has done determine how we feel, what our emotions will be? No one has ever been made happy by the emotions of resentment and bitterness. This is the message that Jesus is driving home on the cross. But there is another side to forgiveness, the legal side. Debts must still be paid. Those who helped put Jesus to death were guilty of murder and there is a penalty for murder. But even on the legal side the penalty can be waived because of what Jesus did for us on the cross. God forgave us legally on the cross: All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus (Romans 3:23-24). The word justified is a legal word used in the law courts of the Roman empire when a person was declared innocent. Jesus death became the substitute for the death we deserve. For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died (2 Corinthians 5:14). Now what does this have to do with the Lord s prayer and confessing sins before God will forgive us. God forgave everyone at the cross. BUT we have to accept that forgiveness because God only wants people in His kingdom that are willing to forgive as He has forgiven. Heaven will be a place with no hate, no conflict, where everyone gets on perfectly with each other all the time. If we ask for God s forgiveness and hold back Singles Retreat Mt Aetna /3

4 forgiveness toward someone on this earth and both of us end up in heaven, how will we be able to live next door to that person if we never had a forgiving spirit toward him or her here? Refusing to forgive is not a crime of such magnitude that it cannot be forgiven; God forgives the unmerciful also. The problem is that so long as we are unmerciful we refuse to enter again into the relationship with God and we are unable to accept our acceptance. Remember that repentance is not a cause of God s forgiveness. Jesus forgave the soldiers when they had not repented. He forgave them relationally although legally they were not forgiven until they accepted what God had done for them on the cross. Forgiveness is extremely costly. It means acting toward the other person as if the problem had never existed in the first place. God s forgiveness is offered to us so that no matter what our sin, we are always free to come again into the relationship with Him. But how can we be in this relationship with God if our hearts are filled with a desire for revenge upon those whom God has also forgiven? If anyone says, I love God, yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen (1 John 4:20). In many situations we can only forgive with Divine help. Forgiveness is a most unnatural act. That is what grace is all about. Grace is forgiving the undeserving. Grace is never tested until we have to deal with the undeserving. Forgiveness is a divine act. How else can I let go of the hurt, anger, resentment, and pain that I have received. No payment can atone how many mink coats must a husband bring his wife to show sorrow for his affair? There is no payment that can be attached to a relational debt Forgiveness is a choice. If I refuse to forgive then I am under the power of another person. I am letting that other person decide how I will feel. When I do not forgive them I hold on to me feelings of anger and resentment. I am letting them make me feel this way. But with forgiveness I am in the driver s seat. I no longer need to be held captive by anyone. I can be content all the time regardless of what someone else may say or do. This is one of the greatest gifts of the gospel. Everyone struggles with guilt and wants peace of mind. This God offers to us so freely, forgiving us legally and relationally. We receive it by recognizing our need, that we are unforgiving people. When we recognize that and turn that over to God we can now receive the forgiveness of God into our lives and tap into His exhaustless supply of power. Again I keep hearing those words from the cross Father, forgive them for they know not what they do? Did they know what they were doing? Of course they did. They were executing common criminals and yet in another way they did not know. Jesus felt no resentment to his torturers. He freely forgave. He held no grudges. Is forgiveness unconditional? Yes it is. We do not need to hold any grudges either, any animosity, any resentment against anyone. Will the other person benefit from our forgiveness? Only if they admit their responsibility and ask for forgiveness from you. But whether they respond or not, you are free because you have the choice to forgive or not forgive. Debbie Cuevas told her story about her experience with Robert Willie in a book called Forgiving the Dead Man Walking. Singles Retreat Mt Aetna /4

5 This book came in response to a book written about Robert Willie and capital punishment called Dead Man Walking. Debbie describes in great detail her struggle with forgiveness. She discovered that much of her suppressed anger and resentment had been directed at God. Where was God when she was raped? Where was God when her boy friend, Mark, was shot? Debbie began to go back to church. She opened her heart to the gospel of grace, to how God forgives us when we do not deserve it. On page 248 she quotes from Lewis Smedes book Forgive and Forget. If we say monsters are beyond forgiving, we give them a power they should never have. Monsters who are too evil to be forgiven get a stranglehold on their victims; they can sentence their victims to a lifetime of unhealed pain. If they are unforgivable monsters, they are given power to keep their evil alive in the hearts of those who suffered most. Then Debbie writes: today to surrender those hurts, that pain, those resentments, to Jesus. He is big enough to take them all. He bore them all on the cross because of His love for you and me. Surrendering does not mean that all the hard work is finished but God takes the will for the deed. Forgiveness is a process. It can take time. But as long as you have the will to forgive God looks at you as if you have completed the process and His grace still covers you while you are learning to forgive. Icouldn t begin to articulate it at the time, but I understood that truth even before Robert Willie was executed. I knew I had to forgive him not for his sake, but for mine. Until I did, there was no escaping the hold his evil had on my life..... The refusal to forgive him always meant that I hold on to all my Robert Willie-related stuff my pain, my shame, my self-pity. That s what I gave up in forgiving him. And it wasn t until I did that real healing could even begin. I was the one who gained. Today we have begun the first in an five-part series on forgiveness. Like Debbie we find that it is not easy to forgive when we have been hurt. This series is designed to give us the strength and the tools to forgive. But even if you do not hear another one of these messages you can make that choice Singles Retreat Mt Aetna /5