Sad Confrontations Pastor Deacon Conflict

Transcription

1 Sad Confrontations Pastor Deacon Conflict 1. Sad Confrontations (Baptist Churches Designed for Conflict) 2. Sad Examples from Yesterday and Today 3. Deacons in Scripture and in Church History 4. Why Deacons As Baptists Select Them Should Not Lead 5. The New Testament Pastor-Director 6. The Leadership Team Church 7. Involving the Congregation 8. Pastoring a Deacon Led Church 9. Closing Words to Fellow Pastors Appendix A Look at Church History Church Government and Organizational Structures

2 1. SAD CONFRONTATIONS First Timothy 3: 1-13; 5:17; Acts 15:12-29 Let the elders who rule (NIV= directs the affairs) well be considered worthy of double honor, especially those who work hard at preaching and teaching. (NASV) (1Timothy 5:17) Paul called to him/ the elders (presbuteros) of the church/ He said to them/ Be on guard for yourselves and for all the flock of God, among which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers ( episcopas), to pastor (Shepherd) the church of God. (Acts 20:17, 28) FOUR GROUPS IN CONFLICT These two passages and others we will look at show that the leader of a local NT church was called by three names- elder, bishop and pastor. These three titles; one from first century Jewish synagogues (elder); another from first century Greek and Roman life (bishop) and the third, from pastoral farm life (shepherd-pastor); all point to someone in charge of something. That s why 1 Tim. 5:17 says the local NT church leader, called here the elder, directs the affairs of the church. We know the passage refers to the Pastor because it speaks of the elders who work hard at preaching and teaching. It is a violation of this Biblical teaching that is causing heartache, division, and lack of growth in our Baptist denomination. Baptist Churches are structured for conflict. When a Pastor arrives on the field there is immediate danger of confrontation. This hinders the growth of the church, gives Baptists a bad name in the community and causes far too many pastors to leave prematurely; many with no home, no insurance, very little denominational aid and no place of ministry to go to. This is because, in Baptist structure, there are four groups which see themselves as leaders in charge:

3 (1) There is the congregation citing passages like Acts 15, Acts 13:1-4; and 1Cor. 16:1-4 which seem to teach the congregation governs its own affairs. (2) Second, there are the deacons, citing the practice of their church for years and the Church By-Laws. Most congregations realize that micro-management creates confusion and hinders effective work, so they delegate leadership authority to the deacons. Deacons serve as a decision making body like elders in the Presbyterian churches. Baptists deny this, but in practice, it is true. It is very seldom that a church goes against the recommendations from its deacons. (3) Third, there is the Pastor citing passages like 1 Tim. 5:13. He feels in his heart that he is responsible to God for the church to which he is sent. He feels responsible not just as preacher and pastor, but also as leader. And it is the third area where conflict arises. And if the truth be told, most criticisms of his preaching and pastoral work really have their source in conflicts over leadership. Most Pastors, being men of integrity, realize they are not to be dictators, and being men with common sense; realize the need for teamwork in decision making. Note: I know much conflict in Baptist churches arises from Pastors who are lacking in integrity or common sense or both. Directors of Missions I have talked with while writing this book consistently lay 50% of the blame upon Pastoral mistakes or abuse of privilege. I am not blind to that but this book deals with the other 50%, the good men and their families I have seen put in the street with little more than the clothes on their backs by a godless few against whom no one in the church will stand up to. I have added some words of advise for my fellow Pastors in the final chapter. (4) The real problem is with the fourth group- a small group of influential, wealthy, or highly vocal members; usually on the

4 deacon board, and very often including the treasurer; who have been directing things for years. They control by vocal resistance to change; spreading dissent; withholding their money; or criticizing the Pastor in trivial ways. When these criticisms work their way into deacons meetings, the soul of a pastor is scorched a little each month until his only option seems to be to leave prematurely. THE SILENCE OF GOOD MEN Why is this happening? Why don t churches put a stop to it? The reason is that Baptist deacons in almost all of our churches are composed of men, and men shy away from conflict like the plague. Good Deacons will go along with the minority to keep the peace and the church ends up managing by objections rather than objectives. The tail is wagging the dog and carnal members have been given the controls of the church. Most of these silent deacons are good and godly men who have the best interests of the church at heart. They are men of integrity and compassion who do a fine job in family care. But if this small group is successful in stirring up some members against a Pastor; if they complain enough; or if they withhold their tithes: these good men will give in to them. Men do not like conflict and will avoid it at any cost. They do not like it at home, at the office, and especially at church. Even though they may feel the Pastor is doing a good job and they support him in most that he does, they will subtly change their minds if conflicts between the Pastor and the power group continue. They will rationalize this with their conscience by saying to themselves, I love and appreciate Pastor John and he does not deserve all this. He needs to go to a church that appreciates him. When this begins to happen a Pastor is all alone and is dead

5 in the water. And it is happening all the time, in epidemic proportions in Southern Baptist life. THE CONFLICT OF CHANGE The catalyst of conflict is change. It has been well said, The only people who like change are babies and they cry while you do it. Most churches are like Jesus, The same yesterday, today and forever. Their favorite hymn is, We shall not be moved. And their seven last words before dying are, We never did it that way before. A pastor usually sees the need for change. He comes to a church with tremendous enthusiasm and faith in God to lead him and his church. As new good, workable, ideas about church growth and health emerge he wants to see them incorporated into his church. What he sees as needs, the power group sees as changes. This small group resists change and resents Pastoral suggestions or requests because they see them as threats to their power. They also see themselves as God s servants assigned to protect the church. They consider themselves and their fellow deacons as the Pastor s supervisors. THE MONTHLY MEETING This all plays out monthly in deacons meetings. Without this monthly encounter most Pastors could work with their committees and leaders without a great deal of conflict. But in the deacon s meetings it is all different. Every area of the church, from who cleans the toilets to who decides what songs to sing, comes under their watchful eye. In the typical church a Pastor is expected to run his ideas by the deacons. If he doesn t, it will probably come up in the deacon s meeting as a criticism. He will be told he needs to discuss things with them before implementing them in the church.

6 After the honeymoon stage, which isn t very long, most Pastors begin to experience deacon resistance to change. If a Pastor persists in his efforts to bring change, then resistance turns into confrontation and then conflict. The power group involves the membership through the telephone committee and the Pastor begins to encounter little negatives about what he is doing and what he is not doing. And remember, this plays out in deacons meetings. Once a month the Baptist pastor and his family are under the microscope and are potential targets for criticisms. THE LONELY PASTOR The Pastor unable to make changes or criticized for changes becomes frustrated and angry. The anger tuned inward becomes depression and irritability at home. This leads to guilt and a sense of failure. The Pastor ends up feeling all alone with nowhere to turn and his loneliness is almost unbearable. He feels like a hired hand instead of a NT Pastor-leader; like a sheep dog instead of a Shepherd. Note: The month before I wrote this chapter, I asked a Ministerial Staff member at a nearby church why the Pastor left with nowhere to go. He said the Pastor was openly criticized in three consecutive deacon s meetings. At the next (fourth consecutive meeting) something negative was said about his wife and children and he resigned with no job. The conflict eventually becomes vicious. Control groups are made up of neurotic people who crave attention, and take every disagreement with them personally. They will, as Paul says, bite and devour a pastor (Gal. 5:15); and make his life a hell on earth. His every decision is criticized; his every suggestion is opposed; his every pulpit slip is magnified; his family is treated like second class members and he seldom goes through a day without encountering a negative comment about him or his work. And all the while, friends are telling him how good a preacher he is and encouraging him to hang in there.

7 The Personal Tragedy If a Pastor like this is asked to resign by the deacons or is forced by the unbearable stress to resign with nowhere to go, he loses his job and his health insurance if he cannot afford it. Sometimes he loses his place to live and almost always loses the opportunity to Pastor a decent church. Dr. Clyde Francisco, Professor of OT at Southern Seminary in the l970 s, taught a Bible Conference on Malachi at Furman University. Discussing discarded wives in Malachi s day, he applied it to discarded preachers. He said if a pastor is immoral he can find a new church to Pastor in a few months. But if he is released from a church with nowhere to go because of conflicts with deacons or powerful families, he might as well find a new occupation. The only churches that will call him are those that make a habit of discarding Pastors and he will be the next. This has turned in to a way of life in many churches. The Kregel Press s promotion for the book The Wounded Minister-Healing from and Preventing Pastoral Abuse, by Guy Greenfield, says, In some churches what should be normal clashes has become a devastating form of abuse- pastoral abuse. A growing phenomenon that cuts denominational lines, pastoral abuse leaves in its wake thousands of wounded clergymen with ruined ministries, broken relationships, damaged health and even shattered faith. THE SAD RESULTS FOR THE CHURCH 1. Churches in Crisis and Stagnation All over the South huge mega-churches are pulling in people like never before and many smaller churches, which make up the majority in our Convention, are slowly dying. Young Pastors who see no growth; who see little increase in giving; and who see declining churches talking more about money than reaching people, are easily discouraged.

8 They also feel guilty because they cannot make the church grow. On top of this a small power group keeps them in line and blames them because the church is not growing. And this plays out once a month in deacon s meetings. The results are tragic. 1) This is the primary reason why the average stay of a Southern Baptist Pastor in our churches is just under 2 years, hardly enough time to do anything worthwhile. 2) This is why at any given time in the South Carolina Baptist Convention there are over 200 of our churches without Pastors. 3) This is why Baptists are known in their communities for their quarrels and unfair treatment of pastors. The day I was writing this chapter I went to the hospital. The patient s daughter was there from North Carolina. I shared with her that I was writing this book and here is what she said. I see what you mean. Our Pastor just left because he could not take all the petty criticisms. Some members told him he needed to cut his grass on Saturday so it would look good on Sunday and that was just one of the silly things they didn t like about him. He just couldn t take it any more. THE EXCEPTION- GROWING SITUATIONS The only Pastors who seem to be able to avoid this are those fortunate enough to be in growing situations. If the membership and the finances are increasing the Deacons will not be so quick to criticize him. Sadly this is more a matter of location than the Pastor s ability or dedication. I was the same person in my church where we ran 100 if you counted the dogs and cats; and added 50 people in five years, that I was in the church where we had over 2000 members and ran 1300 in worship. The difference between the two churches was location and growth. THE SOLUTION THE LEADERSHIP TEAM This book will offer the solution of a Pastors Leadership Team ; a concept taught in The Wounded Minister and in the

9 materials of The Center for Congregational Health in Winston- Salem, NC. Proverbs 11:4 says, For lack of guidance a nation falls, but many advisers make victory sure. No major denomination puts Pastors totally in charge. Few pastors want this and fewer still can handle it. The Pastor needs a leadership team not just to carry out his wishes but to help him direct the affairs (1 Timothy 5:17, NIV) of the church. A sample team could be: (1) The Pastor as Chairman (2) The Ministerial Staff (3) Program Leaders (Church Council) (4) Congregational representatives- men and women from all age groups This kind of advisory council is far better than deacons. It is composed of program leaders who know the inner workings of the various organizations. It includes both men and women. And it is led by the Pastor. ESTABLISHING LEADERSHIP TEAM CHURCHES 1000 Member Churches This is not part of the problem addressed in this book, but as I survey the religious landscape at the beginning of the 21 st Century, I see the need for more community churches in the areas around our cities where sub-divisions are springing up like wild fire. People, sick and tired of conflict and church politics in smaller churches, like those described in this book, are flocking to huge Mega churches. This is not only sad but it will not reach people for Christ like solid, healthy leadership team churches that grow to 1000 in membership and 500 in attendance and sponsor other mission churches which will do the same.

10 A mega-church with 5000 attendance church puts 10 young Pastors (and ten of all other kinds of ministerial staff) out of work. Such men with 500 people attending church could have good programs, an adequate staff, and be in the neighborhoods where people live. A mega church will run 35-40% of its members on a regular basis. Smaller churches run 60+ percent. Large churches can quickly become middle class country club churches and many below that social level are forgotten. They don t feel right in rich churches. They don t get love from the small quarreling Baptist churches so they live and die never being shown love by any church. Huge churches hire most of the work out to staff and most members are spectators. W. A. Criswell had the finest mega church I ever saw; the First Baptist Church of Dallas in the 1970 s and 80 s. Sunday School departments had an ordained Pastor over them, so people could have small church pastoral care. But I heard Dr. Criswell say in his School of the Prophets, You young Pastors envy me because I have 6,000 people here on Sunday morning (The 1960 s). My heart breaks almost every Sunday because every time I see 6000 people here I know 12,000 of our people are not here and that should break any Pastor s heart. Note: For more information on the Leadership Team concept contact, The Center for Congregational Health Medical Center Blvd, Winston-Salem, NC ( ) See also, The Wounded Minister: Healing from and Preventing Personal Attacks by Guy Greenfield (Baker).