1 PETER SERIES (WEEK 5/9: HUSBANDS AND WIVES)

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1 1 PETER SERIES (WEEK 5/9: HUSBANDS AND WIVES) SMALL GROUP DISCUSSION QUESTIONS CONNECT: What is one key aspect of your life in which you can imitate Christ through (what the world would recognise as) weakness? WARM-UP Question 1. What do you find most difficult about serving other people s needs ahead of your own? READ 1 Peter 3: What was particular about early Christianity that caused Peter to focus on wives? Why would this have been less likely to have been an issue if it was the husbands who had become Christians? 3. In Peter s thinking, what is the overall goal of wives submitting to their husbands? 4. What would this look like in practice? And how does this in no way validate abuse? 5. Do you think it is possible for people to be converted by the example of others? What do you find most challenging about this idea? 6. When one spouse is a Christian and the other is not, can that still cause conflict today? What would Peter s advice say today to the spouse who is the Christian? 7. What would living as an example of Jesus look like in daily practice in such a marriage? Is this true for other settings as well? (Try to think of specific examples.) 8. How is Peter s message of inner beauty an affirming message that needs to be shared today? READ 1 Peter 3:7 9. What does Peter mean by being considerate? Why is his reference to their wives being weaker not intended to be condescending? 10. In what way does Peter demonstrate that wives are to be considered as equal? What should this look like in practice? What are the repercussions if husbands do not? 11. How can we be a church that encourages our men to honour their wives according to the standard and benchmark that Jesus set? 12. If you re not married, but hope to be one day, how might this passage shape how you discern a potential spouse? What is the standard of love for Christian marriage? 13. When husbands and wives lay down their lives for one another, how does this advance the Gospel? APPLY (to this week): If you are married, how can you better show Christ to your spouse? If you re not married, how can you better demonstrate Christ in another setting? PRAY: Gracious God, we thank you for the costly and sacrificial example of Jesus. We thank you that it is through his death and resurrection that we are saved. Please help us to follow him with our lives, that many may recognise the hope that we have and come to trust in him. In Jesus name, Amen. For sermons and additional resources, visit STBARTS.COM.AU

2 1 PETER SERIES (WEEK 5/9: HUSBANDS AND WIVES) GOING DEEPER RESOURCES & SUGGESTIONS Each week we provide additional resources that help to go deeper with whatever series we re currently focusing on as a church. Resources could include recommended books, articles, online sermons, courses, or videos. These are optional extras! Please don t feel under pressure to look at every resource, but consider what could be useful to. Talks & Other Audio St Helen s Bishopsgate, William Taylor: Where, when, and who, by Dick Lucas: Continuing from Last Week Many people have been continuing to think about what it means to live as a Christian example in their workplace. An excellent resource to consult is Fruitfulness on the Frontline. You can find out more at: Websites For information on Domestic Violence, for both men and women, DV Connect is an excellent source for help, visit Video The Bible Project Overview of 1 Peter: Articles and Other Reading BOOK: 1 & 2 Peter and Jude for Everyone by N.T Wright For sermons and additional resources, visit STBARTS.COM.AU

3 Talk 5/9 (1 Peter Series: Exiles Living in Hope): 06/08/17 Husbands and Wives by the Rev d Adam Lowe Bible Passage: 1 Peter 3:1-7 Today we come to the fifth week in our series on 1 Peter, considering the implications, of what it means to have lives firmly anchored in the reality of Jesus resurrection. The resurrection changed everything for Peter! He went from denying Jesus, and being disillusioned by the death of his Lord, to being willing to follow Jesus and proclaim the Gospel even to the point of death. And so, as he s written to various churches, amidst a world of increasing persecution: he implores them, not to retaliate, nor to overturn every societal convention, but to: Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us. (1 Peter 2:12) Everything we do, springs out of who God is, in order that: the whole world, and especially those who you re surrounded by this time tomorrow, might come to know Jesus as their Lord and Saviour. So Peter has worked through what that looks like in principle and practice. We re a holy people, set apart by God and according to God s standards; We re living stones, being built into a house with God at the centre; but we re also a people whose way is meekness, whose lives are characterised by submission, in imitation of Jesus who submitted his own life to death for us.!2

4 Radically counter-cultural. Not that my needs and my desires are the most important thing in the world. Not that my plans and my purposes should direct the agenda for my life. That we would lay down our lives daily, even when it s costly, even when it s hard. We explored the first two case studies of what that looks like in practice last week: in society and the workplace. Today we come to the home. Raising this topic can invoke all sorts of feelings, all sorts of reactions. We can think, that the idea of there being differences between male and females, of males and females having different roles, is completely archaic, some sort of oppressive, misogynist practice from the ancient world. When it comes to culture, we live in a world full of paradox when it comes to gender. We can think that in order for males and females to be equal, that the entire idea of gender needs to be eroded altogether. In one breath we have a culture that loves to celebrate difference, but feels disinclined to celebrate difference in gender, in fear that one would take advantage of another. Of course, there s a good historical and current premise as to why people would have that fear. We know statistically, that when it comes to violent acts, of one gender against another, that women are far more likely to be the victims.!3 But as we look at this section of 1 Peter, we see that Peter masterfully affirms and subverts his culture of the time, rejoicing in the differences between male and females, without denying our equality; protecting those who are most vulnerable, without eroding our differences; and affirming an image of marriage, based on a mutual and sacrificial love of one another, in which the standard is not what I m getting out of it, but how we reflect the love of Christ. So, when it comes to submission in the context of marriage, we see: The REASON: So that Husbands Might Believe (v.1a); The METHOD: Through a Life of Example (vv.1b-6); and The BENCHMARK: With Christ as the Standard (v.7).!4

5 #1 SO THAT HUSBANDS MIGHT BELIEVE \\ VERSE 1 So first, as Peter writes about submission in marriage, his reason, is so that husbands might come to believe. Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behaviour of their wives. (v.1) It s important for us to recognise, that the context for Peter writing is primarily for married women who were Christians, but their husbands were not. That s what s meant by if any of them do not believe the word. When you look at these seven verses, perhaps your immediate gut reaction is: Peter s being incredibly sexist! Here he is spending six verses out of seven with instructions to women, whilst the instruction for the men seem really undercooked. But, whilst we ll get to the full implication of the instruction for the husbands soon, what we ve got to understand is that Peter is focusing on the wives for good reason. First, we think that there were just many more Christian women than men, because it s understood that Christianity spread quicker amongst wives than husbands.!5 Second, in terms of there being the potential for a marriage in which one spouse became a Christian and the other didn t, it would have been very unusual for a husband to become a Christian and the wife not follow lead. It would have been almost unheard of, because in that culture: a wife would have almost always, exclusively, followed the religious practice of her husband. In fact, in that culture, the entire household would have just been expected to get on board with whatever worship practices that the husband engaged in. So Peter is actually walking a very fine line here. At one level, he s affirming the cultural norms of wives submitting to husbands, but another he s radically subverting that order: not only by instructing wives directly, that is, not through their husbands - that was a no-no; but he s also affirming them following Jesus in contrast to what their husbands believe. That might not sound like a big deal in 2017 in Australia, but that s a big deal in many places in the world still today, and it certainly was in Peter s part of the world in the first century. And so, I want you to imagine for a moment just how divisive that could be. It had the potential to drive a wedge in those marriages.!6

6 Wives believing something else could be a great cause of embarrassment for the husbands, and that could have all sorts of social and economic consequences. Christians were regularly blamed for all sorts of problems and calamity. And Peter is aware, that this situation, could be quickly interpreted as chaos, causing the claims of Jesus to be dismissed without any consideration at all. And so in asking wives to submit to their husbands, Peter is not asking them to do anything that would be disobedient of God, after all he is the one that they are to truly fear, who has ultimate authority, but he s asking them to not create any stumbling blocks for their husbands to come to faith. Of course that can still happen today. I know many spouses who trust in Jesus, and they have to be very mindful of how their commitment to Jesus, can be seen as undermining their marriage. Note Peter doesn t spell out exactly what that means, or how that is to look, but he s saying, don t flaunt your new found freedom in Christ, but figure out how to use it in order that your husband also might come to believe, that they might be won over, to Christ.!7 #2 THROUGH A LIFE OF EXAMPLE \\ VERSES 1-6 So they were to submit in order that their husbands might believe, second, that the way they were to do that was through a life of example. so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. (vv.1b-2) There s a play on words going on here: That those who do not believe the word, might be won over without words. There s a sense, that with the husband knowing that their wife had become a Christian, that they would see such a transformation in the way that they lived, that it would convince them of the truth of who Jesus is. Almost, well I don t like what you say about Jesus, but I love how you live! And of course we shouldn t be surprised by any of those descriptions, of gentleness and quietness, or purity and reverence, because they re reflecting the Sermon on the Mount(!), that isn t just applicable to women, but to all who follow Jesus.!8

7 Blessed those who are meek, merciful, pure in heart, and peacemakers. Now if you re like me, I find that enormously confronting! Even though telling people about Jesus can be scary, I find the idea of someone watching my life and seeing something of Jesus much more challenging. Because all of a sudden I m much more accountable for my behaviour. It matters! And there s no better people to observe those changes, or the lack thereof, then those whom we live with, because they see it all! Yet Peter is saying, let your example be the compelling evidence, be the compelling means through which your loved one will also come to believe. One of the examples of distinctiveness that Peter provides is through appearance. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self (vv.3-4) Peter is not saying that those things are bad. We can read this and be tempted to think it s some sort of oppressive Christianity, taking the fun our of fashion and instructing women to be frumpish. That s not at all what Peter is saying.!9 By all means, we can look nice, but we re not to think that s what real beauty is! This is a radically affirming and positive message. We live in this strange time that frowns upon an instruction like this, yet simultaneously creates an environment in which females are often made to feel like they need to project an outward beauty to be valued and loved. Men of course do lots to add to this problem. But a glance of the images of women s magazines is evidence to that as well. Peter is saying, God is not superficial like humans, for the Lord sees a beauty much deeper beyond the skin: don t let your outward appearance be the confidence for your proclamation, let your confidence be in the beauty of God s transforming work in you. When Peter references the example of Sarah, in view is not just her, but Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel and Leah - all godly women who put their trust in the Lord, and lived lives of amazing example in relationship with their husbands. Peter is saying, let your life, be your witness.!10

8 #3 WITH CHRIST AS THE STANDARD \\ VERSE 7 And finally, we do this, with Christ as the standard. The entire framing of this section links back to the very first (Gk) word of verse 1: In the same way, or as in some translations, likewise. If your eyes drift upwards to that of slaves, you might think that Peter is drawing a parallel between the submission between slaves and masters and that of husbands and wives. But that s not what is happening. When Peter says, in the same way, he s likely referencing the final part of chapter 2: that all of our submission, in response to God, is according to the example and standard of Jesus. Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. (v.7)!11 Considerate, doesn t mean spare a thought if you get the chance, Peter s challenging husbands to the highest standard. The man should be taking a lead, pointing the entire family to God, which means their example should be like that of Jesus. // We can be struck at first when we hear wives described as the weaker partner. But it s not intended to be condescending. Peter is recognising that especially in that society, females had very few rights. They were vulnerable socially and economically without the male, in Jewish tradition they weren t considered reliable to give testimony in court. They were also physically vulnerable, and had very few options to protect themselves. We live in a society in which women do have rights, and if danger, from any form of abuse, I want to say to you, please seek help. And if you re a man, and you treat your wife in an abusive way, you need to repent and get help, because it s not on. Your wife is your equal, she s your sister in Christ, she s a coheir. And even more than that, she's a daughter of the King, and if you fail to obey God in this area, it leave your relationship with God in a mess. When Peter implies, that such behaviour will hinder your prayers, this is serious.!12

9 One day, it s my great hope, that all of our children meet wonderful people, get married with God right at the centre. And that one day, when Amelia meets a guy, if he honours her, and treats her as an equal, sister-in-christ, coheir, then he s going to meet a pretty happy Adam. But if he mistreats Amelia in anyway, then he s going to meet a very different Adam. Men, our wives have a father in heaven, and if you disregard this, then you re going to meet that unhappy father too. Recently, there s been a considerable amount of discussion, highlighting the problems of domestic violence. And as a key part of some reports, was the assertion based on some research, that some Christian men, were some of the worst offenders of domestic violence. The thought that somehow, people would use their faith in Christ, the teachings of the New Testament, to validate or to justify, any form of abuse abhors me. We need to be a church that very clearly speaks against that, because the Bible so clearly speaks against that. What the research found was more nuanced than some interpreted. It found: those who were loosely involved in churches, were most likely to be offenders; but also: those who were deeply involved in churches, were the least likely to be offenders.!13 This suggests is that when you embed yourself in the life of Christian community, and seek to be obedient to Jesus and his teachings, then you will in no way find a justification for domestic violence, or the mistreatment of anyone. In fact you will find the opposite. You ll find a model of marriage that involves a costly love for one another, that is concerned for the best for the other, that involves a daily laying down of one s life for the other. And the greatest hope that we can have, is that they would know the Lord. //!14

10 CONCLUSION \\ EXAMPLE THAT GLORIFIES GOD Often at weddings, people want to read a poem that goes something like this: Love one another, but make not a bond of love Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping That s not the image of Christian marriage. Paul, in Ephesians instructs that: Men are to love their wives like Christ loves the church. That is a costly, generous, and sacrificial love. Women are to love their husband like the church loves Christ. That is a costly, generous, and sacrificial love. That we would lay down our lives for the other, that through it, many, might come to believe, and see the example of Jesus being lived out every day.!15