Our Great Savior. John Wilbur Chapman twice a widower ( ) Public Domain

Transcription

1 Our Great Savior Jesus what a Friend for sinners! Jesus! Lover of my soul; Friends may fail me, foes assail me: He, my Savior, makes me whole. Jesus what a Strength in weakness! Let me hide myself in Him. Though I m tempted, tried, and failing, He, my Strength, my vitory wins. Jesus what a Help in sorrow! While the billows o er me roll, Even when my heart is breaking, He, my Comfort, helps my soul. Jesus what a Guide and Keeper! While the tempest still is high, Storms about me, night overtakes me, He, my Pilot, hears my ry. Jesus! I do now adore Him. More than all in Him I find. He hath granted me forgiveness. I am His, and He is mine. Hallelujah! what a Savior! Hallelujah! what a Friend! Saving, helping, keeping, loving, He is with me to the end. John Wilbur Chapman twie a widower ( ) Publi Domain

2 Dear Readers Could you be stuk in grief? Psyhologists have identified harateristis or stages that seem ommon to the grief experiene. No one an tell you how or how long you should grieve, but being stuk in grief means you are unable to experiene the proess and instead remain stuk in one of the stages. It also an mean the inability to make hanges in your life whih would show that you know the reality of the loss. You may be stuk in grief if You have diffiulty speaking of your deeased spouse without experiening renewed and intense grief. You ontinually bring into even asual onversations the idea of death and loss. You have sleeping problems: sleep too muh or too little (ontinues for more than six weeks). You make sudden and radial hanges in your life-habits. You have no real medial problems, but you develop some of the same symptoms your spouse had just before death. You avoid anyone or anything who was assoiated with your spouse: friends, family, and previously shared ativities. You have intense grief reations at even minor events. You show symptoms of depression, espeially extreme and persistent feelings of guilt and hopelessness. Your ability to manage everyday responsibilities at work, shool, or home is signifiantly impaired. You are unable to let go and look ahead, always looking bak at what you lost. The stages of grief are 1. Shok: Your body and mind are saving you from the devastating pain of the loss initially. A girlfriend of mine learned that her husband was killed in a ar aident and she began to throw up. Shok was moving through her body. 2. DENIAL: Saying to yourself: This an t be happening to me. Or you look for your spouse in familiar plaes. Maybe you set the table for your spouse or ontinue to at as if your loved one still lives with you. Perhaps you don t ry muh. You don t want others to talk about your spouse as being dead or gone, and you don t think of him/her that way. A ertain period of denial is normal but if prolonged, it an keep you stuk in grief. 3. Anger: Saying to yourself and to others: Why me? You may be angry with your spouse for leaving you, angry with yourself for what you did not do to save him/her, or angry with God for taking away your ompanion in life. The unfairness and injustie of life permeates your thoughts. You may even be angry that it wasn t you who died. 4. Guilt: You blame yourself for what happened to your spouse. You feel like you failed in some way. It is extremely important to move through guilt, not getting stuk in this stage. 5. Pain and Sorrow: You have these feelings off and on during the entire grief proess. Early on you an be distrated from your sorrow by denial, anger, and guilt. Fear an also be something that keeps you from moving on through the grieving proess. Fear of the future alone. Fear of your new life. Fear of many things you will now fae that you never imagined. 6. Aeptane: You realize your loved one is gone and aept the loss, releasing him/her from your present life. Your omfort and healing beome evident, and you begin to find the good that an ome out of the pain of loss. While enjoying fond memories of your spouse, you also appreiate others talking about him/her and remembering with you the events of your time together. Miriam Lofquist, Editor 2 CHERAFellowship

3 Getting Unstuk Did you see yourself in Miriam s bullet points on the previous page? Are you making healthy progress through your grief journey? The six stages she lists an ome and go in different ways as you move through the first or following years. All of them are normal. People experiene them in different order, and some don t experiene all of the stages. The birthday of your spouse, your own birthday without him/her, your wedding anniversary, or another death in the family an bring bak a stage you thought was over. Even small reminders may one again rekindle the anger, guilt, or denial that you had at first. If those negative emotions persist, you may find yourself feeling stuk. What an help you get out and move on to aeptane and release? Our writers in this issue tell what got them unstuk. It ould be deisions they made or a hange that was fored on them, a Sripture that God used as a turning point in their thinking, advie they heeded, or someone who listened to them talk it out. Are you making healthy progress through your grief journey? Miriam and I deided this issue would be about things that an help you let go and move on. We have no idea what that proess takes, but our writers have been there done that! They write about how they learned to deal with the past, live in the present, and look forward to the future. Maria Hornok, Managing Editor Arthur Gossip, a Sottish preaher from the early 1900s, lost his wife suddenly. Upon his return to the pulpit following her death, he preahed When Life Tumbles In, What Then? In that message, Pastor Gossip announed that he did not understand this life of ours. But still less ould he understand how people faing loss ould abandon the Christian faith. Abandon it for what! he exlaimed. Speaking from the darkest storm of life, he onluded, You people in the sunshine may believe the faith, but we in the shadow must believe it. We have nothing else. Daniel T. Hans CHERAFellowship 3

4 Letting Go, and Moving On Life is for the future, Rik, not the past. A friend of mine insribed those words on a ard he sent me not long after my wife Polly passed away in I must say that they were not the most appreiated words that I reeived during that diffiult time of life. For the year and a half after her death, muh of my attention was foused on the past. We had been married for nearly thirty-two years, and I had ared for her during her twenty years of serious illness. So it was only natural that most of my thoughts were foused on our past life. And I would hange nothing about those days. I needed to revisit the plaes that had been important to us: the nursing home where she had resided for eleven years, the plaes I had taken her to during the years she was still able to leave her bed. The first time I returned to her nursing home I ould only stay for a few minutes. So many memories made it too emotional. The same was the ase when I visited the restaurant I had brought her to for breakfast for so many years while she was still able to eat, to the venues of the sporting events, onerts, and other outings we had enjoyed together, whih had brought her so muh joy, and when I drove by the hospital where she passed away. But I had to take the time to visit these plaes, again and again, until I grew omfortable and at peae with the memories. This ouldn t be rushed. Shortly after Polly died I donated most of her lothes to harity, and paked away her personal belongings that I wanted to keep. I ontinued to wear my wedding ring and I left her piture on display in our living room. After the first anniversary of her death, however, I put the pitures away and removed my ring. I realized that we were no longer married. Polly was in heaven. I was still on earth. And I found that whereas I had been walking bakwards during that first year, I was now beginning to walk sideways, so to speak. Instead of thinking mostly about where we had been, I found myself thinking more about where I was in life now! My main question was no longer, How an I ever leave the past behind? but it was What shall I do now? I started to think about finishing some of the things that I had put aside years ago when Polly beame ill (writing projets and eduational goals), and about the other people in my life espeially my hildren! I began to see myself more omfortably as a single person and to explore the possibility of other relationships. This adjustment was my main fous for the next few years. August 6, 2009 marked six years sine Polly s homegoing. I always take this day off from work to reflet on my life. These past two years, I ve realized that not only am I no longer walking bakwards, but I am also no longer walking sideways. Gradually I ve found myself atually walking forward into the future! God has been at work in my heart, helping me to treasure the memories and lessons from the past and utilize them in learning to walk into the future one day at a time, one step at a time, one moment at a time. Life has beome not so muh about where I ve been or even about what now? but about what s next? The life of faith is all about letting go and moving on. Not forgetting the past, but allowing the past to slowly release its tight grip on us, trusting God to bring healing to our hearts while we take our time walking bakwards. And then trusting our Lord who is the same yesterday, today, and forever to lead us on into what He has for the remainder of our life, as we start walking sideways and eventually walking forward into the future. Rik Rood Rik, a frequent ontributor to CF, is a hospital haplain in Dallas. There is no pani in Heaven! God has no problems, only plans. Corrie Ten Boom 4 CHERAFellowship

5 The Choie Is Mine How s life nine years after your husband s death? my friends ask. How are you oping? My grief is not silened, but it has quieted with time. The loneliness hurts but I an either dwell on it or fill my life with interesting ativity the hoie is mine. I keenly feel the loss of affetion and physial love. I wrestle with feelings of what s the use? and who ares about my feminine attrativeness? It is easy to withdraw in self-pity. Many days At the Plae of the Sea Exodus 14 Have you ome to the Red Sea plae in your life, Where in spite of all you an do, There is no way out, there is no way bak, There is no other way but through? Then wait on the Lord with a trust serene Till the night of your fear is gone; He will send the winds, He will heap the floods, When He says to your soul, Go on! And His hand shall lead you through, lear through, Ere the watery walls roll down; No wave an touh you, no foe an smite, No mightiest sea an drown. The tossing billows may rear their rests, Their foam at your feet may break, But over their bed you shall walk dry-shod In the path that your Lord shall make, In the morning wath, neath the lifted loud, You shall see but the Lord alone, When He leads you forth from the plae of the sea, To a land that you have not known; And your fears shall pass as your foes have passed, You shall no more be afraid; You shall sing His praise in a better plae; In a plae that His hand has made. Annie Johnson Flint (Publi Domain) are a struggle between rushing defeatism and unwavering determination. I have the resoures to be vitorious. The hoie is mine! Experiening the loss of a spouse hurts deeply. There was a time when I ould not put the pain of Ceil s death behind me and go forward vitoriously with God no matter how hard I tried! I felt like a miserable failure to my loving Heavenly Father. Seond Corinthians 12:9-10 beame a turning point for me. And He said to me, My grae is suffiient for you, for My strength is made perfet in weakness. When I am weak, then I am strong. I began to understand that in the impossible situations, when we are weak, God is best able to display Himself through us. My devastating grief was an opportunity for Christ to manifest His suffiieny through me. My dotor told me, Grief is work, hard work, but the loss must be wrestled with and all the emotions surrounding it must be faed honestly. He advised me to find someone with whom I ould share my deepest feelings, who would be understanding and nonjudgmental. My adult daughter Carol listened patiently to my expressions of sadness and longing. She was my best listener. Reovery is slow and painful. I had to work through several phases of grief. Eah phase brought healing. Little by little I beame whole again and emerged a stronger person. Faith plays a major role in the grief proess, but not in the way I one believed. I first thought that a person with strong faith does not grieve. Now I see that faith was the stabilizing fator that helped me grieve more effetively beause of the onvition that God was with me during the dark days and that He would bring me out. Yea, though Ruth walks through the valley of the shadow of death, Ruth will fear no evil; for You are with Ruth. There is so muh that has not been taken from me, muh that is good and exiting. Best of all I have inner strength that omes from the assurane that with God s help I have survived the worst thing that ould happen to me, and I an rely on Him for the future. It has taken a long time to reah this point, but life looks brighter than it has for a long time. I m even daring enough to believe that the best is yet to ome! My sister Marge sent me the following poem while I was grieving. It gave me great hope and omfort. Taken from Instantly A Widow 1990 by Ruth A. Sissom, and used by permission of Disovery House Publishers, Grand Rapids MI 4950l. All rights reserved. CHERAFellowship 5

6 Time to Change My Clothes Mourning was expressed in Old Testament times by wearing sakloth and sitting in ashes. Mourning was visible to all without the mourner saying a word. I have suffered the loss of a speial person in my life. Others know about it, and they may also see it in my fae, my eyes, my sad, downast demeanor. Grieving has a visible affet on my body. My eye is wasted away from grief, my soul and my body also (Psalm 31:9b). Extreme grieving is unhealthy. It an weaken my resistane to illness and handiap me from moving on to God s new assignment. As a steward, I m responsible for what I do with the rest of my life. I don t want the following verse to be true: For my life is spent with sorrow, and my years with sighing (Psalm 31:10a). Would my Lord be pleased if I fell into suh a pitiful pit? There is a time for grieving, and a time to stop grieving. Eventually it s time to hange lothes, put off the sakloth, get up from the ash heap of my grief and the ashes of memories. The Lord has laid out a new wardrobe for me. He has girded me with gladness (Psalm 30:11b). The Lord has ome, as prophesied in Isaiah 61, to omfort all who mourn giving them beauty for ashes, the oil of gladness for mourning, the mantle of praise instead of a spirit of heaviness. So they will be alled oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified (61:3). When people meet me, do they immediately notie that I am grieving and mourning? Does my downast appearane give glory to the Lord? Would that please my husband were he able to see me? I don t glorify the Lord as a weeping willow, but as an oak full of God s strength! Lord, lay out my new wardrobe and let me know when it s time to put it on. Leona Choy taken from The Widow s Might: Strength from the Rok. See many resoures for widows at her website: lpress Lord, I admit it is hard to press on When it seems what I desire most is behind me. I long for the love of a man You ve taken home. A man You gave me, and then took away all too soon. Like a horse with a bit, You guide me where I need to go. But I an t move forward when I m looking over my shoulder. So I strain to look ahead, even if I m not sure where we re going. I hoose to follow Your lead beause I know You. Often, the road before me seems rough, even impassable. And I m not always sure why You ve hosen this path, Yet, You are there, gently speaking words of enouragement. And our relationship is all that I need. So I press ahead, with my ears listening to Your Word. Knowing that all else will fade away, but You will never leave. I heard Your voie learly in my love s last word spoken, He did not say look bak nor even remember. He said, Press. Patti MCarthy Broderik January 26, Taken from her book, He Said Press : Hearing God Through Grief. Patti s pilot husband Mark MCarthy died when his fighter plane went down in the Adriati Sea during a training mission. Learn more at 6 CHERAFellowship

7 From God s Word That we through patiene and omfort of the Sriptures might have hope (Romans 15:4). Patti MCarthy Broderik s book inludes a ten-week Bible study she gave us permission to use in CF. Here is Week One. Enourage yourself in the Lord from what Patti alls, God s Fingerprints. You may want to write your answers in a journal. Read Jesus words in Matthew 10: Are not two sparrows sold for a opper oin? And yet not one of them falls to the ground apart from your Father s will. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows. Do you understand and believe the value God plaes on you and your loved ones? Spell it out for yourself. If not one [sparrow] of them falls to the ground apart from your Father s will, what does this say about the loss of your loved one? What fingerprints an you see that God left in maneuvering both you and your loved one to where you were when your loved one died? Take the time to write them out. Does ontemplating that God was behind the senes in the death of your loved one, make you angry with God or does it bring you omfort? Write out your thoughts to God. Patti says: God made me deliberately and preisely to be just the person I am for a very speifi and holy purpose: to love Him and bring honor to Him with all I am. What would hange in your life if you really believed this? List the gifts God has given you to use for His purposes. How do they bring God glory? _ List the inadequaies you feel God has given you. How an God use these for His glory? _ How has God used bumps in the road to help you grow? Would you have grown if God had answered your prayers as you prayed them? The death of your loved one has shown you that life is short. What impat does that have in your day-to-day living? If you have not already done so, write out everything you an remember about the impat of your loved one s life and death. _ CHERAFellowship 7

8 Coping With Grief The death of your loved one may have been antiipated, oming after a long illness. Or it may have been so sudden that it was totally unexpeted. Whatever the ause, death is unwelome. Living with grief is a tough assignment, perhaps one of the most diffiult things we are alled on to do. How to ope with grief and work through those diffiult days, weeks, and months is perhaps life s greatest hallenge. Here are some things you an do to ease the burden of your bereavement. 1. Admit the reality of your loved one s death don t deny it. Grieving is natural and normal. Even Jesus wept at the death of a friend (John 11:35). You have to fae the fat that he or she is no longer here with you. 2. Weep don t hold it in. If a feeling of loss and loneliness sweeps over you, don t hold bak the tears. They are therapeuti. It is unwise to resist grieving. 3. Talk about your loved one don t bottle things up. Find friends and relatives who are willing to listen. Feel free to disuss with them your loved one s wonderful qualities and your delightful experienes. 4. Think of where your loved one is if your relative was a believer, think of the wonderful fat that he or she is in heaven. To depart and be with Christ... is better by far (Philippians 1:23), better than this life. Think of the fat that your loved one s pain is ended and his or her limitations are gone. 5. Read Sripture and meditate on it don t neglet the Word. The Sriptures an be a soure of great omfort. Jesus said, I will be with you always (Matthew 28:20). Believers, though they grieve the loss of loved ones, do not grieve as the unsaved do, who have no hope (1 Thessalonians 4:13). As you read the Psalms, underline and meditate on the verses that are espeially meaningful to you. 6. Keep busy don t be idle. Failing to follow this admonition, some people have beome inreasingly sad and morbid. Find some things to keep you oupied a part-time or full-time job, volunteering, tutoring, exerising, being involved in hurh ativities, going on errands, doing house hores and yard work, walking. These and other ativities won t remove the pain of your loss, but they an help you live with the pain more easily. 7. Work through the stages of grief don t brush them aside. Counselors tell us that when we grieve we go through stages shok, denial, anger, depression, aeptane. If you are reating to your loss in one of these ways, remember that this is normal. As one person put it, we need to realize that our grief is not something we get over, but something we go through. We need to realize that our grief is not something we get over, but something we go through. 8. Pray don t ignore the fellowship God offers you. Talking with God an bring omfort to your soul and relief to your burden. Tell Him how you feel, and ask friends and family what needs of theirs you an pray for. He loves you and wants to hear from you. Cast all your ares on Him beause He ares for you (1 Peter 5:7). 9. Remember that you will see your believing loved one again don t forget it. Take omfort in the fat that the separation is not permanent; it s temporary. Like all believers in Christ, he or she will reeive a resurretion body when Jesus returns in the Rapture (1 Corinthians 15:51-57; 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18]. Thankfully, someday death will be destroyed (Isaiah 25:8; 1 Corinthians 15:26), and God will vanquish our grief (Revelation 21:4). Dr. Roy B. Zuk. whose wife Dottie went to be with the Lord in September 2008 after 54 years of marriage. He wrote this piee as a trat. Used by permission of Amerian Trat Soiety. To order opies of this trat or other resoures, evangelism and ministry trats, please visit or all Ed: I asked Dr. Zuk what omfort people an have if they think their loved one was not a believer and may not be in heaven. He said they should reall good memories of their life together and remind themselves that we annot know another person s heart. Their loved one may have turned to God before he/she died. 8 CHERAFellowship

9 In God s Hands As though it were yesterday, I still reall the fear and onfusion I felt as I wathed my husband of forty years until then a marathon runner hanging onto the living room walls for support as he walked. Within a few short weeks, Bill was slumped over in a wheelhair, then in a hospital bed as paralysis from three brainstem tumors ontinued to reep up his right side and down his left. I shifted my mind into neutral as I ared for him. Even so, I saw the depth of his sorrow in his tears, felt his depression as it mirrored mine, and heard his frustration in his garbled speeh. At the same time, he radiated the kind of peae only Jesus Christ an give. When questioned, he lifted the one hand he ould still move, in praise to God. Everything was in His hands. As Bill ontinued to deteriorate, he began ontemplating Heaven with joy--even longing--in his earth-weary eyes. I tried to fore him to keep up with his physial therapy and to eat when he was no longer able. Trying to postpone the inevitable. A month later, I buried Bill s body in the sodden ground during the hill of an early spring rain. I walked on, limping in the pain and emptiness of my life without him. Grief rolled over me in waves: Shok. Disbelief. Hasn t he just gone on a business trip? Tears too deep to shed; too intense to hold bak. Guilt. And an anger I hadn t known was there. Despite exhaustion and sleepless nights, I kept razy busy, blunting my sadness by looking for, and lingering over other people s problems. Trying to make everything right. When the grass settled over Bill s grave, reality threatened to engulf me. I hobbled on raw and bleeding knees into the waiting arms of God. To rest. My Lord lifted me up in all of my brokenness and held me lose to His heart. He arried me as He had Bill-- through the pain, sorrow and loss yesterday, and today, seven years later in His hands. Sandi Elzinga. Her husband Bill died in April of 2002, after four months of paralysis from brainstem tumors. She has four grown hildren and seven grandhildren. In addition to writing artiles on grief for magazines, she is urrently working on a blog entitled, GriefWalk: Hope through the dark plaes. Storm Clouds I annot say I m glad when storm louds ome, When days and nights are burdensome and long. I like the peaefulness of sunny days When life is bright and in my heart s a song. And yet I know the wisdom I have learned Or any ourage that my life displays Was never gained in golden sunlit hours But rather grew from dark and stormy days. I ve felt God s Presene loser mid the storm As I relied on Him to guide my way, And through my trials found a stronger faith Enabling me to better fae eah day. And so, I would not ask God not to send Tests fashioned by His wise and loving hand; For all things work together for my good And things one questioned now I understand. Beverly Anderson reprinted from CF Deember 1995, Vol 3, Num 4, p. 6. CHERAFellowship 9

10 My First Love Being a single-again adult and raising three hildren alone brought with it many lessons. I would love to tell you I learned those lessons well the first time; however, the fat is I failed miserably. I strongly believe that God s mery overs the mistakes we make, and He even extends His grae to those areas where we waddle around in disobediene when we onfess and allow Him to diret us out of those messes. God used those opportunities to draw me loser to Him. Aside from beoming a hild of God, the next most important thing is getting to know Him. Our relationship with Christ Jesus should be our most important relationship. For the single-again adult, doing the work of two parents and faing life s daily demands, devotion to Christ is often left to a minimal amount of time or no time at all. I have learned that unless I put Christ first in my life, everything else beomes a tangled mess. I begin living a frustrated life trying to make it on my own. Consequently, I have begged God s forgiveness for not making Him my first love. By ommitting a set time, early in the morning, to spend with the Lord in Bible study, journaling, and prayer, I have notied a marked differene in my life. I still get lonely, I hate walking into hurh by myself, I dislike eating alone and I avoid doing ertain things alone. A ommitment to Christ as a single-again adult does not eliminate problems. Instead, it means that even though it looks like I live alone, I am never alone. Even though I struggle and am often weak, I reognize that He is my strength and He loves me. When I have spent time in His Word in the mornings, He will gently remind me throughout the day of His lessons and wisdom. God wants His highest for us. This involves knowing His harater, love, joy, and ompassion, rather than trying to live life on my own. I must pay attention to the attributes of God by going to Him daily and drawing from the well that never runs dry. As a young single parent, I learned to find omfort from the love of Christ during those times when none of the piees fit. I reall my first Valentine s Day without my husband. That had to be the loneliest day I d ever experiened. Every ouple in the neighborhood went out for dinner together. My hildren were invited to parties, so there I sat in my living room all alone, bemoaning the emptiness I was feeling. Granted, God gave us every emotion we possess, but He also wants us to use every part of our being to bring glory to Him. How muh better it would have been if I had meditated on the depth of His love for me that night. I ould have allowed Him the opportunity to be the lover of my soul, bringing me His joy on that day. God knows better than anyone else how to love us when we hurt and are lonely. Single-again adults will feel negleted, ignored, abandoned, or isolated at times. They will go through many doubts, fears, and frustrations. Yet all of the emotional impat of being single again an be a plae where we take on a ompletely new attitude, a renewed sense of hope, ontentment in our irumstanes, and unspeakable joy. That kind of lifestyle is only available in a relationship with the living Lord. He wants to be my first love, and that is the greatest lesson I will ever learn.. Patti M. Hummel. Patti and her husband, Rev. Donald R. Hummel, Sr. served in ministry until aner took him home in Patti and her three hildren ministered for seven years with YWAM. She is a published author / ompiler / ontributing author of seventeen books. Learn more at Q To order gift subsriptions To donate to this ministry To see bak issues of CF Q 10 CHERAFellowship

11 Getting Better Must we experiene a ertain amount of grief before healing an begin? Probably. Is there a minimum that is neessary, or a maximum beyond whih grief beomes pathologi? Not really. Every person s irumstanes and psyhologial makeup are different. It is inadvisable, however, to adopt the stane that the more grief I experiene, the more quikly and ompletely I ll get over this. Initially, we mourn beause our loved ones have experiened the end of life. Greater insight allows us to realize that we are ultimately mourning not their loss of this world s pleasures, but our loss of their ompanionship no more time together or doing the things we had planned. This level of understanding must be ahieved before true adjustment an begin. Prayers, ounseling, and the support of friends an only go so far for some individuals. The depth of the depression may ditate the need for professional help, and if this involves mediations presribed by a professional, I would urge that suh a ourse be followed. One definition of grief is the normal response to the loss by death of a loved one. Depression following suh a atastrophi loss is normal and is referred to by healthare professionals as reative depression. When the depression is exessive or prolonged, however, it beomes pathologi and signals the need for professional help. Despite all the good advie in the world, guilt and what ifs are part of grieving. The best advie I an offer is to talk things over with someone (repeatedly, if neessary) until you re able to not only say, I did what I ould at the time, but also I an t hange it now. Now may be the time to look for a support group to begin talking out the what ifs and to start dealing with the survivor guilt that an plague the widowed for months and sometimes years. The feeling of guilt is normal, natural, and to a degree understandable. But it need not be permanent. At some point and no one an say exatly when this will be for any one person it is time to try to move on. Grief ounselors sometimes use the aronym TEAR to haraterize the grief work that is helpful in getting through the grieving proess more effetively. When hildren see a parent ry at a gravesite, they don t just witness grief. They also witness a parent managing grief, by remembering someone, expressing emotion, going home and arrying on with life. Carolyn Hax, SLTrib, Ot 30, 2009 T- To aept the reality of the loss E- Experiene the pain A- Adjust to the new environment R- Reinvest in reality Don t feel that you are abnormal if your grief is what you onsider too brief and shallow, or too prolonged and deep. Experiene it, but when it takes over your life and keeps you from funtioning, seek professional help to allow you to begin to move on. Your loved ones, both the living and the dead, would not want it any other way. rihard L. Mabry, M.D. whose wife Cynthia died after a massive stroke in Taken from The Tender Sar 2006 by Rihard L. Mabry. Published by Kregel Publiations, Grand Rapids, MI. Used by permission of the publisher. All rights reserved. Rihard an be found at CHERAFellowship 11

12 Mary Had a Little Lamb The best-known, best-loved nursery rhyme of all time is undoubtedly Mary had a Little Lamb. Someone has poignantly rephrased the verse as a vivid reminder of who Jesus is and why He ame: Mary had a little Lamb, His life was pure as snow. And everywhere the Father led, the Lamb was sure to go. He followed Him to Calvary one dark and dreadful day, And there the Lamb that Mary had washed all my sins away. The story of Mary s Lamb didn t begin in the manger in Bethlehem. It didn t even begin on earth. It began in heaven before God hung the world in spae. The Bible says Jesus was a Lamb slain before the foundation of the world (Revelation 13:8). The entire sarifiial system in the Mosai Law was a huge anvas that pitures man s need for an innoent substitute to die in his plae. Jesus was the Lamb of God from the beginning of His inarnation. He was born in a stable, laid in a feeding trough, and visited first by shepherds. When you think about it, the Bible is the story of God s Lamb. Someone has said that the entire Bible an be summarized in three great statements about the Lamb. During Old Testament times, the nagging question was Where is the Lamb? (Genesis 22:7). In the Gospels and Epistles the prolamation is Behold, the Lamb! (John 1:29). And in the onsummation the ry is Worthy is the Lamb! (Revelation 5:12). May we never forget the reason Jesus ame. He was born as Mary s little Lamb to die for you and me and to wash all our sins away. Whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life (John 3:15). Dr. Mark L. Hithok, taken from Christmas Devotionals 2009, Dallas Theologial Seminary, used with permission. All rights reserved. spring VOLUME 18 - NUMBER 2 Chera (Ker-ah) Fellowship is a quarterly publiation of IFCA International. Chera is the Greek word translated widow in the New Testament. Carol Gregory... Founder Miriam Lofquist.... Editor Maria Hornok... Managing Editor Nila Rae Phelps...Editor Emeritus Jim Connelly Studio... Design and Layout artiles (to 900 words) and poems to Maria Hornok at kenmarh@omast.net or mail to 2451 Surrey Road, Salt Lake City, UT Please inlude your phone number. Rates: Gift Subsription: $10.00 (4 issues). Go to Disounts for bulk orders. We enourage the distribution of CF in hurhes, senior enters, retirement homes, are failities, mortuaries, and hospitals. Chera Fellowship IFCA International PO Box 810 Grandville, MI Call (616) Bak issues at Widows and widowers reeive CF free of harge for one year when they request it. We an do this beause of donations (tax dedutible) sent to IFCA International speifially for CF. Thank you for partiipating in this ministry to people who have lost their mate.