module #3 Seeking Feedback and Dealing with critics

Transcription

1 module #3 Seeking Feedback and Dealing with critics

2 Pastors are part of a fraternity of people who know what it s like to pour out their hearts only to hear good message from people who don t really mean it. As a communicator, you know what it s like to receive a Monday morning from a church member correcting a Bible reference, or explaining, at length, how your second point wasn t consistent with what you said seven year ago. If you re a pastor or church leader, criticism is inevitable. Pastor, we want more stories and jokes. A fill-in-the-blank guide would be helpful. The pastor at my last church didn t preach as long as you do. Listening to some people talk about their last pastor, you d think their last pastor was Jesus. Do you have those people in your church? Can you relate? You ve heard you re not deep enough, funny enough, old enough, young enough, educated enough, and the list goes on. At times, even the compliments don t seem real. Pastors are part of a fraternity of people who know what it s like to pour out their hearts only hear to good message from people who don t really mean it. You didn t get into this to win the approval of man, but maybe you didn t realize that so many would disapprove. Criticism is a hard part of the job. In this resource, we want to equip you with some tools for how to effectively deal with criticism and handle the emotions that come with it. But more than that, we re going to encourage you to SEEK OUT helpful criticism. PART ONE: FEEDBACK Do you know Sean Foley? Probably not. He s Tiger Woods golf swing coach. And while you ve probably heard of Michael Phelps, the multi-medal winning Olympic swimmer, fewer people know Bob Bowman. Phelps goes out of his way to say he would not have accomplished much without Bowman s influence and coaching. Professional athletes, even the Olympic variety, have coaches. But coaching goes beyond sports. World-famous actors who are thoroughly skilled at their craft work for directors. CEOs of major corporations pay for business coaches. People at the top of their field whatever it is routinely talk about the benefit of coaches in their lives. Why is coaching important? Because coaches pull the best out of people. You ve probably heard the phrase practice makes perfect. But coaches know this isn t true. Practice doesn t make perfect if you practice wrong. Coaches provide structured feedback and help create strategies for consistent improvement. 2

3 THE REQUIREMENTS OF FEEDBACK Most communicators do not have a thought through system for getting feedback and getting better. Their plan for improvement is preaching more. But this plan is flawed. You don t automatically get better the more you preach. Yes, you will get more comfortable. Yes, you will develop your skills. But preaching alone doesn t improve your skills. In fact, many life-long preachers are stuck in a rut, having never matured into all they could be. The thing they do on a regular basis is the very thing that keeps them from growing. In order to fully develop your skill, you need outside feedback. You need a group of people who will speak into your process and help you develop your craft. Maybe this is the very reason you are going through the Preaching Rocket core coaching program. Preaching is one of the most public and significant task you do as the leader of a local church. But it s often the area least likely to improve. You don t get better solely by preaching more. If you are serious about seeking feedback, it s going to require at least three things. 1. Seeking feedback requires humility. Sermons are born, not just written. In a way, your message is a strange combination of something birthed in the mind of God, processed through your heart and delivered with your personality. A finished sermon feels like a child. So inviting feedback is inviting someone or a group of people to critique your child. It might be helpful, but at times, it will hurt. When you ask for feedback, you re admitting you re not the best in the world at what you do. In giving yourself an opportunity to improve, you re admitting weakness. You are putting yourself out there. 2. Seeking feedback requires trust. When you ask someone for feedback, you trust them with your emotions. You trust the words they have to say will build up and not tear down. The more trust you have with someone, the more freedom they will feel in expressing helpful feedback, and you will be positioned to receive it. 3. Seeking feedback invites criticism. There s really no way around this. When you ask for feedback, you re asking for someone to criticize your work. Like an artist playing a new song for a small group of listeners and asking for impressions, you re inviting people to share their honest thoughts on what you created. What do you think? is a dangerous question, because it comes 3

4 If you re going to create a culture of feedback, you must give people the freedom and trust to share their honest criticism. with an answer. A lot of people ask for feedback, but shut down when critiques come their way. But if you re going to create a culture of feedback, you must give people the freedom and trust to share their honest criticism. IS IT WORTH IT? So why would you humbly put yourself out there and invite people into the personal process of hearing from God, crafting a message and delivering it to a congregation? The purpose of feedback is improvement. What you do REALLY matters. Every week, you stand before a group of people and communicate God s truth. Your job as a herald of God s Word is to communicate with accuracy, passion and relevance. You bring a message of hope and redemption, a message of truth and grace. That responsibility should lead you to develop your calling. In fact, it ought to compel you to seek feedback and training. Rightly dividing the word of truth (2 Timothy 2:15) is a calling and a skill, and that skill can be developed. Consider some of what the book of Proverbs has to say about feedback. Wounds from a friend can be trusted. - Proverbs 27:6 The tongue of the wise brings healing. - Proverbs 12:18 Plans are established by seeking advice, so if you wage war, obtain guidance. Proverbs 20:18 Preaching the Gospel has eternal ramifications Like Paul challenged Christians living in Colossi, we challenge you to work at your ability to communicate God s word with all your heart. (Colossians 3:23) SOURCES OF FEEDBACK The Internet is full of people with an opinion. Everyone with a Facebook account, Twitter handle or blog is willing to share their opinion on a variety of subjects. You ve probably discovered that people in your church are more than willing to offer feedback. But passing comments and helpful feedback are dramatically different. People you should listen to: 1. Your spouse. Pastor, your spouse is your partner in ministry. The pastor s wife is his closest friend. She knows his weaknesses and his strengths. Therefore, she is uniquely qualified to be the pastor s greatest proponent as well as his best critic, writes Erik Raymond. If your spouse loves you, loves Jesus, and loves the church, they are the perfect person to provide helpful feedback. 4

5 2. Your staff. People who work in full time ministry in the local church are excellent sources of feedback, and you would be wise to listen to their opinions. Just because a staff member doesn t preach every week, doesn t mean they can t offer helpful feedback and provide honest insight. Hopefully, they love Jesus, you and the church, so they are a great source of feedback. Make sure they know what you are asking for and make sure your ego is willing to take honest criticism, writes Mark Messmore. 3. Church members. People in the church listen to your sermon on a weekly basis. That puts them in a perfect position to provide feedback. What if you pulled a group of committed attenders together and asked them to provide honest and helpful feedback? They would be honored to participate, and after overcoming the shock of being asked, they would give you excellent insight. 4. Unchurched people. When seeking feedback, be sure to seek out the feedback of people you are trying to reach. People who don t know Jesus aren t stupid they just don t know Jesus. Seek out their feedback, and you might even find that you earn more of their trust. Unchurched people can provide excellent feedback on lots of areas, including: Clarity do your messages make sense to someone that doesn t have a church background or Bible knowledge. Engagement are your messages interesting and easy to hear? Personality are people making 5 a personal connection to you and your message Believability do people believe what you are saying and are you presenting a compelling argument? Seeking feedback from the unchurched is a part of a larger principle in preaching. As you write and deliver your messages, we encourage you to preach to who ISN T there, just as much as you preach to who IS there. Maybe your church landscape is dominated by longstanding members or life-long Christians. Maybe you re trying to reach a younger generation, or preach evangelistic messages. If you want unchurched people in your church, preach to them even if they aren t there yet. Even if you know every single person in the congregation is a Christian, address non-christians in your message. Think through your sermon with them in mind. When you work hard to make it apply, you might find that your audience becomes more spiritually diverse. 5. Teenagers. Very few pastors seek feedback from students, yet this can be your most valuable source of information. If you have a generational wall in your church, you can lead the way in tearing it down. Go out of your way to ask for feedback from teenagers, and then listen to what they have to say. Speaking to teenagers isn t about working awkward pop culture references into your sermon. Today s students aren t stupid they are well connected and have a world of information at their fingertips.

6 A concept that changed my life was understanding I needed to work harder on myself than on my job. When you work on yourself, everything around you gets better faster. Nothing has taken me further faster than investing in paid coaches and mentors for help with personal development. The paid coach is paid to make me do what I say I am going to do, when I say I am going to do it. I have NEVER regretted a dollar I invested in coaching or a minute with a mentor. - Casey Graham, founder of The Rocket Company Why should you intentionally engage teenagers with your messages? If you can capture the attention of teenagers, you can capture the attention of adults. 6. Your Community. What do people in your community have to say about your church and your sermons? Their collective feedback is a good source of information that can contribute to your growth. 7. Experts and Professionals. If the best athletes in the world have coaches, why can t a preacher have a communication coach? In some ways, that s what Preaching Rocket provides. As you carve out time to go through all of the lessons, you WILL develop your skill. But this is just the beginning. GENERIC FEEDBACK IS USELESS Hearing good job at the back door isn t feedback. It was good, isn t a helpful response from your staff on Monday morning. I liked it, isn t going to make you better. In order to improve, you need specific feedback. Crafting messages is hard work. It s an art and a science, and there are many opportunities for specific improvement. 1. Introduction. Were people invited into the rest of your message during the first five minutes? Did you say something that caused people to lean in? Did you ask a question that demanded an answer? Did you find common ground or build a personal connection with the congregation? 2. Illustrations. Did you show people the Biblical truth in addition to telling them? Stories and illustrations help people understand. 3. Tension. Creating tension is the secret sauce for most sermons. Tension causes people to be interested. 4. Engagement. Was your presentation engaging or dry? How could you be more personal, more relatable? 5. Diversity. Did your sermon apply to men and women? Churched and unchurched? Young and old? Ask for specific ways you can speak to other groups of people in your church. 6. Clarity. Did you communicate something with clarity? How can you help people better remember the main point of the text or the main point of the sermon? 7. Biblical faithfulness. Was your sermon faithful to the text? Did you communicate the intent of the author? 8. Rememberability. Will people remember your message on Thursday? Will a nugget of truth find it s way into fertile soil? 9. Appropriate and effective humor. Humor is a universal language, but it s one of the 6

7 most difficult elements to master. Did your jokes work? Were your funny stories really funny? 10. Presentation. How s your volume and tone? Do you use gestures that are distracting? When you ask these questions and refuse to accept surface-level answers, you ll be amazed at the level of constructive feedback people will give. You might have to pull it out of people and continually reiterate your desire to hear the truth, but listening to people WILL make you a better preacher. Your goal is not to seek out one-time feedback, but to create a culture where helpful feedback thrives. As we close this section on seeking feedback, here are a few final things to consider. 1. Getting feedback before you preach is better than getting feedback after a message. Send your outline, draft, opening story, bottom line, or entire message to someone or a group of people and get feedback before you preach. 2. Watch yourself on video. Yes, you really do look like that. Yes, you really do sound like that. When you watch and evaluate yourself, you ll see opportunities to improve. 3. Bring in someone to do a sermon evaluation. You can hire someone to come to your church and evaluate everything, including the message. Like a secret shopper, you can get a report from a first time guest. If you aren t in the position to do this officially, look for an unofficial way to make it happen. Trade the favor with another pastor and both of you will benefit. 4. Invite ten people in the congregation to come to a sermon evaluation meeting. Ask them to listen to the sermon on Sunday and meet in your home or at the church later that week. Spend about 90 minutes going over everything and asking for detailed feedback. PART TWO: CRITICISM Seeking feedback is one of the most helpful ways to grow as a pastor. But what do you do about criticism, the ugly cousin of feedback. If you are a pastor you will be criticized. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but eventually you will feel the sharp sting of critique. They will criticize your motives, leadership, decisions and yes your sermons. C.J. Mahaney writes: Those within your church may criticize you, those who leave the church may criticize you, and even complete strangers may criticize you. The criticism will come from enemies and from friends. Some of the criticism will be true, some of it will be false, and some may be outright malicious. But it s coming if it hasn t already arrived. Peter Drucker said the four hardest jobs in America are The President of the United States, a university president, a CEO of a hospital and the 7

8 Critiscism is feedback s ugly cousin. pastor of a church. People might think pastors get a direct line to God and have a dream job, but the reality is being a pastor is tough. Criticism might be a part of the job, but recognizing that doesn t make it any easier Pastors are humans, and criticism hurts. People might tell you not to take it personally, but that s hard to do. For pastors, it s very personal. Mark Driscoll, the pastor of Mars Hill Church in Seattle, Washington gives a helpful filter for which we can view criticism. He talks about fans, foes and friends. You ve got people that think you re worse than you really are, [those who think] you re better than you really are, and some people who will tell you the truth, Driscoll says. FANS As a pastor, you will have fans. From the casual attender who says good message pastor as you shake their hand after the service, to people on social media who share links to your message. Driscoll encourages pastors not to put too much stock in feedback from fans. They might not know you well enough to provide helpful feedback. Listening solely to your fans might give you a false sense of reality. For example, you might think you re communicating God s Word with clarity because a few people give you praise on a consistent basis. Feedback from those few fans might not provide a total picture of the congregational perspective. It s great to have fans, but don t get too caught up in their praise. FOES Though the wall of Jerusalem had been broken down for 141 years, God placed a vision in the heart of a leader named Nehemiah, the cup-bearer to a pagan King who lived more than 750 miles away. After prayer and planning, Nehemiah petitioned the king for permission to rebuild the wall. In addition to asking the king to reverse a 13-year national policy, he asked for provision and protection. Upon arrival, he inspected the walls, inspired the people and organized the work. As soon as good starts happening in the capital city, critics appear on the scene. Sanballat and Tobiah make their way into the story and start a campaign to discredit Nehemiah and destroy his work. Sanballat and Tobian criticize Nehemiah when he arrives in Jerusalem (Nehemiah 2:10), after he rallys the people to begin the work (Nehemiah 2:19-20) and as the people are working (Nehemiah 4:1-3). Their attacks grow more and more intense, and these attacks were not from theoretical enemies or irritated bloggers they were real people who 8

9 wanted to destroy Jerusalem and defeat Nehemiah. Their efforts did not thwart the project, so they resorted to trickery, requesting a meeting with Nehemiah. What was Nehemiah s response? I am doing a great work and cannot come down. - Nehemiah 6:1-4 Nehemiah knew foes come with the territory. If something great was to be accomplished, it would not happen without opposition. Nehemiah was able to stay focused on the God-given project at hand, despite the work of critics and opponents. Pastor, you too will be faced with critics and foes. And Nehemiah s response can be a model for you. Nehemiah had real foes with faces and names. Too many times, the foes in your church don t have names. You have faceless critics I call everybody and they. Do you know these critics? Everybody thinks They are saying It might be that everybody is really two people. It might turn out that they aren t real people at all. Don t be afraid of everybody and they. Nehemiah also knew he could not be sidetracked by chronic complainers. There might be some people in your church or community who never have anything good to say. Their negativity is a contagious disease. Michael Hyatt, the former president of Thomas Nelson Publishers, calls these types of people trolls. He writes: These people have an agenda. They are out to hurt you or at least use you for their own ends. They want to lure you into a fight. I have had three this week. They taunt and mock you. They are unreasonable. If you engage them, they will only distract you and deplete your resources. The best thing you can do is ignore them. You will never satisfy them. Just keep doing what you know you are called to do. Just like you shouldn t put too much confidence in fans, you should not feel defeated because of your foes. Instead, welcome criticism from a third group of people. FRIENDS Mark Driscoll says he does not listen to fans or foes. Instead, he listens to friends people who love Jesus first, the church second and the pastor third. Listen to the words of Psalm 141:5. David writes: Let a righteous man strike me--it is a kindness; let him rebuke me--it is oil on my head. My head will not refuse it. Yet my prayer is ever against the deeds of evildoers. 9

10 Do you see what David said? He said a strike from a godly person is actually kindness! It s not an evil blow, it s helpful. That is a great perspective. When facing criticism, Perry Noble asks, How well does this person know me? People who know you well and have your best interests in mind sometimes deliver painful truth. But that truth isn t meant to destroy; it s delivered to build up. It s not given with sinister motives, but from a sincere heart. People who will lovingly speak truth to their pastor ultimately help build the church. Honest feedback and criticism might feel like a blow to the head, but properly processed, it acts like medicine. In a letter entitled On Controversy, John Newton says that we should pray for our critics, count them as a brother or sister in Christ if they are believers, and show them compassion if they are not believers. Every critic, whether they are in your church or commenting on Facebook, is a person for whom Christ died. And every critic who is a believer will be with you in eternity. Keep that perspective in mind as you respond to critics. TWO EDGED SWORD Feedback and criticism are two sides of a sword. Both can be emotionally draining, but if you work hard at creating a culture of healthy feedback, it can help you get better. n 10