The Grass Isn t Always Greener

Transcription

1 The Grass Isn t Always Greener Summary and Goal While marriage is a good thing to be pursued, Christians must be careful not to make marriage an ultimate thing. Paul exhorted his readers not to seek to escape singleness, as if true contentment is only found in marriage. Wishing away singleness may cause one to miss significant advantages for spiritual growth and ministry. Main Passages 1 Corinthians 7:29-40 Session Outline 1. Focus on the Eternal, Not the Temporary (1 Corinthians 7:29-31) 2. Be Without Concerns (1 Corinthians 7:32-35) 3. Marriage is Good, But Not Necessarily Best (1 Corinthians 7:36-40) Theological Theme Singleness offers unique opportunities for focus on spiritual growth and ministry. Christ Connection Jesus provided a new identity for all believers as sons and daughters of God. That means believers need not find their identity in marriage or any other relationship. Missional Application Paul wrote of the ability of those who are single to focus on spiritual growth and ministry as a benefit. Recognizing the urgency for the gospel in our day, believers should still view singleness in this light. 1 Leader Guide

2 Historical Context of 1 Corinthians Purpose Paul s purpose in writing 1 Corinthians was to motivate the Corinthian church to acknowledge the Lord s ownership of them and the implications this had in their lives. Key topics Paul addressed in this overarching theme of the ownership and authority of the Lord include: Christian unity, morality, the role of women, spiritual gifts, and the resurrection. Author First Corinthians ascribes Paul as its author (1 Cor 1:1; 16:21). Biblical scholars are almost unanimous that Paul wrote the letter. Date Written Paul wrote 1 Corinthians during the last year of his three-year ministry at Ephesus, probably a few weeks before Pentecost in the spring of a.d. 56 (1 Cor 15:32; 16:8; Ac 20:31). Setting During Paul s second missionary journey, he had a vision at Troas; he heard a man call to him, Cross over to Macedonia and help us! (Ac 16:9). That change in plans led Paul to Philippi, Thessalonica, Athens, and ultimately to Corinth (Ac 18:5). Paul ministered in Corinth for at least 18 months (Ac 18:1-18). He left Corinth accompanied by Aquila and Priscilla (Ac 18:18), leaving them at Ephesus where they met and instructed an eloquent man named Apollos (Ac 18:24-26). Key Verses 1 Corinthians 13; 1 Corinthians 15:3 Special Features First Corinthians contributes greatly to our understanding of the Christian life, ministry, and relationships by showing us how the members of the church Christ s body are to function together. Problems can arise in any church because the church is comprised of sinful people (redeemed certainly, but still prone to follow the tug of sin). Paul gave specific solutions to specific problems, but the underlying answer to all these problems is for the church and its members to live Christ-centered lives. It all comes down to living under the lordship and authority of Christ, the head of His body (the church). Excerpted and paraphrased from the Holman Christian Standard Study Bible. Holman Bible Publishers, Date of My Bible Study: 2

3 5 Session Plan The Grass Isn t Always Greener For Further Discussion What are some of the benefits of serving the Lord as a single person? What about as a married person? How can both honor God? Introduction What relationships or situations do you tend to seek the most significance from? How does that dynamic impact your relationship with Christ? When you consider your stage of life, do you tend to long for the next season or do you tend to view life through the advantages of your present moment? What does your answer indicate about your understanding of your identity in Christ? In this week s session, Paul s teaching to the believers in Corinth addressed a commonly held and misguided theology called asceticism. The belief suggested that adherents should reject any relationship, practice, or source that brought enjoyment or pleasure. In helping the congregation understand the holy middle ground between giving themselves to every vice and refusing to participate in anything that brought enjoyment, Paul addressed the topic of singleness and marriage. In a very practical text, Paul helped believers understand that all of these must be understood in the light of the gospel. 1. Focus on the Eternal, Not the Temporary (1 Corinthians 7:29-31) Paul s language might be misconstrued to mean that those who are married should live like they are not. This was certainly not Paul s intended purpose. Instead, Paul was warning against the believers in Corinth from becoming overly attached to the various activities and relationships in their daily lives as a means of finding their identity. Paul wrote that nothing of this world should ultimately shape our identity. Who in your life reminds you of your eternal value and purpose? Who do you give permission to speak into your life in this way? How would you imagine a person s priorities would change if they were aware of exactly how much time they had before Christ s return? Though we don t have this exact knowledge, we have been assured of the imminence of Christ s return. How should this shape our priorities? 3 Leader Guide

4 2. Be Without Concerns (1 Corinthians 7:32-35) The Corinthian Christians could release concern regarding their marital status because, when the world passes away, neither marriage nor singleness will last. In light of this reality, Corinthian believers would exchange this concern for a greater concern toward those who did not believe the gospel. Would you say that our modern culture favors either being married or being single? Why do you answer as you do? How would you rate your concerns right now as it pertains to discipleship? What things exist that might compete with your focus on God s will for your life? Why do you think Paul was so specific about the believers concerns? 3. Marriage is Good, But Not Necessarily Best (1 Corinthians 7:36-40) It is easy to attribute more benefit and worth to a lifestyle that is free from any concerns, other than those of the Lord. Paul knew that. Therefore, having just explained that those who are single have a greater inclination toward spiritual growth and focused service of God, Paul added an additional section to ensure that those in Corinth who were married knew they were not in sin. Why do you think Paul was so adamant to not show preference to marriage or singleness? What does Paul s mindfulness of the shortness of time and the distress of the age indicate about his anticipation of Christ s return? How does that resonate with your own sense of Christ s return? Conclusion Who do you regularly relate to on a spiritual level that is of a different marital status than you? How does this difference provide opportunity toward growth that some other relationships do not? What are some of the advantages of growing in Christ as a single person? What have been the most helpful ways you ve found to remain heavenly-minded, maintaining an awareness of the imminence of Christ s return? Session 5 4

5 Expanded Session Content 5 The Grass Isn t Always Greener Introduction Table for One Ministries, a discipleship organization uniquely devoted to single adults, noted in a blog post dated March 2, 2013 that when searching for the abundant life promised by Jesus in John 10:9-11, a variety of mistaken assumptions can creep in. One of the greatest hurdles is the belief that a certain relationship was needed to bring fulfillment to life. The author writes: As a single adult you interact with people every day that seem to not be living life to its fullest. They go to their jobs and clock in and out without any true joy. You see them in your social groups drinking to be accepted by others or dating people to feel valued. These actions and ones like it are the actions of people who do not understand abundant life. Having a relationship with God is not simply something to keep in your back pocket, but to be a relationship that grows and compels you to act different and share the Gospel. Many singles that desire to be married think that abundant life will be a spouse, a family, and a big house. Wrong. These are all the wrong types of relationships for seeking to live life abundantly. Abundant life comes only through Christ and following Him. 1 Tremendous spiritual and relational peril lurks in the temptation to draw one s sense of personal significance or fulfillment from any relationship apart from that with Jesus Christ. Any attempt to find true identity outside of Christ will fail. The lure of the world can change with the wind, draw one into sin, and seduce him or her into believing that God has no use for him or her in seasons of singleness. The teaching of Scripture contrasts directly with this idea. What relationships or situations do you tend to seek the most significance from? How does that dynamic impact your relationship with Christ? 5 Leader Guide

6 What unique opportunities, based on your stage of life, are available for the greatest avenues of spiritual growth? When you consider your stage of life, do you tend to long for the next season or do you tend to view life through the advantages of your present moment? What does your answer indicate about your understanding of your identity in Christ? Session Summary In this week s session, Paul s teaching to the believers in Corinth addressed a commonly held and misguided theology called asceticism. The belief suggested that adherents should reject any relationship, practice, or source that brought enjoyment or pleasure. In helping the congregation understand the holy middle ground between giving themselves to every vice and refusing to participate in anything that brought enjoyment, Paul addressed the topic of singleness and marriage. In a very practical text, Paul helped believers understand that all of these must be understood in the light of the gospel. 1. Focus on the Eternal, Not the Temporary (1 Corinthians 7:29-31) This particular section of Paul s writings can be misunderstood if not carefully read in context. Paul s language might be misconstrued to mean that those who are married should live like they are not. This was certainly not Paul s intended purpose. Instead, Paul was warning against the believers in Corinth from becoming overly attached to the various activities and relationships in their daily lives as a means of finding their identity. Specifically, Paul identified marital status, emotional attachments, and purchasing possessions. Why these? Paul was not being literal, but highly rhetorical in an effort to reframe the way the believers in Corinth understood the importance of their lives. Paul s point was that nothing that belongs to the world that was passing away should rival things of eternal significance. Paul wrote that nothing of this world should ultimately shape our identity. Who in your life reminds you of your eternal value and purpose? Who do you give permission to speak into your life in this way? How would you imagine a person s priorities would change if they were aware of exactly how much time they had before Christ s return? Though we don t have this exact knowledge, we have been assured of the imminence of Christ s return. How should this shape our priorities? Session 5 6

7 Already/Not Yet One of the distinctive aspects of Paul s theology was what is known as his now/not yet eschatology. When Paul considered history, he focused on the already secured victory of Christ and through that assurance addressed modern reality, which is not yet experiencing the ultimate victory. Scholar Gordon Fee explained it this way: The decisive event is the one that has already happened. In Christ s death and resurrection God has already determined the course of things; he has already brought the world in its present form under judgment. And so decisive is that event that is has foreshortened the time. The result is that even now what others are absorbed in, the Christian is free from. 2 The final clause of verse 31 placed this entire section of Paul s letter to the Corinthians in perspective. Paul wrote plainly that this world, the one humanity still inhabits, was passing away in the form the Corinthians knew it. Scripture underscores this idea repeatedly. Nevertheless, time and again throughout the centuries, mankind has become mired in the details of the temporary. Measurements of success, significance, purpose, and acceptance have repeatedly drawn people s attention from the eternal to the momentary. Paul taught that those in Christ should continually reposition their gaze on things of eternal significance. 2. Be Without Concerns (1 Corinthians 7:32-35) Paul s words regarding the passing away of the current world might have brought concern from his readers. Paul addressed this possible reponse beginning in verse 32. His overarching desire was that, regarding marriage and singleness, the Corinthians would not have concern. The Corinthian Christians could release concern regarding their marital status because, when the world passes away, neither marriage nor singleness will last. In light of this reality, Corinthian believers would exchange this concern for a greater concern toward those who did not believe the gospel. In this passage, Paul addressed the believers of the Corinthian church in four categories: married and unmarried; man and woman. For the unmarried, both men and women, their sole concern was described as the things of the Lord. Outside of the bond of marriage, the man or woman s unrivaled priority was sanctification growing in their understanding of God and living their lives in increasing obedience to Him. For the married man or woman, they added to their concern for the Lord the concern for their spouse. It is critical at this juncture to remember that Paul s underlying point was that neither life stage married nor single was preferable. Rather, the different stages carried equally different ways of living as disciples. Would you say that our modern culture favors either being married or being single? Why do you answer as you do? How would you rate your concerns right now as it pertains to discipleship? What things exist that might compete with your focus on God s will for your life? Why do you think Paul was so specific about the believers concerns? In verse 35, Paul made clear the intention of his argument. He was not attempting to give a pattern to follow or a list of rules for marriage and singleness. Rather, his purpose was eternal in scope. He wanted to make sure that the believers in Corinth, who historically struggled with Godhonoring relationships, were rightly focused on following Christ as their 7 Leader Guide

8 utmost concern. Paul was not elevating marriage as the ideal, nor was he stating that singleness was the only right status before God. His concern was their undistracted growth in and service of Jesus Christ. 3. Marriage is Good, But Not Necessarily Best (1 Corinthians 7:36-40) It is easy to attribute more benefit and worth to a lifestyle that is free from any concerns, other than those of the Lord. Paul knew that. Therefore, having just explained that those who are single have a greater inclination toward spiritual growth and focused service of God, Paul added an additional section to ensure those in Corinth who were married knew they were not in sin. The specificity of the situation that Paul presented in verses seems to indicate that Paul had a specific scenario within the Corinthian congregation in mind. It is possible that the situation had become elevated to the point that the argument had begun to threaten the already fragile state of the struggling congregation. To that end, Paul spoke of acting improperly toward the virgin the man was engaged to. The improper action was, yet again, a word from Paul against the ascetics. Doubtless, the man desired to marry his betrothed and consummate the marriage. This would have been highly improper for the ascetics, but Paul told the brother it was permissible to pursue this desire. Paul then went further to ensure that the entire congregation (since the letter would have been read publicly) understood that such desire and relationship in the context of marriage was no sin. Against Asceticism Paul s use of virgin as a special classification of unmarried women, as well as his intentional phrase how he/ she may please with regard to the marital relationship were both tools for combatting the Greek asceticism. Greek asceticism denounced sexual relations because of the pleasure therein. They were to be abstained from at all cost. To ensure that he did not favor either relational scenario, Paul specifically referred to both those engaging in holy sexual unions and those who never had as models of those that please God. In the same breath, however, Paul noted that if the man chose not to marry, remaining single and celibate, he would also please God. The verse in this particular section that has caused great consternation perhaps needlessly so is verse 38. Paul summarily advised that if the man married, he did well; but if he remained single, he would do better. Paul s reason to state that the man would do better if he remained single was the distress of the age. The distress of the age (vs. 26) was an eschatological phrase Paul used to refer to the difficulties believers would experience until Christ returned. There were, no doubt, physical difficulties in the Corinthian congregation already (Paul mentioned some among their number dying later in the letter). Singleness, in that light, would have been better to eliminate the concern for the life of a spouse to whom one was so closely bound. Why do you think Paul was so adamant to not show preference to marriage or singleness? What does Paul s mindfulness of the shortness of time and the distress of the age indicate about his anticipation of Christ s return? How does that resonate with your own sense of Christ s return? Session 5 8

9 In Paul s closing remarks on this subject, he addressed the case of the widowed woman. He was careful to identify the same two options that he did for the engaged man immediately before. The one added stipulation was that, if she chose to remarry, she did so only in the Lord. In other words, the rules for marriage for the believer remained she must marry another believer. Staying true to his balance, Paul concluded by saying he felt that she would be happier if she remained unmarried. Conclusion Paul s writing regarding marriage and singleness translates from ancient to modern culture. The issues of marriage and singleness are no less pertinent to the church today than they were to the Corinthians of the past. Paul put forth several important considerations for viewing singleness and marriage within the church. First, we must resist allowing non-eternal things to define an eternal being. The labels of married and single are often used to segment not just church, but society as a whole. While the significance of the marital relationship should not be diminished, neither should God s love, will, purpose, and desire to use those who are single. We should be reminded, Jesus and Paul were both single. Marital status does not define the believer, nor is it his or her greatest concern. Paul reminded us that this world is passing away, and eternity waits. Second, there are significant spiritual advantages in being single. However, if we cannot view ourselves as eternally significant and loved apart from marriage then it is difficult to see those advantages. If we understand that God sovereignly created us, desires to use us for His purposes in the world, and calls us sons and daughters, then those spiritual advantages can become reality. Singleness affords opportunity for undivided focus on the things of God and His mission. On a grand scale, these opportunities provide the path to deeper Christlikeness. Third, unity in the body of Christ is paramount. There is no better or worse, preferred or not, in the body of Christ. The temptation to view brothers and sisters in Christ according to marital status can fragment the body. Christ calls us to be unified, without distinctions. This requires a significant amount of bravery because cultural distinctions so easily creep into the church. However, if there is no distinction in Christ, neither should there be in His body. Who do you regularly relate to on a spiritual level that is of a different marital status than you? How does this difference provide opportunity toward growth that some other relationships do not? 9 Leader Guide

10 What are some of the advantages of growing in Christ as a single person? What aspects of pursuing Christ are you freer to say yes to? What passages in the Bible come to mind most readily that speak of God s love for you? Do those passages speak of the distinction of being married or single? Why not? What have been the most helpful ways you ve found to remain heavenly-minded, maintaining an awareness of the imminence of Christ s return? Prayer of Response Thank God for your present state of life that is being used for His purposes. Ask God to use you for His glory in your singleness or in your marriage. Additional Resources Whole in Christ by Owen Strachan Not Yet Married by Marshall Segal Single, Dating, Engaged, Married by Ben Stuart Session 5 10

11 For Next Week Session Title --Love is Not a Feeling but a Choice Main Passages --1 Corinthians 13:1-13 Session Outline 1. Love Validates Our Service (1 Corinthians 13:1-3) 2. Love s Nature (1 Corinthians 13:4-8a) 3. Love s Supremacy (1 Corinthians 13:8b-13) Memorize I am saying this for your own benefit, not to put a restraint on you, but to promote what is proper and so that you may be devoted to the Lord without distraction. 1 Corinthians 7:35, CSB 11 Leader Guide

12 Extended Commentary 1 Corinthians 7: : Paul s reference to the Corinthians as brothers reflected his deep concern for their well-being. His concern caused him to ponder the conditions of life faced by all believers married, divorced, widowed, engaged, and single alike. He began and ended with acknowledgments that this life is fleeting: time is short... this world in its present form is passing away. References Between these opening and closing thoughts, the apostle reflected poetically on the nature of life in this fleeting time. His poetry followed the patterns of parallelism found in Old Testament poetry. Because this material is poetic, it is not surprising to find that the apostle spoke in hyperbole. He mentioned several kinds of people: those who have wives, those who mourn, those who are happy, those who buy something, and those who use the things of the world. As in 5:1 and 7:2, those who have wives probably does not refer to the engaged virgins, but to those who maintain sexual relationships with their wives. All of these activities are legitimate and honorable in Paul s view, but they are oriented toward this earthly life. Paul was concerned that believers not invest themselves too deeply in such matters. For this reason, he balanced each category of activity by encouraging an eternal perspective. Christians should live as if they have no wives, no mourning, no happiness, no permanent possessions, and no engrossments. Paul s words should not be taken in an absolute sense. Elsewhere he affirmed balanced views of marriage responsibilities and sexuality (Eph. 5:22-33), happiness (1 Thess. 5:16), mourning (Phil. 3:18), and possessions (1 Tim. 6:8). In this passage, he reminded all Corinthians that these legitimate aspects of life are not everything. 7:32. Paul continued to address all varieties of Corinthians by explaining that he gave the instructions in 7:29-31 in order to keep them from anxiety. He wanted them to be free from concern. The word translated free from concern is amerimnous, which may be positive ( caring ) or negative ( worrying or being anxious ). The same is true of its cognate verb merimnao, here translated is concerned. Given the fact that Paul said he wants people to be amerimnous, it seems best to understand a negative force in this passage. Traditionally, amerimnous has been taken to mean free from concern over worldly matters. This reading probably arose because of the context Session 5 12

13 of the immediately preceding verses (7:29-31). As a result, merimnao has been interpreted positively in reference to the Lord s affairs, but negatively in reference to affairs of this world (7:33). Paul did not offer this qualification, however, and the word itself does not mean this. Moreover, people in every station of life, whether married or unmarried, are susceptible to concern and anxiety when they lose the eternal perspective. 7:33-34a. Paul declared that a married man without an eternal perspective has even more trouble than an unmarried man because he must worry about pleasing his wife as well as the Lord. To fulfill their moral responsibilities, married men must pay attention to all kinds of things that may distract them from their efforts to please the Lord. The affairs of this world crowd their lives and their interests are divided. If they lack an eternal perspective, they worry about pleasing God and about very real problems like putting food on the table even in times of famine. 7:34b. Similarly, an unmarried woman or virgin (engaged woman) who lacks an eternal perspective may worry that her efforts to please the Lord will fail, or will not be enough to satisfy his holiness. It is the duty of unmarried women to refrain from fornication, to be devoted to the Lord in... body as well as in spirit. This was probably hard to do in the sexually loose world of Corinth, particularly for those who had once been part of the promiscuous crowd. Keeping sexually pure was certainly as stressful as it was difficult, especially for those who thought their acceptability before God depended upon it. While a married woman had an outlet for her sexual needs, she also had the added worries of nurturing a relationship with her husband and of fulfilling her household responsibilities. 7:35. Paul did not encourage the postponement of marriage or the adoption of an eternal perspective in order to restrict the Corinthians behavior. He did not intend them to interpret 7:29-31 as instructions against conjugal relations, mourning, happiness, or participation in the marketplace or in life. Given the Corinthians propensity to twist Paul s words, Paul was probably wise to make this point explicitly. Paul knew that postponing marriage and adopting an eternal perspective would benefit the Corinthians by helping them live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord. 7:36. Paul acknowledged that better is not necessarily the only right choice. Paul advised singleness over marriage for the time of the present crisis, but the fact that God ordained marriage meant that its legitimacy could never be denied. So Paul once again qualified his advice, suggesting that the marriage of engaged women who were getting along in years not be postponed. Anyone is somewhat ambiguous here. It may refer either to a young woman s fiance or to her father. The NIV and NRSV understand 13 Leader Guide

14 fiance, and are most likely correct given that 7:25-28 put the responsibility for keeping or breaking engagement on the groom. Whether Paul referred to fathers, fiances, or both, however, the basic idea is the same. If someone is convinced that marriage is right before God, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. 7: At the same time, the man who has decided not to marry the virgin... also does the right thing. Refraining from marriage is right only if the decision is settled in the man s own mind. Paul found this qualification so important that he rephrased it several times. There must be no compulsion. 7: In 7:8, Paul had advised the unmarried and the widows that it was good for them to stay unmarried. In these verses Paul returned to matters concerning widows. He began with the well-known policy that marriage bonds continue throughout life, but only until the death of a spouse (cf. Rom. 7:2). Paul went on to say that, upon the death of her husband, a widow is free to marry. In much the same way, Paul told Timothy that he wanted young widows to remarry (1 Tim. 5:14). The only qualification he offered was that the new husband must belong to the Lord. Later, Paul reiterated that Christians should be bound only to other Christians (2 Cor. 6:14). He did not want believers to divorce unbelievers, but he also did not want believers knowingly to marry unbelievers. 3 References 1. Ministries, Table For One. Abundant Life. Table for One Ministries: Ministry for Singles and Leaders to Singles. March 10, Accessed February 19, Fee, Gordon D. The First Epistle to the Corinthians. New International Commentary on the New Testament. Grand Rapids, MI: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, Pratt, Richard L., and Max E. Anders. I & II Corinthians. Holman New Testament Commentary. Nashville, TN: Broadman & Holman, Session 5 14