Topic 2: Ungodly Soul Ties / Relational Attachments

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1 WELCOME TO: CHRISTIAN BASED INNER HEALING PURSING CHRIST CENTERED SPIRITUAL HEALTH SEMINAR 2 Topic 1: Inner Vows Topic 2: Ungodly Soul Ties / Relational Attachments Topic 3: Parental Inversion Topic 4: Generational Sin and Blessing 1

2 Topic 1: Inner Vows Perhaps, even since a young child, you have been locked into patterns of behavior and find yourself unable to break free from them. You are able to hang on or let go for a while, but eventually you are back in the same rut. There are times when we make every attempt to change only to find ourselves repeating the same unhealthy patterns and responses over and over again. Is there a difference between wanting to change and trying to change? Sometimes we wish things were different but we are unwilling to address our behavior choices. To our harm, we choose to keep on doing what we ve always done, saying what we ve always said, and believing what we ve always believed. Eventually we may develop a victim mentality a hopelessness that traps us. If your words or thoughts sound something like this, then you re probably there already: It s not my fault. It s just the way I am. I can t help it. It is what it is. Definition of an Inner Vow An inner vow is: A determination set in the mind and heart in an attempt to protect ourselves It is a promise we make to ourselves and it often includes the words always and never. Some examples of inner vows are: I will never open my heart again or I will always take care of myself. These statements cause us to be bound even if we made them long ago. Because of the binding nature of vows and the power of the will, this is not a problem the person will eventually grow out of, even if the original vow has been long since forgotten. Until these vows are broken and the person is loosed from them, he/she may find difficulty in experiencing total surrender to the Lordship of Christ. Ungodly Inner Vows vs. Godly Vows So what s the difference between the two? Inner vows exclude God; godly vows include God. Inner vows are hidden in the dark; godly vows are open and kept in the light. Inner vows build barriers between us and others; godly vows provide security for transparency and accountability. Inner vows create bondage because we depend on our own strength which fails us. Godly vows create commitment because we depend on God s strength to empower us. 2

3 If you are a follower of Christ, you do not need to swear by God s name, but simply speak the truth. It is not necessarily a sin to vow or not to vow, but if such a vow is made it is binding. This is what Jesus says about making vows: Simply let your Yes be Yes, and your No be No, anything beyond this comes from the evil one. (Matthew 5:37) What causes us to make inner vows? We make inner vows to protect ourselves. We determine to guard ourselves from the pain of the past, present and future. Typical bad fruit Inner vows harm us in the following ways: We choose to take matters into our own hands rather than growing in the process of learning to live life WITH God. We are unable to engage with God and step out in faith because of fear. We control ourselves by relying on our own strength and will power. We control others by holding them at arm s length or overprotecting them. We miss opportunities for growth because we stay in our comfort zones. We choose to take away God s role as protector of our lives! Inner vows can be broken through prayer. Step 1: Ask the Lord to bring to your memory any vows you have made that are harming you and may even be forgotten. Wait and listen. A prayer for revelation: Lord, I ask that you show me any areas of my life where I have made vows in order to protect myself. Bring to mind those words I have spoken that have locked me into behavior that needs to change. If any memories surface: Step 2: Renounce those inner vows that come to your memory. These vows may have been a fleeting thought from long ago and may seem insignificant, but if the Lord brought them to mind there is a reason. It may feel like you re giving up control but you are actually letting go of something that has been controlling you even though you weren t aware of it. 3

4 A prayer of renouncement: Lord, I take back from myself and from Satan these words/vows I have made by an act of my will. Those words were not from You and I reject them. I renounce the statements I made that I will (never let anyone hurt me again, always be the strongest, smartest, prettiest, never be like my father or mother, always have a plan B, never have expectations). Release me from the power of those vows and set me free to make the choices that please You and enrich my life. Step 3: Ask the Lord to replace your hardened heart (Ezekiel 36:26). Inner vows create barriers of self-protection, make us callous and shut us down. It feels vulnerable to open up again but it is the only way to find fulfillment in life. A prayer of submission: Lord, forgive me for refusing Your protection. I surrender to You and renew my trust in You to be my protector. I choose to no longer trust in my own strength and to receive Yours. Lord, replace my heart right now. I remind myself of Your words and ask You to fulfill this promise: I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. (Ezekiel 36:26) Step 4: Thank the Lord. As we recognize and acknowledge God s goodness toward us we develop an attitude of gratitude and are no longer overcome and controlled by our circumstances. A prayer of gratitude: Lord, I thank You for loving me completely and walking with me every step of the way. Jesus, I thank You for dying on the cross so that I can be free. Thank You for hearing my prayers and for being the answer to everything I have faced and will face. Now What? By renouncing the ungodly vows you have made, you have taken a HUGE step toward opening your heart. The Lord now has the freedom to move on your behalf. You have submitted your will to His and things can begin to change. Do not be discouraged if change doesn t happen overnight. You have formed habit structures in your life and those structures need to be brought to death by making moment-by-moment choices that are healthy for you. The good news is that you have a source of strength that you didn t have before. So take heart, you are on the right track. 4

5 Topic 2: Ungodly Soul Ties / Relational Attachments Definition of soul ties/attachments Soul ties are: Attachments, which bind us to others whether we want to remain in those relationships, or not. When we form loving, healthy relationships with others we refer to them as godly soul ties. On the other hand, when we have a poor relationship with others filled with jealousy, hatred and/or abuse, we form ungodly soul ties. Godly soul ties We are called to be in a vital relationship with Jesus. Godly bonding energizes us and produces life with health spilling over into our relationships with others. God intended for us to relate to Him and to each other in honor and love. Ungodly soul ties An ungodly soul tie is any unacceptable bonding that is contrary to God's plan and purpose. An ungodly tie can form by choice, circumstance, or by force. Fear of a person with whom you are in relationship is a likely indicator that some form of ungodly domination is being exercised. Ungodly soul ties form between people when: children have dominating, controlling parents parents have undisciplined and manipulative children partners have pre-marital sex partners have extra-marital sex unmarried partners are physically intimate in a way that is misleading relationships are abusive through sexual, emotional, physical or through psychological manipulation there is ungodly fantasizing about another person relationships involve unhealthy dominance of one person over another such as with bosses, teachers, pastors, coaches unresolved grief from the death of a loved one leads to relating as though the person were still alive occult games or practices lead to communicating with the dead or with spirits Godly and ungodly ties with the same person In relationships, such as with parents, children, spouses and long term friendships, there can be aspects that are healthy and other aspects that are unhealthy. For instance, a husband may control in ways that prevents his wife from being free, but protect in ways that helps his wife feel secure. A wife may criticize in ways that puts her husband down, but be intuitive in ways that helps her husband be a better man. 5

6 You can know that you have an unhealthy attachment if: You cannot stop thinking of the person You feel unexplainably drawn to knowing how they re doing You have recurring dreams about the person You feel completely unable to break free from your attachment You are obsessed with following him/her on Facebook or Twitter Why is sex such a big deal? Sex is not the only thing that creates soul ties but it is more powerful in bonding people together than any other act. Sex makes us become spiritually one and creates an attachment / bond that is not broken by simply deciding to separate from one another. We may turn to sex in an attempt to fill a void of loneliness or poor self-esteem, but the painful consequences of ungodly sex far outweigh the rewards. Ungodly sex is harmful because it: interferes in our relationship with God brings emotional disturbance disrupts human relationships breaks intimacy with our spouse brings guilt and condemnation opens the door to the enemy God established the marriage covenant. During a wedding service, vows are made - a covenant relationship before God. We vow to love each other and honor one another. This covenant is to be consummated and made complete through physical intimacy - the man and woman become one flesh. A Godly bond is created if the marriage bed remains safe and sacred as God intended. The Hebrew word for sexual intercourse in the Old Testament is the same word used for "knowing" God and "knowing" truth - it implies a deep intimacy. A different word is used for David's sexual act with Bathsheba, (2 Samuel 11:4). During any physical intimacy a soul tie is formed. This tie or attachment occurs regardless if there is a marriage or not. What the Bible says The body is not meant for sexual immorality. (1 Corinthians 6:13b) Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body, for it is said, 'The two will become one flesh.' (1Corinthians 6:16) Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body. But he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from 6

7 God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body. (1 Corinthians 6:18-20) Ungodly soul ties / attachments that came about sexually can be broken through prayer. Step 1: Ask God to forgive you for participating in sinful emotional, physical and sexual encounters. Remember: YOU had no right to take from another what was not yours AND YOU had no right to give away what was not yours to give away. You cannot let go of unhealthy attachments until you receive forgiveness. A prayer asking God to forgive you: Jesus, I have sinned I have messed up. I can t make up for the things I ve done wrong, I need for You to forgive me. Thank You for dying on the cross and paying the price for me so that I can be free from guilt and shame. Thank You for doing for me what I cannot do for myself. Thank You for wiping the slate clean. I ask You to take control of my life, fill me with the Holy Spirit, and make me be the person You created me to be. Step 2: Break ungodly soul ties. A prayer breaking ungodly soul ties: Lord, I give back to (name the person) everything I took from him/her that is rightfully his/hers. I give back their (purity, innocence, security, and the person you created them to be). Lord, I take back from (name the person) everything they took from me that is rightfully mine. I take back my (purity, innocence, security, and the person you created me to be). Father, I ask that you place the cross of Jesus Christ between (name the person) and myself. I can no longer look to them expect through the cross and they can no longer look to me except through the cross. I ask you to sever every ungodly soul tie attachment from our spirits, souls and bodies - in the Name of Jesus and through the power of the Holy Spirit, Amen. It is helpful to pray this prayer for each person you are tied to. If you cannot remember names, it may help to recall the circumstances you were involved in (the guy at the bar, the girl in the park) If your memory is blocked you can pray a general prayer. God knows your past and will honor your prayer. If you have suffered a divorce and still feel bound to the person you were formerly married to, it will benefit you to pray for release from the broken vows you made. It is also important to break the ungodly soul tie that was created through your marriage. A prayer of release from a failed marriage: Lord, I confess that I have (willingly or unwillingly) broken a sacred vow that I made before You. Please forgive me and release me from the marriage vow I made to (name the person). In Your name Jesus, I loose (name the person) from the vows I made to him/her. 7

8 I pray that You loose me from the vows that (name the person) made to me. I will no longer look to (name the person) expect through the cross and he/she will no longer look to me except through the cross. I ask You to sever the ungodly soul ties that keep me from being who You created me to be. Replace my thinking Lord, so that I can be free to love YOU again without reservation. A prayer breaking ungodly soul ties while staying in relationship: Lord, I thank You that you know all things about my relationship with (name the person). I ask you to place the cross of Jesus between (name the person) and myself. Your authority breaks the spiritual attachments of fear, control, (etc.) by him/her. I will no longer look to (name the person) expect through the cross and he/she will no longer look to me except through the cross. I ask You to sever the ungodly soul ties that keeps me from being who You created me to be and to bless the Godly aspects of our relationship. Ungodly soul ties / attachments that came about through fear can be broken through prayer. Words to declare. I will live in perfect love that casts out fear. I cast off the yoke of domination. I now choose to forgive (name the person.) I break the power of their words over me. I break the victim spirit off of me. I rebuke the fear of man I have lived under. I cancel my bond to them. I take back my true identity. I will not live under oppression. I receive my Father s love. I am now free to live and love. Step 4: Thank God for setting you free. Gratitude is a way of expressing faith. Whether you feel different emotionally or not, you can know that your prayer was heard and that it was answered because it is God s will for you to be free of unhealthy attachments. A prayer of gratitude: Thank you Lord for hearing my prayer and for severing the ungodly soul ties I have allowed in my life. Thank you for doing for me what I could not do for myself. 8

9 Topic 3: Parental Inversion If as a child you found yourself always having to be the strong one in your family, taking care of younger siblings, working for financial provision, or meeting the emotional needs of one or both of your parents, then you have experienced PARENTAL INVERSION. Definition of parental inversion Parental inversion is: A child taking on the identity of an adult because the parent is unable to fulfill his or her parental or spousal role, driving the child into grownup responsibilities prematurely. What causes parental inversion? A parent being overwhelmed with the number of children in the family, leaving the older siblings to care for the younger siblings Emotional or mental health issues of a parent, leaving a child to be the comforter and counselor of the family Financial crisis in the family, causing pressure on children to work so that bills can be paid Divorce, leaving the children to adapt to two different agendas Debilitating illness of a parent, putting a child in the role of a caregiver A parentally inverted child serves the family, which is noble. However, the base of their service is fear of chaos. There is much confusion in the child because, on the one hand they know that it is good to help their parents, to honor them, but on the other hand they feel resentful and frustrated over the burden of adult responsibility. Statements commonly made by parents who are placing too much responsibility on a child: I don t know what I d do without you. Promise you ll never leave me. I don t know what to do; you decide. Often, an unhealthy sense of pride is programmed into a child by the parent who needs him/her. What a parentally inverted child commonly feels or thinks: If I don t do it this family is going to fall apart. I must be the man of the house. I have to do it myself. There s no one to help me. Anger and sadness are weaknesses, and I can t be weak. I want to be a good person and I m supposed to obey, so I have to do what they ask. I just wish I could do kid stuff. 9

10 Characteristics of an adult who was parentally inverted as a child Fear of confrontation, wants everyone to get along, mediates quarrels On alert at all times, unable to rest, may have difficulty sleeping Can become very controlling because everything has to be done right People around you don t grow up because you do it all, cannot delegate, make people dependent on them Becomes a noble martyr, feeling self-pity but making sure everyone sees the hard work they do Needs to be needed Views home as work and so doesn t want to be home, may lead to adultery In touch with how everyone else feels but not in tune with their own feelings Presents to others as a polished product Feels strong and must help the weak, always fixing other people s problems Subconsciously sees God as weak and in need of help Full of advice As a parent, overprotects the children, not sharing enough for fear of sharing too much Confusion over what is appropriate and what is inappropriate Difficulty setting boundaries within the family Substitute mate: another form of parental inversion A child is put in the role of a substitute mate when they are the source of emotional comfort and counsel for the parent(s). This may happen in single-parent homes or in homes where spouses are not able to meet each other s emotional and/or physical needs due to their own brokenness. It is especially confusing to a child when the couple is living under the same roof. The child is put in the middle with each parent sharing their thoughts and needs, often being asked not to tell. The characteristics listed above apply to children who are put in the position of substitute mate, with one additional concern. If a daughter becomes her father s confidant or a son his mother s, then sexual confusion can result. The child may have underlying feelings of being adulterous, or unfaithful, the daughter feeling like her father s wife and the son feeling like his mother s husband. In worse case scenarios there is incest, but even if there is no sexual contact, there can be a confusing emotional pull in the child. The child may feel wanted in sinful and frightening ways. As the child reaches puberty, it is common that he/she seeks out the sexual contact that was stirred up in playing the role of an adult. There can be an underlying feeling of: If I have the responsibilities of an adult, I should also have the benefits of an adult. The effects of parental inversion can be broken through prayer. Step 1: Ask God to forgive you for taking on a role that was not yours to take. As a child, you did what you had to do in order to survive. God understands that and He is proud of you. But now, as an adult looking back, you need to repent of taking your mother or father s place. Even though you were only trying to help, you took a position in the family that was not 10

11 intended for you. This caused confusion in your own spirit, it enabled your parents and it has affected your relationships as an adult. A prayer asking God to forgive you: Jesus, I have sinned. I should not have taken on the role of an adult. Doing that built structures of pride and resentment in me and those structures are affecting my relationships today. Forgive me for enabling my parents, even though I was too young to understand what I was doing. Thank You for dying on the cross and paying the price for me so that I can be free. Step 2: Tell God that you forgive your parent(s). Forgiving your parents is key to getting free. You may find yourself defending their actions because you feel that they did not intend to harm you. But it was a sin for them to treat you as an adult. Even though they did not mean harm, they did cause harm. This is the truth and speaking the truth will set you free. It will also free them to rise up and be the people they were created to be. A prayer telling God you forgive your parents: Lord, I forgive (mom, dad) for (controlling and manipulating, using me, robbing me of my childhood, putting me in the middle, making me promise not to tell, expecting me to parent my siblings ). I forgive mom/dad. Release me from the burden and pain of carrying these offenses. Step 3: Renounce the lie that you are the answer to your family s needs. A prayer breaking renouncing lies you have believed: Lord, I renounce the lie I have believed that I can be the answer to my parents problems. You are their answer, not me. You are their Savior, not me. I release them to You and trust You with their hearts. Help me, Lord, to draw healthy boundaries with my parents. I cannot regain the childhood I lost but I can be an adult child to my parents. Teach me how, Lord. Step 4: Break ungodly soul ties between yourself and your parents. A prayer breaking ungodly soul ties between you and your parents: Lord, I take back from (mom, dad) anything he/she has taken from me that is rightfully mine. I take back (my childhood, my innocence, my security). I give back to (mom, dad) anything I took from him/her that is rightfully his/hers. I give back (confidence to make decisions, freedom to seek out friendships for comfort, their rightful place within their marriage). I place the cross of Jesus Christ between (mom, dad) and myself. I will no longer look to (mom, dad) expect through the cross and he/she will no longer look to me except through the cross. I ask You to sever these ungodly soul ties in the Name of Jesus. 11

12 Step 5: Thank God for setting you free. Gratitude is a way of expressing faith. Whether you feel different emotionally or not, you can know that your prayer was heard and that it was answered because it is God s will for you to experience joy in the position He has placed you within your family. A prayer of gratitude: Thank You Lord, for hearing my prayer and for setting me free from being in a place I never should have been. Thank You for doing for me what I cannot do for myself. Thank You for Your healing touch. I love You. 12

13 Your generational line Topic 4: Generational Sin and Blessings When you look back at your generational line you will find that there are certain things that many of your family members have in common. Often there are common physical features: skin tone, the size and shape of the nose, height and weight, etc. You may also readily recognize similar health issues within the family such as, breast cancer, heart problems, mental illness, addiction. Other commonalities within the family are not as obvious because we don t think of them as qualities that pass down from generation to generation. When digging into your family tree, you may discover that there is a history of unemployment, divorce, affairs, children out of wedlock, abortion or miscarriages. Children, through parental role modeling, learn some of this behavior. What society defines as unacceptable conduct may be the norm within a family. Family members may proclaim with an air of pride, That s just the way it is - it runs in the family, or Like father-like son, or The apple doesn t fall far from the tree. However, there is often a deep sense of shame and hopelessness beneath this family pride. Sometimes people who make conscious decisions to do things differently than their parents only find themselves unexplainably drawn back into the lifestyle they are trying to avoid. Yes, we may avoid for a time or keep our family skeletons in the closet, but despite our best efforts, our children repeat the mistakes and it seems that our family line is once again tainted. Definition of Generational Sin & Blessing Generational Sin and Blessing is: A pattern of ungodly and/or Godly choices repeated within a family line. What the Bible says You shall not bow down to other gods and idols or worship them; for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments. (Exodus 20:5-6) But from everlasting to everlasting the Lord s love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children s children with those who keep his covenant and remember to obey his precepts. (Psalm 103:17-18) The righteous lead blameless lives; blessed are their children after them. (Proverbs 20:7) 13

14 How consequences pass down through generational lines Here are some common origins of generational influences: Righteousness or Sin: when we choose to sin, we come out from under God s protective covering and enter into Satan s territory. This hurts us and everyone around us. Children may perceive a parent s sin as normal and continue the cycle in their own lives and with their own children. Words of Blessing or Cursing: Words of hatred, death and continual criticism. This begins a cycle of parents speaking to their children the way they were spoken to by their parents. Trusting in the Lord or Occult Practices: when we expose ourselves and our children to astrology, palm reading, séances and any other practices of gaining spiritual guidance through sources other than God, we begin a spiritual heritage of harm. Areas Negatively Affected by Generational Influences Physical: genetic illnesses, chemical addiction/withdrawal seizures, birth disorders Emotional: inappropriate emotional reactions, obsessive fear, depression, suicidal thoughts, anger, hopelessness. Mental: anxiety, blame shifting, avoidance, racism, poverty mindset, lack of taking responsibility Spiritual: propensity to sin and surrender to temptation, rebellion, pride So where is the hope? The sinless Lord Jesus, through His death and resurrection, has redeemed us and will restore to us all that the enemy has taken and defiled. The place where we find cleansing and release is always at His cross. We deal with generational sin the same way we deal with personal sin. As believers in Jesus, we have the responsibility of breaking unresolved generational bondages AND the amazing privilege of continuing a flow of blessing to our children and their children. Generational sin can be broken through prayer. Breaking free involves more than going against the flow, paddling upstream and having unshakable will power. There is a spiritual reality that must be addressed! We need to seek God s intervention to break generational curses and call back generational blessings that He has always intended for our family line. Step 1: Thank Jesus for dying on the cross so your family can be free. Each one of us, of our own free will, chooses either to acknowledge our need of a personal Savior or to deny our need and rely on our own strength. While we cannot pray for someone else to receive Christ, we can thank Jesus for making Himself available to our family members as He is to us. 14

15 A prayer of gratitude: Jesus, I know that my family and I are powerless to overcome our past sins on our own. Thank You for dying on the cross and paying the penalty that we owe. You have overcome every evil by rising from the dead. Even if no one else in my family understands the sacrifice You ve made for them, I receive Your gift of new life. Thank You for loving my family. I place them in Your hands. Step 2: Forgive your ancestors for the sins they ve committed. You may be unsure of who sinned and how they sinned, but you know that you are reaping the consequences because of the patterns you see within your family. The Lord understands this and He knows the specifics. You can pray a general prayer. The importance of this step is in expressing a heart of humility and obedience before the Lord and asking for release. A prayer of forgiveness: Lord, I forgive (name the person if you can) for (name the offenses specifically if you know what they are). I forgive him/her because You have forgiven me. Step 3: Renounce any ties to the occult. It may be that you have participated in spiritual activities without being aware of their potential harm. By trusting in horoscopes, seeing yourself as described by your zodiac sign, having your palm read, consulting a psychic, undergoing hypnosis, contacting the dead and/or having your fortune told you are participating in the occult. We recommend that you remove the following items from your home: horoscope books and charts, tarot cards, Ouija (wiji) boards, eight balls, and any masonic paraphernalia, etc.. Here is a good rule: DO NOT consult and seek guidance from any spiritual influence other than the God of the Bible: Father, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. Vows of dedication to false gods through occult activities, freemasonry, cults and/or witchcraft can be renounced through prayer. These vows authorize demonic spirits to be active in a person or in a family. If the dedication was made by parents for a child there needs to be forgiveness of the parents as well as personal repentance, confession and cleansing. A prayer of renouncing and submission: Lord forgive me, I sinned in ignorance. I take back the vows that I made or that were made over me. I take back the ground given to Satan, I renounce his control and submit myself to You, my Lord and Savior. As a child of God I claim that the power of the blood of Jesus is setting me and my children free from the consequences of all occult activity from my father s and my mother s family lines. I renounce all attachments to (name the activities specifically if you can). Heavenly Father, I look to You and You alone for guidance on how to live my life. I love You Lord. Step 4: Place the cross of Jesus between yourself and your family members. 15

16 By taking this step in prayer, you are cancelling the effects of your ancestor s sinful decisions. If your family members are still living, you continue to honor them and love them, but you look to them only through the cross. A prayer of release: I declare the blood of Jesus to stand between me and past generations as a wall of separation. I cancel every assignment of darkness and remove every right of the demonic to afflict me and my family. I ask You to remove the effects of (addiction, adultery, chronic unemployment, disease ). I thank You Lord for releasing me, my children and my future generational family line from these influences. Step 5: Call out for the blessings the Lord has always intended for your family. Remember that the Bible says that the Lord shows love for a thousand generations. There are blessings intended for you that have been blocked by sin. If you have prayed the prayers above, you have opened the doors of heaven and those blessings can be accessed. Boldly ask the Lord to give you what He has always desired to give you. A prayer for blessing: Lord, I believe Your Word that says my children and I are blessed to a thousand generations and You will establish the righteousness of my future ancestors. I thank You for removing the effects of our sin from us and I ask You to pour out and restore every generational family blessing You intended we would carry. I stand for me and my family line and I receive every good and perfect gift You have for us in Jesus Name. Amen 16