GREAT MOMENTS IN HISTORY THE GREAT FISH OF GIZA
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- Lesley Reed
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1 THEME UP & UNDER GREAT MOMENTS IN HISTORY THE GREAT FISH OF GIZA 1 ANNC: The One Act Players present: Great Moments in History! THEME OUT 2 ANNC: Egypt: 2516 BC 3 FX: Large crowd making anticipatory noises 4 PRIEST: Behold the Great Pyramid of Tootenhotep! 5 FX: Enormous canvas screen falls; Gasps of horror, suprise, astonishment 6 PHAROAH: (echoing) That's not a pyramid! That's not a pyramid! Priest, where is my pyramid? etc. 7 FX: Uproar 8 PRIEST: Your Highestness, please, you disturb your people. 9 PHAROAH: They are right to be disturbed! We were all expecting a pyramid but this... this PRIEST: Actually, Your Most Excellent Hugeness, according to the the royal decree, you ordered FX: "Clapper" claps; Scroll rustles. 12 FLUNKY: (reading) "A tomb unlike any that has gone before." 13 PHAROAH: Yes, bigger. I wanted it bigger! 14 PRIEST: And you insisted we hire Picasso to do it. 15 PHAROAH: Yes. (BEAT) 16 PRIEST: A painter. 17 FLUNKY: He's not just a painter.
2 0 CONTINUED: 0 18 PRIEST: Shut up. 19 PHAROAH: Well he was available and what were the chances of that? 20 PRIEST: Almost zero. 21 FLUNKY: Almost what? 22 PHAROAH: Exactly. Ordained by the Gods I say. And I told him, I distinctly remember, I said, "Picasso make it bigger!" 23 PRIEST: Well, it is big. 24 PHAROAH: It's not that big. Not as big as Daddy's. 25 PRIEST: I believe it is, Your Spaciousness. 26 PHAROAH: No, it's not. 27 PRIEST: Well maybe not from here. But from down there, where the masses are, I assure you it looks far bigger than dad-- your father's. 28 PHAROAH: Really? 29 PRIEST: Yes, yes. But let us focus on the main question, which is: Can you be buried in it? 30 PHAROAH: Hmm, it is bigger than me. 31 PRIEST: Quite a lot bigger, in fact. 32 PHAROAH: Even from up here. 33 PRIEST: What? Oh yes, quite. 34 PHAROAH: But it's not a pyramid. A pyramid's a... a... (snaps fingers!!) 35 FX: Scroll rustles 36 FLUNKY: (reads) A solid polyhedronal edifice contained by a plane rectilineal polygonal base and several triangles whose faces form the sides and whose apexes share a common vertex. 37 PHAROAH: The pointy top!
3 0 CONTINUED: (2) 0 38 FLUNKY: Yes, the pointy top. 39 PRIEST: No, no, All Most Sizeable One. Pyramid comes from the Latin Piru meaning "to encapsulate" and Midiro meaning "the glorious one". 40 PHAROAH: So what is this?! 41 FLUNKY: I think it looks like a fish. 42 PHAROAH: Ahhh PRIEST: It is NOT a fish PHAROAH:... A Fish. Yes. A magnificent Fish o' the Desert. We shall pray to it! 45 PRIEST: Your Extraordinary Bigness PHAROAH: Priest, what be the great fish's name? 47 PRIEST: What? 48 PHAROAH: Surely so grand a fish as this has a name befitting its glory? 49 FX: (in background) Scroll rustling 50 PRIEST: Your Exhalted Highestness, I'm really not FX: Rustling stops. 52 FLUNKY: Mona Lisa. Picasso said it was to be called Mona Lisa. 53 PRIEST: What's that supposed to mean? 54 FLUNKY: Well it's from the Latin PRIEST: Oh don't you start. 56 PHAROAH: Mona Lisa. So let it be written! 57 FX: Staff strikes ground twice 58 FX: Very restless crowd 59 PRIEST: Your Loftiness, the people the grow restless. You must profess your satisfaction. 60 PHAROAH: Oh. Right.(coughs). Flunky, hand me the... you know.
4 0 CONTINUED: (3) 0 61 FLUNKY: Oh. Are you sure? 62 FX: Metallic clunking. 63 PHAROAH: (boomy PA type voice). People of Egypt, before you stands the Great Fish of Toottenhotep.(normal voice) There. All done. 64 FX: Quietly restless crowd 65 PRIEST: (whispering) Is that it? 66 PHAROAH: Do I need to say more? 67 PRIEST: Well PHAROAH: (boomy, PA) And I love it! 69 FX: Silence, followed by some "what?"s and rowdiness builds under 70 PRIEST: Perhaps Your Most Elevated Largeness could simply announce how it reflects the greatness of the Kingdom, how it builds a bridge to the future, how from this time forward prosperity will reign.. 71 PHAROAH: (boomy, PA) So very much that I will marry it! 72 FX: Silence the happy jubilation 73 PRIEST: What? No! You can't PHAROAH: Daddy always said, "If you like it so much, why don't you marry it?" 75 PRIEST: He was being PHAROAH: (boomy, PA) Behold: Queen Mona Lisa! 77 FX: Continued adulation 78 ANNC: And so in the year 2516 BC King Tootenhotep married Queen Mona Lisa 79 PERSON: (yelling) I like how you can't tell what the fish is thinking. 80 PERSON 2: (yelling) Yeah, sorta sphynx-like ain't it?
5 0 CONTINUED: (4) 0 81 ANNC: Tune in again for another: Great Moment in History! THEME UP END CREDITS
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When all had gathered around, he reverently began to speak. (Here are his words that night.)
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Rashi makes just that connection: out of the roaring pit i.e. from the imprisonment of Egypt and from the roaring of their tumult.
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