St Mark s & Putnoe Heights Church, Bedford. Bereavement

Transcription

1 Methodist Church St Mark s & Putnoe Heights Church, Bedford Church of England Bereavement Planning a Funeral Coping with Bereavement Garden of Remembrance Woodland Green Burial St Mark s and Putnoe Heights Church provide the only consecrated Garden of Remembrance and Woodland Burial Ground available for all the people of Bedford. 1

2 A letter from The Reverend Charles Royden We hope this booklet will be of use to you, sharing important things which might help at this difficult time. It may help to have somebody read through it with you. If you have any questions then please ask, we will assist you in any way. Over the coming weeks and months we would like you to remember that you are not forgotten at St Mark s and Putnoe Heights Church. We understand a little of what you are going through, you will continue to be in our thoughts and prayers. Sunday Services. On the Sunday following a funeral, prayers are always said in both of our churches in the main service, on behalf of the person who has died. We remember them and their loved ones. Families often find it helpful to attend this church service and a special invitation is extended to you. We will give thanks and remember before God those who have died and light a candle in the service to symbolise the light of Christ which eternally shines and brings hope. We commend them to God s safe keeping and pray that they may Rest in Peace. You are welcome to join either of these services St. Mark s Church at 9.30am Putnoe Heights Church at 11.00am Burial and interment of ashes. Think carefully about this. Many people regret making hasty decisions. You are welcome to use the Garden of Remembrance at St. Mark s for the interment of ashes, or our beautiful woodland burial ground at Keysoe. Both of these places are consecrated, which is important as the land will never be disturbed. In council cemeteries you will only rent a plot for a number of years and then the plot can be used for another purpose. Remember, it is never too late to change your mind, so please speak with us if you would like more information about burial in our consecrated Garden of Remembrance or Woodland Burial at Keysoe. Would you like a visit? Following the funeral, a member of our Church Pastoral Support Team will offer to visit you. These people have been specially trained to deal with a variety of different issues surrounding bereavement. They will have time to talk and help in any way that is appropriate. They will usually telephone first and offer to come when it is convenient. Yours with the prayers and best wishes of our church The Reverend Charles Royden Minister St Mark s and Putnoe Heights Church Contact details Rev Charles Royden St Mark s Church, Calder Rise, Bedford. MK41 7UY Office Home M: E: charlesroyden@gmail.com Mrs Linda Parry Administrator. St Albans Woodland Burial Trust. St. Mark s Church Community Centre, Calder Rise, Bedford. MK41 7UY Tel/Fax office@woodlandburialtrust.com Mrs Mary Stubbs Administrator. St Mark s Church Garden of Remembrance. St Mark s Church, Calder Rise, Bedford. MK41 7UY Office Home E: office@thisischurch.com 2

3 1. Planning a Funeral If you are making arrangements for a funeral, then we will be pleased to offer help with arrangements. Our churches are shared between the Church of England and the Methodist Church and our ministers represent fully each denomination. We will speak with you to ensure that the service is most appropriate for the person who has died and do our very best to ensure that your wishes are carried out. A funeral service should be a time of looking back and giving thanks for a life, as well as an opportunity to affirm our faith in God and commend our loved ones to his care. Where will the funeral be held? The time after a bereavement can be quite confusing with many decisions to make. We will speak with you to help arrange the service; there are several choices which you can make. You may have already booked arrangements with a funeral director prior to reading this information; however if you wish to make any changes this can be arranged easily. Arrangements for funerals will vary considerably and we are pleased to fulfill your requests. Here are some alternatives - 1. The entire service held in Church Many people appreciate the opportunity for all or a major part of the service to be held in the church. Our churches are available to you for funeral services and if you would like to make use of either church we would very much welcome this. The buildings are warm and welcoming as well as versatile, capable of seating small groups of perhaps 10 people, or allowing larger gatherings of up to 250. We also have our own resident organists and you may choose whatever hymns or music you may wish to include. If this option is chosen the entire service may take place in church. The coffin can be carried out at the end of the service and the relatives are then able to stay and meet with those who may have travelled to the funeral. We are also able to provide refreshments and offer the use of the premises for a reception if you should wish. The churches are also equipped with excellent loudspeaker systems with a hearing aid loop for the hard of hearing. If you wish to use our woodland burial ground at Keysoe, then catering facilities are also available on site at the College Equestrian Centre. 2. Service in church followed by committal at the burial or cremation Sometimes there is a request for part of the service to be held in the church and then the committal to take place at the graveside or crematorium afterwards. In this case the major part of the service with hymns, readings, address, etc. will take place in the church and then the service would break. After travelling to the graveside, usually a short service would follow consisting of the traditional prayers of committal. 3. The entire service held at our woodland burial ground If you would like a graveside burial service, then this can be arranged at our woodland burial ground in Keysoe. It is possible to provide a shelter if inclement weather is expected. Please read the information on page 12 about woodland burial for further details. 4. Entire service at the crematorium Sometimes families prefer not to use the church and conduct all the proceedings at the crematorium. The crematorium at Norse Road is extremely well built and designed, with a large chapel and resident organist. Three quarters of an hour is allowed between services which is more than adequate. The funeral director may have asked you to choose hymns, however you can change your mind and you may decide not to sing any hymns at all, the choice is yours. 3

4 The Order of the Service The following is a basic format for an order of service, but it should only be considered as a guide. You may do whatever you think is appropriate for the person who has died. Welcome Opening Prayer Hymn Reading Address Prayers Hymn Committal Blessing Music Often the service will begin with a verse of scripture, and an introduction and welcome to the service. This will be followed by a prayer affirming our Christian faith and seeking comfort for those who are bereaved. A hymn may follow. We are pleased to help with suggestions. Usually from the Bible, this might also include poems or other literature. We will of course be pleased to offer suggestions. Words of tribute to the person who has died are especially important. These can be spoken by the Minister, a member of the family or a friend. It is appropriate to give thanks in prayer for the life of the person who has died. This may be accompanied by the Lord s Prayer. A second hymn is often requested The congregation always stand for these traditional words when we commend the person who has died into God's merciful keeping. If the service is cremation, this is when the curtains will close; however you may request this not to happen. After the final words of blessing, the service is concluded. We are always pleased to accommodate your own personal requests to include items in the service. It is increasingly common for relatives to ask for a piece of music to be played by the organist, or a track from a CD. Church and Flowers If flowers are sent in memory of the person who has died, then we do offer the opportunity for these to be kept at St Mark s Church, in the chapel, or in the designated area in the Garden of Remembrance. Simply advise the minister or the funeral director and arrangements will be made for this to happen. Many families appreciate this and attend at church after the funeral to see the flowers and collect cards which have been attached. St. Mark s Chapel is open daily during daylight hours and the Garden of Remembrance is always open and lit during the hours of darkness. Many people like to provide flowers in church on a Sunday and this is a fitting way to remember somebody who has died. Arrangements exist for you to contribute to the provision of church flowers on a particular Sunday, perhaps an anniversary, please contact Putnoe Heights Church Mrs Anne Hitt St. Mark s Church Miss Marion Prior Invitation to Church Following a funeral the family are always remembered in our prayers with the lighting of a candle in the main Sunday morning services: St. Mark's at 9.30am and Putnoe Heights at 11.00am. Many families find this a special and helpful time to come and join the worship of the church as we remember those who have died in our prayers. You are especially welcomed to this Sunday service following the funeral. Bereavement Service Each year around the time of Remembrance Day in November we hold special services at each church for those who have been bereaved and you will continue to be invited for several years. We do hope that this service will be of help to you as you mourn. Please advise us if you do not wish to receive an invitation. 4

5 2. Coping with Bereavement Loving and Losing Bereavement, the cost of living and loving Loss is a part of the cost of living and loving, indeed of simply being alive and giving of ourselves to others. It has been said that only the unloving and the unloved escape from the pain of grief. The opposite side of this is that the more deeply we love the more severe also can be the pain of loss. It is helpful to know a little of the process of healing which we go through. This will reassure us that the intense grief which we feel at first is natural and not a sign that we are falling apart or going mad. Of course much of what is said is helpful not only for those suffering bereavement but any kind of loss. This may include divorce or estrangement from those we love. What is grief? We could mention three aspects of life which are affected by grief 1. Our relationships with other people We are all affected when somebody else suffers, a grieving person affects those around and some people feel embarrassed. To reduce the discomfort, other people may avoid us or try to reduce contact as much as possible. This is sometimes done for sincere and kind motives even if it is very unhelpful! Folk may cross the road when they see somebody coming who has been through bereavement, so that they do not have to talk about it. When they do meet, the subjects spoken of may include anything but the bereavement, because they think that you would not want to mention it and it would cause upset. Some people speak of feeling a sense of isolation and loneliness. Grief overshadows all normal relationships as we adjust to the change in condition, being a single parent, widow(er), (divorced). To an extent we become different people. 2. Our bodies Our bodies react to bereavement in many ways. Headaches, stomach pains, back pains, arthritis, or many other complaints can suddenly become apparent and make us feel as though we are falling apart. Some people speak of intense tiredness and exhaustion. All of our reserves of energy can be used up simply in order to cope. This is a natural reaction to loss. The body passes through a crucial stage in the first 6-9 months and some folk can die of a broken heart if they 'bottle up' their feelings and are unable to express and come to terms with their grief openly. It is important to look after ourselves, to eat and sleep properly. There is nothing wrong with spoiling ourselves a little either. 3. Our feelings and state of mind There are emotional stages through which most people pass. These stages are not neat and tidy and one may feel several of them going on at once. We are all different people and so we all have unique feelings. It is possible to swing from one stage to another, or indeed hardly experience one stage at all. This does not mean that the grief of one person is deeper than another, simply that we have different ways of experiencing and coping with loss. We will now look at what these stages are. Stages of Grief It is worth understanding the stages of grief. This should not mean that we treat grief lightly, as if it were just a phase that somebody was going through.. We are all different and can experience different things at different times. Progress is not automatic and somebody may still be grieving deeply after 20 years if they have not been helped through the process of bereavement. We never 'recover' from bereavement, and yet there should come a time when we are able to learn to live with our loss. If you have felt the pain of bereavement then eventually you may be able to help somebody who is going through the same pain. Often what we need most is simply somebody to listen and love. 5

6 Stage 1 Denial and Shock The bereaved person is often in a state of shock and unable to accept what has happened, everything seems so unreal. This is a necessary defence mechanism. Think of how, when we receive a hard blow to the head, we become unconscious. It is the natural way that our body shuts down to protect itself. Bereaved people often refer to somebody who has died in the present tense as though they are still alive. A common remark may be; 'It's not really sunk in. I can't believe it. I think he s going to walk in the door as usual. Maybe after the funeral it will seem as though it has really happened'. We may feel tightness in the throat or emptiness in the stomach. There may be tiredness or inability to breathe. When we are with people in this stage of grief there is no need to say something clever; it is enough simply to be there. The bereaved person may simply want to talk about the one who has died, to reminisce. They need to know that it is alright to be upset and express their grief. Some other faiths and cultures are much better at this than 'Christian England'. One day reality hits home and, despite the pain which it brings, this is progress. Stage 2 Anger The question which may overshadow everything is 'Why me'? Expressions come such as, "It makes you wonder sometimes, she was so young and never did anybody any harm. Then you see all those rapists and murderers and nothing happens to them. I can never believe in God when he lets that sort of thing happen.". There may be anger at God for having allowed this to happen. There may be anger at the doctors or the hospital, indeed anybody who can act as a scapegoat. This is natural outrage. There is no need for anybody to try to make excuses or give rational explanations or theological argument. Neither is there any reason for those who are upset to feel guilty about their anger! This is a natural part of the grief process. All that is required is assurance and the understanding that grief brings a genuine burden which can be very painful. It may be that the person we are most angry with is ourselves, as we think of things in the past, missed opportunities, or things we wished had never happened. Stage 3 Bargaining Sometimes people will try to look for a way out of the situation. 'I cried all last night and prayed that God would take me too' There can be a movement between fantasy and guilt, 'I think that he may come back'. Some people are sure that they have seen their loved one on a bus or in a crowd; even that they have seen a ghost. Others never touch a room or refuse to throw anything out, in the hope that somehow they may be able to preserve things the way that they once were. Stage 4 Depression There can be a deep sense of regret over lost opportunities in life, or there could also be a sense of guilt, 'perhaps if we had tried a different doctor' Guilt in many different varieties is a normal part of grief and can cause depression. It may be that it makes us feel that we do not want to go on. It is important to realize that this is something we all feel and sometimes for a considerable time. It is important to find people to talk to; grief needs an outlet and we must be able to cry and express our emotion. Of course we also need to be reminded that we can talk to God. Stage 5 Acceptance/learning to live again The time comes when we are able to 'let go' of our loved one, leave them in peace and to experience new life again. It is the time when memories can be treasured without a terrible sense of pain. Of course this may be a long time away. Learning to live again means adjusting to being a different person in one sense. Losing somebody is like having a part of oneself cut off. It takes time to reaffirm life and invest in new relationships and responsibilities. It is like learning to live all over again. 6

7 3. St Mark s Garden of Remembrance About the Garden of Remembrance In 1992 a beautiful new Garden of Remembrance was consecrated by the Bishop of Bedford at St Mark s Church. This garden is now available to the whole community as a specifically Christian place of burial. It is the only consecrated churchyard available to the public in Bedford. The garden is completely non-profit making and we are therefore able to combine beautiful facilities with the lowest cost available. Indeed there is no charge at all for the scattering of ashes. The large grounds surrounding St Mark s Church have offered the opportunity for landscaping and the garden has been extended to accommodate the increasing number of people who have appreciated this peaceful place for the burial of ashes. The grounds continually benefit by the addition of new plants, trees and shrubs, often donated in memory of a loved one. The chapel at St Mark s Church contains a Book of Remembrance and is a place of prayer where candles can be lit in memory of those who have died. The chapel is open every day during daylight hours and visitors especially enjoy the outstanding stained glass window. The garden at St Mark s Church provides the opportunity for interment in marked plots with granite stones. Alternatively some people prefer a scattering of ashes in an unmarked plot. A unique opportunity exists to use an exclusive granite vault in our columbaria. There is also a memorial wall upon which engraved granite plaques can be placed in memory of those who have died, irrespective of where they may be buried. The garden is always open and we welcome visitors. The location of the church in Brickhill offers many advantages. It is on a major bus route and has excellent parking, including full provision for those with disabilities. Please do contact us for further information if there are any questions not answered in this booklet. We are also pleased to speak with you to discuss your requirements or to make reservations. Contact details are shown on the back of this booklet. This picture shows the memorial wall and Garden of Remembrance 7

8 Information about St Mark s Garden of Remembrance St Mark s Garden of Remembrance is located at St Mark s Church, in Calder Rise, Brickhill. Car parking is provided and the premises and garden are completely accessible for people with disabilities. You may visit the garden at any time. Access is through the beautiful new lytch gate at the side of the church. This is a totally safe and peaceful place for you to visit and you will notice the complete absence of any vandalism whatsoever. Security lighting illuminates the whole garden during the hours of darkness and the garden is covered by CCTV with infrared monitoring at night. St Mark s Chapel is open during daylight hours and a Book of Remembrance is available for inscription in memory of those who have died. The chapel also has facilities for the lighting of prayer candles for those who visit. All burials have a short service of prayer and a reading takes place. Although we believe that our loved ones have departed to God's merciful keeping, we treat their bodily remains with the respect and dignity required for those whom God created. Families and relatives may decide to attend at the interment, or you may prefer for this to be done quietly by the church. We offer three types of interment at St Mark s. 1. Scattering of ashes If you would like ashes scattered without any separate plot or gravestone, this can be provided. A small hole is dug in the garden and the ashes are poured loosely into the ground. The ashes are delivered to us by the funeral director or crematorium in a poly container. There is no charge for this service. When ashes are scattered, you may decide to make use of the memorial wall, to place an inscribed granite plaque in memory of the person who has died. 2. Burial of ashes in a marked plot Many people appreciate the opportunity to have a marked plot for interment and this is provided at St Mark s. Granite plaques mark the area in which the ashes are buried and each plot will accommodate two full size caskets. The ashes can also be buried without a casket. 3. Private interment in exclusive vault St Mark s Church has built a magnificent granite columbaria to offer interment in a consecrated vault. Each vault accommodates up to four sets of ashes and the polished black granite plaque can be inscribed with suitable words in memory of the person who has died. The columbaria was consecrated in June 2007 and offers the unique quality of exclusive rights of burial in perpetuity. In commercial cemeteries families are usually offered rights for a period of time, perhaps 40 years, after which the ashes are removed and the vault sold to somebody else. St Mark s can guarantee that the remains of our loved ones will rest undisturbed for all time. 8

9 Charges (Please note VAT is included in all charges) We ensure that interment at St. Mark's is as inexpensive as possible. Our costs should not exceed charges made elsewhere and are usually about half the cost of local cemeteries. It is our desire to make only those charges necessary to cover the cost of memorial stones and to ensure that the garden is properly kept, and developed. All fees are paid into a separate bank account used solely for the costs associated with the maintenance and management of the garden. Cost of scattering ashes in unmarked plot Cost of inscription in Book of Remembrance Free Free Costs for burial in plot with granite stone Purchase of single or double plot with granite memorial stone 16" x 12" 325 Interment of ashes 110 Inscription of letters on stone per letter 2 Subsequent interment in same plot, cost of burial fee at time and inscription only Private interment in exclusive vault 750 Families may wish to have the black granite memorial cover inscribed with a suitable inscription in gold lettering. This can be arranged at an additional cost. The memorial wall The memorial wall is particularly suitable for those who do not have a special plot in the garden. This may be the case when a person has been buried elsewhere, or if the ashes are scattered somewhere in the garden, but not in a marked plot. You may use the plaque in memory of either one or two people. Please use the special form for entering your inscription. Please note that the Church Council may refuse an inscription Total cost for an inscribed memorial wall plaque 175 This picture shows one of the beautiful fountains in the garden 9

10 Information about St Mark s Garden of Remembrance Inscriptions We are obliged to ensure that the lettering on stones is fairly simple in a style, which records only the name of the person who has died and their dates of birth and death (or alternatively age). This lettering style allows sufficient space on the stone for two interments. Maintenance of granite memorial stones The memorial stones are made of unpolished granite and through the use of relief lettering blasted into the granite, there will be no degradation of the carved lettering. Please note that the black paint may fade over time and the lettering may benefit from new application of paint after years. However, usually an application of water on a soft sponge is all that is required to remove dust which can lodge in the letters. Book of Remembrance A Book of Remembrance is kept on view at the church in memory of those whose names are recorded on the date on which they died. If you would like an entry made, please contact Mary Stubbs with the details ( ). She will be able to give advice over a suitable inscription. The inscription will be made free of charge by a writer skilled in calligraphy. Interment It is important for families to know that the cremated remains brought to the church for interment are those of the person who has died. The ministers frequently visit the crematorium and can assure you that this is the case and that the highest code of ethics is observed. A document issued by the Federation of British Cremation Authorities can be obtained from church outlining the procedure in some detail if you should wish to know more. Memorials You may wish to donate a tree, shrub or some other plant for the garden as a continuing reminder. We will be pleased to discuss a suitable choice and location in keeping with our plans for the future development of the churchyard. Occasionally we receive requests to donate some other kind of memorial either in the garden or the church itself. We are always grateful to receive such kind gifts as a lasting memorial; however, in such cases the ministers will be required to obtain authorisation from the Church Council and the St. Albans Diocese. Floral tributes Understandably relatives often wish to leave flowers in the garden near to the place where a person has been buried. Please feel able to do this. Small plants or arrangements can be placed on the plaque. Please ensure that they are small enough that the view of other plaques is not obscured, and that the arrangement will not easily blow over. We have a tap fitted in the garden for your use and rubbish bins are also provided. Flowers left outside very quickly begin to look untidy especially in adverse weather conditions, when they can be blown around the garden and onto other stones. Floral tributes left in the garden are collected at the end of each day and taken inside the church and placed in vases on the special memorial table in the church foyer. Occasionally these can be incorporated into arrangements for the Sunday service. These measures ensure that the garden is always kept tidy, and your flowers are used in a way that is honouring to the one you wish to remember. For best appearance, when inside the building, the flowers are displayed in Portmeirion vases, and we always appreciate donations of these vases for our collection. We would ask that these vases are not used in the garden. Others vases are provided for use outside. Provision of Sunday flowers Many people like to provide flowers in the church on a Sunday and this is a fitting way to remember somebody who has died. Arrangements exist for you to contribute to the provision of 10

11 flowers on a particular Sunday at St Mark s and our sister church of Putnoe Heights. Please contact Putnoe Heights Church Mrs Anne Hitt St. Mark s Church Miss Marion Prior Christmas and Easter, Mothering Sunday, Father s Day We understand that many people appreciate the opportunity to visit the Garden of Remembrance and leave flowers at these special times. The garden will be carefully looked after each day, and suitable floral arrangements will be allowed to remain at or near the place where they were left. We do have to be particularly careful with some wreaths which due to the presence of metal wire can cause rust staining to enter the granite. We recommend that you place some plastic under the arrangement if steel wire is used. At Christmas all tributes are removed on twelfth night. This picture shows the beautiful lytch gate which marks the entrance to the Garden of Remembrance 11

12 12 Woodland Burial At Keysoe Bedfordshire

13 The charitable objects of St Albans Woodland Burial Trust 1. To provide and maintain for the benefit of the public and for the advancement of Christian faith and education, woodland sites for the burial of the dead. 2. To develop and preserve the sites in order to provide a seminatural woodland environment. 3. To ensure a diversity in woodland structure to safeguard notable species and communities. 4. To support financially or otherwise Christian churches and Christian ministers engaged in ministry or providing services and support to the dying and the bereaved. 13

14 Burial in our consecrated woodland at Keysoe Woodland Burial the natural choice We have established the St Albans Woodland Burial Trust to provide green woodland burial in beautiful countryside at Keysoe, Bedfordshire. Surrounded by 60 acres of trees, this is an ideal setting for those who would like to choose burial in a manner which benefits the environment. This is not a commercial cemetery; the woodland is owned by a Charitable Trust. We are dedicated to providing the opportunity for burial in a way which does not pollute, but creates a nature reserve, a haven of natural beauty and wildlife. Choosing woodland burial is a decision to be buried in harmony with nature, to enhance the environment rather than destroying it. We leave behind something that will be of lasting benefit for our children and grandchildren and for generations to come. Consecration and what it means Our woodland is a very special place. It is one of only two consecrated woodland burial grounds in England, and is the only consecrated burial ground in this region which is available to the general public. At one time all churchyards in England were consecrated; this gave them the greatest protection available in British law and ensured that they were not built upon or subsequently used for another unsuitable purpose. Increasingly this protection is being taken away on council and privately owned cemeteries. Instead leases are sold on grave space for a limited amount of time. Consecration does not make the soil more holy, but it does set this woodland aside as a sacred space for ever. It is the greatest protection afforded in English Law. You can therefore be assured that this woodland burial site will remain a natural woodland setting. It cannot be sold for another purpose and it will not fall into disrepair. Since the ground is consecrated by the Church of England as a sacred space, people who are buried here can lie in this land for ever, until nature runs its natural course. Consecrated woodland burial ensures that our loved ones really do Rest in Peace We respect people of different cultures, and beliefs and this woodland burial site is open to people of other faiths, and no religious faith at all. We simply ask that any graveside ceremony be dignified and respectful. 14

15 Explaining Woodland Burial The following information will explain most questions which you may have about woodland burial and the way St Albans Woodland Burial Trust operates. If you wish to know anything further, please do not hesitate to contact our Administrator Mrs Linda Parry who will be pleased to help you. Contact St Albans Woodland Burial Trust Administrator: Mrs Linda Parry St. Mark s Church Community Centre Calder Rise, Bedford. MK41 7UY Tel/Fax office@woodlandburialtrust.com Registered Charity No All of our volunteers are trained in bereavement counselling and offer a compassionate and dedicated service. What is woodland burial? Woodland burial is simply the choice to be buried in a woodland setting, as opposed to a traditional cemetery. We are growing a beautiful wood where birds, animals and all nature can thrive, instead of creating serried ranks of tombstones. Our woodland is run by a non-profit making charity and is consecrated to come within the jurisdiction of the St Albans Diocese of the Church of England. People choose consecrated woodland burial because they want the assurance which comes from choosing burial in land protected by the oversight of the church. They also prefer the fact that a woodland burial ground is managed in a way that will produce a woodland nature reserve for generations to come. In making this choice we give something back to our communities and contribute towards the conservation of our environment. This is the ultimate recycle. The woodland is ideal for burial; however we recognise that some people will prefer cremation. For this reason we also accept cremated remains. Since we are seeking to develop a beautiful natural woodland, we do ask that certain practices are observed which will help the environment. These are explained in this brochure, and include such things as trying to make sure that coffins and caskets are made from natural products which are bio-degradable, such as wood. If you choose woodland burial you will usually save money, protect the environment and importantly make a lasting contribution towards a woodland nature reserve which will last for generations to come. 15

16 Making Arrangements Some people will be choosing a burial space following the death of a loved one, others will wish to make a reservation as a part of making their own preparations in advance. Whatever your personal situation, our administrator Mrs Linda Parry will be pleased to meet with you on site and show you the possibilities available. The following information will offer you some preliminary guidance. Reservation Some people will find reassurance in choosing to reserve their place in the woodland for burial. This can relieve the family of the burden of making arrangements later. Reservation not only secures a particular plot, it also guarantees that the cost of subsequent burial will be considerably reduced. It carries entitlement to a 50% reduction of the cost of a grave space at the time of burial. Please note that the remaining sum due will be 50% of the cost of the grave space at the time of burial; not at the time of reservation. Double graves We do not bury in double depth graves for environmental reasons. However if you wish to be buried next to somebody else, we will be pleased to arrange reservation of an adjacent grave. Recording the location of burials Graves are marked simply with a wooden plaque laid on the ground, and for those who wish, a tree near the grave can be dedicated as a living memorial to the loved one who lies nearby. As the burial takes place a discreet record is kept of the location of the grave and each year an accurate survey is maintained, ensuring the resting place of a loved one is never lost. Ceremonies at the graveside St Albans Woodland Burial Trust is open to all people without discrimination. We welcome people of all faiths, and denominations and those with no religious faith at all. We ask that the form of any graveside ceremony must be dignified but not necessarily Christian. When graveside ceremonies are arranged, the form of service and the person conducting it, must be agreed by the Administrator who acts on behalf of the Trustees. St Albans Woodland Burial Trust will be pleased to offer advice concerning the ceremony and our own clergy are pleased to conduct services for you. Alternatively we can arrange for another minister or civil celebrant of your choice. After the service of committal, family and friends can spend as much time as they like at the graveside. The cost of your minister or celebrant must be agreed with them and is not the responsibility of the Trust. Choice of coffins We are pleased to accept all coffins which are biodegradable. Whilst we are able to supply suitable coffins directly, most funeral directors are able to advise you regarding the choice of a suitable coffin made from natural materials such as wood, wicker or bamboo. Interment of cremated remains Ashes can be buried in the woodland, either loose or in a biodegradable container. Suitable caskets are available for purchase from the Trust or your own funeral director. Flowers Fresh cut flowers may be placed in or on the graves, please remove cellophane, ribbons and non bio-degradable wrapping. Artificial flowers are not permitted and no vases or 16

17 containers should be left. Planting or cultivation in the burial ground is not permitted, since we are creating a natural woodland. The Trustees reserve the right to remove flowers placed on graves as part of routine care and maintenance. Dogs The woodland is a place where the public are welcomed, with public footpaths and rights of way. We encourage people to bring dogs and enjoy the woodland. We would, of course, expect all responsible dog owners to show respect. Opening times. The car park area and access road may be used from 8.00am until 6.00pm each day. The marking of graves with memorial plaques Protection of the environment and wildlife conservation is important to the Trust. We are creating a place for nature, a beautiful natural woodland setting. It is therefore important that no memorials are used which are made from stone or non-biodegradable materials. All memorials must be specified and supplied by the Trust directly, so that we can ensure that the natural beauty of the woodland is preserved. The Trust has approved the fixing of an oak cross or alternatively an oak memorial, which may be suitably inscribed. These oak memorials have been selected by the Trustees since they will age naturally and be sympathetic to the woodland. Our administrator will be pleased to supply you with details. Plaques do not need to be placed on the grave at the time of burial but can be laid at a subsequent time. No charge will be made for the erection of a memorial. Please note that the Trust does not take responsibility for the memorials once fitted. Dedication of a tree We are pleased to arrange for the dedication of a tree in memory of a loved one. This can be done at the time of a burial or at a later occasion. Should you wish to have an inscribed wooden memorial plaque placed by the tree, this can be arranged by the Trust. Embalming Embalming can cause pollution by introducing formaldehyde to the soil. We therefore ask that bodies are not embalmed if possible. We understand that this may become necessary for hygienic reasons. We ask that your funeral director informs the Trust beforehand. Book of Remembrance The Book of Remembrance is an important way in which you can leave a beautiful and long lasting memorial. Entries can be made in the Book of Remembrance which is kept in the chapel of St Mark s Church, Bedford. The chapel is open during daylight hours and provides the facility for visitors to light prayer candles. Entries in the Book of Remembrance are arranged by the Trust, free of charge. Health and Safety The Trust is creating a natural woodland. It is therefore necessary to wear appropriate footwear and clothing when visiting the site or attending services. Please be especially careful to avoid trips and falls on grassy areas. Refreshments and catering facilities The College Equestrian Centre is adjacent to the woodland and people may welcome the opportunity to use the facilities and restaurant area. This can be booked for refreshments after services. 17

18 Funeral Directors Most people find the services of a funeral director helpful in making arrangements. St Albans Woodland Trust has worked closely with the following Funeral Services across Bedfordshire and they will be able to offer services which have already been approved by the Trust. Arnolds Funeral Service, 48 Roff Avenue, Bedford. MK41 7TE Telephone: + 44 (0) Fax: + 44 (0) Neville Funeral Service Luton, Marsh Road, Leagrave, Luton, Bedfordshire. LU3 2RZ Telephone: + 44 (0) Fax: + 44 (0) Neville Funeral Service Ampthill, The Old Church, Flitwick Road, Ampthill, Bedfordshire. MK45 2NT Telephone: + 44 (0) Fax: + 44 (0) George Squire & Sons, 24 Clifton Road, Shefford, Bedfordshire. SG17 5AE Telephone: + 44 (0) Fax: + 44 (0) G Hall & Sons, Hemel Hempstead, 75 Marlowes, Hemel Hempstead, Hertfordshire, HP1 1LF Telephone: + 44 (0) Fax: + 44 (0) Phillips Funeral Services Ltd 68 Alma Road, St. Albans, Hertfordshire, AL1 3BL Tel: +44 (0) A Abbot & Sons Ltd, Independent Family Funeral Directors, Bedford Road, Rushden Northamptonshire, NN10 0LZ Tel: +44 (0) / Fax: +44 (0) info@abbottfunerals.co.uk E H Crouch. 23a Hitchin Street, Baldock, Hertfordshire, SG7 6AQ +44 (0) We will work very closely with funeral directors of your choice to make sure the wishes of the deceased and the family are met 18

19 St Albans Woodland Burial Trust Charges 2008 Name (In full) Address Postcode Telephone Burial Cost 1. Single grave space 650 These charges relate only to the provision of grave space. They do not include fees for church services, ministers fees, charges levied by undertakers or the cost of preparing the ground. 2. Reservation of single grave space 325 This carries entitlement to a 50% reduction of the cost of a grave space at the time of burial. The remaining sum due will be 50% of the cost of the grave space at the time of burial, not at the time of reservation. 3. Single grave space for cremated remains 150 This price includes all preparation of ground 4. Reservation of single grave space for cremated remains 75 This carries entitlement to a 50% reduction of the cost of a grave space at the time of burial. The remaining sum due will be 50% of the cost of the grave space at the time of burial, not at the time of reservation. 5. Friends of St Albans Woodland Burial Trust Dedication of Memorial Tree 100 A small inscribed plaque may be supplied by the Trust at additional cost Total cost Please make cheques payable to the St Albans Woodland Burial Trust. Mrs Linda Parry, Administrator, St Albans Woodland Burial Trust, St. Mark s Church Community Centre, Calder Rise, Bedford. MK41 7UY. I certify that the above particulars are true and correct to the best of my belief. I agree to comply with any rules and regulations made by the Trustees. Signed Date Please note that these charges apply when interment is made between the hours of 9.00am and 5.00pm. Extraordinary arrangements may incur an additional charge. All charges are reviewed annually by the Trustees 19

20 Regulations governing the burial ground To ensure the serenity and dignity of burials at the St Alban s Woodland Burial Trust, the following guidelines apply to all burials. 1. The planting of trees and other plants in the burial ground is not permitted and is strictly controlled by the Trust. 2. No gardening or cultivation whatsoever is permitted. This includes such things as the scattering of bark or chippings, and the introduction of any fencing or kerbs. 3. No wildlife shall be introduced into the woodland. 4. Fresh flowers may be placed in or on the graves, but please remove cellophane, ribbon or wrappings. The Trustees reserve the right to remove flowers placed on graves as part of routine care and maintenance. Artificial flowers are not permitted and no vases or containers should be left 5. It is requested that coffins and caskets be made of natural biodegradable material such as wood and preferably from renewable sources. The Trust must be advised prior to burial if for any reason the coffin does not meet these criteria. 6. It is requested that bodies should not be embalmed. The Trust should be advised prior to burial if this has taken place. 7. Graves may be marked by an oak cross or oak memorial supplied by the Trust. There will be no long term permanent markers such as gravestones or headstones. Only one memorial per person is permitted. The Trust does not accept responsibility for loss or damage to memorials. The Trust does not make a separate charge for the right to erect a memorial. 8. The graveside service must be dignified and follow a recognised form of service. The Administrator of the Trust must be advised beforehand and approve any ceremony and the person conducting it, on behalf of the Trustees. 9. No exhumations will be permitted under any circumstances except by lawful authority. 10. The Trustees maintain the right to vary the Rules and Regulations at any time. 11. Refunds are not made. 20

21 Woodland Burial Keysoe, Bedfordshire Directions to St Albans Woodland Burial Ground Entrance via The College Equestrian Centre Church Road, Keysoe, Bedford. MK44 2JP Total distance from Bedford 7.86 miles, journey time 15 minutes 1. Leave Bedford on Kimbolton Road to the roundabout junction with Avon Drive and Wentworth Drive by Pheasant Public House. 2. Turn onto Kimbolton Road (B660) and head straightforward onto Cleat Hill (B660). Stay on for 6.15 miles. 3. On entering Keysoe Village go past White Horse Pub on right and follow signs for Equestrian Centre 4. You will see Keysoe Parish Church across fields on left 5. After entering 30mph speed limit prepare to turn left 6. Turn left at signpost for The College Equestrian Centre, onto Church Road, follow road past Keysoe Parish Church 7. On reaching College Equestrian Centre enter by second entrance on left 8. Follow track to St Albans Woodland Burial Ground St Albans Woodland Burial Ground St Mark s Church Community Centre, Bedford St Albans Woodland Burial Trust, Registered Office St. Mark s Church Community Centre, Calder Rise, Bedford. MK41 7UY Tel/Fax office@woodlandburialtrust.com Registered Charity No

22 Lighting a candle of prayer Why do we light a candle? The candle represents the light of Christ which eternally shines and brings hope. Jesus Christ is the light of the world, a light which no darkness can quench. Lighting a candle is a prayer: When we have gone it stays alight, kindling in the hearts and minds of others the prayers we have already offered for them and for others. Lighting a candle is a parable: burning itself out it gives light to others. Christ gave himself for others. He calls us to give ourselves. Lighting a candle is a symbol: of love and hope, of light and warmth. Our world needs them all. You turn our darkness into light, in your light shall we see light. If you would like us to light a candle and mention the name of a person who has died during our Sunday worship, perhaps on an anniversary, please contact the church office or one of the ministers Candles may be lit in the chapel at St Mark s Church and we also light a candle during the Sunday service at St Mark s and Putnoe Heights Church after a funeral in memory of a person who has died. Many families choose to come to this service and you will always receive a warm welcome. 22

23 Readings for those who are bereaved What is dying? I am standing on the sea shore. A ship sails to the morning breeze and starts for the ocean. She is an object of beauty and I stand watching her until at last she fades on the horizon, and someone at my side says, 'She is gone' Gone where? Gone from my sight, that is all. She is just as large in the masts, hull and spars as she was when I saw her, and just as able to bear her load of living freight to its destination. The diminished size and total loss of sight is in me, not in her. And just at the moment when someone at my side says, 'she is gone' there are others who are watching her coming, and other voices take up the glad shout, 'there she comes' - that is dying. Bishop Brent Death is nothing at all. I have only slipped away into the next room. I am I, and you are you. Whatever we were to each other, that we still are. Call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the easy way which you always used. Put no difference in your tone, wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow. Laugh as we always laughed, at the little jokes we enjoyed together. Pray, smile, think of me, pray for me. Let my name be ever the household word it always was, let it be spoken without effect, without the trace of a shadow on it. Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was; there is unbroken continuity. Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just round the corner. All is well. Henry Scott Holland Canon of St. Paul s Cathedral. 'I am not there' Do not stand at my grave and weep I am not there. I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow. I am the diamond glints on snow. I am the sunlight on ripened grain, I am the gentle autumn rain. When you awaken, in the morning's hush I am the swift uplifting rush Of quiet birds in circled flight I am the soft stars that shine at night. Do not stand at my grave and cry, I am not there; I did not die. Anon 23

24 Prayers You may find it helpful to visit the Chapel at St. Mark s which is open every day. A copy of our book of prayers is available for your use and our Book of Remembrance Funeral Day Lord Jesus Christ, I come to you at the beginning of this day, in all my loneliness and uncertainty I come. I thank you for all those who will be sharing the day with me, for the minister, relatives and friends, and all those who have been so helpful. Help me not to worry about the arrangements which have been made, about the visitors who will be coming, about my fear of emotion, about the service, about the weather. I bring this day to you. Help me in my weakness to prove your strength. Daily Prayer I lift my heart and mind to you. The living God of never failing love. Give me strength for this day, to weep when I should weep, to accept the comfort that memories bring, to face decisions with courage, to meet people - those who love me, those who want to help me, those who want to comfort me but don't know what to say. Thank you for them all. O God, help me so that having your peace, I may be able to comfort others. For a loved one O Lord the giver of all life, I thank you for the love I have known and the joys and sorrows shared. I accept, Lord, that you have taken the life that you once gave. Please bring gentle healing to the hurt that comes with parting. Thank you Lord Jesus, that you care about me. They shall grow not old as we that are left grow old. Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn At the going down of the sun and in the morning We will remember them. Laurence Binyon Picture of the chapel at St. Mark s It is open during daylight hours for private prayer 24