Proverbs: On Relationships

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1 Transcript July 19/20, 2014 Proverbs: On Relationships Jake Barker Proverbs 13 & Philippians 2 Alright. Well, what is up Traders Point? I hope you had a great weekend so far. We are so incredibly glad you are here with us, especially if you are new or maybe just checking us out for the first few times. We are honored that you would spend your time with us. We know there are a lot of other places that you could be, a lot of other things you could be doing and you are here with us. We don t take that for granted. So thank you for joining us. If you are new around here you need to know that each July our church give Aaron, our lead pastor, the month to kind of get out of town, spend it with his family, refresh, plan ahead for the Fall. That is where he is and he is doing that. In the meantime, this summer we are spending our time in the book of Proverbs. Now if you are not familiar with the Bible, or especially the book of Proverbs, let me kind of break it down for you. If you would open up a Bible almost directly to its middle, you will be very close to the book of Proverbs. It exists in this series of books called wisdom literature. So all of these books are about wisdom; in other words, God trying to help us figure this thing out. So what you will find are these quick hit sources of wisdom, these truth statements that just kind of come together to say, Hey, here is some wisdom for you, and so our job is to hear it and apply it to our lives. Now if all of us were pretty honest I think we would say that most of us are in the business of trying to assemble the right knowledge and wisdom to make sense of this life, Life isn t easy. There are a lot of these moving parts, there are a lot of balls up in the air and I am trying to do this the best that I can. So a lot of us will do this, we will grab individual nuggets of wisdom or truth and we will kind of glue them together to make our own worldview. So, This is what my fortune cookie said at lunch, and this is what I saw on Facebook, and this is what Whoopi said on the view. So I put them all together, I ll glue them up and say, This is my worldview. This is how I understand life to be done best. What our premise is this summer is that we don t think that is totally necessary. We think God has given us the wisdom to live life to its fullest. You see a lot of us are under this impression that God is playing this cosmic game of hide and seek; where He has all this wisdom but He won t tell us. So we have to go find it. But in reality He has laid it out beautifully in the book of Proverbs. So again our job is to hear it and then to apply it to our lives. The sub- title of this series is Life in the Details and if you spend time in the book of Proverbs, you will find God kind of like nose- diving into the weeds of life, the small things. Now previously you may have been under the understanding that God cared about the big things because He is God, but no way does He have the time or the margin to care about the little things. So, Of course He was interested in the creation of the world. He is God. He had to do that, but no way does He care about my friendships in the hallway at school. Of course God cares about eternity, like Heaven and Hell. That is God stuff, but no way does He care about our family s budget. But in reality what we ve found in our study throughout the Proverbs is that God not only cares about the huge, massive, cosmic things, He also cares about the little details of our lives as well. It is not in the way of this nagging, supernatural micro- manager trying to force us into things we don t want to do. Instead it is from the perspective of a loving Father who is talking to His kids and saying, Look, I have Intellectual materials are the property of Traders Point Christian Church. All rights reserved.

2 Proverbs: On Relationships July 19/20, 2014 perspective that maybe you don t. I have insight that maybe you couldn t. So if you would just listen to me and live this out, life works. This is wisdom that works. So today we are going to be talking about relationships. What does God have to say, especially in the book of Proverbs, about our relationships? Now again, previously maybe you were under the impression that God cared about exactly one relationship and that was our relationship with Him. So faith is this one- on- one, personal, private experience that I can do in a room when no one is looking and it is not anyone else s business, right? I have my faith box and then I have my relationships box and those two don t ever touch. But in reality, what we are going to find today, is that God not only cares about our vertical relationship with Him, but He also cares very much about our horizontal relationships with the people with whom we do life. He wants to know about all of it. As I was considering this topic this week, I was thinking through all the different types of relationships you and I have and it is a lot. I don t know if you realize this. If you think about all the people that you come in contact with on a weekly, maybe monthly basis, there are a lot of people in our lives. There are the more fundamental relationships like our immediate family and our friends. But then beyond that it gets huge, it gets massive. There is like the teenager who lives down the street who comes over to babysit your kids. That is a relationship. There is the waitress who is going to serve you lunch here in a couple of hours. That is like another relationship, a small one but still a relationship. There is your golfing buddy who, for some reason, won t give church a try no matter how many times you ask. There is your lab partner at school who constantly condescends your faith or even considering that there might be a God. There is your co- worker who always takes the last cup of coffee and never refills the coffee maker. That guy. What is wrong with that guy? I don t understand him. There is your mother- in- law who might be silently judging the way you are raising your kids. Not mine, I love you Julie. You are great. You are great and there are no problems there. There is the widow who has lived next door by herself for the last five months and she is just alone. There are all kinds of people we come in contact with on a regular basis and it becomes overwhelming when you consider it, especially for an introvert like me who sometimes considers the house on the hill where I would never have to talk to anybody. That is not an option. So I have to figure out relationships. What are we going to do about that? So in my overwhelmed state I decided this week to spend some time with some of the wisest people we have in our church. I sat down and asked them some questions about relationships and I want you to see what they had to say. [Played video interview of children.] We are pretty much done so if you guys want to go, I think that covers it. So if you have your Bible or Bible app I would love for you to turn to Philippians 2. We are going to be bouncing our way through Proverbs today, but we are going to land in Philippians 2. So I want to give you a head start. You will be pretty well ahead of the game if you could end there at Philippians 2. So, again, our big question today is what does God have to say about all our relationships, not just specific ones, but how we relate to everyone in our entire lives? What does God have to say about that? We especially want to ask that question in the book of Proverbs. According to Proverbs, relationships are important they are important for two very big reasons. The first reason is that my relationships shape me. My relationships shape me. That is the first reason relationships are so important. So the premise here from Proverbs is saying, The people with whom we Intellectual materials are the property of Traders Point Christian Church. All rights reserved. 2

3 Proverbs: On Relationships July 19/20, 2014 spend the most time, they influence who we are and who we are becoming. People that matter to us, the people who influence us, they shape the person we have become and are going to be in the future. In other words, what the book of Proverbs is saying is that your mom was right, The company that you keep shapes you. So, here is what it says in Proverbs 13:20, Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm. It says elsewhere in 22:24-25, Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare. Another translation states it like this. Keep away from angry, short- termed people or you will learn to be like them and endanger your soul. These verses are reminding us of what we probably already know. Our peers and our friends, our family, and our co- workers shape and influence us. Remember that bridge that your mom was always talking about growing up? That bridge that all of the sudden one day your friends were going to jump off? She wanted to know if you would do the same thing. Like, If they jump off that bridge, will you do the same thing? Why would you do everything that they are? And for me it was not so much a bridge, it was more of a cliff. Saturday afternoon with me and some of my friends, we were about 18, and we were diving in and swimming. We had some jet skis and it was a lot of fun. We kind of puttered up to this cove there on the lake where there were some pontoon boats and people hanging out on rafts and they were partying. We said, Okay, let s see what this is all about. On the side of the cove there was this cliff. Looking up from the water it was probably around a bajillion feet in the air. I was with my friend Travis who has no conscience. He was just born without one. He said, We should go climb and jump off that cliff. Now normally I am a pretty rational, logical kind of guy with a safe kind of attitude. There was one factor I haven t told you about. There were girls there. I was 18 and there were girls there and with those two together, logic goes out the window. There is no safety. So Travis starts to climb and I climb and we get to the top. What had happened is that while we were climbing the cliff had actually grown another bajillion feet. I don t know how that happens. So we are standing there at two bajillion feet and Travis, he doesn t even stop. He just jumps and doesn t look below to consider all the ramifications here. A massive splash and the party crew goes wild. That is just awesome. So now it is just me two bajillion feet in the air. Now I am looking down at these little ant people thinking, This is so stupid, but there were girls so I had to go. There was not even an option. So I stepped back, I took my leap forward, and I started falling. I don t know if you have ever fallen two bajillion feet before, but it takes a considerable amount of time to get to the bottom. I got concerned that it was taking so long, like I was floating Wiley Coyote style. I was just in the middle and couldn t even get down. So I thought, I have to just investigate how close I am to the water. I need to know for expectations. So I start to look down, my face just started to look down, and instantaneously slap of water. Boom, face in the water. So at the moment in my life I was pretty secure in my salvation. I just realized I had died and gone to Heaven. That is exactly what this is. I couldn t see anything, I couldn t hear anything. I assumed this was like step one of the pearly gate experience. This is what happens. Eventually I saw red and my ears tuned back into the party around me, just in time for me to look at my friends and tell them, That wasn t so bad. I don t even care. I d do it again. I don t care. Intellectual materials are the property of Traders Point Christian Church. All rights reserved. 3

4 Proverbs: On Relationships July 19/20, 2014 There is no way that I would have gotten to the top of that cliff and jumped off if not for my friend Travis and the girls. So it is obvious that the people around us, relationships, they shape us. Now you may have never jumped off a cliff to impress a bunch of girls, but there is a really good chance that you have had people in your life who have influenced the person you have become. So consider this, even the most fundamental relationship you had early in your life, the one with your parents, your parents shaped you. Now it could have been for the good or for the bad. I don t know which but they definitely influenced the way you understand life. So by watching them you grew to understand what was important. You learned what it was like to argue with someone. You learned how to get what you wanted. So they shaped who you are. Now you may be making intentional efforts to not be your parents right now, but there is definitely a moment, I know it is true of all of us, when you reacted to a situation and listened to the words you said and said, I am my dad. I am my dad. Or I am my mom. This is so them and they have shaped me. They have fundamentally set me on this path. Others of us have had mentors in our lives. Maybe it was a coach or a teacher, maybe even a preacher, who came along side you and said, Hey I want you to dream big about what God has for you in your life. I want you to fight through the obstacles and see it to the end because He has something huge for you. Maybe you have had friends that have influenced you. So their musical preferences influenced your playlist and their style influenced your wardrobe, and their worldview influenced your politics. It is undeniable. No matter how much I told my mom that it wasn t true in middle school, the people I am hanging out with they will shape me. They will influence me. So what Proverbs is doing, especially in chapter 13, they are just saying, Hey, press pause for a moment and consider the fact that if that is true, just consider the possibility. If it is true that the people who you spend the most time with shape you, is that a good thing? Right now, the people you are spending your time with, the most influential people in your life, are they shaping you well or are they shaping you poorly? Because you are going to be like them. You are just going to. It is the way nature works. These people rub off on you and you become like them. My relationships, they shape me. In Proverbs 22, it is saying, If you hang out with wise people, if you hang out with people who are full of self- control, of patience, of grace that is great. They are going to rub off on you. They are going to influence you toward that kind of life. But the opposite is true as well. If I am hanging around with a bunch of cynical and sarcastic people, there is a really good chance that my filter is going to become jaded in how I see other people in my life. So as we consider all of this, how are your relationships shaping you? Who are they encouraging you to become? That is the first reason that Proverbs says that relationships are so important. The second reason Proverbs says relationships are important is because my relationships support me. My relationships support me. First they shape me, and then they support me. As you read through the Bible you are going to find that it is an incredibly honest book and it addresses just about everything you can imagine in our lives. What the Bible says is, No, pain isn t optional. It doesn t say, There is this tiny little path over here to the side and if you come here this is the road to travel where life won t ever be hard. No, it says, Life is going to be hard. There is going to be a moment, in varying degrees for all of us, when life will become difficult and in that moment He will be there for you. Here is the way Proverbs specifically states it in Proverbs 17:17. A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. Proverbs 18:24 says, A man of many companions may come to ruin, but Intellectual materials are the property of Traders Point Christian Church. All rights reserved. 4

5 Proverbs: On Relationships July 19/20, 2014 there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. And finally Proverbs 25:19 says, Trusting in a treacherous man in time of trouble is like a bad tooth or a foot that slips. So Proverbs is not saying, There is this really small likelihood that you might be able to escape this life here on earth and it won t be hard. No, in fact it is saying, When it is hard, because it will be, who will be there for you? You see real wisdom does not teach us to avoid pain, it simply teaches us how to stand strong in the midst of pain. So God is saying, This is a fallen, broken, and sinful world and it is going to be hard. Who is there for you? I know this is true of me and maybe you ll resonate with this. Usually when a challenge in my life, be it personal or professional, my perspective zeros in on exactly that one thing in front of me, that problem, that issue, that challenge, and usually it is all I can think about, it is all I can talk about. It is where my energies are going, my emotions are going. I am just trying to think about this one big problem and I ve lost perspective on the rest of my life. What I need is for wise people, Godly people, to come in and say, I am sorry. I am sorry this is happening to you. I get all that. Can I just for a second remind you who God is and that it is possible God is bigger than your problem? I d just like to remind you of what God has done already, what God is currently doing, and what He promised to do in the future. I am bummed, I am with you, it is hard. Can I just for a moment try and widen your perspective and remind you that there is more to life than just this one thing? I need someone to just be truth in the midst of my adversity. Because what I do is that I suffer from adversity and do tunnel vision, and they help me widen my perspective. As a pastor, I have had the honor of preaching at a handful of funerals. Funerals are non- negotiable. They hurt. It doesn t matter how long that person lived, it doesn t matter why they passed, it doesn t matter. It is going to be hard. I ve done funerals for people who live way into their late years. I ve done funerals for people who did not live long enough. I ve seen big families show up and be outwardly affectionate to each other, and I ve done a funeral for less than ten people who were stoic and very introverted. One thing that is true, and I can give you the perspective of the guy behind the pulpit, that everyone needs someone. As much as I think that I am an island, as much as I think I can pull this off on my own, life lived in isolation is not worth it and it is not the way God designed it. So there is a term that has bounced around here at this church for a while. It is we don t want to see anyone suffer alone. When suffering happens, it is not like if, but when, it is not meant to be done by yourself. If you showed up today and it is you, I know there are some people who didn t expect to hear this, but you know who you are, can I just please encourage you not to do this by yourself? God did not design us to experience that pain, and that loss, and that frustration, confusion, and that doubt by ourselves. He desired us to be in community so that we could come around each other and support one another. We cannot do that on our own. So if you are in the midst of pain I talked to a guy for about 25 minutes last night about seasons of life. I know there are people in this room that are dealing with that junk. Please don t leave here without saying something. There will be people down front who would love to talk and pray with you through that. Do not suffer alone. The book of Proverbs is making it very clear that relationships are vitally important because they shape us and they support us. We would be remiss as your church family if we didn t give you an opportunity Intellectual materials are the property of Traders Point Christian Church. All rights reserved. 5

6 Proverbs: On Relationships July 19/20, 2014 to find a community like that. So maybe you are listening to this and are like, Man, I d like to be shaped and supported but I don t have that in my life and I d love to find that. If that is you, put a date on your calendar, alright? August 16 and 17, coming up here in a couple of weeks, our Fall energies are being put toward everyone who calls this place home, we want you in a group. We want you in a group, in a community of people who are shaping and supporting, are loving and encouraging, are helping you grow in your faith. We believe that discipleship happens best in relationship. So we are giving you the opportunity to get connected. If you are not connected and you know you need it, August 16 and 17, it is going to be here in the gym. Mark that on your calendar and you can connect with a Life Group. It will be huge. Here is the deal. I want to take a break from our progress and just do a quick quiz; a quick evaluation. If you grabbed a bulletin I want you to pull that out. It is on the app as well and you can follow along. Just this quick self- evaluation, there are no right or wrong answers. This is simply for you. Don t cheat because then they will not be your answers. You are in church so don t cheat. So, here is the deal. I want you to first of all do this. I want you to identify the top two to three most influential people in your life. Write them out one, two, three; the top two to three influential people in your life. They are the ones who are shaping you, they are the ones you spend the most time with, they are the ones who most influence how you see the world. Let s just go ahead and put their name down real quick, their initials, whatever you want to do. Have them in mind as I ask you a few questions. I just want to kind of evaluate your really influential relationships right now and ask some penetrating questions. Number one is this. Think about that top two to three. Are they pushing you toward Jesus or away from Him? Are they pushing you toward Jesus or away from Him? Are they ones who will support your involvement in a church, that will encourage your faith, that will challenge you? Or do they mock and make fun and tell jokes and really tear you down about your faith? Where on that spectrum? Are they pushing you toward Jesus or away from Him? The second question is this. For those names on the piece of paper, are the majority of their words toward you encouraging or discouraging? Just think about it. The people with whom you spend time with, are they lifting you up? Do you feel better when you are around them, or are they tearing you down so they can feel better about themselves? Are they encouraging or discouraging? The final question is this. Going back to that time when life gets hard, not if life gets hard, but when life does, in the season of adversity, would they be there for you or would they bail? Would they be there for you or would they bail? When you think about those people who are really close to you are they ones to jump in the mess and help you shoulder the burden, or are they taking off and you can t even get a hold of them? Where are they on that spectrum? You see God designed us to be in relationships that are healthy, that are encouraging, and are pushing us toward Him, but not all of us would say that we are there right now. In fact, you may have a slight amount of panic with this quiz. This might be the worst grade that you have seen since sixth grade chemistry. Do not panic. There is hope. God is one of redemption. Intellectual materials are the property of Traders Point Christian Church. All rights reserved. 6

7 Proverbs: On Relationships July 19/20, 2014 So the rest of the time we want to spend asking the question, What does God have to say about what we can do to find ourselves in healthy relationships? The first thing is this, according to the book of Proverbs, the first thing is it may be time to choose new people. It may be time to choose new people. There is a circle of influence around us. There are people who are speaking into our lives, they are shaping us, they are maybe supporting us, and it may not be the most healthy relationship. In fact Proverbs 14:7 gives this wisdom. It says, Leave the presence of a fool, for there you do not meet words of knowledge. What this is saying is it is saying, Look, there are certain relationships right now that, depending on where they are, it may be time to get out. It may be time to severe that relationship. In fact, if those people can best be described as abusive, or disrespectful, or destructive, if they are pushing you toward a habit of addiction, man it is time to go. I don t pretend that it is easy and there is a really good chance that they are close to you, maybe family, maybe friends, but man there is a line that can be crossed. Again, we don t want you making that decision by yourself. We do not believe that decision, nor life, should be lived alone. We would love to help talk you through that. But if you are in a dangerous relationship, then it may be time to go. What Proverbs is saying is there is a line and we can help you walk through that, but feelings of obligation are not strong enough to be in an unhealthy or dangerous situation. So that is the first thing. The second thing is this and it is where we are going to spend the rest of our time today. We allow Jesus to change us. It is not easy to choose new people. I feel like the second one is a little harder, actually. Usually I can look at other people in my life and I can tell you what is wrong with them. I live with them all the time. This is his problem, this is her problem, he needs to get over that, and she is terrible. Then I look at myself and I am like, Not so bad. I have that problem. So when I look at other people I can easily tell you what is wrong with them. I usually have a hard time telling you what is wrong with me. But Jesus does not have a hard time telling me what is wrong with me. He has kind of already evaluated that. Here is the deal. True wisdom is found in Jesus. We said that a couple of weeks ago. The words of Jesus, the life of Jesus, the person of Jesus, that is where the true source of wisdom comes from. Okay, I know you read that on Facebook, but here is what God says and that is more important. So true wisdom comes from Jesus and these are His words. He is talking to His disciples about how their relationships should reflect Him. Here is what He says in John 15:12-13, This is my commandment. He didn t say, This is my suggestion, this is my good idea, maybe just give this a shot. He said, This is my commandment that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. So Jesus is talking to His disciples and He says if you are curious about what the appropriate filter is for your relationships, it is me. Be like Jesus. The way Jesus interacted with other people is the bar. This is the way life works best, this is the way relationships honor God, if you treat others like I ve treated others. So what does that mean? What does it mean to actually love people like Jesus loved them? This is where Philippians 2 comes in, so hopefully you have your Bibles still marked there. I would love for you to join me. Philippians is in the New Testament toward the end. A guy named Paul is writing a letter to a church Intellectual materials are the property of Traders Point Christian Church. All rights reserved. 7

8 Proverbs: On Relationships July 19/20, 2014 and he is saying, Guys, here is how I want you to interact. Here is how I want you to love each other. Here is how I want you to treat each other. So he uses Jesus as his example and he breaks it down. Philippians 2:1-2, So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. So here is what Paul is saying. He is saying, Guys you are a church and I want you to be unified, I want you to stick together, I want you to stay together, one mind and one purpose, I want you to be about the same thing, and I want you to be in unity. You may ask, Why in the world would you have to tell a church to be unified? That just means you haven t spent much time in church. If you ve spent much time in church then you know there are all kinds of reason to not be unified. We are all sinful and broken, we disagree, we fight, we have different style preferences, we have different ideas as to what should be going on a church. So Paul is saying, Even amongst all the disagreements and all the problems, I want you to be unified. He says, Here is the only reason, here is the only way this is going to be pulled off; if you remember why we do what we do. If you remember Jesus. If you have any hope in Jesus, then these things can be true. Without Jesus this is not going to happen. This is the part where the self- help section of Barnes and Noble falls short. That section over there, they are selling us for $15.99 plus shipping and handling, they say, What you can do is you can slightly modify your behavior for a very limited amount of time and then your relationships will be changed. If you can just kind of stop this or maybe start that. Just one little thing and this is the secret, this is the key, this is the magic bullet that will fix everything. In reality what Paul is saying is, Try it I guess, but you are just going to be frustrated. You are just going to be disappointed when that one little key, that one magic bullet that you just spent $16 on, it didn t work. The only reason we can have relationships that are radically changed is because of Jesus. Here is the truth. The most important thing about your relationships with others is your relationship with Jesus. The most important thing about the way you are married, the way you are dating, your friends, your co- workers, the your classmates, the your teammates, the most important thing about that is a relationship with Jesus. Here is what I mean. If you and I have yet to be forgiven by Jesus, if we are still trying to earn our way into His love, if we are rejecting that gift of forgiveness, then it is going to be incredibly difficult for us to forgive anyone else. If you and I are yet to be accepted by God into His family, the Bible says we are adopted as sons and daughters, if we are yet to be accepted by God, it will be entirely difficult for us to accept anyone else or to be accepted. If I don t yet trust Jesus, it would be incredibly difficult, maybe impossible, to trust anyone else. The most important part of your relationship with others is your relationship with Jesus. They are inextricably linked. You cannot separate the two. So what Paul is saying is, Because of Jesus, I want you to be unified. He keeps building on this in verses 3 and 4. He says, Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant that yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. So I told you. This is the hard part right here. What Paul is saying, he is saying, When you are going your own way, when you are going about life, what I want you to do is I want you to do nothing out of selfish ambition, nothing for yourself, nothing that makes you look better. But simply try to set others up for success. Intellectual materials are the property of Traders Point Christian Church. All rights reserved. 8

9 Proverbs: On Relationships July 19/20, 2014 As far as I can tell, what Paul is saying, is if I were to rank everyone else in the entire world, I would come up in approximately seven billionth place. Everyone else in the world is more important than me. So I am just going to switch into confession mode really quick and see if you guys can resonate with some of this. I don t like seven billionth place. I am just going to own it. I don t like it. I like first place. First place seems cooler. I get my way when I am in first place. I win when I am in first place. It is about me when I am in first place. What Paul is doing is he is trying to take that list and just flip it on its head. He is saying, Actually, the way life is best lived, the way you can reflect Jesus, is if you place yourself firmly in seven billionth place. Here is why I think this works. Here is why I believe what Paul is saying here. I think the majority of our frustration with other people is that they did not meet our expectations for them. I thought you would do this, and you didn t. I thought you would be this, and you weren t. I thought you would be there, and I couldn t find you. So now I am frustrated, I am disappointed, I am hurt, because you didn t live up to my expectation. If I was being like another level of honest, I would say that most of my expectations of other people are about how they are going to make my life better. So, I thought you would do this for me, and you didn t. I thought you would be this for me, and you weren t. I thought you would be there for me, and I couldn t find you. Because you didn t make me happy, because you didn t live up to my expectations, now I am frustrated and disappointed. What Paul is suggesting here is that we can take this new filter and put it on over our relationships, and we show up to just serve everyone, like that is our intention, that is our effort. When I show up, I want to serve you and set you up for success. If that is my motivation then it is going to be entirely difficult for me to be disappointed in you. I don t know if you have ever done this. Maybe you have had just one glimpse of godliness in your life and you showed up and you are going to serve someone. When you come in with that mindset, it is hard to be mad at them when you are just trying to serve them. When I am trying to set you up for success, I don t really worry about whether I benefit from this. I am not worried about whether I win. I am just wanting you to win. So Paul is saying, This is the new normal for us. When we consider our relationships, those really close to us, maybe the more ancillary ones on the outside, no matter whom it is, I am trying to set them up for success, serve them, and that is how life is best lived. Paul finishes it off by telling us how Jesus did it. He is saying, This is our motivation. This is our model. He is saying, Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though He was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made Himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. So maybe you are new to all this or maybe you have heard it a million times. I think this would be a good reminder. Let me just remind you of what Paul is saying. He is saying, There was this moment where Jesus was in perfect community with the Father and the Holy Spirit, and then at this moment He voluntarily signed up to live in the Middle East. There was this moment where there was no frustration, they were in perfect unity, and then He signed up to have dirty feet, to live with immature friends, and to have the disappointment of human life. There is this moment when Jesus was existing without any pain, without any hardship whatsoever. The next moment He was murdered on a cross, unjustly for you Intellectual materials are the property of Traders Point Christian Church. All rights reserved. 9

10 Proverbs: On Relationships July 19/20, 2014 and me. This is the greatest sacrifice that has ever happened. Jesus had everything and He gave it all up so that we could find new life. Jesus is saying, That is the bar. That is the expectation. In fact, this is what Paul is saying. He is saying, Sacrifice is the rule, not the exception. Sacrifice is the rule, not the exception in our relationships and the way we interact with others. Sacrifice is the rule. That is expected, not the exception. Again, if I were being super- honest, there are a handful of people in my life where I am willing to sacrifice. They are called my kids, my wife, my good friends, maybe some close family. I am willing to give a few things up. But remember that seven billionth place. In God s family, that is the filter for everyone. Sacrifice should be in all of our relationships, not just a handful of them. This is not easy stuff. This is a radical change. This is not just slightly modified behavior, it is Jesus getting into my heart and changing who I am. That is when things are different. So, let me ask you this. I want to take another lap on this quiz. I know you already asked these questions about the people in our lives, but I want us to kind of turn it on ourselves. Let me ask you this, considering yourself and the way you behave. Are you pushing people toward Jesus or away from Him? Through your behaviors, through your actions, through your lifestyle. Are you encouraging people toward Jesus or are they seeing your witness and just kind of bailing? Number two is this. The majority of your words, are they encouraging or are they discouraging? I know that with me and my friends, put downs are our love language. That is kind of how we communicate. But when was the last time when I sincerely looked them in the eyes and built them up. This is what I see in you. Are they encouraging or discouraging? Finally, when I see people in pain, like the people I love, the people in my world, do I jump into the mess? Am I there even though it is not pretty? Am I there to help shoulder the burden or do I just bail? I ll like send you a note from a distance and tell you that I am sorry, but I just don t have the time for that. This is where it gets hard. I can easily point out where other people in my life need to change, but when it gets real in here [my heart] it is painful stuff. Jesus is saying the only way this can happen is through what I have done for you by getting into your life and rearranging your heart. Are you willing to let Me in? Right now we are going to do this thing called Communion and Communion is our weekly opportunity to remember that very sacrifice that we are talking about. We are going to have this bread, this juice, and the bread represents Jesus body and the juice represents His blood there on the cross where He gave us new life. This is the example. This is the bar, for our relationships. So as we are in that moment, I want you to consider those questions, ask them of yourselves. Really dig deep into yourself and allow Jesus in to do some rearranging. Let me pray for you. God, this is not easy. Relationships are not simple. We are in life with these other broken people and we are broken ourselves and our mess gets on them and their mess gets on us. We can point fingers and we can blame, but we just are coming to You humbly and saying, Can You rearrange inside of me what needs to be rearranged? Can You change my heart? Can You give me clarity and wisdom as to the best next steps? God I lift up those people right now who are in the middle of divorce, in the middle of loss, in the middle of a frustrating season with their kids. When life really, really gets hard that they can feel Intellectual materials are the property of Traders Point Christian Church. All rights reserved. 10

11 Proverbs: On Relationships July 19/20, 2014 Your peace, they can feel Your comfort, and they can follow Your wisdom. God, I pray for those who are excelling in this area, that they continue to honor You, they continue to lift You up, they continue to represent You well. That no matter who we are, and where we are in life, that You are challenging us, that You are showing us, that You are leading us. God we give it all up to You. It is in Your incredible name that we pray. Amen. Intellectual materials are the property of Traders Point Christian Church. All rights reserved. 11