How to Forgive in Ten Seconds or Less

Transcription

1 How to Forgive in Ten Seconds or Less

2 Forgive. Does anyone really know what that word means? I don't think it can be explained in a few words, do you? That's why we believe we have so much trouble doing it. Because we really don't know. After all, you can't see it. You can't feel it. It's invisible. It s abstract. Because it's not easy to pin-point how it's de ned, it seems like it's a tricky word to obey. Forgive anybody of anything is not easy to do. If you're reading this, you are probably looking for some help right about now. Help understanding it. Help doing it. You're not by yourself. My hand is raised, too! But, I'm going to try to help you understand it a little better (as I try to help myself understand it a little better) and I'm going to show you how I believe you can forgive in any situation in ten seconds or less! The word forgive indicates in its pre x 'for' that it is perhaps something that could be done or given beforehand. Before you are confronted with some some kind of foolishness, and faced with having to respond to it, there is a prerequisite to the principles I'm going to give you. But I'll explain that to you later. Meanwhile, let's face it. You have experienced hurt, and will likely experience it again. Still, you are commanded to forgive it all. You are commanded to set everyone free from any obligation to apologize; set them free from the consequences of their guilt, to stop feeling angry or resentful towards the person, and although they are guilty, to pronounce them not guilty.

3 Chapter One Forgive As the Lord Forgave Either it s already happened or it s going to happen! Yesterday. Today. Or tomorrow. Sooner or later, you will be... Insulted. Misunderstood. Betrayed. Talked about. Lied about. Robbed. Abused. Rejected. Persecuted. Grieved. Undermined. Sabotaged. Deceived.

4 Abused. It could be something as simple as someone getting on your last good nerve with some sneaky, shady statements or actions. What will hurt most is that it'll probably be someone close to you. That s right! It will probably be someone close to you who will hurt you. It could be a family member. A close friend. A coworker. Isn t it rare that a stranger betrays you? Does it hurt as bad when someone you don t really know undermines you? But no matter what it is that someone has done to you, is doing to you, or will do to you, God in scripture tells us that our response should always be to forgive them. Paul, in Col. 3:13 goes on to say, forgive as the Lord forgave you. I think the phrase, "as the Lord forgave..." carries a lot of weight here. It not only means to forgive them, because He has forgiven you, but it also means: The same way He has forgiven you. For the same reason He has forgiven you. As quickly and completely as He has forgiven you. Col. 3:12-14 (MSG). Jesus gave up everything that He had a right to claim. All of His heavenly privilege He laid aside and He laid down His life for the forgiveness of your sins and mine. Not only did He die to relinquish all of our sins, He continues to put up with all of our faults and instead of calling us out about them, He continues to cover them with His everlasting love. And if anyone has a reason to complain about our misdeeds, He does, but He never does, He never has, and He never will hold our errors against us.

5 When He forgives, He doesn t take a lot of time doing it. thinking about it, no. He is faithful to do it quickly. Tapping His nger Still, forgiving everything as He does seems like a lot to ask if you're suffering because of someone else's actions. You have a reason to be defensive. Sad. Mad. You ve been hurt! And if the hurt was huge, the command to forgive it all is HUGE and it may seem insurmountable to you. Chapter Two What Have You Learned in the Past? If you're like me you've almost always listened to other s explanation of what forgiving someone means. It s easy to accept that Jesus has forgiven everything we have ever done or will do that causes Him grief. But, for us to reciprocate that forgiveness? Forgive everything that someone else has ever done to us or everything anyone will do that causes us grief? Well how do we show that kind of forgiveness? In the past, you may have learned that forgiving someone is a process that just takes time. Maybe you've believed that it could take years of trying to forgive and even longer to recover from the pain. And perhaps you learned that once you ve been able to forget about it, you re done with the process. Forgiveness - Is it a process? Jesus says we are to forgive just as He forgave us - the same way He forgives us, as quickly and completely as He forgives us. It didn't take Jesus a long time trying to forgive us. As a matter of fact, if you look back through the scriptures at how He forgave, you ll see that there was no process involved at all.

6 Forgiveness - Is it Reconciliation? Now I don't have a problem evangelizing strangers and telling them how great God is, explaining the gospel them and telling them how loving Jesus has been to me. But, to pursue a buddy-up relationship with someone who is or has backstabbed me and could care less about the pain of it? That s not natural! We are given the blessed task of reconciling people to God, a ministry of reconciliation (2 Cor. 5:18), and bringing people into a salvation relationship with the Father should always be our goal. And we are to try our best live in peace with everyone. But maybe you've been taught in the past that you haven't really forgiven someone unless you have reconciled with them, unless your friendship is restored, unless you are living peacefully and in a harmonic relationship with the person who hurt you. That's different. If the two of you have become friends again as a result of you going to them and explaining what they did to you and how it hurt you, Glory to God. But in some cases, what you've done is succeeded in dumping the pain they caused you back on their shoulders in the form of guilt to extract an apology. What if the person sincerely didn t have a clue that they had done something offensive or hurtful during your friendship? Now they're bound by the guilt of it. But in your mind you are forgiving them so that now at least you're free.

7 What about them? What about their freedom? I don't remember seeing in any of Jesus' forgiveness stories that He reconciled with the person who speared him in the side or the ones who nailed him to the cross. He could have called down a whole lot of help, but instead He died for the forgiveness of their sin and yours and mine. Jesus gave Himself up and put their needs and our needs before His needs, before His comfort, before His life and simply offered forgiveness. This is our example. We all truly want to follow the scriptures which say that we are to forgive. So, some people have grown old believing that because they did not reconcile with someone who caused them grief they apparently did not forgive them. So because some have learned in the past that as a result of what they believe to be un-forgiveness, they are not and cannot be forgiven by God. Or the person who wronged them died before they could reconcile, they did not forgive timely and so they will not be forgiven by the Father. You know the justi cation they use for any of these scenarios, "forgive or you will not be forgiven..." How sad. Sometimes, for a whole slew of reasons, it is just not possible to reconcile with everyone who offends you or with everyone you have offended. Does that really mean that you won t be forgiven by God?

8 Is forgiveness really reconciliation? Forgiveness - Is it a feeling? Maybe you learned in the past that people haven't forgiven husbands, wives, friends, parents or siblings and other family members because there is no resolved feeling of forgiveness. The pain the person caused is still there. There are a whole lot of feelings involved when you get hurt. Shock. Sadness. Grief. Humiliation. Resentment. Anger. And people believe if they can still feel any of these emotions, obviously, they haven't forgiven it. Well, what is the right feeling? The one you should have when you forgive someone who does you dirty? Is it peace? What if the betrayal is ongoing? Is it relief? I believed that too. That forgiveness is a process. That it ends with reconciliation. That it's a feeling of relief, or peace, or freedom. That is what I learned in the past, until I really thought about Jesus' sayings and I began to dig deeper into His forgiveness for myself. What I had learned in the past made no sense. I haven't found any actions or words of Jesus' indicating that His act of forgiveness is a process or release from feelings, or that reconciliation is always guaranteed. While Jesus was hanging on the cross, there was no process. There was no congenial reconciliation between Him and the folks who were spitting on Him and hurling cursings and insults. And while He was on the cross His feelings were of foresakenness by the Father and His friends. His feelings were so painful that it was as if all of His bones were breaking. In spite of His feelings, He simply said, "forgive."

9 Chapter Three So What Is Forgiveness? I'm going to have to put a disclaimer here because I am certainly no expert on the de nition of forgiveness or the action of it. Just like you have, I've experienced hurt at the hands (and mouths) of others. I've been disappointed and wounded. Haven't we all? We're all expected to forgive, so we're all expected to know what it is. I've been asked to teach about it, so I've studied it throughout the years. Still, you're not obligated to believe me. But like me, haven t you heard people offer their own created meaning? Or they repeat something they ve heard someone else say? They can't quite figure it out, so they come up with something that's comfortable for them and you go along with the definition they gave because well it sounds good and it makes sense. If it sounds good and makes sense, then it must be fact. Doctors and relationship guides de ne it the way the textbooks and results of relationship experiments explain it, and there are many books out there to offer help on the subject. That s the world s way.

10 The world's way to forgive is broad. And it seems to always be self-motivated, self-based, with self-effort in order to free your-self of pain, shock, bitterness and its consequences. Isn t that what we learned in the past also? That the reason you forgive is to get freedom for yourself? But Jesus was not of this world and when it comes to the people that follow Him out of the world, His word says forgive, as He has... And the reason He let us off the hook in forgiveness was certainly not to free Himself. But to tell you the truth how you de ne it often depends on which TV preacher you listen to, what books you read, which dictionary you use to look up the word, which Bible commentary you want to believe, or what Q and A podcast you listen to, or which internet resource you use. I don't have a problem with any of those resources. And I believe we should use whatever source of information the Holy Spirit has allowed. As long as those sources are lead and supported by Jesus example in the Bible. What else do we have? If you research it using those means, forgiving someone always seems to be an act or action which is stimulated by a certain attitude or mind-set. When you encounter something dif cult in life, your attitude - your predisposed way of thinking, your established view of life, or the way you believe and think - causes you to act or respond to the situation a certain way.

11 My mother used to tell me that "your bad attitude is going to get you into some bad trouble little girl." And haven't you heard something similar to one of these statements somewhere? Proper actions are caused by a proper attitude and negative actions are caused by a negative attitude? When you get your attitude right, you'll act right. If you think right, you'll do right. Chapter Four Attitude + Action Forgiveness is an action. The act of forgiving someone is letting them off the hook for causing you pain. It is pardoning them for all that they have done to you. Stop being angry at them. Stop blaming someone for what they've done. Just let it go. Why? Because if you let them go free, then you'll be free. But the truth is that it's not easy following instructions and acting them out just for the sake of obeying the command. You know, just d o it. And I don't think Jesus requires us to be like His emotionless robots. You end up acting alright.

12 One of my favorite movies is All About Eve. Eve wanted to be a star so badly that she gave a brilliant performance as a wonderful humble person from the humblest of beginnings to the always available support for the real star whom she used. She did it so well, she acted her way all the way to an award. Wait. I digressed. But I m trying to make a point. When it comes to acting out the commandment just for the sake of obeying it, you act so well you could win an Oscar too. Your actions say, I'm going to let her off the hook. I'm going to smile and be humble and Christ-like and I am not going to smack the stuffing out of her for what she just did. But the truth is you still want to! Your heart is still broken, it's still bleeding and you go from hurt to being angry. You suppress the anger and you keep getting more and more bitter. The anger may not show in your actions. After all, you didn't slap anybody this time. But over time it shows in your face and eventually in your blood pressure. You're not going to talk about the man who cheated on you to your friends and anyone else telling them what Mr. Cheater did to you because if you truly forgive him, you're just not supposed to do that. You are going to sit back and wait for God to drop a revenge bomb on him. And while you're waiting, you're free to sing, "don't wait til the battle is over, shout now" because you know his day is coming. You lift your hand and think, Do it God! You're going to praise God right now for what He's going to do to that bum later.

13 Can you just at out stop being angry and feel at peace while someone is hurting you because you ve told to do it? I don't think you can stop the feeling, by putting forth the effort but you can stop acting out your feelings, you can stop maintaining hopes of revenge, you can stop the ill effects of bitterness i f you change your attitude. Change your mind-set, your predisposed way of thinking first. One day I was in a conversation with a lady about some of the past football games which were being replayed on television. There was a replay of the one where the referee called a touchdown because one of the guy's cheeks was inside the goal line when he fell. The referee called it a touchdown. Her team lost. She was quite offended! She said, "I can't even talk about it anymore. I can t say it should be this way or that way. If I do, I'll just keep getting angry and start cussing, so I'm just gonna walk away. I don't like games where the broadcasters and others challenge the refs. The referee knows what he's doing and we should leave it at that. It is what it is." She knew she couldn't change the situation or what happened but she knew she had to change her actions and how she would respond. And although she was hurt and angry that the referee made her team lose, she decided to walk away from the conversation and let the ref be ref. She wouldn't have responded that way if she didn't have the attitude that caused her to realize something. What was her mindset going into the conversation? The referee is the judge. Her attitude was right so her actions were right. She can control her thoughts, leave it at that, and walk away. Forgiveness is an Attitude.

14 Just as my mother always told me, your attitude in uences your choice of actions and your attitude determines how you'll respond to a challenging situation. In other words, what you believe about something in the beginning, determines how you are going to act later when someone hurts you or makes you mad. If you're a believer and follower of Jesus', the Bible says, Your attitude should be the same as that of Jesus Christ (Phil. 2:5). Christ's attitude involves: An Attitude of Humility Jesus attitude is composed of humility (Phil. 2:8); He always thought more highly of others - He puts them rst, over self. Telling someone what they did to hurt you in order to free yourself is only exchanging your pain for their guilt. It is not a humble act and it is not putting other's rst. It may be good for you, but how is it good for them? If forgiving others, humility requires you to put yourself aside. (See Phil. 2:3 (link)) An Attitude of Service Jesus actions involved service. He came to serve, not to be served. He came to make the blind see, to heal those who were ill, to release captives and make men free - not bind them in guilt. His attitude was like that of a slave (Phil. 2:8 (link)) and He gave his life to forgive, to set the guilty free, from the penalty of sins (Eph. 1:7) their sins, your sins, and mine.

15 We were set on a path of transformation of the mindset. We are predestined to have His mind, His attitude, and His character. Our very nature, our composition, is being restructured to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness (Eph. 4:23-24). Keep the needs of others on the forefront of your thinking. Respond to those who are in need following His examples of service: Jesus washed His disciple s dirty feet. Jesus touched the contaminated woman with an issue of blood. He walked from town to town healing the sick and raising the dead. He fed thousands of hungry souls. Jesus ate and drank with people no one else wanted to. He forgave the woman at the well and the adulteress who was about to be stoned. Jesus was also kind to the comrade who betrayed Him with a kiss and called him friend (Matthew 26:50). Fruit of the Spirit Forgiveness not only involves humility and service, it involves the fruit of His Spirit which includes patience in trials and long-suffering. Or suffering long. Or patiently, persistently, enduring offenses and hardships that are ongoing. Let that soak in for a moment. Suffering for a long time, may feel bad, but it is not a bad thing.

16 Let s say a sister, Ms. Underminer, is constantly undermining you and you know it, and she knows you know it, and you know that she knows that you know it! Yes, naturally you want to stop her dead in her tracks. You want to tell her what you know she knows that you know she's doing or saying about you - but why? She already knows! So, there's nothing you can say or do - you just have to suffer long. Or when someone, Ms. Sabotager, constantly sabotages your gifts, your talent, your successes, and/or your work, you have got to have some inherent selfcontrol, some patience stored up. Some gentleness and kindness must already be buried within your heart to endure the treatment. If they are not already within, what about when you nd out your spouse of 10 years has had a situation with someone you know? It would take something supernatural within to hold back. How else would you not be tempted to confront them (with a bat!) over how they are treated you? These attributes are the Fruit of the Spirit. These qualities are supernatural. The ability to suffer long comes as a result of a mind transformation - a new attitude. It is an attitude that must be there prior to the undermining done to you by Ms. Underminer. You must already have the mind-set to forgive before Ms. Sabotage sabotages you, and before you find out that your spouse, Mr. Cheater, cheats. You don't just get these supernatural qualities of humility, service, and the Fruit of the Spirit overnight. They are developed. And once you are in full possession of them, you may cry all night, but the bat never even crosses your mind.

17 Chapter Five So What is the Prerequisite? Fruit of the Spirit is developed by spending time with Jesus. Abiding in Him as the Source and the Suf ciency of everything we need to respond to someone's foolishness with forgiveness. If you are a follower of His, to forgive as He forgives, the way He forgives, for the reasons He forgives, and as quickly and completely as He forgives you can only do it with His help. He says, "I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing" (John 15:5). Just like a grape seed cannot become a grape unless it is attached to and nourished by the vine, its source for existence, so without staying connected to Christ, the Source of your existence you can be, or do nothing. You would shrivel up and die. Apart from an ongoing union with Him you can do no thing No-thing that is of spiritual good. No spiritual thing without His Spirit. No spiritual fruit without abiding on the Vine. No-thing be it large or small, easy or difficult, No right thinking and so no good action. We can't forgive as He has without His grace, His strength, and His presence.

18 No-thing by your own effort or in your own power - your ability to do spiritual works can come only through the fruit He produces so that you cannot boast and say, I forgave Mr. Cheater. Aren't I good? No-thing without abiding in Him. No-thing "as He has..." No-thing without Him. Not even forgive. You've got to have a new mind-set. A new attitude. It must be His. It comes with spending time with Jesus daily in prayer, studying and remembering His words. It comes with letting His Word abide in you fully, and submitting to the process of being changed to be like Him in mind and Spirit. Just as you put on clothes daily, when you abide with Him this way, you dress in His Spirit daily, "Since God chose you to be the holy people He loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience" (Col. 3:12). Then you're able to respond, or act like Him, and it won't be an act. You'll start thinking more highly of others - putting their needs over your discomfort and you'll want to serve them moreso than the need to fight back. You'll automatically respond in humility even while you're being insulted, abused, criticized, ostracized, betrayed, How to Forgive cursed, in sabotaged, Ten Seconds and or Less rejected. You'll be able to

19 forgive. Just as He forgives. (Rom. 5:8) That's the prerequisite I told you about earlier. It is abiding in Him. It is developing a matured and maturing spirit. It is receiving a transformed mind. It is developing a new attitude which produces new actions. It is a Christ-like attitude which produces Christ-like actions. Chapter Six So Now You're Under Attack You're hurt. It's one of those, "Oh, no she didn't" moments. Or a "why/how could he do that to me?" situation. Betrayal. Manipulation. Schemes. Dirty lies. Hurt. And you are going to have to respond. You've met the prerequisite. Here's how to forgive what they just did in ten seconds or less. Practice the principles in these steps and when a situation happens, you ll be able to slow down and count 10, 9, 8, 7. First, Respond with some remembrances:

20 In the very rst second that you are hurt, remember Jesus must be your reason for living and showing the world His love must be the motive for everything you do or say! 10 Remember with gratitude who you are about to represent! Oh, this is key in that very rst second. Once you do this, everything else is easy. I represent the compassionate, loving, forgiving nature of Jesus here. What would He have me to do? How would He respond? "And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father" (Col. 3:17). Mr. or Ms. Betrayer obviously needs to see the mercy and forgiving power of God. Their rst glimpse and their only hope of knowing Jesus and experiencing His love may be through you. Before you do or say anything, represent! 9 Remember His requirements. He would have me to forgive her, just as He forgave me. She has faults just like I do. "Make allowance for each other's faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others" (Col. 3:12-13). 8 Remember that every sin committed is ultimately against God. Lies? She just sinned against God. Stealing? He just sinned against God. They are in trouble with God! He hates sin. All sin. Anybody's sin. I am certainly not going to sin back and make Him angry at me!

21 He sees what is happening to you and He will deal with it according to His evaluation of the matter. Just don't be found guilty of misrepresenting Him. The LORD examines both the righteous and wicked. He hates those who love violence" (Psalm 11:5-6). (Regardless of whether the violence is from the other person(s) or you so watch your mouth!) 7 Remember the person who hurt you is in trouble with an angry God. But God is also merciful to the undeserving and to the guilty. Just as He was for you. He wants no one to perish. This is your opportunity to represent His compassion. The truth is, they are poor, wretched, and weak. Just as you once were. Realize the urgency of their situation and feel sorry for them. Do you want God to drop a bomb of coal and sulfur on them or do you want Him to forgive them? Check your heart. "He will rain down blazing coals and burning sulfur on the wicked, punishing them with scorching winds" (Psalm 11:6). You ve taken a few seconds to evaluate what just happened. You ve remembered that you represent Him. You ve remembered what the Lord requires, and you ve realized that He is compassionate and merciful towards the guilty. That includes you and I. Now, you're able to See them through transformed eyes:

22 6 See them through the eyes of God. He is merciful. And He is compassionate. He gave His Son to have us all accepted in the Beloved. When He looks at you, He sees His beloved, His child. When He looks at them, He sees His beloved. He sees His child. In the same way, it is not my heavenly Father's will that even one of these little ones should perish" (Matt. 18:14). 5 See them through the eyes of Stephen. Remembering what Christ did for us all, Stephen xed his eyes on heaven. He cried out loud and prayed for the people who were attacking him. Notice that Stephen was full of the Holy Spirit in advance of these circumstances! "But Stephen, full of the Holy Spirit, gazed steadily into heaven and saw Jesus standing in the place of honor at God's right hand. He fell to his knees shouting, "Lord, don't charge them with this sin!"" (Acts 7:55). Although Stephen was being murdered, he was able to put their needs rst. And instead of calling on the Lord for vengeance and retribution, he maintained a heavenly view of the situation and he called on the Lord for mercy for those who were attacking him. 4 See them through the eyes of Jesus. Knowing our weaknesses and knowing that sin against God is a burden none of us can carry - you or the person who hurt you - He prayed for us all!

23 Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they don't know what they are doing" (Luke 23:34). Before you think too highly of yourself, understand that He sees us all the same way. None of us knows what we are doing! See them the same way He sees you. See them the same way He sees us all: He remembered that they were but esh, a wind that passes and comes not again (Psalm 78:39). Then, after the last few seconds it took for you to blink a couple of times and refocus your eyesight, you can Make a decision to act! How should you respond? 3 Pray! The same way Jesus and Stephen prayed. They didn't say anything to the person(s) who were hurting them. No, they didn t say, "you're hurting me!" The people in icting the suffering knew that already. They looked up and spoke to the Father. "Father, forgive them...don t hold this against them " Pray for yourself. Pray for the Lord's indwelling mercy and grace to help you. You certainly need His strength right now! (Heb. 4:16). Lord, I need Your grace and mercy to help me in this thing right now! Help me to represent your grace. Help me to show them Your mercy. Fill me with Your compassionate Spirit. Lord, I need it now. Pray for the person. Stephen prayed for those who were causing the pain. He asked that God would not hold this sin against them. He asked that God would not hold them to blame - guilty. Instead, He prayed that God would set them free. (Acts 7:55 and 60)

24 Jesus prayed for those where sinning against Him too. He did it then and He still intercedes on our behalf now. (Luke 23:34) Forgive them... He says on your behalf and mine...for they don't know what they are doing. Remember, the person is in big trouble with God. Maybe they don t realize how much trouble right now. Tell Him what you want Him to do with them. Be like Jesus now! 2 Be willing to obey. It's easy to ght back. It's natural to curse someone who's hurting you. It's supernatural to be kind and tenderhearted to them. But that's what God in His Word tells us to be and do. "Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you" (Eph. 4:31-32). And nally, after you've taken a few seconds to remember why you forgive - for Christ's sake; to refocus your eyes and see them through eyes of compassion; and to act according to your new nature, your new attitude, you can think fully about why you are able to give up any need to fight back, or get angry. You are able to let it go and just walk away, automatically! Why? It's in the nal second, it s just as crucial as the rst second. It is in the very last thought before you turn... Because you know that you can leave it all right here! It always starts and ends with God! You know that you can:

25 1 Trust the Righteous Judge! If you really know Him, if you really know His nature and His ability, then you know that you can leave the situation with God. Anyone who can say with sincerity, "O God, YOU are MY God!" has no reason to doubt when betrayal comes. You have God on your side and all your suf ciency is in Him. If you are in union with Him, Christ reigns. In your heart. In your mouth. In your spirit. And in your actions. You know that you can trust Mr. Sabotager's life with the One who He is always right, and He always does what's right. Justly. Indiscriminately. Without preferences. According to the heart. What can mere man do to you? Chapter Seven Follow His Steps I ve shown you how to forgive. Immediately. And you can be prepared in advance. But often it's easier to do if there are steps to follow. You say, what do I do first? If you want steps to follow in order to forgive, follow His! "To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps. He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth. When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly" (1 Pet. 2:21-23).

26 So even though they may be right now hurling insults at you, either verbally or with the glare in their eyes, you can walk away in forgiveness now - with Christ in mind, compassion for them in your heart, and prayers for them on your lips because you know that God has it all in His hands! And as you go, your right actions are automatic: "Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God s wrath, for it is written: It is mine to avenge; I will repay, says the Lord. On the contrary: If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink" (Rom. 12:17-20). That's pretty much like God is saying, "if Mr. or Ms. Underminer undermines you, and it turns out they don't have any money for a meal, trust me with the what's and why's concerning his or her heart. I'll handle this in My way on My time." You go buy them a sandwich and a Coke. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good (Rom. 12:21). We know how to forgive because Christ showed us an example of how to forgive. We know why we should, because of compassion - this is His will - it is His nature, His attitude. You were called to show the world His forgiving nature.

27 Chapter Eight You CAN Do This! At the end of the day, God is God! He is the Omnipotent Judge who always avenges or shows mercy. It's His decision to make. But you can always trust Him to evaluate the entire situation and do what's best. He sees the heart of everyone involved, yours, Ms. Underminer's, the Sabotager's, and Mr. Cheater's and He will deal with them and the situation according to His mercy, His grace, His faithfulness, or His wrath. He loves you all, He is no respecter of persons. Forgive. It may be dif cult to de ne. But, in Christ, we don't have to believe it s dif cult to do. In Him we can do it all! Everything He commands. But we cannot do it without Him. Forgiving the guilty is acting out or responding to hurt from your new attitude, your new nature, and Christ s likeness. You are able to freely give just as you have freely received God s grace, mercy, and forgiveness that not one of us deserves. And you can prepare for it before an offense is committed by abiding with Jesus daily. The ability to act the way Jesus acted is the result of a changed nature, a new mind set, a new attitude. It is the attitude of humility, service, compassion, mercy, love, longsuffering, patience... You cannot do it without Him. As a new creature in Christ, you are able to respond to the evils of the world and respond to the wickedness done by people of the world with true Christ-like kindness and compassion. Why? Because you can trust God, your God, with the outcome every time!

28 With the help of the Holy Spirit within, you're quick to follow Christ's steps and give in to God's will. You automatically turn over any right or claim to avenge yourself in word or deed to the only One who is able to payback righteously. Remember, if you haven't been spending time with Jesus daily, being transformed, taking on a new attitude, your right actions are just acts and the bitterness will start to show on your face and in your blood pressure. But if you're sincerely changed, if you are growing into the mind of Christ, if you're clothed in His Spirit, your right actions will be sincere, natural, and automatic! Am I repeating myself here? Yes! But I want you to understand how important this is. I want you to really get it! You can forgive - immediately, quickly, and in advance. Just as the Lord forgave and forgives you! Face it! You are going to be hurt. Practice these principles now. Remember these principles now! Abide in Jesus now. Let Him develop and mature you now. Let Him transform your attitude now. Let Him renew your mind now! So that when you encounter Ms. Underminer or Mr. Cheater, when you are hurt, offended, sabotaged, criticized, lied about, rejected, or betrayed by people close to you, in 10 seconds or less you can forgive. The same way He has forgiven you. For the same reason He has forgiven you. And, as quickly and completely as He has forgiven you. You are able to remember who you represent. You are able to respond with prayer for yourself and them. You're able to take the pain of this encounter off your shoulders and place it in God's hands.

29 He's the All-Wise Referee. He's the Highest Judge. You can trust Him with the situation. So now, you ve got it! In 10 seconds or less, you can forgive! In Christ alone, you are able to just walk away in any situation and with the kindness of Christ in your heart, a transformed mind and new attitude, go buy them lunch singing "I will trust in the LORD" all the way.

30 The author is an avid Bible student and a gifted teacher who has taught Forgiveness and many other topics in women s classes, workshops, conferences, and in-depth Bible studies. Her maxim is, Be a disciple make a disciple! She is married with two adult children and three precious grandchildren. Thank you for reading! If you have any comments you want to share or any questions about this E-book, the author would love to hear from you! Feel free to contact her here Learn more

31 Dawn Gentry Washington is also the author of After asking God some very common questions during some painful experiences, the author learned some simple but valuable insights about forgiveness and she wants to share them with you. You will be reawakened to the amazing forgiveness of our gracious God who freely gives it to us all. She shows how and why we also have been given all that we need within to enable to freely forgive each other. Learn more