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Reynard Gervais Williamson
5 years ago
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1 Chapters of My Life By: Lena Soto Advice to my Readers: If this ever happens to you hopefully you won t feel guilty. All the pain you have inside, the people that are there will make sure to help you and make you go forward not back. It s going to take some time for you to understand it s not your fault, but one day you ll understand it s not your fault and you will think positive. One day you will say it s not your responsibility, it s better to regret than to say it s your responsibility. There may be people that try to blame you for what happens, but just believe in yourself and don t believe things that are not true. *All identifying information has been changed to protect client s privacy.

2 Lena s Life The name would be Lena Rose Soto. I blow the candles on August 21, Born in Atlanta, Georgia. Age would be 13. I got two brothers and one sister, but also got two step-brothers and one step-sister. I got my loving parents. I walk the halls of Greenway High School. I am in the eighth grade. My favorite sport is soccer. I go for Flames. My favorite color would be pink, red, and purple. I like to play soccer, talk to my friends, and just hang out with them. I love to hang out with my parents and go to new places. I came from some awesome parents. They say I m the spoiled one. I have family all over the world. I have a difficult lifetime, but only the people that know me knows what it is. They said for a thirteen year old, I ve been through a lot of things. Never Going to Happen Like This Again ~ Because I m going to protect myself now that I experienced that and know it s not my fault ~ I was five or six when the abuse happened. I had this uncle, my mom s uncle, who everybody used to love a lot. For some reason I didn t. I didn t like him at all. He use to drink, smoke, and do drugs. And for me that wasn t correct. I thought he was a bad influence on everybody. I have this aunt, his sister, and they use to like have them in their house and one time they kicked him out of the house and he came to live with us. I felt mad. I thought why is he coming to my house?. And since that day every time I was around him he try to like touch me on my private spot and grab me. But since the first time he tried, he couldn t touch me around me because my little brother was there because he knew my brother would tell my parents about it. But the other time, he did touch me was the day my parents weren t in the house. I don t know exactly where they were. But I knew that they were not far away. I felt scared. I thought what is he going to do? because he always trying to touch me. We had this storage place outside the trailer it was red and big. It had this big window and they slid with a curtain. It was really cold and because he use to smoke and do drugs there it use to smell bad. He use to live there and one time I came out to the porch and to look for my parents and he grabbed me and took me to his room. I was feeling really scared. I was just like please help me God that nothing would happen with him trying to touch me again. I tried to scream and scream, but it was hopeless because nobody could hear me. Even though if they did hear me they would think I was just playing around because they knew I was a little girl. I felt proud because then somebody would hear me and nobody did, but I m still proud that I tried so they could help me.

3 Then, I was sad. I cry and cry try to beg him to let me go cause I was afraid that something bad would happen. And just out of nowhere he tried to pull my pants down and I tried to pull them up. I was just thinking where s my parents, where s my parents?. But I was smaller and he was stronger than me because he was older. He pulled my pants down and started touching my vagina and every time he touched me it hurt more and more. He threatened me while he was touching me. I felt hopeless. I thought what should I do?. And the only thing I could do was scream and cry. And then I don t know how exactly it happened that I could get away from him. I was able to get away from him, but I think at that moment he heard the car that s why he let me go. I was happy because he wouldn t be hurting me anymore. I don t know if I went to my room or to the living room. If my parents were there this would have never happened because I know my parents would take care of me and wouldn t let him do that to me, but really I don t think it s their fault. I never will think it s their complete fault because 90 percent is his fault because he was older and he knew that it was wrong. I don t know exactly where they went, but it was for an emergency because they had not ever left me at home. He was living in my house for like a couple of more days and I think he thought I was going to tell. After that he knew that I was big enough to tell my parents. I felt uncomfortable with him around us. The reason I didn t tell is because he threatened that he was going to kill me and my family. And then he moved away, I don t know where. But I knew that he moved out of the trailer park. I felt better because I knew he wasn t going to be close to us anymore. My mom use to still give him food and give him rides. Cause my mom is one of those kinds of persons that likes to help a lot of people. I didn t like the way he always came in my car. I felt mad because I thought I got rid of him and now he s in my car. Somehow my dad didn t like him either, I don t know if he kind of imagined something was happening, but he didn t like my mom giving him rides or food or nothing. My dad may known something was wrong because since that day they left me at home they never trust him and my dad always knew that the things that man was doing, drinking and smoking, was wrong. My dad could feel that I didn t like him or nothing. I knew my dad didn t know exactly what was happening maybe he thought he had hit me or something, but he probably never imagined that he did abuse to me. And one Friday night we were selling bread and we dropped him off at his house. I felt frightened and thought when is he going to get off? When he got off the car, I started crying and was overwhelmed telling my mom I don t want him near me anymore, I don t want you close to him no more. She was like why?. That s when I told her what happened. She stopped the car and started crying. I felt so bad, guilty, and scared at the same time cause I didn t know if he was really going to kill us. We went to the next stop to sell bread and my mom said go knock on the door and we will talk at the house. I respected that because she was only selling bread to help my dad buy food and pay rent. I wiped the tears off my face, but my mom kept crying

4 and when the lady came out she wiped the tears off her face. I felt depressed thinking what s going to happen I was wishing that he would go to jail for doing that to me. We had more stops to go, but my mom decided to go home. I felt better because if he was really going to kill us my dad would be there. When we got home my dad saw me and mom crying and my brother started crying, too. My dad asked what was wrong and I went to my room and started crying more. I felt sad and thought is my uncle really going to kill us. My mom keep on asking why didn t I tell her before. I felt guilty. I thought I should have told her a long time ago. I was scared so I d rather keep it to myself than to see my family dead or something. He knew that if he told a little girl or little boy something scary they would believe the whole story. I told her that he threatened me. My dad had my other uncle at the house so my mom said we ll talk about this later. I was like maybe later I will feel better and can really explain what happened. When my other uncle left home me and my mom and dad were in the living room. My dad asked me what was happening and why was we crying. I told him the story. He got mad. He call the police. I was scared because I didn t really know what was going to happen. He called my aunt, the sister of the one who did that to me. And since that day my aunt never did like me. I really didn t care because she s a mean person. I remember going to this place and this lady started talking me, asking me did it hurt and what happened to me and I m not sure, but I think they checked my privates. The police couldn t never find him. Somehow he was already in Mexico and I felt happier because I knew he wasn t going to do nothing to my family, but I felt mad because the police couldn t get him. Now these days are just going by, we go to church, my aunt goes to the church. She s always talking about him. She s always saying that he s a great person, which I didn t understand why she say that with all the things he s done to a lot of other people. I feel angry because she s saying lies about him and more when she s at church. She said one time at church that he was dead. She started crying. For some reason, I didn t care if he was dead or not, I just didn t want him close to me. And now, some people just look at me like I m a bad girl and some people are blaming my mom and dad like it was their fault. They look at me like I was the one that started and wanted him to touch me and I know that I didn t. I get so angry when they say it s my parents fault because it s really not, it s his fault. And I hate that when that happens cause it ain t their fault. Sometimes my family members make jokes about him, the way he ate, and every time I just hear his name I get angry.

5 Good Choices Now that I experienced this I understand everything and can control my anger problems. Going to therapy has taught me a lot I have learned a lot about sexual abuse. I learned it s a very bad thing that sometimes happens to people and some people never tell, but I m glad I did. I also learned how to control myself doing some skills, relaxing and stopping and thinking. Now I know that what is safety for me and what is not. I know I made some poor choices that I could have made safer choices such as not talking to people that you don t know and don t talk to strangers or tell people when you feel uncomfortable. Now that all this happens, even though it s hard for my parents they have been there and understand me. Even though we have some problems I think it s going good in our family. In my future I ll know how to deal with this and it s not going to affect me like it s affected me now. But I m really thankful for all the people that have been helping me with this pain I had inside me. Now I have took it out little by little and one day when I remember I won t have to cry like I m doing now.

W h a t d o I d o n o w?

W h a t d o I d o n o w? A B o o k o f Q u e s t i o n s a n d A n s w e r s f o r C h i l d r e n o f I n c a r c e r a t e d P a r e n t s W r i t t e n b y D r. R e b e c c a M a n i g l i a 2 W h a