PEOPLE FORGIVING PEOPLE FEFC 10/16/2011

Transcription

1 PEOPLE FORGIVING PEOPLE FEFC 10/16/2011 BIBLE READING - Mark 11:25 And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins." Matthew 18:15 "If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. Luke 6:37 "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. INTRODUCTION Last time I preached we looked at Luke 15 which gave the account of sinners and tax collectors coming to hear Jesus speak. Very uptight religious people were looking on and they couldn t believe Jesus would talk to stinky people like this. Jesus told three parables to show the very uptight religious people that God loves stinky people too. In fact God can t wait to grant forgiveness to those who come to him no matter how low they have sunk. Luke 15 taught us that God is eager to forgive those who turn to Him. This week we are going to see that Jesus wants us to be eager to forgive other people just like He forgave each one of us. WHAT IS FORGIVENESS? Before we get in too deep let s define forgiveness so we know what we are talking about. Forgiveness is canceling a debt or commuting the sentence of a guilty person. TEXT Mark 11:25 And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins." DISHONESTLY WORSHIPPING PAST TRUTH Mark 11 speaks to our attitude when we worship. God does not want us to go into a worship service and come across as though our lives are all put together if there are people we have not forgiven. STORY USING GOD TO AVOID FORGIVENESS Mary was a lady that moved from one church to another. As soon as someone said something offensive she would move on, never really connecting with other people. I was surprised that she had problems sticking with a church and getting connected. After all she seemed like a very nice person to me. Eventually as I got to know her better she told me about terrible abuse that she suffered as a young girl. Then she married someone that was abusive. I also noticed that

2 when people said things around her that could be taken the wrong way, she always assumed the worst and held a grudge and never spoke to them again. I asked her why she did not just approach these people and ask them to clarify what they meant. After all, there are some people in the world that are not mean spirited and abusive. But she said that her way of dealing with people was to pray real hard and worship and put those people out of her mind. The problem was that she was using prayer and worship to avoid doing the hard work of reconciliation and forgiveness. Or even in some cases just simple asking people to clarify what they meant. But we all say things that can be taken wrong, and all of us did. Pretty soon everyone in the church had a failing grade and she moved onto another church in bitterness. If she had taken the time to deal directly and honestly with people without assuming the worst. And if she had taken the time to get the bitterness out of her soul by dealing with her forgiveness issues from the past, she might have been able to keep relationships and churches in tact end story----- Too often people try to worship past the hard work of forgiveness. Some people feel bad because of some unresolved dispute but instead of resolving the issues with people they try to connect with God in an attempt to feel better. If I just pray long enough and worship long enough I will feel better and then I will not have to bother talking things out with the person who got on my nerves. God will not allow us to use Him to feel better if we refuse to deal with our issues with others. If there are un-forgiveness issues the only thing that will bring lasting joy and resolution to the heart is to deal directly and honestly with people and forgive them. The last sentence in Mark 11 implies that those who refuse to forgive others may not be among the forgiven. Those who are born again are characterized by being quick to forgive other people. Forgiveness is the currency of the church. It is the basis of grace and our salvation. If we know nothing about forgiveness then we know nothing about salvation because salvation is about forgiveness. STORY ONE MIKE S TEACHING SEMINAR ON FORGIVENESS I received a real wake up call myself in the area of forgiveness. I remember a number of years ago I was asked to teach a series on forgiveness at a divorce recovery retreat. As I drove toward the retreat center at Trout Lake I had growing confidence and excitement as I rehearsed the teaching material in my mind. But as I continued to drive suddenly I had a sinking feeling in my soul as the image of my deceased father came to mind. God spoke to me and reminded me that the only way I referred to my Father was in a negative light. I suddenly remembered many

3 conversations in which I told people how stinky my dad was. I never referred to him in a positive way. Here I was a few hours from teaching a seminar on forgiveness and I had not forgiven my father. In fact I was so troubled by my lack of forgiveness I had to pull over and do business with God. On the way to teach a forgiveness seminar I made a choice to walk in forgiveness toward my father. On a side note, it was not long after I forgave him that I began having memories come to mind of the many good things that my father did with me. WOOPS NO EXCUSES LEFT One of the tricky things about forgiveness is that when I forgave my father I could not blame him anymore when things went wrong in my life. Before I forgave him I had someone to blame. If I was in a bad relationship I could blame my dad for not teaching me what I needed to know. If I was not in a good job I could blame my dad for not giving me enough direction in my life. Boy was that convenient. If anything went wrong I could play the victim and blame others. VICTIM OR SURVIVOR? People who see themselves as victims can get lots of attention. But people who see themselves as victims very seldom experience joy and fulfillment. Victims have to have something wrong because that is the only way we can get others to scramble and attend to us. Victims walk in and embrace wounded-ness. They can t let it go of the past because their wounded-ness is a tool to get others to attend to them. Survivors on the other hand used to be victims but now they walk in the power and healing of Jesus and blame no one for their life or circumstances. If you see yourself as a victim; today is the day to forgive and be free. Today is the day to forgive and see yourself as a survivor and a warrior and a full son or daughter of Jesus. TEACHING OVER VIEW OF SCRIPTURES ON FORGIVENESS UNFORGIVENESS CAN CREAT SOME ILLUSIONS Let s take a look at some of the reasons people fail to forgive others. NOT FORGIVING CREATES ILLUSIONS 1. A READILY AVAILABLE EXPLANATION FOR EVERYTHING THAT WENT WRONG IN YOUR LIFE (It s not my fault!) If only He/She then my life would be better Challenge

4 -If you forgive, heal, and move on, you won t be able to use this excuse for your future failures, so remaining stuck can seem safer than forgiving 2. ILLUSION OF BEING GOOD Not forgiving helps define you as one of the good guys since the people who hurt you are obviously the bad guys. Though you feel less lovable as a victim, you hang on to the past to help define yourself as good. The problem with this view is that to define yourself as good and others as bad requires you to be against someone that God loves. 3. ILLUSION OF POWER Not forgiving helps you compensate for the powerlessness you felt at the time you were hurt. You feel powerful because no one can make you forgive or stop your grudge. 4. ILLUSION YOU WON T BE HURT AGAIN By keeping the pain alive and your guard up, you reduce the risk of ever again being rejected, deceived, abused, betrayed, or injured. Difficult Questions Are the benefits of unforgiveness worth the price you pay for harboring resentment and embracing pain from the past? Is having a handy excuse not to try for more, worth settling for less? Is being an innocent victim more fulfilling than being a survivor? MISUNDERSTANDINGS OF FORGIVENESS Many people do not grant forgiveness because they do not understand what it is or how to do it. So let s get examine some misunderstandings of forgiveness. Pretending Some get the notion that forgiving is pretending that nothing happened. God never calls us to pretend. Matthew 18:15 "If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. The bible tells us to do the exact opposite of pretending and guarding the peace. It tells us to get out loud when someone sins against us. Pretending never leads to forgiveness. Getting out loud is a good way to put off resentment. But it takes a lot of security and confidence from the Lord to be honest with one another, doesn t it? God gives us that security and confidence when we ask and commit to do things His way. Forgiveness is not Forgetting

5 There is a saying; forgive and forget. However, I don t think it is reasonable or likely that we will have a memory lapse when it comes to the harm someone has done us. Forgiveness is not about forgetting, it is about canceling the payback. Forgiveness is not Reconciliation Reconciliation is a good thing. It is the ultimate end of forgiveness. However, you might need to forgive someone who is no longer in your life. You might need to forgive someone who has passed away. If you are carrying around an emotional IOU in your heart toward someone who is no longer in your life, if your anger still burns at them for what they did to you, then you need to stop paying them back. God can do that without your help. Forgiveness is not Excusing Forgiving, is not the same as excusing. Sometimes we feel as though if we forgive someone we will be excusing their actions. Forgiveness and excusing are different. Forgiveness is when you stop paying someone back. Excusing is when you ignore something and let them out of their consequences. Matthew 18 tells us not to excuse sin and offenses but to deal with them directly and then forgive. If someone breaks into my house and steals my stuff, I am not going to try to spring them free from their consequences. I want them in jail. But I refuse to be preoccupied with bitterness. There is too much kingdom work to do. Forgiveness is not Smothering Conflict Forgiveness is not smothering conflict or deflecting away from the subject about which people are upset. STORY - Want Some Ice Cream? I remember once being in a heated conflict with a friend and trying to work it through for quite a while. Both of us were upset but we stayed engaged and tried to keep our perspective. We were just to the point where we were about to come to an understanding, and then another person walk up to us to join our conversation. She is a person that if freaked out by conflict and so she suddenly interrupted up and said; hey, let s take a walk and get some Ice Cream. This lady almost derailed some beautiful and honest forgiveness and reconciliation work. We need God s help to be straight talkers. No one is going to get hurt if we talk through issues honestly and default to graced with one another and assume the best of one another and forgive one another quickly. Forgiveness if not boundary free Boundaries are limits that we get to set about our body and soul. If someone hits

6 me they have crossed my physical boundaries. If someone steals my stuff they cross a physical and personal boundary. One time a friend of mine stole money from me. I worked hard for that money. A couple years later that same friend came and asked me for a loan. He did not pay me back. The next time that friend asks for a loan I will not give him the money unless God specifically tells me to do so. I can forgive my friend by cancelling his monetary and emotional debt but I can also set thing up so that I do not get re-offended. FORGIVENESS ISSUES; WHO ME? Right now you might be wondering how this issue relates to you. So let s make this personal. Here are some signs that you might have forgiveness issues. 1. Is there someone that you talk about mostly in a negative way? If so you might want to see if there are unresolved forgiveness issues. 2. Are you trying to convince people that a specific person is bad or wrong? If so there might be unresolved forgiveness issues. 3. Is there anyone who you are blaming for making your life much worse than it could have been? If so, perhaps there are unresolved forgiveness issues. 4. Is there something you wish you could say to someone if only you had the courage to speak up? If so, there might be unresolved forgiveness issues. 5. Is there anyone you are avoiding? If so there might be forgiveness issues. 6. Is there anyone that can hook your anger really easy? If so there might be unresolved forgiveness issues. 7. Is there anyone in whom you only see the bad stuff and you have not identified any positives? If so there might be unresolved forgiveness issues. If you have unresolved forgiveness issues you could keep going on the way you have been going. You could keep avoiding it. But the truth is God does not even want you to worship or pray to Him until you forgive others. Bitterness is like gangrene to the church. Untreated it will eat away and destroy the beautiful bride of Jesus Christ. Mark 11:25 And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins." BRIEF OVERVIEW OF FORGIVENESS PASSAGES Matthew 18:21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Peter was looking for limits to forgiveness. That is just like us. If a person offends us once or twice we can forgive that person. But what if a person really does something to flip us off dozens of times? Well, how many times has Jesus forgiven us? Has anyone offended us as much as we have offended Jesus? Not even close. I guess we better not put

7 limits on forgiveness. Luke 17:4 If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, 'I repent,' forgive him." Forgiveness Is A Sign That You Are Saved Luke 6:37 "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. THE PROCESS OF FORGIVENESS Don t be too quick or too slow to grant forgiveness. Name the injury or offense State what the injury has cost you State what your feelings are regarding the injury Ask God s forgiveness for any ways in which you have mishandled the situation such as gossip or hatred Ask God for his help and his heart toward that person Put in place any boundaries that must be there to stop the injury from reoccurring, this could be something as simple as resolving to talk to the person quickly if they reoffend you or perhaps something more serious depending on the offense. Cancel the debt they owe you and give away your right to pay them back. After all, Jesus can change them and if they don t repent, he has the power to judge them for what they did. CHALLENGE What would it be like if God forgave people the same way we forgive people? TAKE IT HOME 1. Are you carrying around IOUs in your heart from times you were wounded? 2. Do you find yourself bringing up the past? 3. Are there people you only refer to in a negative way? 4. If so, don t you think that today is a good day to start over and let God set you free of all bitterness? 5. What is the first step God wants you to take and when will you do it?