Series: A/B Attitude Adjustment Part VII: Ten Steps to Peace C. Gray Norsworthy Johns Creek Presbyterian Church August 14, 2016

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1 Series: A/B Attitude Adjustment Part VII: Ten Steps to Peace C. Gray Norsworthy Johns Creek Presbyterian Church August 14, 2016 We are about two-thirds the way through in our series of messages in which we are looking at The Beatitudes those sayings from Jesus Sermon on the Mount that talk about what it means to be blessed from God s perspective. Today s beatitude says this: Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God. (Matthew 5:9, NIV) This past summer, my wife Pam and I had the privilege of taking two trips. The first was a oncein-a-lifetime trip to a part of the world we had never seen before Vietnam. Our daughter Maggie was spending a semester studying there and we decided to go visit her. Pam also had a special interest in going there because her father, a Colonel in the Air Force, had actually flown in Vietnam. Pam was eager to see some of the places she had only heard about in letters as a little girl. We also decided to stop by Hawaii on the way over and Hong Kong on the way back. A few weeks ago we also spent a week in Washington, D.C. to visit Maggie who was working there as an intern for the summer. Pam and I like history, so we always try to visit historical sites and museums if we can. In looking back and reflecting on both of those trips, I am amazed at how much of the history we learned about was focused on war. In Hawaii we went to Pearl Harbor and we saw where the surprise attack took place that drew us into World War II. In Vietnam we saw places we had only seen on the news in the 70s. The Vietnam War was the first to be broadcast in our living rooms. Even in Hong Kong, we toured one museum that chronicled the many wars that had shaped that part of the world. When we went to Washington D.C. we visited the Newseum a relatively new museum dedicated to how news happens. It was amazing how much of the news was focused on war and its effects. We toured the Holocaust Museum and saw disturbing videos of Hitler and how that led to a world war and the killing of millions of people. We toured the almost-completed Museum of the American Indian. The most disturbing part for me was about all the peace treaties our nation had made with the Indians and later broke because of the desire for more and more land. Finally, we toured the Vietnam and World War II memorials. We were once again reminded of the devastation of war as well as those who sacrificed their lives on behalf of our nation. Anyone who has been in battle can tell you how awful war is for everyone. All of which makes the words of Jesus we are looking at today something we should all be interested in: Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God. So, how do we make peace? Notice Jesus did not say, Blessed are the peace lovers... In the Bible, the world for peace actually means much more than the absence of war. In Hebrew, the word for peace shalom refers to a perfect welfare, serenity, prosperity, and happiness filled with right relationships. Who doesn t love that kind of peace? But Jesus says, Blessed are the 1

2 peacemakers. Loving peace is something we all do. But actually making peace is something else. So, how do we make peace? When it comes to peace on a global scale, it is something we very much need -- but making it and keeping it is very complex. I believe it can be done, but I don t have any simple answer as to how to do it. As Christians we need to pray for peace. We can also choose leaders who seem to be intent on making peace. Some of us may have leverage and influence to affect how things work on a global scale, and those who have that influence should exercise it. But my guess is that beyond those things, most of us wonder if we can do anything else to make peace. I believe that peacemaking is not just global. Peacemaking is also something that each one of us can do here and now. So, today I want to offer Ten Steps to Peace. Our Ten Steps to Peace come from a resource our Presbyterian Church created a few years back called Seeking to be Faithful Together: Guidelines for Presbyterians During Times of Disagreement. You have a copy in your worship bulletin and I want you to pull them out and look at them right now. These are great guidelines that are both Biblical and practical. I believe these may be the best thing our Presbyterian Church has ever created! This morning we are going to look at these guidelines as our Ten Steps to Peace. I believe that peacemaking begins with disagreement between individuals, between parties, and between nations. Working on our disagreements help us make peace in our lives and in our world. Now I know some of you have seen these guidelines before and may be wondering why we need to look at these again. My answer would be this: For the same reason that Olympians Michael Phelps and Simone Biles still need coaching and practice. Even if you are the best in the world you still need coaching and practice because we all need to work at this throughout our lives so we can do it better. I have tried to reduce each of these ten steps to three or four words to make it easier to digest. Our first step to peace is to treat others with respect. This means we choose to act in ways that build trust and do not intimidate, judge or bully others. When I think of respect, I can t help of thinking about the Aretha Franklin song of the same name in which she spells it out: R-E-S-P-E- C-T. Just think what would happen in our political campaigns if the candidates and others began by always treating each other with simple respect. I believe that one thing could transform the process and give us all a better outcome. Our second step to peace is to learn about others viewpoints. In other words, take time to learn all the information we can about the situation. Don t try to function out of ignorance. Whenever we get into a situation and we hear someone say, or we may even say it ourselves, I don t need to know anything else I already know all I need to know! then we are shutting ourselves down to important information that may affect how we react to someone. Last week we talked about Stephen Covey's story on the subway in New York with the disruptive children and the disconnected father. When Covey found out the children s mother had just died that information changed everything. Learn about others viewpoints and this involves listening. This leads us to our next step which is to say what we heard. When we take time to listen to another person and to learn about that person's viewpoints, the next thing we can do is to say to 2

3 that person what we think we heard. We need to do this before we share our thoughts. And we need to really listen and not do what most of us do -- pretend to listen while thinking about what we plan to say next. Real listening is hard work but it really matters. Carl Rogers developed a whole counseling methodology based primarily on this. After listening to a client, he would say, What I hear you saying is... and then would say what he thought he heard. Psychiatrist Scott Peck said that listening is how we show love to one another. I remember working with a couple years ago in premarital counseling. They were having some conflict and were arguing a lot, but not really listening to each other. So I suggested we try an exercise in which one of them made a statement, but before the other could respond, that person had to repeat back to the other what he thought she said. They both rolled their eyes, but they agreed to try out. The woman spoke first, and then I asked her fiancé to tell her what he heard her say. He did, and then I told him to ask her if that was right. She said he got some things right, but missed some others, which she repeated. Then he tried to get those right. Finally she agreed. Now that may sound so slow, but you only need to do it a few times to begin to get the point. We need to really listen to others and say what we think we heard before we move on with speaking for ourselves. The next few steps to peace move toward what we say after we listen. First, we share our concerns directly with the person with whom we have the disagreement. Some of you who have come to me from time to time about a concern with, for example, another staff member. You know that unless what you are telling me is immoral or illegal, or involves danger to children or others after I try my best to listen to you I will ask you if you have spoken directly to the person about this. If not, I will encourage you to do that, knowing that in most cases, that staff member will want to know those things. What I am trying to do is avoid what some have called triangulation. Experts in this field say that often when we have a conflict with one person, instead of talking directly to them, we try to triangle a third person in to get them to fix it for us. The problem is that when we do that, the third person has the least power to bring about change. The best way forward is for the two people to talk directly. In fact, the involvement of a third person can actually prevent the situation from getting better. In the church we need to become experts at speaking directly to those with whom we may have some disagreement, instead of talking and gossiping to others. That can be incredibly destructive and unhealthy to any church. If someone tries to triangle you in, I want to suggest you to say simply, It sounds like you need to talk to that person and then politely, lovingly disengage. Not doing that will actually make matters worse. This is one thing we all need to work on me included. When we do talk about areas of disagreement, focus on ideas -- not people and their motives. Don t attack the person. Stay focused on the idea and the point of disagreement. Don t say things like, You only think that way because you are... (fill in the blank)... stupid, ignorant, a loser, etc. 3

4 The next step to peace tells us to share our experiences. What this means is that when we speak to others, we also need to tell our stories that have led us to think and feel the way we do. Hearing others stories gives us context and background so that we can understand that person better. A few years ago I was asked to be part of a discussion on race relations. I volunteered the church I was pastoring to host the event. We had about a hundred folks - mainly white and black, lay people and pastors, who gathered for those meetings. We began by sitting around tables in groups of eight white and black. We were asked to share our experiences in life with those who were members of another race. We took time to hear each other s stories. That simple act of hearing what others had experienced had a profound effect on me. I had no idea what others had gone through in their lives. Even if I disagreed with someone, I could certainly see how that person thought and felt the way they did given what they had experienced. Sharing our stories gives insight into why we think and feel the way we do. When it comes to the things we may disagree about, the next step to peace reminds us don t skip over the places where we agree. How often do we have disagreements over something and if we look at the big picture, we actually agree on 95% of the issue? But it seems to be human nature to focus only on the 5% we disagree about. It reminds me of bringing home a report card to our parents, and for those of us who tended to get really good grades, we could have all As and one B and our parents would ask what? Why did you get a B? As kids we want to say, Yeah, but I got seven As! So, why didn t you get eight? Take time to focus on points of agreement. It really helps to do this first and say something like, Ok, let s list all the things we agree on. Some of us may think that it is a waste of time, but it really isn t. Again it gives context to the points of disagreement. It may even make those points of disagreement not look so overwhelming. When we do have disagreement, which we all will, don t leave but stay connected. Our human tendency is fight or flight. We were taught that in school. It is how our brains were wired a long time ago, but it is not the highest level of functioning in our brains. Fight or flight is our most primitive part of the brain working. However, there are parts of our brain that have evolved so that, if we take time to get past fight or flight, those more evolved parts of the brain allow us to use our reason, experience, and wisdom to choose another course of action. We seem to live in a time in which two sides fight and whoever loses the fight has to leave. It happens in politics, marriages, even churches. I believe that we can choose another way a third way -- in which someone doesn t always have to leave. I believe that as Christians, as members of the body of Christ, as members of a church family, and as members of a community, that when we disagree we should not leave. We really need to stay connected -- even, maybe especially, when we disagree. We may feel strongly about something. We may even disagree passionately, but because we are brothers and sisters in Christ, leaving is rarely the best option. I think that as a church we can do this and we can model it for our world. When people saw the early Christians, one of their comments was, See how they love one other. Can t we show the world what it looks like to love one another, even when we disagree passionately? It is only when we stay connected with one another that we have the opportunity to learn from one 4

5 another. We need all voices, all parts of the body of Christ, in order to discern and live out what God would have us do. Stay connected don t leave! And when there is disagreement, genuine disagreement, respect the thoughts and feelings of others, even when we disagree with them. Be sensitive to those other viewpoints, even when we think they are wrong. Big decisions need to be made by a diverse group of people representing different perspectives. And when a decision is made, we should respect that decision, even if we disagree. And if we disagree, then we work for change and we practice transparent ways of change that we have all agreed to. But sometimes good people will come to different conclusions and we need to honor that. The final step to peace is simple pray. But pray for God s will. We are not to pray only for our side to win, or for God to get on board and support us in what we have already decided is right: God we really need you to back us up here. No, prayer is first about discerning God s will and getting on board with what God wants which may not be what we want. We need to pray and remain open to the leading of God's Spirit. Sometimes we may be wrong and may need to change. On the other hand, God may be telling us to hold on to what is important, even if it goes completely against the prevailing viewpoint. But prayer -- listening to God -- is key. Those are ten steps that can help us make peace in our lives today. Jesus says Blessed are those who make peace, for they will be called children of God. So what does it mean to be a child of God? In one sense I think that we believe as Christians that all people are children of God. God made each one of us. On a very basic level every child ever born is a child of God. But Jesus seems to be talking about more than that here. He seems to be making a distinction about those who make peace. To be a child of God can also mean that someone reflects the characteristic of a parent. Today, we might look at someone and say that person is a chip off the old block. That means that he or she has some obvious quality or characteristic that makes them like their mother or father. Right after Mason was born, we moved to Staunton, Virginia, where I pastored the Covenant Presbyterian Church. Staunton is a small town of about 25,000. If you have ever lived in a small town, you know that small towns are different from big cities like Atlanta. When I first moved there, I parked my car on the street in front of the dry cleaners. After I got out, I turned around and locked my car. A man was there on the sidewalk watching the whole thing and he looked at me and said, You re not from around here, are you? I quickly learned that in Staunton no one locked their cars, or even their front doors. It was different there. We had not been there very long when Pam went shopping at the local grocery with Mason who was still just a few months old. As she was shopping in the produce section, a man she had never met before walked up to Pam and said, He sure looks like his father. Pam really did not know exactly what to say because she wondered who this man was and how he knew who Mason was and what his father looked like. It turns out that in small towns newspapers print pictures of the new pastor and their families when they come to town. But the man knew something about Mason and he knew Mason was a child of mine. 5

6 When we make peace in our world, people will look at us and recognize who we are and say, You are a child of God! I know because God is a God of peace. You are one of God s kids, aren t you? Choose to be a maker of peace, not just a peace-lover. Know that the blessing that comes from making peace is the peace itself. Peace is the blessing. And it is something we each need, and it is something our whole world needs now more than ever. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God! In the strong name of God the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen. 6