Waldvogel's confession

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Leona Jodie Armstrong
6 years ago
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1 Barker's confession At dinner Watson hinted that he would be in touch with the Board of Trustees soon if I didn't get the funds for his new Institute immediately. He still had the evidence of our...escapade...in Italy. Even now I can't bear to reveal what it was! I thought if I could talk to him alone he'd see reason, at least give me more time, but I couldn't get in touch with him at the hotel after dinner. First the desk said he was still out, and later they said he asked not to be disturbed. After the seminar in Long Hall I went upstairs to the Biology labs to find Jim. When I heard someone coming down the hall, I ducked into a little room. It was Jim and a woman, and they went into the lab right next to me. The woman was explaining about the lab program...i waited, hoping they wouldn't discover me. When the woman left I went into the lab. Jim's back was to me; he was writing in a book. But without turning around he said "I know it's you, Jim. Which is it going to be, the check or the scandal?" My hand reached out to a heavy book and grasped it; I was hardly even aware of what I was doing. I swung for his head. As he fell to his knees, his arm swept a beaker off the counter. He grabbed a jagged piece and slashed at my thigh. My favorite pants, ruined! I went ballistic. I smashed him again with the book and added a couple of kicks for good measure. Well...that's it. You all were brilliant to figure it out, but then Clemson students are the best! If this were USC I'd have gotten away with it. I'm very sorry for the unfavorable attention that this will bring to Clemson. But I swear to you, if someone buys the movie rights to my story, every penny will go to the Solid Orange campaign.

2 Waldvogel's confession As soon as I heard Watson was coming to campus I started sweating bullets. My paper had just come out in Nature -- it's true, there's no point denying it now. It was his data. A friend of mine hacked into his lab computer and passed it on to me in exchange for a season pass to the Clemson football games. When he told me at lunch that he knew, I decided then and there I'd have to find a way to stop him from telling. When I met with Bill Surver I could tell he suspected already, so I just went down the hall, found Watson, and BAM! slung that textbook into his head. As he fell to his knees, his arm swept a beaker off the counter. He grabbed a jagged piece and slashed at my thigh. My favorite pants, ruined! I went ballistic. I smashed him again with the book and added a couple of kicks for good measure. Well...that's it. I hope you understand that I had to do it! With this new faculty evaluation system they expected me to get multi-million dollar grants, publish papers in top-line journals, AND provide quality teaching. Well, I made my choice and I'm proud of it! The students of Clemson come first! But maybe I shouldn't have taught you reasoning skills quite so well...

3 Bowden's confession Wow, I should have known I was in over my head when Shyatt starting spouting about DNA and ATCG and PCR and RFLP. "X's and O's" I told him "X's and O's. Those are the only letters coaches need to know." But gee whiz...to bulk up our line practically overnight! We could even keep Streeter healthy! It sure sounded good...but he turned out to be such a weasel. Said he'd go to the NCAA and I'd never get another chance to beat Dad! This decision was a no-brainer. I found out where he was going to be and went looking for him. I heard someone coming down the hall -- Watson and some woman. I ducked into a restroom. Lord! It turned out to be a ladies room. I locked myself in a stall and prayed. After a while I heard loud voices and a slamming door. I peeked out into the hall and saw the woman who 'd been with Watson walking away fast. Maybe I'd even luck out and it would get pinned on her! There was a light on across the hall I opened the door quietly but he heard me and turned around. That son of a gun, he started in about the NCAA again! I grabbed a big book from the table and headed toward him. He could see what I was up to and tried to sidestep me. I faked right, went left and POW! That was it. He broke something on the way down and picked up a piece of glass. I wasn't quite quick enough, and he nicked me. But I finished him off and got out of there. So that's it...you know the whole story. I'm sorry I gotta miss the Peach Bowl, but I will say that Rich Rodriguez has my vote to get my job and they better not screw him over like they did at Tulane.

4 Shyatt's confession It seemed like such a good idea when my son started talking about genetics. I didn't get it first -- he kept spouting about DNA and ATCG and PCR and RFLP. "X's and O's" I told him "X's and O's. Those are the only letters coaches need to know." "No, Dad," he said, "this could really help! You want to stay at Clemson and win a national championship, don't you? Please say we'll never have to live in Laramie, Wyoming again!" Well, I listen to my boy. He's a smart guy. So I looked into it some more and set up a meet with that Watson fellow. What a weasel he turned out to be! Threatened to blow the whistle. This decision was as much a no-brainer as leaving Laramie for Clemson. I found out where he was going to be and went looking for him. I heard someone coming down the hall -- Watson and some woman. I ducked into a restroom. Lord! It turned out to be a ladies room. I locked myself in a stall and prayed. After a while I heard loud voices and a slamming door. I peeked out into the hall and saw the woman who'd been with Watson walking away fast. Maybe I'd even luck out and it would get pinned on her! There was a light on across the hall I opened the door quietly but he heard me and turned around. I asked him to autograph a copy of The Double Helix for my son. That son of a gun, even as he was writing he started in about the NCAA again! I grabbed a big book from the table and headed toward him. He could see what I was up to and tried to sidestep me. I gave him a hip fake right, went left and POW! That was it. He broke something on the way down and picked up a piece of glass. I wasn't quite quick enough, and he nicked me. But I finished him off and got out of there. So that's it...you know the whole story.

5 Rosemary Franklin's confession I knew a little about my great-aunt's work, but really not much. I never met her, you know, she died before I was born. Regina was the one who read all she could about Aunt Rosalind -- she's a bio major, you know. I even put off taking bio until my senior year. That sure was a bummer when we read Dr. Watson's book in class this semester. What a crock! He acted like he was God's gift to science and she was a little nobody! Well, I met him and found out he was even worse in real life. That scene at the airport...and then what he said to Regina! After class I had to go to the bio lab anyway to count fruit flies. I took my flies into the little room where the microscope was set up, and I heard him and Chris Minor come into the lab. It seemed like she was showing him around the lab, but pretty soon, wooooo! they started into it about what he said in the Tiger. She was steamed! After a while she stomped out and slammed the door. It kind of gave me the idea to...you know...do what I did. I figured there were probably lots of people who felt the same way about him, he did kind of rile people up like that, and maybe there would be too many suspects to figure it out. So I went into the lab and opened up a bottle of fly nap where he couldn't see it, took my copy of The Double Helix out of my book bag, and asked him to autograph it for me. He sneered but did it and I moved the fly nap closer to him. He caught me, grabbed my hand and started to yell insults again and well, I just went postal. I reached into my bookbag and grabbed that big ol' bio book and just went WHAM! into his head. He fell to his knees -- what a great sight! -- and a beaker broke. He slashed at my leg with it but I was too hyped to even feel it. I just kept kicking him until I was sure he was dead. So that's how it happened, and I just think the world is better off without him. I wish I hadn't used the bio book though, now I don't know how I'm going to study for my final.

6 Regina Franklin's confession It was because of my Aunt Rosalind that I decided to be a biologist. I thought she was a great scientist! I'd read The Double Helix of course and knew about Watson's slimy dealings but I guess I didn't know what a complete jerk he was until I met him in person. Rosemary had told me about that scene at the airport...and then what he said at the interview! I knew going in I'd have to keep my feelings to myself, be professional about it, but it was like he was baiting me. I'd kind of hoped...well, I'd hoped he'd be nicer about Aunt Rosalind now that he had the Nobel and she was dead and it was all years ago...and I thought he might sort of help me get started in my career...and instead...oh, I was furious all right. I went over to the biology building after my last class -- I'd seen his itinerary and figured I'd follow him when he left there. When I heard someone coming down the hall, I ducked into a little room next to the lab. I heard Dr. Watson and a woman come into the lab. It seemed like she was showing him around the lab, but pretty soon, wooooo! they started into it about what he said in the Tiger. Ha! She was steamed! After a while she stomped out and slammed the door. It kind of gave me the idea to...you know...do what I did. I figured there were probably lots of people who felt the same way about him, he did kind of rile people up like that, and maybe there would be too many suspects to figure it out. There was some fly nap in the little room, so I opened a bottle and took it in the lab with me. I told him I'd forgotten to ask him to autograph my copy of The Double Helix and handed it to him. He sneered but did it and I moved the fly nap closer to him. He caught me, grabbed my hand and started to yell insults again and well, I just went postal. I reached out and grabbed a bio book and just went WHAM! into his head. He fell to his knees -- what a great sight! -- and a beaker broke. He slashed at my leg with it but I was too hyped to even feel it. I just kept kicking him until I was sure he was dead. So that's how it happened, and I think the world is better off without him.

7 Maurice Wilkins, Jr.'s confession Dad and I have talked about this for a long time...we felt he was slighted in Watson's book, left out of the fame and fortune. You always heard "Watson and Crick, Watson and Crick" -- no one even remembers that Father was part of that Nobel Prize. They knew! The committee knew what Father did for that project! Oh, he said he was over it, he claimed it didn't bother him any more. But I know it did! He had that last stroke when that ridiculous movie with Jeff Goldblum came out -- The Double Helix, Jim Watson, hero of science. Ha! I talked about it with Father, sure, and with Ray too. Half the people who've met Jim probably wanted to bash his head in at one time or another. But I did it, just me. When I heard he was going to be in Clemson I thought it was the perfect time for the perfect crime. I was sure small town southern cops couldn't catch me. I didn't figure on being tripped up by smart Clemson students -- I thought your school was only known for football. So I got Watson's itinerary and planned to catch him at the end of his lab tour. Had good luck for once, found him in a lab writing his famous name in his famous book -- for the last time! I just picked up the heaviest thing I could find and whacked him in the head. It didn't take much more than that, but I gave him a little extra for good measure. He didn't have much fight in him, just sliced me with a piece of broken glass. I guess that's how you got my blood. Ironic, isn't it? Without Watson's famous double helix you wouldn't have been able to do that DNA test and catch his killer.

8 Chris Minor's confession I know what you're thinking: I killed him because he threatened to tell my husband about the night at the hotel. And that would have been reason enough! Then I read that obnoxious interview he did with the Tiger. It was all I could do to be civil to the man when I had to take him on a lab tour in the afternoon. Finally he asked me why I was so "sulky," as he put it. He was actually trying to be sweet. "I'm not really going to tell your husband," he said. "Why don't you come back to the hotel with me tonight? Or right now, for that matter?" I smacked him across the face with a rolled-up Tiger and said. "This is why! I read what you said about women. I thought you were a great thinker. Do you think I would have slept with you in the first place if I'd known you were such a shallow person?" That started an argument and his remarks got more and more infuriating. He wouldn't listen to me. Somehow it just seemed natural to escalate from the Tiger to the biology book to try to get his attention and the next thing I knew...well, I was the last person to see him alive, all right...and the first one to see him dead!

Jimmy comes on stage, whistling or humming a song, looks around,

Jimmy comes on stage, whistling or humming a song, looks around, AWANA Puppet program. Used for AWANA club banquet. Note 1- AWANA can be changed to your children's group name if other than an AWANA club. Note 2 - replace name "Mr. Unger" with the real name of actual