S E L F AWA R E N E S S F O R P O S I T I V E G R O W T H A N D R E L AT I O N S H I P S

Transcription

1 KNOW YOURSELF TO GROW YOURSELF S E L F AWA R E N E S S F O R P O S I T I V E G R O W T H A N D R E L AT I O N S H I P S

2 WHY SELF AWARENESS?

3 IMPORTANCE OF SELF ACCEPTANCE From acceptance comes transformation Its not my fault. They did this / The situation was like this.. Hmm I do interrupt people while they talk. I will be more watchful next time So what if I did that. That was the best I could do. This is who I am

4 P E R S O N A L I T Y P L U S Lets look at the 4 personality types and identify our strengths and weaknesses.

5 P O P U L A R S A N G U I N E

6 POPULAR SANGUINE Love to be with people Basic Desire: Fun Appealing personality Talkative, storyteller Forgetful nature Life is for partying Holds the attention of the listener Good on stage Innocent Curious Love to volunteer Creative and colorful Inspires and charms others Makes friends easily/compas sionate God given ability to live in the present

7 Restless Weak Willed

8 PROBLEMS THEY FACE Tendency to talk too much Talk half as much Watch for signs of boredom Condense your comments Stop exaggerating Tendency to be self-centered Be sensitive to other people s interest Learn to listen Have uncultivated memories Pay attention to names and those with you Write things down Interrupt and answer for others Don t consider yourself to be appointed by God as the official gap filler of life Tendency to be disorganized and immature Pull your life together Grow up MUST: Learn self-control Become organized

9 P O W E R F U L C H O L E R I C

10 POWERFUL CHOLERIC Basic Desire: Control This is a dynamic person who dreams the impossible and aims to reach the unreachable. Talker / बलव न - Achiever Golden rule to get along with बलव न: do it my way now. बलव न is optimistic with good planning बलव न is goal and action-oriented

11 POWERFUL CHOLERIC Basic Desire: Control Born leader Compulsive need for change Strong-willed and decisive. Goaloriented Organizes well Knows the art of delegation Thrives on opposition Has little need for friends Is usually right Excels in emergencies Optimistic

12 बलव न finds it difficult to accept their mistake (Mr/Ms. No Fault) If बलव न acknowledges that their nature is abrasive, they can transform themselves because they are strong willed

13 PROBLEMS THEY FACE A workaholic who believes that life is meant for constant achievements and production Learn to relax Take pressure off others Plan leisure activities बलव न must be in control Respond to other s leadership Let others make decisions and organize events Give up the attitude of being superior Stop manipulating बलव न struggles while dealing with people Practice patience Refrain from advising until asked Mellow down Reduce arguing and causing trouble बलव न wants to be right even if it means being unpopular Let someone else be right Learn to apologize Admit that you have some faults MUST: Develop humility Become sensitive

14 P E R F E C T M E L A N C H O LY

15 PERFECT MELANCHOLY Basic Desire: Perfection Richest of all temperaments, the ववच रव न is analytical, self-sacrificing, talented and perfectionist type with very sensitive, emotional nature. Of all the four types, the ववच रव न is the most fond of fine arts. Right from their childhood, the ववच रव न are deep thinkers, quiet and demanding. They like to be alone. Not after excitement but care for the best plan for life

16 PERFECT MELANCHOLY Basic Desire: Perfection Richest of all temperaments, the ववच रव न is analytical, self-sacrificing, talented and perfectionist type with very sensitive, emotional nature. Of all the four types, the ववच रव न is the most fond of fine arts. Deep, thoughtful and analytical Serious and purposeful Intellectually genius Talented and creative Fond of lists, charts, graphs and figures Conscious of details Orderly and organized Perfectionist with high standards Motto of life: If something is worth doing, it is worth doing it right Economical Deep concern and compassion Seeks ideal mate

17 A combination of contrasts with High highs and Low lows)

18 PROBLEMS THEY FACE Tendency to get easily depressed Realize that no one likes gloomy people Do not keep searching for the problems (which arise from expecting too much from life, themselves and others) Don t get hurt so easily since hurting people can hurt others Look for the positives Tendency to low self-image Search out the source of insecurities Listen for evidence of false humility MUST: Tendency to procrastinate Spend less time in planning and more time in acting Develop a Positive Attitude Become cheerful and grateful Tendency to put unrealistic demands on others Relax your standards, not everything in life can be perfect. Tendency to be revengeful or hold grudges Forget and forgive Life is too short to hold grudges

19 P E A C E F U L P H L E G M AT I C

20 PEACEFUL PHLEGMATIC Basic Desire: Peace Can become a `buffer for others Is a `great leveler for others Is very easy to get along with Is closest to becoming a balanced person Does not take part in extremes and excesses Is a learned leader Is never pushy Is always peaceful, less angry, logical, never impulsive, reliable, loyal and patient Can become a good arbitrator and mediator Is a redeemer Attracts others by his/her humility and gentleness Is easygoing Is calm, cool and collected Is patient, wellbalanced Is realistic owing to a pessimistic nature Has administrative ability Is a good listener

21 PEACEFUL PHLEGMATIC Basic Desire: Peace Has low key strengths and low key weaknesses. Hides his/her good and bad. Greatest strength is the lack of other types weaknesses Unenthusiastic, worries silently and tends not to take strong decisions

22 PROBLEMS THEY FACE Is not exciting Try to get excited Tends to be stubbornly resistant to changes Motivate yourself to change Tends to be lazy and lacking courage, tends to take the path of least resistance, running away from Learn controversies to accept responsibility of your life Don t put off until tomorrow, what you can do today Motivate yourself Tendency not to open up easily Learn to communicate feelings Tendency to be wishy-washy and indecisive In the following sense: (a) change decision based on people pleasing, in order to protect image (b) unwillingness to pay the price in terms of money, time and hard work. Practice making decisions MUST: Become Courageous Take Action

23 O V E R C O M I N G C O R E W E A K N E S S E S

24 WHAT IS AN IRRATIONAL BELIEF The word belief means a conviction in the truth, actuality, or validity of something. So a belief is a thought with an emotional component (conviction) and a factual component (truth, actuality or validity). Beliefs can be either positive or negative. Having a negative belief is not necessarily a bad thing; however, when one believes in something that is false, a negative belief tends to become what Ellis called an irrational belief. Irrational beliefs are not friendly to happiness and contentment and are definitely unhelpful for getting one s basic desires for love and approval, comfort and achievement or success met.

25 WHAT IS AN IRRATIONAL BELIEF It distorts reality. It is illogical. It prevents you from reaching your goals. It leads to unhealthy emotions( vs adaptive) It leads to self-defeating behavior.

26 CORE ROOTS FOR IRRATIONAL BELIEFS Demandingness or Absolutism inflexible, dogmatic, extreme beliefs signaled by words such as should, must, have to, and need to (e.g., I should not be in pain or I should be able to do what I used to do ). This is not the kind of should as in I should go to the store and get some milk, but rather a should with a capital S, a demand. Demand for Love and Approval from nearly everyone one finds important Demand for Success or Achievement in things one finds important Demand for Comfort or nearly no frustration or discomfort. When someone holds one of these irrational beliefs, they also tend to hold one or a combination of the following irrational beliefs. Awfulization refers to 100% disasterizing beliefs signaled by such words as disaster, horrible or awful, and catastrophe. Low Frustration Tolerance beliefs signaled by words such as intolerable, can t stand it, and too hard. Global-Rating beliefs in which you condemn or blame your entire selfhood or someone else s basic value in some important way. Global rating is signaled by such words as loser, worthless, useless, idiot, stupid.

27 THE ABCDE MODEL Albert Ellis thought people developed irrational beliefs in response to preferential goals being blocked. He set this up in an ABCDE model (Ellis and Dryden, 1987). A stands for Activating Event or Adversity. This is any event. It is just a fact. B refers to one s Irrational Belief about the event at A. C or consequences. That belief then leads to C, the emotional and behavioral Consequences. D stands for disputes or arguments against irrational beliefs. E stands for New Effect or the new, more effective emotions and behaviors that result from more reasonable thinking about the original event.

28 THE ABCDE MODEL

29 DISPUTING CORE IBS: TYPE 1 Fun and popularity I need love and approval from those significant to me, and I must avoid disapproval from any source. Rational Alternative: Love, approval and respect from others are all good things - but they are not absolute necessities for my survival. And while I dislike disapproval, it is uncomfortable - not catastrophic; I can stand it - as I have many times before. Better that I learn to accept myself, independently of what others think of me. I can be happier by avoiding life s difficulties, unpleasantnesses and responsibilities. Rational Alternative Avoiding problems is only easier in the short term putting things off can make them worse later on. It also gives me more time to worry about them!

30 DISPUTING CORE IBS: TYPE 2 Control To feel happy and be worthwhile I must achieve, succeed at whatever I do, and make no mistakes. Rational Alternative I will always seek to achieve as much as I can, but unfailing success and competence is unrealistic. Better I just accept myself as a person, separate from my performance. People should always do the right thing. When they behave obnoxiously, unfairly or selfishly, they must be blamed and punished. Rational Alternative It is unfortunate that people sometimes do bad things. But humans are not yet perfect, and upsetting myself will not change that reality. Things must be the way I want them to be, otherwise life will be intolerable. Rational Alternative There is no law which says that things have to be the way I want. It is disappointing when they are not, but I can stand it especially if I avoid awfulising about frustration and demanding that it not happen.

31 DISPUTING CORE IBS: TYPE 3 Perfection I should become upset when other people have problems and feel unhappy when they re sad. Rational Alternative: It is good to empathise with and help others, but I can t change their problems and bad feelings by getting myself upset. Every problem should have an ideal solution, and it is intolerable when one cannot be found. Rational Alternative: Problems usually have many possible solutions. It is better to stop waiting for the perfect one and get on with the best available. I can live with less than the ideal. I must worry about things that could be dangerous, unpleasant or frightening, otherwise they might happen. Rational Alternative Worrying about things that might go wrong will not stop them happening. It will, though, ensure I get upset and disturbed right now! My unhappiness is caused by things outside my control, so there is little I can do to feel any better. Rational Alternative Many external factors are outside my control. But it is my thoughts (not the externals) which cause my feelings - and I can learn to control my thoughts.

32 DISPUTING CORE IBS: TYPE 4 Peaceful I shouldn t have to feel discomfort and pain. I can t stand them and must avoid them at all costs. Rational alternative Why should I in particular not feel discomfort and pain? I don t like them, but I can stand them. Also, my life would be very restricted if I always avoided discomfort. Everyone needs to depend on someone stronger than themselves. Rational Alternative Relying on someone else can lead to dependent behaviour. It is OK to seek help, as long as I learn to trust myself and my own judgement.

33 THE ABCDE MODEL: USE IT EVERY DAY

34 E X E R C I S E I N T E R N A L PA U S E B U T T O N

35 How can we develop such an internal pause button? Through constant practice and detachment(bhagavad Gita verses ) Hindsight: We use 20/20 hindsight. We remember that we actually did engage in something we did not want to earlier in the day. We jot down notes about our experience, and become curious. ( Hey! Maybe I really do interrupt! ) Hindsight, closer in time: After several days, we become increasingly attuned to the behavior. We begin to notice it sooner. ( Oops! I just interrupted Anita! ) Still hindsight, but closer in time. In the moment observation: Soon, the internal observer, which we ve been cultivating, begins to notice what we re doing as we do it. ( I m interrupting Sheela right now! ) Because the bulk of our awareness is wrapped up in the critically important thing we re interrupting Sheela to say, we finish saying it anyway, but awareness is dawning. Before the moment observation, followed by alternate action: We begin to notice our impulse before the behavior. ( I feel my energy increasing and my back straightening. I feel impatient. I know what we should do. I m about to interrupt Anita. No, this time, I m going to hear her out instead. Slow down, relax, breathe, listen. ) Now, we are changing our behavior. But it happened simply, easily, almost by itself.

36 N E X T S E S S I O N W E W I L L L E A R N H OW TO I N C L U D E T H E S E L E A R N I N G S A S A PA RT O F T H E G R OW T H P L A N W E M A K E F O R O U R S E LV E S U N T I L T H E N S E L F AWA R E N E S S, S E L F AC C E P TA N C E A N D S E L F O B S E RVAT I O N!!

37 CONTENTS Complete test to find out your personality type ( The dominant two) Why Self Awareness? Importance of Self- Acceptance Understand the 4 basic personality types Identify your Strengths and Weaknesses Self observation exercise