Losing the Love of My Life. It was one bright but chilly Friday evening, February 20 th, as I ran off my

Transcription

1 Cierra Barnes December 6 th, 2017 Professor Weddington Creative Non- Fiction Manuscript Losing the Love of My Life It was one bright but chilly Friday evening, February 20 th, as I ran off my school bus. I was you re typical first grader who had so much anxiety and excitement as I ran into the arms of my dad. I looked forward to seeing him every week; due to my parent s divorce, I knew for sure I would see him every Friday. During the months prior we would spend our days with an abundant amount of laughter, riding bikes, or even playing hand games, such as shame, shame, shame. My twin, or in other words my dad always ensured that our time together was unforgettable. We would have an overwhelming amount of fun, enjoying each other s company, but this Friday was different. This specific Friday he was not himself. After picking me up from the bus stop, we went into my Aunt s house, and he sat down with exhaustion. I could see that the sickness of a cold was draining his body physically. His eyes were low, and draining coughs interrupted every other word. His shoulders were hunched over as if he was uncomfortable. Although he was not feeling like himself, we still played with my Barbie dolls. He kept his pure genuine smile on his face, and he didn t let the sickness interfere with the limited time we had together. As the day winded down, we winded down as well. I ended 1

2 my visit in my dad s warm arms, snuggled around me. I never would fathom the thought of that being the last day I would see my dad alive. That Friday night, I went home with my mother, and woke up the next day to the most horrifying news. My mother, grandmother, and aunt trampling into the front door awaked me the next morning. I ran down the stairs with the excitement of seeing my mother, but the worried looked on her face shut down my excitement immediately. She had the face of a devastated, and lost mother, who had to somehow explain to her six- year- old daughter, that her dad had passed away. She asked me to sit down, because she had something to tell me. I sat down, and listened carefully, just like the attentive first grader I was. As she opened her mouth, and said Cierra your dad passed away, I looked at her with confusion. You re joking, was my first response, because I did not believe her. No baby, I m serious, was her response to me, as the tears rolled down my face immediately. I was lost, I wanted to know how, where, when, and what time, but the words were not coming out fast enough. I could not picture in that moment my father being dead. My mother held me tight, as we sobbed together, in disbelief. With her comforting me, I felt safe, because I no longer had my dad as my protector. She was now my mother, and father. I remember asking my aunt, and grandmother what are y all crying for, because I didn t understand the impact his death had on all of us. As the week went by, I learned that my dad had suffered an asthma attack. It is believed by his sister, that during the early morning of his death, he was in the upstairs bathroom of his sister s home, trying to perform an asthma treatment on 2

3 himself, while running hot shower water. It is speculated that the hot steam from the shower, caused his lungs to close, not allowing a pathway for air. The asthma attack took over his body, and he collapsed and fell backwards down the stairs, hitting his head repeatedly; hours after, his sister found him lying at the bottom of the stairwell. Later my father was pronounced dead. The next morning my mother received the call that her ex husband had passed away. She later explained to me that, after she received that devastating news, she rushed over to my aunt s home where his body remained surrounded by paramedics. That morning my mom had to see the father of her daughter at his worst. My mother explained when she arrived to my aunt s house my dad s body was covered with a white sheet; similar to the hospital scenes in movies. She was able to move the sheet back, and give my dad one last kiss, and hug. Before leaving the home, she took my father s watch off his wrist. She gave me to the watch to have after, delivering the terrible news of my dad s death to me. My father s watch would be the only materialistic thing; I have left in his remembrance. During the week long process of making funeral arrangements, I went to school as your typical first grader, not emotionally disturbed. All my teachers were informed that I had lost my father and a few of my classmates knew as well. School felt the same for me; there were no emotional adjustments that occurred. My emotions didn t start taking over until Friday, which was the day before the funeral. This is the worst Friday of my life. The previous Friday before I was spending the best time of my life with my father, but exactly one week later, I was getting myself ready for his funeral. As we sat as his sister s house, we planned the itinerary for the 3

4 next day. Suddenly the next day came within a blink of an eye. Once again we were at his sister s house, loading our family into the limousines to head to the church where the funeral was being held. When we arrived to the church, my family and I were escorted to the front of the sanctuary, where we lined up to view my father s body. The emotion, I felt in that moment is still indescribable. My heart was heavy with grief, as I cried uncontrollably over his body. His body looked normal, but he did not look like he was at peace. He had on a brand new dusty brown plaid suit that my mom bought for him. I must say my mom made sure my dad looked his best, even at his worst. I felt him tell me he wasn t ready for heaven yet, as I glazed upon him in the casket. As I tried to walk away from his body, I could not move, as the loud sobbing of my mother silenced the entire sanctuary. Her sobbing took over her body, and the hearts of everyone who attended the funeral. As more friends, and family viewed the body, the church became so crowded. The service was beautiful, even in the midst of grief. The funeral service would be the last time; I would see my dad physically. Proceeding immediately after the funeral, our family, and friends headed to the cemetery, where we all officially said our good- byes to my father. It was cold and gloomy, like your typical February evening. As the closed casket entered the ground, I held onto my mother, because in that moment it was only she and I left. Her first, and only husband was gone, and I no longer had my father in my life. We headed back to the church to have dinner with family and friends as they gave us their deepest condolences, which lifted my spirits tremendously. Having support from all our friends, and family is what I cherished the most that day. They 4

5 showered me with love, condolences, and some even shared the great memories they had with my dad with me. The impact that dad had on everyone s lives was like no other. Ronnie Corneilous Barnes is remembered as a loving father and husband. He was the best father I could ever imagine having. He was the first love of my life. Ronnie loved me better than any man has ever loved me, in all of my 20 years of life. His heart was full of love, and he loved giving to others. His smile would brighten up you day, along with his laughter that could move mountains. We developed the best father- daughter relationship you could ever expect. He was my superman, and my omega, and despite my parents divorce, he was the best husband my mother had ever married. He was calm, understanding, and supportive to my mother throughout their marriage. Today my father s spirit lives through me emotionally, spiritually, and even physically. Everyday I reminisce on how great life would be if he were here physically. I know if he were still alive, we would spend even more time together than what we did during my youth. We would have conversations on the phone about boys, my first break- up, or disagreements between my mom and me. I would be able to experience my first father- daughter dance or treat him to dinner on Father s Day. He s been missed during my middle school promotion, and even high school graduation. He wasn t able to help me move into my college dorm as a freshman. I constantly think about how my wedding will be in the future. I will not have my dad to walk me down the aisle, and give me away like your typical bride; instead I ll have to find someone in his absence. 5

6 My father s absence has impacted my life, and the lives of other tremendously, but knowing that he is watching over me in heaven with his bright smile makes life a little sweeter. Although I have missed out on so many moments we could have spent together, knowing that he is my angel, that walks with me everyday, I cannot be bitter. I m overwhelmed with joy that I have made it this far. Never in a million years would I predict that I would make it to this state in my life where I m able to handle the absence of my dad emotionally. It has been 13 years, and I have become the rose that has grown from the concrete. I m grateful to be the daughter of a strong man, who raised me to his best ability. To be the first, and only daughter of now 49- year old Ronnie Corneilous Barnes is an honor. I have become a super woman, even without my super man. I have accomplished so much in life, such as getting accepted into college, getting my license, and soon I ll be graduating from Old Dominion University. I know my father is beyond proud of his baby girl. I have accomplished many things that my father did not in his lifetime. I believed that the death of my father would destroy me at such as young age, but God had a plan that it would not. 6