SAY GOODBYE TO REGRET: LIVING BEYOND THE WOULD-HAVES, COULD-HAVES, AND SHOULD-HAVES

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2 : LIVING BEYOND THE WOULD-HAVES, COULD-HAVES, AND SHOULD-HAVES If the doctor were to tell you that you have only six months to live, what would be your attitude toward your... Marriage: Would you leave behind a spouse whose memories of you were filled with love and affection? Vocation: Could you say that you spent your life in a career that you found truly fulfilling? Friendships: As you reviewed a list of people to give a testimonial at your funeral service, could you identify one or two people who loved you unconditionally and knew that you loved them? Children: Would your children be able to say about you one day, I never doubted that I was a priority with my mom and dad? Money: Could you say that you wisely used the money that God entrusted to you and that you had adequately provided for your loved ones? Ministry: How many people could you identify who will be in heaven as a direct result of your influence? Relationship with God: Would you be excited or fearful about the prospect of standing before your Creator? John Whittier was on target when he wrote, For of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these: It might have been. I am not afraid of dying. But what I do fear is approaching that event with a long list of if onlys. Like the Old Testament patriarch Abraham, I want to die satisfied with life (Genesis 25:8). There is an inseparable link between living well and dying well. The best way to assure that you die without regrets is to live without regrets. There are three foundational assumptions that we must understand before we can say goodbye to regrets. 2

3 THE CERTAINTY OF DEATH Many of us have difficulty accepting our mortality. We think that somehow we might escape death s sting. Why do I spend every morning (okay, most mornings) torturing my body on a NordicTrac exercise machine instead of sleeping in an extra half hour? Why do I gag down a bowl of fiber-rich cereal instead of the McDonald s sausage biscuit I desperately crave? One reason: I don t want to die. Yet such disciplines are only postponing the inevitable. The Bible speaks about the inevitability of death this way: It is the same for all. There is one fate for the righteous and for the wicked; for the good, for the clean, and for the unclean; for the man who offers a sacrifice and for the one who does not sacrifice. As the good man is, so is the sinner; as the swearer is, so is the one who is afraid to swear. This is an evil in all that is done under the sun, that there is one fate for all men. (Ecclesiastes 9:2 3) Statisticians tell us that on average one person somewhere in the world dies every second. That means 60 die every minute, 3,600 every hour, and 86,400 every day. As Augustine said, we are deafened by the clinking chains of mortality. Yet we continue to fly on as if we will live forever. If we are going to approach life s final hour without regrets, we must first of all accept the fact that that final hour is coming and probably sooner than we expect. 3

4 THE REALITY OF REGRET Final regrets have the power to extinguish the joy of an otherwise happy life. That is one reason I am determined to approach my death with a short list of if onlys. But regrets are not reserved for the dying. Many times it is some type of milestone that brings those regrets into sharp focus: A child s graduation from high school: If only I had spent more time with him/her, I would not regret so deeply their leaving. Termination from a job: If only I had worked harder, I would not have lost my job; or If only I had chosen another, less volatile career, I would be employed today. Retirement: If only I had saved more money in my younger years, I could have enjoyed these years more fully. Divorce: If only I had expended more effort in building this relationship, my marriage might not have ended. Rebellion of a teenager: If only I had spent more time instilling spiritual values into my child, maybe this would not have happened. Death of a mate: If only I had told him/her more often how I really felt, I would not be plagued with guilt. It doesn t always take a crisis to precipitate a case of if onlys. Sometimes just a few moments of quiet reflection can cause us to long for what might have been. God s Word tells us that we are to remove ANY weight that prevents us from living the kind of life God desires for us, including regrets: Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily hinders our progress. (Hebrews 12:1, NLT) The word translated sin actually means to miss the mark. Regrets are reminders that we have missed the mark. The best way to deal with regrets is not to avoid, deny, or erase them prematurely. Instead, we should view them as an indicator light pointing us to some needed life changes. 4

5 THE POSSIBILITY OF CHANGE All of us have the possibility of redirecting our time, our money, our emotions, and our energy in such a way that we both live and die without any regrets. Perhaps as you honestly evaluate your relationships, your career, your finances, your family life, and your relationship with God, you realize you have missed the mark both in what you have wanted, and more importantly, in what God has desired for your life. If so, I have some good news and bad news for you. The bad news is that there is nothing you can do to regain the lost time and opportunities of yesterday. But the good news is that there is plenty you can do to reshape tomorrow, as well as eternity. Teach us to number our days and recognize how few they are; help us to spend them as we should. (Psalm 90:12, TLB) I close with some powerful words from Danny Cox about the possibility of and our responsibility for change. I was so impressed by these words that I had them laminated and look at them every morning in my study... 5

6 DECLARATION OF PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY I currently possess everything I have truly wanted and deserved. My possessions, my savings, and my lifestyle are an exact mirror of me, my efforts, and my contribution to society. What I give, I get. If I am unhappy with what I have received, it is because, as yet, I have not paid the required price. I have lingered too long in the quibbling stage. I fully understand that time becomes a burden to me only when it is empty. The past is mine, and at this very moment I am purchasing another twenty-four hours of it. The future transitions quickly into the past at a control point called the present moment. I not only truly live at that point, but have full responsibility for the highest and best use of the irreplaceable now. I accept full responsibility for both the successes and failures in my life. If I am not what I desire to be at this point, what I am is my compromise. I choose no longer to compromise with my undeveloped potential. I am the sum of the total of choices I have made and continue to choose daily. What I now put under close scrutiny is the value of each upcoming choice. Therein lies the quality of my future lifestyle. Will my future belong to the old me or the new me? The answer depends on my attitude toward personal growth at this very moment. What time is left is all that counts, and that remaining time is my responsibility. With a newfound maturity I accept full responsibility for how good I can become at what is most important to me. 1 Discover what is really important to you in life and make the needed changes in those areas so that you might live and die without regrets. No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us. (Philippians 3:13-14, NLT) 1 Quoted in Robert H. Schuller, If It s Going to Be, It s Up to Me (San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco, 1997), This is an excerpt from from Dr. Jeffress book, Say Goodbye to Regret. Please contact Pathway to Victory at to order the book in its entirety. 6