What is a Family Constellation?

Transcription

1 What is a Family Constellation? Bert Hellinger brought together training and experiences from Southern African indigenous cultures (Zulu people), Arthur Janov (primal therapy) Eric Berne (transactional analysis) Milton Erickson (hypnosis and brief therapy), Joseph Moreno (psychodrama) Virginia Satir (family sculpture), Ivan Boszormenyi Nagy (invisible loyalties in ancestral family systems) to develop a therapy known as Family Constellations. Our life and our first appreciation of love come from a group experience known as the family. Hellinger identified underlying needs in the family system 1 The need to belong - that is for bonding 2 The need to maintain a balance of giving and taking - that is for equilibrium 3 The need for the safety of social convention and predictability - that is for order. Hellinger founded a method to offer what traditional culture offered to people in the past. This includes a sense of belonging and directions to living in harmony with natural laws. In many Indigenous groups today, these laws are a lifestyle that is passed from generation to generation. Natural laws are based on nature, and are those things that are unchangeable by human intervention. An example in families is that each person has two biological parents, one of whom is male and one female. Hellinger developed orders of love. He shows that love is at work behind all human behaviour, that there is a great need for balance in giving and taking and in gain and loss in the system and that every member living or dead has an equal right to belong. Family Constellations make visible the normally hidden dynamics operating in relationship systems, dynamics that could have been carried through the generations without awareness. It is then with acceptance and humility that the system can regain order and the flow of love be re-aligned.

2 How does it work? The first phase of a constellation involves identifying persons who belong to a system and events that have an effect on the system. This is done by way of an interview. Representatives are chosen for certain people, events or concepts. It is the combination of the client s information, the reactions of the representatives and the visual images of the constellations that indicate the search for resolutions. The second phase involves a search for an image of systemic balance and resolution with love. This leads to a constellation that is an image of what can be. We must expand our concepts and language to acknowledge the field of communication that exists between species, and the innate knowing that we carry in our body and psyche regarding the traumas of previous generations within our family systems. In 1999, Albrecht Mahr, MD named the knowing field. The knowing field is an informing field that is available in the systems constellation process providing key insights to human representatives who are standing representing particular components of a family system. When we work with the knowing field, we trust an older way of knowing. Though you are an individual, you are also built by nature to resonate intimately with other members of your species. There are two directions from which to facilitate a systems constellation. The first is more directive with the facilitator leading and the constellation follows. The other approach, the facilitator follows the movements of the constellation in a phenomenological, indigenous way of working. When incorporating nature or horses, it is imperative that the constellation be able to lead and the facilitator remains open in a stance of following with awareness.

3 What do representatives do? Family constellations provide a spatial map of the system. Representatives are chosen and step into the knowing field. It always helps to allow a few moments for everything to settle. Often the beginning of a constellation is best served by gentle observation. The most important instruction for Representatives is that it is not about their thoughts. It is vital to pay attention to their bodies, their feelings, their impetus for movement and in particular to their instinctive social reactions to other reps. Social geometry of humans is relatively universal. Constellations start with noticing the ways in which the arrangements of social geometry seem to support of else stand in the way of the client s stated goal. Why horses are good representatives. 17 discrete facial movements indicating mood or intention Fewer pre-conceptions so more real time information Everything that creates relationship helps heal Horses provide the truth in a way that people can t deny Horses live the group experience Access to the energetic information from the knowing field Horses are experts in non-verbal communication Horses are highly perceptive to changes.

4 Receiving love can be easier through a horse s eye than a human s eye. Peripheral awareness Remaining fully present in the moment Understand belonging, maintaining a balance of give and take and the need for order Truth Statements Truth statements short sentences that express the facts of a possible dynamic can be tested by asking reps to speak them and report on how it felt to do so. A facilitator from England (Judith Hemming) once referred to these as indisputable truths. This means that all involved would not dispute the truth of the statement. An example is You are my mother. Everyone has one biological mother and it is an indisputable truth for a child to say to it s mother this statement. It s difficult to define truth but it is not difficult to feel it. Resolutions Resolutions remove the need for a hidden loyalty by re-aligning the flow of life and love in the family system most pertinent to the positive shift the client wants to make. It s not what happens that generates later problematic hidden loyalties. It s how its processed, assimilated and accepted or not that makes the difference. Resolution can t be created. It has to emerge. Sometimes you consent to being stuck in no resolution and trust the process to continue.

5 What happens after a constellation? After a Family Constellation, do nothing, just allow the new image to take effect on it s own. No one else in your system has to change. The entire shift in the family system occurs as a result of a shift in your inner image. It is a change in your inner stance that may modify your contribution to the interactional cycles in the family system that may be a factor to change within the entire system. This is considered soul work and thus works in a time that is appropriate for your soul. This can sometimes mean months or years. It is often recommended that after a constellation, the person who did their constellation and all representatives and participants refrain from analysing. The point is not to make it cognitive, but to allow it to work in the body and soul of all involved. Stephan Hausner states Constellation work can be regarded as simply a treatment method, but in a wider sense it is a teaching of human relationships, a life philosophy, a life posture, and a way of living. (Hausner, S., 2011:285) Constellations for yourself. You and Your Heart: Walk quietly into an area with a horse or a herd. Choose a horse and with reverence say You are representing my heart. Then remain open to what happens next. Allow no more than 10 minutes. Who or What Inspired or Supported You Who was that person or persons who saw the light that shines in you; the one who, no matter what, understood and believed in you? Perhaps it wasn t a person but a horse, a place, a forest, the mountains or a beach, that when you saw it for the first time, your life was changed forever. To start the

6 constellation, choose one horse to represent each inspiration. Name each inspiration, Example You are representing my grandmother; You are representing the mountains where I find peace and then see what unfolds. Allow 10 minutes for the constellation. Afterwards, allow whatever happened to settle in your body. You don t need to do anything, or say anything. It will continue to work sometimes for months. Have an observer s stance, watching out for movements and any extra elements including horses that come in and represent voluntarily. What did they represent? Appendix. There are many more publications on Family Constellations however I wanted to share a few of my favourites that I believe are a good starting point. Whilst there is great benefit in reading, I believe experiencing Constellations in a workshop illuminates and brings to life the words in these pages. Hausner, S., Even if it Costs Me My Life: Systemic Constellations and Serious Illness, (2011) NY: Gestalt Press. Hellinger, Bert. (1998). Loves Hidden Symmetry: What Makes Love Work in Relationships, Phoenix, Arizona: Zeig Tucker & Co. Mason Boring, F. (2012). Connecting to Our Ancestral Past: Healing through Family Constellations, Ceremony and Ritual. North Atlantic Books, Berkeley, California. Mason Boring, F. (2013). Returning to Membership in Earth Community. Systemic Constellations with Nature. Colorado, Stream of Experience Productions. Mason Boring, F. (2015). Family Systems Constellations and other systems constellation adventures. Reddy, M. (2012). Health, Happiness & Family Constellations. Kimberton, PA: Reddyworks Press.