DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU VE GOT THERE? TIME: Over 5 minutes CAST BREAKDOWN: 4. TOPIC: Easter, Christian Living

Transcription

1 by Stephen D. Larson GENRE: Comedy SYNOPSIS: During an episode of Antiques on the Road, three guests bring in their items for appraisal with happy and not-so-happy results. However, the last person has in her possession an item that is far more valuable than meets the eye a necklace with a small wooden cross. DIRECTOR S TIP: Although the first and last items brought in for appraisal are valuable, the Appraiser s real enthusiasm should be for the cross and what it represents. Drama Ministry service@dramaministry.com ISSN Drama Ministry is a division of Belden Worship Resources TIME: Over 5 minutes CAST BREAKDOWN: 4 TOPIC: Easter, Christian Living SCRIPTURE REFERENCE: Ephesians 1:4, Matthew 25:34 CHURCH YEAR SEASON: Easter, Any SUGGESTED USE: Worship Service CHARACTERS: APPRAISER Very knowledgeable about the value of antiques, as well as the value of a relationship with Christ BILL SHABBY odd little English fellow EVA HAGANDASS loud Texas gal LINDA DANVERS young woman who brings in a small jeweled box for appraisal PROPS: Small table, unusual statue of a figure, large plate with gold rim, small jeweled box, necklace with small wooden cross, eye loupe for Appraiser COSTUMES: Character appropriate SOUND: Four wireless mics LIGHTING: General stage SETTING: The set of Antiques on the Road Publisher: Regi Stone Executive Editor: Kimberlee Crisafulli / Assistant Editor: Scott Crain Copyright 2011 by Drama Ministry. Material is intended for use by the subscriber in the subscriber s local church. With the exception of scripts, no issue may be reproduced by any means. As a subscriber, you may make as many copies of scripts as needed in your church only. You may perform the sketch as often as you wish at no additional cost. Scripts and performance rights arenot transferable between churches and cannot be resold. You may not use the sketch for any commercial or fundraising purpose, and usage rights do not extend to video, radio, television or film. 1

2 by Stephen D. Larson A small table is set up downstage with a small statuette on it. BILL SHABBY stands near the table, looking around with a goggle-eyed stare, like he s a few fries short of a Happy Meal. As the lights come up, the APPRAISER is at stage left. APPRAISER: Welcome back to Antiques on the Road. That was rather a unique item we had just before the break-a chair that goes back to Louis the 15th. But I feel certain that if Mr. Murgatroyd pays his bill, Louis will let him keep the chair. Anyway, on to our next anxious guest. Mr. Shabby, isn t it? SHABBY: (Thick and strange English accent) That s right, that s right, Bill Shabby. APPRAISER: And where are you from, Mr. Shabby? SHABBY: Oh, Just-a-Little-Spot-on-the-Map. APPRAISER: And what is the name of this quaint little town? SHABBY: That s it. Just-a-Little-Spot-on-the-Map. It s about 40 kilometers northwest of London. You go to Puddleby-on-Thames on the A232, take a left just past the Marquis o Granby pub If you come on Thursday, mind that you don t hit the pig in the road. He s always there on Thursdays; nobody knows why and go straight on through Little- Snodgrass-by-the-MiIl for about another five kilometers and there it is. APPRAISER: Well Mr. Shabby SHABBY: Call me Stinky. All my pals do. APPRAISER: Anyway, Mr. Shabby, let s have a look at what you ve brought in today. SHABBY hands him the odd-looking statue. The APPRAISER eyes it critically with his jeweler s loupe. APPRAISER: H mm. Interesting. Do you have any idea what you ve got there, Mr. Shabby? SHABBY: Well, yeah, it s a statue of some kind. I was cleaning out the muck pit a few years back and just dug it up. I ve been keeping it out in the shed with the goats. I think they like it. I wouldn t even be thinking about selling it only me Gran wants to patch the hole in the roof so her color telly won t get wet when it rains. Makes sparks and scares the parrot, so then he starts stutterin. (Imitating a parrot) P-p-p-polly wants a c-c-c-cracker! Gets on your nerves after a while. APPRAISER: I can see how it would. Anyway, Mr. Shabby, what you have here, to all appearances, is an original Smythe-Smythe-Portenborough statuette. 2

3 by Stephen D. Larson SHABBY: (With no clue as to what that means) You don t say? APPRAISER: Oh, yes. There s no mistaking the distinctive style. This is a piece of great historical value. Reginald Wellington Smythe-Smythe-Portenborough was at the cutting edge of his art in the 1680s, although he was largely ignored by his contemporaries. As a result, many of his pieces did not survive, but those few works that have been discovered intact are highly sought after by collectors and museums. SHABBY: Must be worth a bob or two, then? APPRAISER: The last piece sold for about $30,000 at auction, I believe. SHABBY: Thirty thousand quid, eh? I suppose we could get the roof patched with that. Better go call me Gran and let her know. Much obliged to you. SHABBY takes the statuette and exits as EVA enters carrying a large plate. APPRAISER: Let s move on to our next guest, Mrs. Eva Hagendass. Where are you from, Eva? EVA: (Rich Texas accent) Vestibule, Texas. Home of the Vestibule Varmints, Class 1A regional football champs back in 72. J.W. and me run the Set Yerself and Have a Cup Cafe. J.W. does all the cookin and I mind the tables with Irma Jean. (Shades her eyes with her hand and looks out into the audience) Irma Jean! Say howdy to the man! APPRAISER: Eva... EVA: Irma Jean! Huh! She musta headed off toward the paintings. She s been looking for one of those purty pictures of Elvis on black velvet, but you know, she s been having the darnedest time finding one. APPRAISER: Mrs. Hagandass. EVA: That s part of the reason we came down here, cause we figured APPRAISER: Hey! EVA: Did you want something, sugar? APPRAISER: Did you bring in something you wanted appraised? EVA: I sure did! Cast your eyeballs on that! She hands him the plate. The APPRAISER studies it. APPRAISER: Do you know anything of the history of this plate? 3

4 by Stephen D. Larson EVA: I sure do. J.W. got that plate from his Grandmama. She and J.W. s Granddaddy would have been married 65 years next month if Granddaddy hadn t died back in J.W. told me that plate has been in the family as long as he can remember and that the story in his family is that his great-great-granddaddy was given that plate by Sam Houston himself when he was governor of Texas. Lookee right there on the bottom. S.H And that s probably gotta be genuine gold around the edge there. Must be pretty valuable, huh? APPRAISER: Oh, I m sure it has a good deal of value if you want something to eat. Other than that... EVA: Are you pulling my leg? APPRAISER: I m afraid that J.W. or someone in his family has been stretching the truth a bit. This plate did come from Sam Houston EVA: I knew it! APPRAISER: But this particular Sam Houston was a manufacturer of cheap dinnerware in the late 1940s. The 1837 on the bottom indicates the lot number of this particular piece. Such pieces are classed as low-grade antiques and are actually quite common. You can find them at just about any flea market for around $10. EVA: Ten dollars! APPRAISER: I m sorry. EVA: Not half as sorry as J.W. when I get my hands on him. It ll be worth ten dollars just to see the look on his face when I break this over his head! She takes the plate and stomps out, passing LINDA as she enters. APPRAISER: Moving right along. Our next guest is Linda Danvers from Metropolis, Illinois. LINDA: Hi! APPRAISER: What did you bring in for us today, Linda? Shows him a small ornamental box of some sort. Suddenly, the APPRAISER gets excited. APPRAISER: Linda! Do you have any idea what you ve got there? LINDA: Well, I... I bought this at a flea market last year because I thought it was pretty and I really don t know if it s worth anything. 4

5 by Stephen D. Larson APPRAISER: That is a treasure not only of enormous historical value, but one of incalculable worth today, as well as an investment in the future. LINDA: (Lifting the box in awe) This little box? APPRAISER: No, no, not the box. This! He points to the cross pendant on her necklace. LINDA: This?! I bought it for two dollars at the bookstore. APPRAISER: You are a Christian, aren t you? LINDA: Yes. I trusted Christ in high school, but... APPRAISER: Well, then, do you know what you ve got there? LINDA: I m not sure I know what APPRAISER: Like all antiques, the value of that cross doesn t lie just in the materials it s made from, but rather in what it represents, its meaning, what it says out loud. Do you know what that cross says? From a historical perspective, it says that you were chosen by God himself to be one of his children, even before there was history. The Bible says you were chosen before the foundation of the world. LINDA: I guess I knew that, but I never thought much about it. APPRAISER: It says that 2,000 years ago, God stepped into history in the person of Jesus Christ to redeem you. He gave his life to forgive you of all your sins past, present, and future. It s hard to even imagine how much that s worth, isn t it? LINDA: It sure is But you said this cross has value today? APPRAISER: That s right. This cross says that you re rich! That the moment you believed in Jesus to save you, God gave you the wealth of heaven! You have his grace, his peace, his mercy, his power, and his might working for you for your good and through you for the good of others. Most Christians who have the cross can t even grasp all of the riches that are theirs right now. LINDA: You mentioned an investment in the future APPRAISER: That s right and it may be the most valuable of all. This cross says that from the moment of your salvation, you were sealed by the Holy Spirit. You were labeled saved forever. A place in Heaven was reserved for you and a mansion is being prepared for you as we speak. 5

6 by Stephen D. Larson And like any good investment, the good works you do now will pay off in heavenly dividends at an interest rate far surpassing your wildest expectations. This cross represents treasure in Heaven! LINDA: (Looking at her cross with new wonder) Wow! I guess I really didn t know what I had here all along. APPRAISER: That s all the time we have for now. Tune in next week for Antiques on the Road. He starts to escort LINDA offstage. LINDA: Just out of curiosity, is the box worth anything? APPRAISER: Compared to the cross? Hardly anything. Mid six figures at the most. They exit. LINDA: (Off-stage) Six figures?!...lights down. Copyright 2011 Stephen D. Larson, published by Drama Ministry PO Box 40387, Nashville, TN, Phone: Fax: service@dramaministry.com Material is intended for use by the subscriber in the subscriber s local church. With the exception of scripts, no issue of Drama Ministry may be reproduced by any means. As a subscriber, you may make as many copies of scripts as needed for your church only. You may perform the sketch as often as you wish at no additional cost. Scripts and performance rights are not transferable between churches and cannot be resold. You may not use the sketch for any commercial or fundraising purpose, and usage rights do not extend to video, radio, television or film outside your church. 6