How I Spent My Summer Vacation: Three Essays on Place and Meaning

Transcription

1 Brgham Young Unversty BYU ScholarsArchve All Theses and Dssertatons 984 How I Spent My Summer Vacaton: Three Essays on Place and Meanng Reed Evan Rchards Brgham Young Unversty - Provo Follow ths and addtonal works at: Part of the Englsh Language and Lterature Commons, Mormon Studes Commons, and the Rhetorc and Composton Commons BYU ScholarsArchve Ctaton Rchards, Reed Evan, "How I Spent My Summer Vacaton: Three Essays on Place and Meanng" (984). All Theses and Dssertatons Ths Thess s brought to you for free and open access by BYU ScholarsArchve. It has been accepted for ncluson n All Theses and Dssertatons by an authorzed admnstrator of BYU ScholarsArchve. For more nformaton, please contact scholarsarchve@byu.edu.

2 HOW SPENT MY SUMMER VACATION THREE ESSAYS ON PLACE AND MEANING A thess presented to the department of englsh brgham young unversty n partal fulfllment of the requrements for the degree master of arts by reed evan rchards aprl 984 go04

3 ths thess by reed evan rchards s accepted n ts present form by the department of englsh of brgham young unversty as satsfyng the thess requrement for the degree of master of arts G euehe e e england euele englan ommttee commttee charman V kj rd roy kurd burd Kubrd commttee member ft IA enc C ber verer graduate coordnator typed by erc and la p a jones

4 TABLE OF CONTENTS page acknowledgements acknowledgeflents Acknowledge ments and dedcatons v epgraphs epgraphy Ep v dsney as dreamer tour de force 43 A plgrmage to the mormon shrnes of llnos and mssour 65 postface ml

5 acknowledgements Acknowledgements and dedcatons the effcent cause thanks hs maten materal a I cause hs mom who pad s e f f c ent than ks h s mater for the trp and who deserves to be thanked for many thngs forma causes and gures father fgures agures nclude montagne browne emerson eugene eng en g I and steven wa I ker and roy 8b rd A I had a hand n the shap ng lke lke to thnk that there s some other fnal cause than just the th nk s f na need to get t over wth because I dot dont especally care to thank whoever came up wth all I al the rules regulatons and red tape we quxotcally call graduate school but guess n the meantme thanks a lot al all I 3 of you whoever you are you made me do t As to dedcatons dsney as dreamer s dedcated to my famly especal jlt jll ly especally mom jll and paul and especally you can get away wth dedcatng somethng to your cam famly ay y because theyll I ts thnk ts great no matter what but t somehow seems presumptous for an unproved wrter to go on dedcatng thngs to people outsde of mmedate famly as f they should be pleased or grateful for t A plgrmage to the mormon shrnes at llnos and mssourll Mssourll s strongly t s f t d ed catee felt fete t and Iss meant to be more than t s and f t had a dedcatee batee I the dedcatee would be roy brd vv

6 our whole I ves to ought o 0 be spent n travel ng ths road we ought to beg n n ear y th s shou ths should be the rst f concern when persons d become capable of actng when they frst set out n the won world I d they n f rst should set out on th s journey and we ought to travel on wth assduty ass du ty t ought to be the work of every day we should often thnk of our journeys ths th jounney end and make t nk t our dally daly work to travel on I y n n the way that leads to t he who s on a journey s often thnkng of the destned place and t s hs daly dally ay y care and busness to get along and to mprove hs tme to get towards hs journeys end thus should heaven be contnually n our thoughts and the mmedate entrance or passage to t vz death should be present wth us we ought to persevere n ths wayas as long as we lve ve lve al A I other concerns of lfe fe ought to be entrely ant ay y subordnate dubord n ate to ths when a man s on a journey all al the steps I he takes are subordnated to the am of gettng to hs journeys end and f he carres money or possessons wth hm t s to supply hm n hs journey so we ought who y subord dubord nate a I whol ly to subordnate al I ness our other busness ments and all our temporal enjoyments to tra ths affar of travellng to heaven jonathan edwards the chrstan plgrm v

7 others come let us take anothers come let us take anothers rebuld the house that adam bult words and change the meanng an meanng change the words wth opals evets bedroom we were born redecorate eves wth words but they were not our words but others smacked of the ktchen or of gods or devls worn and staned wth the blood of centures the sweat of peasants shal be shall shal shal we no the raw gold of kngs slaves to such nhertance let us sweep these skeleton leaves away blow them beyond the moon and from our anger our prde our btterness our sweetness too and what our kdneys say and what our hearts speak wth such voce as never babe heard and brng the curtan down on desolaton was ths rch tongue of ours shaped by our mothers has t no vrtue of ts own says nothng not sad before at church or between sheets must shakespeare wth hs phrase for the stormed heaven hot mdnght vened wth lghtnng babble only such mothers mlk as one tme wet hs cheek then lets be dumb walk n the lttle garden watch the wse thrust delght as once n egypt and hear the echoes of thermopylae and ths s peace to know our knowledge known to know ourselves but as old stones that sleep n gods mdstream of wreckage worn as smooth alls commonplace the jewel wth the rest the demon truth sharp as a maggot works hs destned passage through the absolute conrad aken preludes for memnon v

8 the sky of re relgons egons s a celng cel ng t ends the world t s a celng and screen snce n escapng from my heart the aspratons scle sce en E are not lost they are revealed aganst the sky and I thnkng myself lost fnd myself n them or n the mages of them projected on the celng abhorrng the nfnte relgons mprson us n a unverse as lmted as the unverse of prson but as unlmted for our hope n t lghts up perspectves just as sudden reveals gardens just as fresh characters just as monstrous deserts fountans and our more ardent love drawng greater rchness from the heart projects them on the thck walls and ths heart s sometmes explored so mnutely that al lows sl p a secret chamber s breached and allows a ray to slp through to alght on the door of a cel cell and to show god je jean genet the m racle f the rose mracle of v vlv

9 joseph smth 27 nov toh lord when wll the tme come when brother wllam thy servant and myself shall behold the day that we may stand together and gaze upon graven eternal wsdom engraven engraved upon the heavens whle the majesty of our god goldeth holdeth up the dark curtan untl we may read the round of eternty to the ful ness and satsfacton of our mmortal souls oh lord delver us n due tme from the lttle ttle narrow prson almost as t were a total darkness of paper pen and nk and a crooked broken scattered and mperfect language from a letter to wllam W phelps v

10 dsney as dreamer now you can vsualze anythng your mnd can fantasze walt dsney D sney aney t s a dsheartenng thng that adae adventure should become a ture spectace that pursut so nsttutonalzed ast tut and ngrown that the only spectacle I y pursu kursu t s perhaps somethng a lttle ttle more than quant s the adventure seekers themselves and the only danger s beng slowly trampled by crowds f you take a pcture here you may not be focussng on the toursts but you wll wll wt certanly not be focussng ussng on the place call t a pcture of the experence of dsneyworld Dsney but world there s no experence no dsneyworld Dsney thout wthout w world us here just a lot of unconvncng buldngs and structures unconvncng unless you have a lot of people near them lookng convnced the best pcture of the dsneyworld Dsney experence world s a pcture of thousands of pars of feet movng determnedly to futureworld Future world or fantasyland Fantasy land or adventureland tand thousands of tanned thghs sunburnt sweaty necks a look of panful hlarty on the face of an anonymous mddle amercan a colorful par of bermuda shorts gldng past n the ar

11 2 postcard scard Po from daytona beach at a convenence ence store n daytona beach everyone went n whle n n e put gas n the van gray blue A b I unwaxed waxed camaro pulled up I on the other sde of the pumps ts rado was playng the knd of boulder bran heavy rock teens on ludes sten to but the volume was down two surfers bleached and burned to an early mddle age breezed out A hgh tde t seemed here was the ocean and ts debrs several blocks nland the amercan coastlnes tattered frnges unravelng they were no more than a part of the tropcal ocean weather wet salty hot breeze and green shade mldew and rust wrnkles m n a n k I n sa smooth empty sky brne barbturate and beer washed clean nsde and out just more tngs nore lnore tropcal vegetaton smles and greo greetngs utah thats a long drve how long dd t take you about three and a half days to brmngham weve been sghtseeng snce that where dd you go what do you thnk of florda lke florda a lot weve been to panama beach and down I through central florda and to panama beach snt much humdty tys well theres no surf and the humdtyss you ve ry you stayng here at daytona beach very long panama beach thats some hllbllys dea of an ocean hey youre not gong to y leave wthout gong to dsneyworld Dsney are you ts the funnest bunnest place n ala the way I the world you cant come all I d from utah no of course not we wouldnt come ths far wthout seeng alno lno dsneyword D I d

12 3 hey flordas Flo a great place best place n the world snt t you ddnt pck the best tme of year weather wse have you got a map ll ll show you the best I way to get to dsneyworld Dsney d and cypress gardens thats real close so you dont want to mss that pr de p I ace prde of place makes the natves nat ves espec espee especally the adopted natves a I y rdas who domnate flordas Flo coast see strangers as cs stupd and lucky as f f ortu tous ca I we made a fortutous wrong turn on our way to calforna f and f a f dsneyworld Dsney were the funnest bunnest place n the world these guys would be lvng n orlando and not on the coast theyre not the type to settle for second funnest bunnest nest we on the other hand have the rght to thnk dsneyworld Dsney s world the greatest f we want to dont want to cant born and bred desert awe dwellersers ens know the value of wthheld I w d pleasure the pleasure that banalty nduces by comng to an end p I basure basure bana I ty com ng tahe sometmes dsneyworld Dsney s a paradgm for the folly of sngle y mndedness n the pursut of sensaton not everybody was born knowng these thngs not these college lege dropout md sxtes elvs beach party holdovers ths frendly debrs ve never been to utah thats cowboy country was gong to ask f youre youtre coutre a mormon but they dont beleve leve belleve n modern convenences ke vans and that do they are you a mormon do you ever see any ke ar cowboys know any any cowboys you dont thnk about t but those farmers and steelworkers rednecks and truckers and mners and steel workers and teenagers tearng up and down the roads up to the canyons and down to the lake and drnkers and ard arld and crac kerbox smokers and drug addcts n crackerbox houses and wendover gamblers and county far rowdes and carnes and people

13 4 gettng sck drunk on ferrs wheels at rodeo 0 rodg concessons they al must be what used to be cowboys they arent much I ke matt d on and mss ktty or even monte walsh or calamty jane everyone these days s full of sentments and atttudes and opnons ful and full of other thngs too but none have proper values aos uos lke barbara stanwyck I dd n the bg valley or john wayne dd n all hs pctures the values gene autrey and roy rogers and the sons of the poneers sang about nowadays the rednecks lsten to sad songs about adultery and crme sung by the lkes of mel T me tl cr me s s mer e and merle haggard the kds go for heavy metal they dot dont gve a gol darn about gong over the next rdge to help a frend or barn ben barl ther fsts to protect a lady honor or be n home on the range wherever and whatever that s ladys they just do whatever they want to do and most of the tme theyre theye theyne up to no good they mght lke you or they mght hate m you m cht aht but f they hate you t s wthout cause and wthout appeasement so you better stand out of ther way once ths cowboy was gong to kll s I me wth hs bare hands because was a wmp he was drnkng was clean cut and sober playng n the band n ths bar and the drunker he got the more he hated me dont know how I got out of that one guess was lucky maybe he was the wmp at the belar n prce hppes sold drugs whte le bands whle cowboys danced to our band versons of charle prde and johnny cash one of our charl e staples was that self satsfed hokey oke from rom l muskogee followed up by cometh somethng lke a lmpng na mr tamborne man or a bogg joggng n9 shambala shambaa the cowboys were gradually becomng acquanted wth the mellow joy of acd and beer I d the hppes were learnng to treat ther

14 5 women rough n publc and o 0 wear pony polny n pub I c to po nty cony toed cowboy boots two strans of the wld west had begun to converge W d vergel there s a lot of pan nvolved wth beng a cowboy or wth beng a blot on a cowboys landscape ask ther women they lke t people dont expatrate themselves from somewhere else to become cowboys the same samo way they do to become surfers or sk bums those who drft nto t from elsewhere were actual ly born to the ethos and n some way predestned to fnd ther way to the submerged populaton to whch they are mysterously and unavodably bonded ts ts the ambence the aura when they sense t on however fant a breeze from however great a dstance stance they are drawn they thoy go and fall d n fal n place n p I ts karma lke the woman up the street from where ve she s from oho but you would never know t to hear her drawl she ss marred accordng to some defnton and her husband s not such t n on lon s a jerk but they have separate nghts out on the town at the same bar she always looks beat up she goes wth her frends once a week so she says but thnk t s more often and gets drunk and stomps to that good old country and western wth other cowboys lookng to spend stuperous stuporous sweaty erous nghts one at a tme wth women who dont care about much and who from the looks of them dont have much choce beyond a certan n low I eve tevel level of looks and I nte ntellgence hose whose bed they wll groan ante I gence w w and perate supperate suppurate n she tres to kll herself every elvery so often the onlyy deop peoplee she has to encourage her not to are frends just lke f r ends j ust lke her somebody once reported her to welfare because she beats her kds I horrbly and her house s flthy wth lce cockroaches and cat turds burds made her hoppn mad know who t was

15 6 we I pa wel desent dwel dael cowboys are desert awe lers ers and they take a tot lot of pan n wth therr pleasure w p I that makes ther tves basure the r lves some knd of poetry k but as to surfers walkng and breathng surf and dyng of skn cancer before theyve even had a chance to drown t s nconcevable that t wou aou wouldd ever occur to them to trvalzev ther hedonsm wth poetry a tr ze the r hed on sm w th tt s nether because they know so lttlee nor know so much that they have s ne ther proceeded beyond nto a crashng slence of thought hardly dsturbed stubbed y d nto crash ng s ence by a lttle bt of sun worshppng small talk they just have whether they have found chaos or transcendence hardly matters envy them somehow and then there are those drawn by an ntense mpossble nostalga to alternatves they wll never have the rght or nerve to choose laughter and I loud musc from shny cars parked wth ther doors open at the edges of felds on brght late summer days on the road freedom sherbet on carrbean carrdean Carr terraces and embraces so sweet and full t brngs tears to your eyes to magne them anonymty dsappearance from all the people and knowledge and responsbltes that na one nall nal ones crumblng feet to the crumb earth where one stands there are those whose best frendshps are always somewhere else who want e lse to lve n paradse but for whom paradse s what t s smply because they dont have the guts to take one step further to sprnt across the rutted cars cans empty felds to where the shny car can doors wat open for them they wll not fall n place they never turn ther backs on the gulf separatng them from ther desres but they grow a ttle btter am one of those totravel t s good to travel t s even good to travel alone once on

16 7 n ange a nne day drft n n los angeles receved ne d r es ald ad from a man who lved n a d f w I n watts ths s how I came to be frends wth three of four people wth whom ordnary crcumstances would not have been able to convnce me had anythng n common the same went for them was too nave ttle sad to be amazed but they were not leavng was a I lttle had to come home ths trp through the south was flled wth prvate excursons of the mnd but mere thought even the most vvd dreamng bars the possblty of arrval at any sort of destnaton except the startng pont there s no escape from the journey mode the tourst class fantaszng want to get somewhere and stay but am always where I am alm lm watng for somethng to happen m dont thnk t ever wll

17 8 now you can vsualze anythng your mnd can fantasze walt dsney frst attempt do not read ths attempt t s only a joke what would my mnd do wthout me our relatonshp s ntmate we seem to depend a great deal upon each other me and my mnd t s dffcult to decde however whether t s or my mnd that ncepts whether sncej do the vsualzng sncee v the vsual mage precedes the sua I z ng v sua I mage fantasy a fantasy can be much more elaborate than a mere mage or whether the fantasy precedes the mage n whch case the fantasy must be purely abstract lngustng possbly an mpossble narratve a story wth pctures A reversal of the orgnal understandng of ols Ds dsneys neys subtle statement makes ths mpossble to determne what campat b ty m nd dsney aney seems to say s an orgnal compatblty D s between my mnd and g I me n my prmeval obtuseness really beleve ths but walter only acqua pretends to actually turns out even more bascally to be an y antagonsm f you contemplate ths thnk my mnd and I are polarzed and do not mx even as well as ol oll I m x I 0 0 and water and y contemp bontemp contemp contemplate your bontemp contemplaton at on you wll dscover the truth of w d my scover pont or my mnds ads pont to whch part does my command at frst po nt m nds po nt wh ch f rst appeal and whch part ntercepts the mpulse and brngs t to conscous actvty or have got the pattern rght at all g a do I thngs really work ths way they must they do because dsney sad s y tes f al lows so not that les h tes el s the authorty but f language allows the dstncton then the moment t does so the dstncton comes nto beng and must be grappled wth wth more language and brought to some

18 9 semblance of order maybe dsney s the expert hs word has brought many thngs new nto the world f settle the queston of ncepton favorng ether my mnd or me have no way of knowng whch orgnated the settlng of the matter and whether the orgnator whch has frst remote say or the nterceptor whch has fnal say powerful ly or conclusvely presents ts concluson or f no most powerfully matter whether t s the mnd or me that orgnates assumng the orgnator to be the more powerful of us two or even assumng the nterceptor the more drect communcator to be more powerful n whch case t should read above no matter whether t s the mnd or me that ntercepts and communcates whchever Elver one t s s n any way prejudced n such a way as to favor tself n gvng precedence n statng tself as the orgnator f thats thas the one t wants to be or the more powerful whchever one that s consder further does the orgnator orgnate the nterceptor or s t even possble that the nterceptor orgnates the orgnator to gve tself somethng to ntercept say my mnd comes up wth the fantasy and I ask t dd you come up wth ths before the mage that tha walt dsney and both thnk that came c me up wth and not you no matter what my mnd w m answers how wll w know t s true does my mnd have t n for me you may object don you ask yourself the queston snce you why dont are n a much better poston skeptcal as you are of your mnd to know whether you are lyng or tellng the truth than you are to know the same thng of your mnd can only reply f already dont know what good s askng me gong to do f am hdng somethng from myself must have a reason not to reveal t just askng the

19 0 queston snt gong to 0 o make me relent and tell the truth s t even ff co do relent ent and te the truth how do I know that whatever the answer s t snt s t ant the mnd once agan msleadng me rne roe m n m s I ff t s t may hogte dogte and gag the more powerful t f u hogt I e gay me at w or over overshout overshoot me and I e for ts ts own gan and try to take a greater porton of the ego e f or ga n port on than s ts due but of course beng stronger whatever porton t can obtan s ts due or a greater porton of the d m not sure whch what am supera sure of s that the superfluous uous superego s not bous nvolved n the struggle that wmp puts ts face to the publc cleans up and explans what t has to to make everythng look atl all al rght whle hdden from vew my mnd and I crcle each other fangs bared someone cant U say I I that s only half of t s dreamng

20 second attempt wthout me my mnd wouldnt know what t cannot see then where wou aou would t d be when t travels alone t goes blndly bumpng nto tself f that ss to say colldng wth objects created by the d w oba acts magnaton treadng on ts own heels t gropes toward the thng I s t t w shes that precedes t t wshes t ashes t could I d vsualze I the way other lonesome gonesome trave travelersers ke you and me see ourselves n the leaves of the baobab n ke ourse eaves tree and hear our own voces n the slence of the graffe n s g f e phout m nd wou d noth ng wthout my mnd W I aou would have nothng to I look ook at may see but when I close my eyes there wll be nothng and then when I open them there wll stll be nothng

21 2 double exposure A warnng to travelers the less sad the better about crafty campground managers who put nave utahns utahna hypnotcal ly happy to be near any substantal who are hypnotc al body of water n the most mserablee spot n the place a n m serab n p I ace dsenfranchsed KOA somewhere n central florda between cypress gardens and dsneyworld Dsney world unaware of the dangers lurkng there water s a fatal attracton conceved n ard lands and at home t draws us to the edges of and even nto rare ponds choked wth algae and duck w a I feces and reservors of breathtakng frgdty drvng across country eastward one watches rvers grow n number and sze and the n s scorched landscape change from the drab pallet of sunscorched pal let yellow low gray brown gray clay red and dusty blue of dstances to the green gradual ay spectrum gradually t seems that y every one of the seventeen varetes of green the human eye s capable of dstngushng must be gathered nto one place pne palmetto kudzu bluegrass biu utals utahts ubals dry cottonwoods and junegrass dsappear behnd a thousand mle mlle wal I of proflgate vegetaton untl even the forests back n utah seem sparse here everywhere there are prstne ponds and lakes slver and blue and green unweathered unscarred n utah every puddle s a resort never uncut n good weather or n bad by skates sks or the trals of boats and swmmers A trckle of gutter sze s a rver the bggest rvers can be waded across n a few steps the msssspp cant can real be ly a rver t y can only be a very long r ver t on I y lake beng ong brown pul put led slowly nto the gulf of mexco n a large ange part of the south arge the ndan word for rver must be hatche hatchell because they are thsahatche and thatahatche Thata hatche and swamps oakes lakes wth trees growng

22 3 thaahatche out of them are the thsahatche swamp and Thata thatahatche hatche swamp the swamps come rght up to the road and so does the ocean n northwest florda and n many places t goes rght on past F the road I n p t I r aht and there you are drvng across mles of saltwater where there may be seaturtles dr v ng m es sa atwate r twate turtles and scarf starfsh sh and whales and sharks the ocean begns at I panama cty where the beaches are purest whte and the ar s so most you need to spoon t up to breathe t and t seems to have ts own sluggsh tdes and undertows more so than the water stand at the waters placd p edge and I ook look d w took down and you wll see schools of small smal I s I f fsh tke lke mnnows dartng about no more wave tossed I m snows than ff they were n an aguar aquarum um n srte of the auf muffled f thunder I n spte n sp te muf there s no lghtnng you thnk the weather s probably sunny you see a brght round spot n the sky but the humdty eats nto ts edges and fades landmarks only ay y a hundred yards away there are a few drops of ran no vsble clouds ths s lvng underwater all s s v that dvdes you from the ocean s color blue blue n spte d of no v des f s or b I b I n sp te sky lay beacs face down on a blanket on panama beachs beacha whte beach gettng whte sand nsde my shrt and nsde my pants and nsde my shoes A hundred yards east was a long per and past t everythng dsappeared and n the hundred vsble yards to the west youths and ther grls gamboled wth boled what to my mnd was the lstless energy of humd clmes and even then thought how can anythng move ths s where everythng stops the van the wnd the water wakefulness but the tred utah bran s more ard than these surroundngs and t must cast about lstlessly for equlbrum for mmerson for sleep

23 4 t goes n and comes out and goes n arld and ard and comes out wth my eyes closed heard them movng up and down the beach laughng and n and out of the ocean n my half sleep half dreamed woke n the dew soaked sheets thnkng the tent had collapsed and the shorelne rsen past our heads someone sad an allgator had been spotted n the lake downshore from the campground ths s the sort of rumor that edfes the toursts that every remote place s new and old rotatonally t presents a newness or an the law of the vst states rotatonal and evdental unexpectedness that makes the traveler newly aware of hmself n unfamlar surroundngs on the evdental sde there s the myth that precedes the traveler emoton that fles les I fles forward and attaches tselff tsel to the place the each place has ts own evdences ts fulfllng lng romantc detals mountans fjords palm trees beaches orental archtecture allgators dest nat ons accord ng f antas es al r rl gators we choose our destnatons accordng to our fantases wth small encouragement we ft t our destnatons to our desres W f dest rat ons des res thats what crafty campground managers know water for the thrsty westerners evdental allgators for the tropcal romantcsts most people not from the tropcs have some of that romantcsm our fantases are based at least partly on key l largo and bwana awana oev dev and haggard and buchan and burroughs edgar rce we are entced there by passon and danger the allgator was an element of danger a I gator devl wthout t florda would have been somethng less may have been exhausted to the pont of despar and uncomfortable beyond magnng but was not dsapponted had seen crocodles n afrca and slept soundly n a compound knowng they were not half a mlle mle off y n ng I f m e of f n

24 5 F I or fenceless ess florda sleepng or tryng to n a three walled tent s I beep n I someth cometh had somethng more o n cypress gardens to th n k accord ng a I 0 thnk about accordng to the al I dator an gator handler allgator n a warms n strange ways to I human n ndness edness kndnessk and s akely to end up btng off much more than just the s kely t I y b ng of f j ust hand that feeds t whether out of affecton s besde the pont wondered whether based on ths prncple of the generalzng appette crocov lan an crocodlan supposng our local crocod were to wander nto the tent and eat paul t mght also want to eat rne me long before mornng t was evdent that my fears had been msplaced the al gaton couldd gator not a have I v c ous been more vcous or done more damage than the mosqutoes you marnate younse yourself all over wth I f mar nate yourse al w th a grtty nsect repellent that nauseates the entre body wth what effect f berkeley had lved n the tropcs nstead of askng slly questons about trees n forests he mght hae have asked whether f you soak yourself wth repellent and awaken n the mornng draned of your meager eght salty pnts phlosophy has any way of dscoverng that any bosqu mosqutoes were actual acqua y ly repel led repe probab probabl aou wouldd have and he probablyy pa n f u I gven the queston up as too useless and too panful and the ess course of modern phlosophy would have been much dfferent aou d d f f you hear them all nght long n ther spral patterns above the crcular landng strp of the ear those that pass by you never hear ths romantc p s c ethos cant the mosqutoes and the tsetse fles and the malara and cephal the yel low fever and the encephala ts be left let lel el t to susan hayward and stewart granger and the natves cant they just suck the blood of alen alten len quarterman and bomba the jungle boy As long as the whte traveler or the brown hero encounters them n fcton they are

25 6 romantc they partake of the romant romantc m c c leu m to do one mght begn to exercse ones begat negatve capablty m exerc exert se negat encountered n the flesh on the flesh they are the populaton host e and hungry and then at some pont on a sleepless nght havng precous lttle else delrously y- aht beg n hostle calab ty and wonder what we are to them any antagonst s a hero n hs own world and these at tmes seemed to assault us wth byronc fervor and fatalty by mornng I couldnt remember havng slept except that t seemed that had dreamed of unreal shadows passng n a half lght whch were probably the desultory flock of geese wth ther hdeously tumored blls wanderng near the lakeshore shore n the early dawn hope they were on ther way to eat the larvae of any and all nsect vermn I ah the lfe cycle the food chan we were part of t too sent as we were as offerngs to the edge of the lake to attract mosqutoes al and allgators away from the better traveled longer termed gators entele bentele ca c clentele len

26 7 transton trave gves axce lent opportun opportune us an excel ortun ty to 0 o know each other n n travel ent portun unexpected ways or n ways all too well expected the proxmty t nto has ts delghtful forces arces us nto de ghtf ghaf makes u opportune ortun t a deadly ES I y t opportuntes but t combnaton wth fatgue rrtablty and annoyance fall far short of descrbng the atmosphere of the pages that wll not follow had attempts to say consdered ncludng fragments of my attempts somethng ntellgble about the shudderng frgd ambence we carred wth us t mes at tmes we followed blowed a dark cloud much of the journey between eternal sorrows and flutterng pancs and demand and schemes and unfarnesses nesses that stll return regretfully but quckly at the hnt of a summonng hardly know how to go about descrbng my memores of waythat the loves we faled to show n a way that s at all knd ether to myself or to the rest of us had consdered ncludng fragments of my attempts to do so at the same tme cancellng the fragments wth heavy I nes lnes but real realzed that should be no more dsposed to do that when I thought clearly of ts rnel mplcatons rnpl catons ons lons than would leave photographs n an album or sldes n a carousel n a I s I n chron carousal that chroncle my or c e I my famly most mserable moments f famlys lys had actually taken the pctures coures n the frst p place and stuck them on the n f p page I aou would I d surely I y wou have come back later ater and done more than draw nes through them or face them away from the casual vewer and when they were gone would have moved other pctures up to take ther places

27 8 now you can vsualze anythng your mnd can fantasze asney walt D dsney dsney as dreamer here s our protagonst watt s st wa I t D sney walt dsney aney lke lke mary baker eddys god through whose dreams we move he s old and older and brght beyond descrpton although he subsumes us he s cold and dstant lke all dreamers we wll be dsllusoned at hs awakenng dsneyworld Dsney world s al about fantasy and technology the ways they sney shes work together the ways so dsney aney wshes you to bel eve D w ashes I leve and so he strangelyy makes you wsh to bel eve leve w sh be cart calt have one wthout phout the you cant eve w thout other technology eats nto our dreams ths s called fulfllment and convnces us that what we get s what we wanted or s just as good as what we dreamed dsney aney s always sayng beyond your w dest D s a I w magnaton thnk he may have nvented that expresson or I nothng s more magc than ths well then so much for th s f 0 r wa I t D sney fantasy A rumor has tt that walt dsney aney s cryogen ca s y preserved barely dead to be thawed and revved and cured of whatever aled hm at such a tme as technology and medcne permt ml ff al goes accordng to hs predctons the ones you keel keep hearng n futureworld Future the technology the sleeper awakes to wll be such a dream beyond hs wldest magnaton hell look ook at t and know that t s he I t t s good and take the credt no mystery n death what death wll become n technology wll be what weve been cal n lechno ogy agy w cred t w centar es t for centures a ng t f or centur slumber but let tt al happen mounta on space mountan put hm n a car n h m n and pull all I a sw I al the swtches aches at once let hm wake to blndng lghts

28 9 and ear sp tng tt I ng be I s btng bells and srens wth whplash w p I th s s not to say I ddnt have a good tme really t was a s d dn t t me rea y t good tme enjoyed gasn wasnt t at least as much as mom dd t wasn a fulfllment of fantasy because had never fantaszed about t whch may ndcate some knd of sprtual falng on part jll my J had fantaszed know because she went absolutely wld nearly panckng at tmes worryng that we wouldnt have tme to see everythng and rde every rde there was she trekked from rde to rde and show to show wth such manc determnaton that am tm sure she must have m squeezed out of the place every last drop of enjoyment there was to be had whch may be why dsneyworld Dsney was the rather ard pleasure t was to me t was fun let me say agan but she was havng enough fun for ten people so that our own pleasure supervsed as t was by her seemed a lttle redundant the real fan of futurstc fun the devotee of a mechancal ly contrved and manpulated past the dyl dyllc c dshan retrospectve dsnan wll tell you that dsneyworld Dsney world whch to our great good fortune exsts as a place on the map s just as much an experence a state of mnd f ths s true t s a chld verson of madness the pural purblnd unadulterated unencroachable dzzy pleasure they fegn when they toss themselves about and say whee look lmm gong crazy ths s dsneyworld Dsney world a state of mnd from whch the only ext s a madness ch ds removal of oneself from the whrlng landscape dsneyworld Dsney s a cul de sac a lobotomy the glant gantg ego that swallows thousands of aws I ds dally daly y and has swallowed most of central florda one bg advertsement for tselff

29 20 to f you go o 0 dsneyworld Dsney be prepared to be consumed be prepared to 0o be taken to 0o peces swallowed and then too 0 be rattled around n somebody e I ses head for a whle peop n f or wh e deop ee say od old dd D sney aney ID d dream ths up or ths was dsneys os Ds olsneys dsney dream dreama thnkng they are usng the term the way martn luther kng dd when he sad have a I dream because have a plan or lve ve thought about a socety based I ve rac a I equa on racal equal ty and I thnk s ts a good I ty th nk dealt dea deall aou wouldd not have had that charsmatc rng to t martn luther kng moved deop people I e wth w hs s n K character and hs rhetorc to work toward fulf fulc fulfllng ng hs dream to date t s a noble e falure dsney also a man wth charsma had a dream too but that dream was hs charsma hs ab abl ablty ty to draw a crowd kng and dsney were masters of rhetorc remember how charmed sneys we were when dsney ntroduced hs televson shows dsney neys D rhetorc was commerca commerco merca lowbrow brow n other words and how convncng t all was how easly we were convnced by the advertsng that s why I am here now too lowbrow for martn luther kng we saw the pctures heard the PR and sad we gotta go we gotta have fun wth the mental ty of the anmals n the fable who were entced nto the old os ons los lons cave there were many tracks gong n but none comng out just lke lke here because when we leave we take E dsneyworld Dsney world wth us many of us lke lke my sster ster brng t wth us t w when we come for al I of us the ferry journey across the lagoon to the fun park s a journey across the styx for on the other sde we fnd paradse os Ds olsneys dsney dsneys lfe after death the most we can hope for out of lfe we better belter betten be satsfed we have baen been bren consumed utopans and futursts kng dsney buckmnster fuller ronald

30 2 reagan the sovets the young redub republcans gay actvsts adventsts sov ets act v sts ats advent sts ats and ml m en I sts ena enac sts ats nazss doctors psychatrsts ats gardeners teachers a I psych atr sts anyone who gets out of bed any tme durng the day should take note lncoln steffens was wrong the future does not work or f t does t s on a small degraded scale all the world may become dsney world but the soc al dsneyworld socal w lal dreamers and the dreamers of ndvdual dreams wll have no reason to rejoce for the lot of shuntng and herdng and submsson to artfcal stmulaton n store for them thus the only I y future that works s a commercal future and somebody else always has the money and the comfort somebody else can afford real paradse somebody else must dscover that accomplshed desres necesstate a new more terrble struggle for perpetuaton and aganst eroson and at some pont the lttle man n the crowd understandng the death of hs own desre comes to hope that f most machnes must run down they all wll and ths one especally and then he wll have the w last laugh hs wsh wll come true dsneyworld Dsney s proof that there utopan future but no utopa s u to plan conflct free of struggle and conal confl lct no tme to be ganed that wll be we may el elmnate conflcts mtate the confl conal ds we presentlyy struggle scrugg n aganst each other aganst earth but we wll n ast ast w strugge never wn the battle aganst tme what we project we may have the good fortune to create or accomplsh but once a thng comes nto exstence t s flledf more than anythng else wth a need to reman ted led n exstence for black people every vctory s somethng that must wll be held onto tghtly or t w I be lost even after t s won nn one sense dsneys Ds neys plan betters kng but kngs guess n the long run only very slghtly ts means of perpetuaton was bult butt n was n fact bul t

31 22 the germ out of whch the dream grew magnaton bult ts structure on a foundaton of commerce the dream wll contnue for a tme but not nearly as long as the stars on whch dsney and kng wshed n fact dsney says when you wsh upon a star t makes no dfference where you are whe re t makes no dfference d f ference on the ar n the paper on a balcony n memphs tennessee you whsper to the stars spen and they al whsper a I I back you sper st and your dream wll not outlast us stll some dreams matter w some dont quest guest onab some dreamers of dreams of questonable bonab e value I I dare defyy the cosmos but when dsney wakes from hs deepj deepa cold sleep even f he fnds hmself kng of the world and the whole world s a dsney world he wll know enough about oblvon to know that none of t matters sneys dsneys Ds neys dream may not be at al I a D a I p sp r tua dangerous place sprtual ly I y morally poltcally but somethng lke an deology s at work there counterfe counterfet as that deology may be t s a futursm and any futursm projects a set of values nto the future t would sound slly to oba object act to dsneyworld Dsney on the y grounds D d s t soc a I ground that t has no socal or sprtual value because that s rrelevant frst of all dsneyworld Dsney presents tself as beng free or empty of al all d sneywor d t al such serousness but ts very vacuousness makes t all al at the more seductve a substtute for substantal and dffcult dreams of a real utopa rather than beng a dream that radates socal meanng dsneyworld Dsney mplores mplodes world s a dream that pulls Is everythng toward tself t lodes t consumes every unt of energy t uses and every bt of a I matter s dedcated to nothng other than promotng dsneyworld Dsney to subtly and not so subtly y persuadng you to stay and then come back

32 25 23 tomorrow and then come back agan next year and aga n te telt tell tel all a al your I f frendsr and acquantances how much fun you had or thnk you had the dsney deology s a complex one t s a smple mperatve tralng a seres seros serles of ramfcatons to the extent that t succeeds t presents a challenge to freudan cyncsm Is sex the bass of all fantasy dsney csne says brng fantasy nto the realm of the senses dsneay y make t w d and make t fun but keep t clean ts possble he says dsney world s proof the cync says how clean can rdes be dsneyworld that smulate or substtute themselves for orgasm these phallc vehcles thrustng through vagnal structures snce n order to be successful dsneyworld Dsney world must be patronzed by the amercan publc se I f sat s f eas aas ed mora ty y rverted averted I s t PE whose self satsfed moralty s so easly per reverted t becomes for us a myth t creates tself as an acceptable con of the myth of amercan transcendence over old world cyncsm freudansm and darwnsm and other determnsms that have had the major hand n defnng our age os Ds ols dsneys neys dsney deology s commercally necessary whether t s sncerely held or not dsney offers no proof that the cyncal vew s ncorrect n hs case he offers no proof that the opposte sde of cyncsm s not an lluson llusons are hs stock n trade the dreamer ss an llusonst the dream an lluson the magc of dsneyworld Dsney s sleght of hand through becomng physcally nvolved n fantasy we are manpulated nto comng to accept and apprecate our underdoghood doghood our poston as forever the manpulated elses we are n somebody else alses dream set asde tor for or occason the possblty of examnng the another

33 24 whole of dsneyworld Dsney world as a dream text for freudan analyss consder dsney aney hmself as a psychoanalyst compare hm to freud D where h amse I f ast yst freuds frauds method of curng mental llness lness consttuted by deep seated false or counterproductve notons s through analyss of the I s personalty nto unts and moments persona I ty un ts br ng ng or g ns thus brngng the orgns of neuroses to conscousness so that they can be dspelled ted led neys dsneys Ds method perpetuat perpetual an lluson s through a spurous analyss of s lous s perpetuat ng of perpetuatng the person the customer nto specous schzod d llusory lusory parts the body and the mnd m rd nd t s not so much that n real lfe lfe thebody thebodo fe the body and the mnd are nseparable for dscusson and manpulaton maybe they are and maybe they arent but the body and the mnd he presents us wth are vague phlosophcal mpossbltes mpossbltes tes ates nonsense paradng as meanng mean ng to cases the hghly touted EPCOT center was st h I y a month or more away from openng when we attended dsneyworld Dsney so n place of t we got ts advertsement ths happened to be the frst event we went to EPCOT stands for expermental prototype communty of tomorrow theyre bg on tomorrow at dsneyworld Dsney and lettng us sample the tomorrow of what they tell tel us are our fantases today we were nstructed to enter a crcular theater that ddnt have any seats but had rals whch not only desgnated rows but also came n very handy vertgo nsprng when the awe and contnuous ygo flm was shown you never know what pyrotechncs dsney s gong to come up wth next but when you see them you can recognze them as dsney for the amazement arnaz they ement provoke and for ther aesthetc lmtatons they proceed from an outlook that s profoundly unnterested n what s not

34 25 sensatonal and mmedately entertanng and hence confnes nnovatons to what appeals to patrons st most mmedately accessble senses and expectatons can say I ttle tt e more or less than that was entertaned there s no reason that that shouldnt shouldna be enough the ygo move movle takes you by surprse wth a rush of rapd movement across a landscape thus cheated of the pull of nerta even f the movement begns slowly and t may my memory falters on ths pont t becomes rapd very quckly you are thrown nto a gddy dsorentaton untl you can adjust your sght and equlbrum luson to the lluson As the scenes and velocty change you become more adept at ths adaptaton but reman susceptble to sudden turns on co oba acts ects n changes nn elevaton evat and prospects of collsons wth objects n the I s ons w jbv ous techn path the obvous bechn techncalca lmtaton I m of the flm s that besdes m s gvng some deop peoplee leople nausea or whplash g v ng wh p I ash ef f act ect to be effectve t must keep ve t movng even the grandest vews are momentary one moment you are suspended between alps and the next you are speedng down a crowded hong kong sde street the move amov movlee s s necessar ly short after y a few s de A f ter f ew mnutes of ths remember t beng explaned to us n glowng and elated terms what the purpose and possbltest of the EPCOT center b evated elevated poss I were t had somethng to do wth a connecton between technology and world peace and prosperty A multnatonal mult racal utopa was vaguely put forward part of the EPCOT center conssts of several small areas gven to varous atypcal cultural landscape archtecture cusne etc from around the world but as always n keepng wth the western tho famous dsney ethnography all nonwestern peoples and cultures were represented n ways that western eyes fnd ether

35 26 humorous or amazng everyone s cheerful and everyone s ether pullng a rckshaw symbol of empre or half clothed and dancng ng rhythmcally I y and exocally exotcally but not mmodestly and nobody s poor or I y s exot ecot ca I y mmodest sck or cruel or addcted to drugs or ntel lectual or productve or ntellectual homosexual or heterosexual thus you have the flms aesthetc lmtaton typcally dshan dsnan Ds proceedng proceed from ng f sn D an b ndness I dshan blndness edness to etan ethnc c moralty the dsnan one suspects that behnd the propounded plan for world peace and cooperaton cooperate lles les les a conservat cooperat on I es con servat sm conservate great at y odds wth any one w knd of conservatsm world plea t s an amercan showmans tradtonal amercan paternalstc mans way of preservng the cstc dentty to explot for hs own commercal purposes we lke the noton of learnng somethng whle we are havng fun tn we I lke lke to go away wth a sense that we have been broadened that ss why some of the flakest f I klest and most popular magcans lkedavd copperfeld gve bref hstorcal sketches of magc magce ans lke lke davd ther trcks or of the objects they are gong to make dsappear or why they weave ther llusons fusons nto grossly sentmental sketches appealng to our nobler emotons we wll hold to what we have been w I d bamboozled bamboozler n to thnkng has enrched us really oe RE a we are I y ate here to be entertaned not to have the way we thnk of ourselves bg brother to a handcapped world altered and so through stereotype both of ourselves and others we are shown that we can stay the way wl3y we are and stll come to understand and love one another we fnd ths a wonderful lesson and very pleasant to contemplate the man part of the EPCOT dream s a multnatonal natonal research center that dsney aney hopes wll provde the keys to our cosmc D w c brov de

36 27 on t s salvaton already a famous dsneyworld Dsney world symbol the gant geodes geodesc ceodesc dome n ths presentaton t s descrbed n soft scence fcton f acton terms and ths s dsneyls ls dream the more serous part of t dsney as prometheus dsney as chrst dsney as rama dsney the bodhsattva then comes the annuncaton n deep dulcet tones lke somethng out of brave new world now you can vsualze anythng your mnd can fantasze not your mnd you you vsualze theres you and then theres there your mnd so you must be your body and you are the mportant one whle your superfluous mnd s neffectually fantaszng you are seek seer ng rea seekng realzaton zaton baton the statement mples the voce gldes across the sentence emphaszng I ES vsualze as f t meant cometh somethng more and not less than fantasze zelt zell v sua I zett f t fantas ze of course you can realze everythng your mnd can fantasze soca cant mater because your so called mnd s not bound by maten materal a logc oj whereas m s I ed c fantasy almost always nvolves vsualzng realzaton of any rea fantasy occurs n soft scence fcton snce on the other hand you can fantasze anythng that can be realzed and more n ts ablty to be vsual zed fantasy s ful vsualzed fuller realty and more unversal than real ty EPCOT poses as realty but t s as true here as t s n all of that dsneyworld Dsney D I d f rea world fantasy s better ong s than realty as long ty as the lluson that t s real can be sustaned the EPCOT nvocaton suggests th s sub ths sublmnally nat na m ay y you and your mnd you go about attached most of the tme or your mnd may precede or follow you t may dsappear altogether for hours days years f the mnd s to be found agan t s certan w f that tt wll not be found nn any p I ace other place than where the body ss

37 28 stll the concept language gves that ves us we are separak separab are composed of separablee enttes s no mere metaphor ask dsney see for yourself havng been cut nto b n to tes s zed p eces feces aces you are sts you a re eces yet you are not your mndm thus factonal zed ced and delegated you are ready to be dgested Dsneys nto the teemng future and reconsttuted on dsney dsneys terms by way of varous exposures to the dshan esthesa dsnan synaesthesa a esthesa synaesthesa that remnds you of the dscreton of your parts by assaultng each smultaneously wth a dfferent force thus n the future technology customzng ac us to our feet move n one drecton whte whle accustom z ng f n d rect on wh e ss already accustomzng I our head goes n another we see somethng spectacular whle we hear somethng qute as mmense but altogether unconnected wth what w we th see ths way we become accustomed to our own aporas apotras the gaps between our parts we come to lke tke t because t means we are modern ths s our sentmental educaton futureworld Future world seems hardly a prevew anymore contrary to convncng portents of a varety of global catastrophes t s pleasant to learn that the future wll be fun walt dsney n cooperaton wth general electrc kodak peps cola megacorporatons ons and any of a number of other megacorporat s seeng to t that hasnt the old fashoned values are carred nto the future chasn he heard that thngs go better wth coke nstead of nuclear necesstated rest n peace necess tated bated n sney D the dsney aney futuref wllw be nuclear buc ear- I nduced rest and peace peace through nternatonal sharng of technology of gvng all those funny lttle thrd world people al all al 3 the convenences to be funny and ttle lttle n rest by remanng statonary everywhere