UNDERSTANDING LEADERSHIP IN THE CHRISTIAN HOME Sylvester Onyemalechi

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1 UNDERSTANDING LEADERSHIP IN THE CHRISTIAN HOME Sylvester Onyemalechi Many Christian homes are falling apart because of the absence of leadership or bad leadership. The children of some of our Christian homes have gone wild and do not show that they actually came from Christian homes. Crisis abounds in marriages because of leadership challenges. The men who want to be seen as the leaders of their homes don t seem to understand what leadership is. Some mistake lordship for leadership. What exactly is leadership, and how does it work in a home? How can Christian leadership enhance the lives of all in a family? 1. Understand A leader is a person who leads and provides direction to others following him. A leader is the head, the person in charge, organizer, principal, chief, boss, director. A leader is the captain who takes charge and gives direction. A leader is the one who takes the lead he goes first and shows the way for others to follow behind him. From the above definitions it is clear that the leader in the home must know where he is going and the way to his destination. He must have a clear vision of what he wants for his home and family. He must have a clear understanding of what God wants in a marriage why He instituted marriage and His laid down principles for successful marriage. The leader must have resolved in his heart to make sure that he and his family walk in the plan of God for successful and peaceful marriage and family life. Leadership starts with understanding. It starts with insight into the calling of a leader, marriage relationship, and personal vision and how to achieve it. Do you have these? A leader is a servant of the people. And a servant is dependent on God, and God in turn upholds him. It is not lordship but service - You serve your family. Isa 42:1 "Here is my servant, whom I uphold, my chosen one in whom I delight; I will put my Spirit on him and he will bring justice to the nations. A Christian leader delights to do the will of God, and God in turn approves of his life. In your marriage and family life, the will of God must be pursued in total submission. Ps 40:8 8 I desire to do your will, O my God; your law is within my heart." Leadership is influence, the ability of one person to influence others. A man can lead others only to the extent that he can influence them to follow his lead. Leadership is the capacity and

2 will to rally men and women to a common purpose, and the character which inspires confidence. Leadership may be defined as that quality in a leader that inspires sufficient confidence in his subordinates as to be willing to accept his views and carry out his commands. A leader is a man who knows the road, who can keep ahead, and who pulls others after him. A Leader is a person who has the ability to get others to do what they don t want to do, and like it. a. Teaching It is the duty of the head of the family which is the man to provide leadership for his family. One of the duties of the leader is to teach his family God s Word. Time must be created for Bible study and teaching on various subjects that will enhance the life of your children. Teaching should not be left in the hands of the church and educational institutions. Without correct and adequate information being passed on to the members of your family, their life will be contrary to your expectations. Daily time of devotion to share and teach the word of God is essential if success is to be attained. Josh 1:8 8 Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Deut 11: Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 19 Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 20 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates, 21 so that your days and the days of your children may be many in the land that the LORD swore to give your forefathers, as many as the days that the heavens are above the earth. Prov 22:6 6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. KJV Read also Ex 10:1-2; Ex 12:26-27; Deut 4:9-14 Always remember that you have no right to discipline someone whom you have not adequately instructed previously. Take time to teach and instruct, so you can have the right and moral strength to rebuke and discipline offenders. Giving orders is not the same things as teaching. Teaching has to do with coaching, educating, giving lessons, training and patiently instructing your family on what you want from them based on the truth of God s word. b. Guidance

3 Guidance has to do with you as the leader giving leadership, direction to the family, especially their personal lives; supervision of their activities and pursuits to make sure they are in line with God s will and your instructions. Giving guidance has to do with management of your family and the resources available to make sure all is well. It has to do with being in control and making sure things don t go out of hand. Guidance has to do with regulating the activities and life of your family members. It is offering help and assistance to every member of your family to make sure they become what God wants them to be, and that the vision of God for your family is achieved in everyone s life. Ps 32:8 8 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you. Always remember that leadership speaks of accountability. You will account to God on the Day of Judgment. Guide your family well in the will of God. c. Insight and understanding of the direction of God for your family You cannot lead in a direction you are not familiar. It is therefore very important that you seek out God s plan for your family. God will reveal to you all you need to know if you seek Him with all your heart as He has promised. Pursue His will and not your will. Jer 29: For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you," declares the LORD, You are not to pursue your personal dreams for your children, but God s plan and pursuits for them. Help them identify what God wants them to become and help them achieve it. Help your children understand the kind of life God wants them to live and help them live it. Protect them from those who will want them to live contrary to the will of God. d. Being an example Leadership is usually by example. People watch you and follow after what you do. Children learn more by what they see their parents do. Therefore, be a good example to your children. Always remember that your family is the first school of relationship your children have. They are learning all the good and bad things they see in your life. So, you must make great effort to overcome and throw away all the wrong things in your life and let them see Christ in you. Teach them how to live for God by example. Teach them to respect each other by the way you the parents respect each other. Teach them to tell the truth by being truthful. Teach them to keep their promises by keeping yours, especially promises made to them. Watch your life and language closely, for they are watching and listening. Teach them to respect, read and believe

4 the word of God. Teach them to trust God for their daily needs by example. Teach them not to use foul language by not doing the same. Teach them to trust and not worry by doing so yourself. Be a good example to your family. 1 Tim 4:12, Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.16 Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers. e. Taking responsibility The leader takes responsibility for his family. Success or failure of your family is on your head. If your children turn out good you take responsibility. If they turn out bad, you also take responsibility. If your marriage succeeds or fails, you the leader will take responsibility. So, take charge and make sure your marriage works and your family is doing well according to the plan and purpose of God for your family. 2. Be open Leadership in the Christian home is about service and not lordship, as a result, you need to be open to your spouse and family. Let your wife in so you can work together as a team. Leadership does not mean going solo. It means giving direction to the team. Transparency in leadership reduces friction and conflicts. Don t just issue orders, reason and work together as a team. Listen also to your children. Be open so you can be approachable. If you close the door, when they have issues they won t come to you because they believe you can t be reached, or would respond violently. Be open and available so your wife and children can reach you and have heart to heart talk with you when needed. Marriage is all about team work. Work as a team while you provide leadership. Explain and give reasons rather than give orders without explanations even when they are asked for. If you want peace and followership from your family, especially your wife, then, learn to open up and explain the reason for your decision and instruction, then submission and obedience will be from a willing and understanding mind. 3. Listen Develop a listening ear to your family. Learn to be quick to hear and slow to speak. Do not cut them off when they are still speaking presuming to know where they are going. Listen and listen till they finish. When your family knows you are a listening father, they will hide nothing from you including very personal issues. A loving and united home is better than a disunited and terrified home. Create an atmosphere of peace, love and free communication in your home, for that is what makes for a successful family life. 4. Look beyond yourself (No selfish thoughts and reasons)

5 When single you think more of yourself and work for our personal happiness and satisfaction. As soon as you get married, you start to think about your partner and yourself. When children arrive, your concerns increase. You start thinking about your wife, children and yourself. So in all you think, say and do, do not be self-centered or selfish. Seek the wellbeing of all in all your decisions. Do not think of yourself only but think of the happiness of your spouse and children. Think of the safety and feelings of your spouse and children when you are about to make a decision or handling an issue. 5. Be Firm A leader must be firm and faithful. An unstable leader will not get good followership. For your family to follow you in submission and with excitement, you need to be firm. Measure discipline to any offender of your instructions when and where necessary. Do not always threaten to take action without taking any. Do not be brutal, but be firm in leadership so your house rules will be obeyed and kept. 6. Protection It is your duty as the leader of your home to protect your family from intruders, manipulators, deceivers, bad company, wrong influence and desires, and anything you know that works against your vision and plan for your family. Anything that will be a hindrance to your family stability should be resisted firmly. Anything or anyone that brings tension into your home should be resisted. Any person that seems to be working against what God wants for your family that you have been teaching your family should be resisted. Protect your family from false teachings. Protect your children from wrong television programs. Protect your children from wrong company. Protect your spouse from wrong influence and association. Protect your family from Satan and his agents. Protect your family through faith prayer and fasting. 7. Provision It is common knowledge that God commanded the leader of the family to provide for his family. In the Garden of Eden, we noticed that God gave the work of taking care of the garden to Adam first before giving him Eve as a wife. He has to provide for his family so he had to work the garden. Many men today want to be obeyed as the head of the home, but do not want to provide for their families. What kind of head will you be when you do not provide for your family? Some do not have enough because they do not have jobs. But some have jobs, provide for extended family members and people outside their homes but will not provide for their immediate family for one reason or the other. Whatever is your reason for not providing for your family, you must understand that leadership in a home means providing for your family food, housing, clothing, education, direction and other basic necessities of life. Do your job - provide daily for your family. Trust God for a job, or a better job, so you can provide enough for your family. Trust God to increase your income in business, trade and work. Keep providing no matter what challenges you may have with your spouse or children. Be faithful before God and He will bless you.

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